9/28/2022 c1 5AutumnKL
Very nice one shot you have here! Loved the uncertainty at the beginning, development, pacing, characterization, and ending.

The beginning honestly caught me off guard as I was having trouble picturing Present 18 walking around a ruined city and I thought to myself was she revisiting cities devastated by Cell? Then you cleverly interjected the crimson visions which hinted at a dream but even then I wasn't sure yet as that could be visions of Future 18 invading her brain.

The description of the ghost like town is pretty spooky and I kept on asking myself what she'd found there, only to be greeted by visions of how her future self slaughtered citizens. That was proper creepy even though I knew this wasn't a ghost story. Nice usage of visuals too such as describing how the interior is almost as dark as the sky above and etc. How you escalated from P18 seeing herself killing one or two people to witnessing the future twins killing hundreds was well done too. Good job describing the dream from start to finish.

You then jumped to the present where 18 woke up to find herself in Kame House. The part about the sound of waves crashing against the beach really got me and my brain immediately conjured up a calm ocean, which is good contrast to what you had described earlier. What followed was well done too.

Your description of Krillin has improved quite a lot although you were decent to start with to say the least. I loved how you portrayed him as wanting to help but hesitant, that he was still a bit unsure of himself in front of 18. How you made Krillin back away from 18 when he found out she's unsure of whether to disclose her feelings or not was very in character too. The mix between thoughts and dialogues of Krillin was well balanced as well.

Having 18 be a bit hesitant when disclosing her story was another well written part as that's just how it should be. I loved how she didn't disclose all of her story and opted to skip talking about her future counterparts entirely, only saying about Cell and Gero. My guess was that 18 was more ashamed of her future self's action than anything where as Cell and Gero were the perpetrators. Again, very realistic description here.

The escalation of K18's interation from Krillin touching her to them scooting closer together and to finally falling asleep was well done too. Loved the end where you revealed how being with Krillin took away 18's nightmares. Some can argue that's a bit corny or old fashioned, but I personally found that very sweet and good conclusion to this piece.

Excuse me for saying this, but the I'd like to point out it might be better for Krillin to ask 18 about her nightmare or at least try to counsel her worries with Gero and Cell. It's a bit of a let down when 18 didn't talk about her future self too, as you dedicated a big portion of this chapter to the nightmare. I felt that if Krillin made 18 felt better about Gero and Cell, she'd be willing to talk about the future androids and that can lead to even bigger developments such as Krillin wiping away her fear of being evil.

Another minor point would be your verb tense switch from present to past seemingly without pattern. Perhaps there's a reason behind this but I know you used to write in present tense all the time so seeing you writing in past tense got my attention.

Aside from these, very well done. The characterization and progression in K18's emotional bond and reliance might just be the best thing in this piece. Glad to read more of you.

9/27/2022 c1 56Shadowwriter01
Really good.
Yes - Cell and Doctor Gero are the logical choice if 18 were to have nightmares. To a lesser degree the future timeline too.

Besides "spiritual successor" - is this meant to be or can at least be seen as in continutity with Facing the Future, where 18 had actually seen it first hand?