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12/3/2023 c1 Sand Hanitiser
We need more FGO fics but not like this. Grammar and punctuation mistakes everywhere, awful prose, horrible nonsensical pacing, and a lot of 'caps lock' nonsense. It's obvious the author shat this out in like 43 seconds and didn't take another look at it before publishing.
10/22/2022 c1 brunopro389gmail.com
cool sigue así quiero el siguiente capítulo
9/19/2022 c1 ManuelCastellanos
the story is good, I'm sure it has a lot of potential.
8/20/2022 c1 The Nugget of Terror
cool
8/15/2022 c1 Nobody
Writing could be better, but overall it's an interesting premise.

For example: "Second, you have too much color and hair to be a normal grunt, you're... from…outside." starting to walk towards him

Speech can remain, but the last part "starting to walk towards him" could be "Hank said as he began approaching the frightened boy." or "Hank muttered the last part mostly to himself as he started walking towards the boy, who in turn began slowly moving away from seemingly deranged man he had unfortunately summoned."

With the latter example you also cover the actions taken by another character in an "organic" way.

I guess the thing that bothers me is that the story reads too much like a movie script.

BONUS:
"And finally, I think it's my turn to ask the questions." Black robed man said as the person he wanted to nicely interrogate cornered themselves, with no more room to back away. "And I recommend you answer truthfully," The dangerous man reached into his pocket and retrived- "Because if I find you you're lying to me," - a pistol - "your brains will decorate the wall behind you." Which was now pointed at Ritsuka's face. "Do we have a deal?"
Ritsuka gulped and eagerly nodded his head.
8/13/2022 c1 ehficbskdn
nice
8/9/2022 c1 BlankSlate00
FINALLLY! I've been waiting for someone to make a fate x madness combat story for a long while.
8/8/2022 c1 1LordDipstick
You got me interested
8/7/2022 c1 4PureSalty101
This is interesting.
8/6/2022 c1 llaube
nice

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