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for The Persecution Saga

8/21/2022 c2 5AutumnKL
Wow oh wow, there's a lot to digest here. It's definitely even wilder than I thought.

Pretty much every family save for Vegeta and Bulma's family is going through major drama. Goku has no luck with anyone except Goten. Gohan can't stand his dad, and Goten is being abused by Chichi. Yeah that's a lot to digest. As crazy as this all sound, I can't wait to see how the Son household descend into chaos.

Also apparently, Beerus and Whis knew what's been going on here but decided to stay out if it for the sake of training Goku. That's honestly pretty in character for the two gods so good job on that.

The ending segment with 18 vs Spinaka is very graphic and I honestly felt quite bad for 18, even if she did smack talk Krillin in front of his friends. How you had Spunaka hijacking the screen to warn 18 beforehand is very creative and really upped the tension. I really hope K18 family can recover from this and that 18 acting out of character can br explained later. But boy, 18 and Krillin will need a romantic getaway afterwards.

17's segment in the middle is very well placed and gave us breathing space for the crazy 18 segment later. Once again, nice placement of a relatively tension free section.

Since I already know where this is going, I have to good job with turning the outline into an actual chapter. For readers thinking this is all too wild, I urge you to stay and read later chapters. All in all, very drama rich chapter that opened the door for future chapters. Can't wait for chapter 2.
7/31/2022 c1 AutumnKL
Good brief prologue here. It's very effective despite its length and I very much enjoyed the characters you introduced.

First of all I'm surprised you renamed the Saiyan into Cut. I think it's a good change that ties this story back with some of your other stories. I do wonder if this Cut is the same one dating Future 18? Anyhow nice pleasant surprise.

I also liked Nomu's involvement here and how you presented through dialogue that the Namekian and Cut had befriended Trunks earlier. I'm sure this will be elaborated in later chapters but just know that you set up a good foundation for what's to come.

Yumi Mesa's part is interesting too and she behaves more like a showman than anything. Also nice to have Bulma thought about how this woman just popped out of nowhever.

My reviews will come a bit slower this time since life's hectic at the moment but nevertheless I'm all too glad you put this story of yours out. Peace!

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