for Another time12/22/2022 c4 iikd
it just is way 2 confusing, sometimes disjointed stories work, but the way things are jumping around with little rhyme or reason i dont really see how this story will work out. maybe try to take time to reread your work, every chapter in one sitting. maybe they feel natural to you, the author who has some idea where he is going with this, but to a reader like me, its borderline supernatural. everything is moving 2 quick, David just up and accepts everything going on with no question, like doesnt even question why the hell is Gloria so open about being buddy buddy with the edgerunners. Its like the most important details about a story are being cut out. Also at some points there is no way to distinguish what happened because time skips or whatever, like the meeting with the edgerunners (no introduction btw, Gloria assumes lil boi David knows whomst tf he is talking to) they say something, and suddenly Gloria is gone somewhere and David is sitting drinkin juice w the gang. You need a transition there, the scene just doesnt make any sense.
Anyway, thats my opinion, I hope you can get better at writing. Oh and if this is a crossover, use the tag next time.
it just is way 2 confusing, sometimes disjointed stories work, but the way things are jumping around with little rhyme or reason i dont really see how this story will work out. maybe try to take time to reread your work, every chapter in one sitting. maybe they feel natural to you, the author who has some idea where he is going with this, but to a reader like me, its borderline supernatural. everything is moving 2 quick, David just up and accepts everything going on with no question, like doesnt even question why the hell is Gloria so open about being buddy buddy with the edgerunners. Its like the most important details about a story are being cut out. Also at some points there is no way to distinguish what happened because time skips or whatever, like the meeting with the edgerunners (no introduction btw, Gloria assumes lil boi David knows whomst tf he is talking to) they say something, and suddenly Gloria is gone somewhere and David is sitting drinkin juice w the gang. You need a transition there, the scene just doesnt make any sense.
Anyway, thats my opinion, I hope you can get better at writing. Oh and if this is a crossover, use the tag next time.
12/22/2022 c3 iikd
it feels so disjointed reading the fic. like a fever dream, kinda incoherent. the hell is going on?
it feels so disjointed reading the fic. like a fever dream, kinda incoherent. the hell is going on?
210/10/2022 c5 paolotejadaj
Damn, shit hit the fan real quick, and in a way I didn’t expect it.
I love that David thinks of seeing the gang again as a gift. It shows how important they were to him. I’m happy to see him happy.
Does David have an ability to get netrunners interested in him, first Lucy, and now Sasha.
I can’t wait to see what is going to happen next.
Keep the great work!
Damn, shit hit the fan real quick, and in a way I didn’t expect it.
I love that David thinks of seeing the gang again as a gift. It shows how important they were to him. I’m happy to see him happy.
Does David have an ability to get netrunners interested in him, first Lucy, and now Sasha.
I can’t wait to see what is going to happen next.
Keep the great work!
9/26/2022 c3 Childiskill
Oh my god, please continue this. I realize it cope the story but I don’t care, it makes me feel better.
Oh my god, please continue this. I realize it cope the story but I don’t care, it makes me feel better.
9/26/2022 c1 DragonTetho
OH, FINALLY A ISEKAI OR AT LEAST A TIME-TRAVEL FANFIC FOR DAVID.
I wonder how will David develop and how he will try and see if he could get together with Lucy and the rest.
OH, FINALLY A ISEKAI OR AT LEAST A TIME-TRAVEL FANFIC FOR DAVID.
I wonder how will David develop and how he will try and see if he could get together with Lucy and the rest.