for A Third Rose11/23/2022 c2 
9Ravell Aqim
It's a premise others have done, but you're executing well and making it your own. I definitely agree with your decision that the abuse was largely out of the public eye (that the collar waa disguised as jewelry means the show itself has some of this element). And yes, Cinder at this time would be quite different from the monster she becomes later (and who seems intent on doubling down on her sadism), so it's not really OOC at all.
Whar I do like, however, is how you've imbued each of the characters with their own distinctive personality. The Xiao-Long family, Ironwood and particularly Summer (perhaps the most challenging, since we know so little of her from the show all come across quite differently, but in a way that seems both plausible and convincing. I'm reading this with interest.
9Ravell AqimIt's a premise others have done, but you're executing well and making it your own. I definitely agree with your decision that the abuse was largely out of the public eye (that the collar waa disguised as jewelry means the show itself has some of this element). And yes, Cinder at this time would be quite different from the monster she becomes later (and who seems intent on doubling down on her sadism), so it's not really OOC at all.
Whar I do like, however, is how you've imbued each of the characters with their own distinctive personality. The Xiao-Long family, Ironwood and particularly Summer (perhaps the most challenging, since we know so little of her from the show all come across quite differently, but in a way that seems both plausible and convincing. I'm reading this with interest.
11/23/2022 c2 7Scott Wolf
Awesome chapter. I genuinely liked Ironwood as a character before he went batshit nuts. Glad to see him in a reasonable attitude again. And Ruby talks remarkably well for a 4 year old. Granted it's for thematic purposes but it's great.
7Scott WolfAwesome chapter. I genuinely liked Ironwood as a character before he went batshit nuts. Glad to see him in a reasonable attitude again. And Ruby talks remarkably well for a 4 year old. Granted it's for thematic purposes but it's great.
11/4/2022 c1 The True Shadow Lord
this was an interesting story I can wait to see what will happen next
this was an interesting story I can wait to see what will happen next
11/3/2022 c1 7joecola00
Cool concept, and off to a great start. I'm looking forwards to seeing where you take it.
7joecola00Cool concept, and off to a great start. I'm looking forwards to seeing where you take it.
11/3/2022 c1 80-Tengatsu-0
Hmm…An excellent beginning! I shall watch your career with great interest…
80-Tengatsu-0Hmm…An excellent beginning! I shall watch your career with great interest…
11/3/2022 c1 1bardockskywalker1991
Well, to answer your question on why Cinder was abused in the open in the show... Is it really that surprising considering Atlas is-... Ya'know, ATLAS? They have Faunus Labor, dangerous mines that their workers work on, are a very racist nation as a whole & treat the other half of their nation like complete & utter shit. "Just a few city blocks" in the words of Ironwood. So something like child abuse & labor doesn't seem out of place in Atlas... As for Grimm... Well, you have to keep in mind that the Grimm never directly attacked Atlas before the events of V8. Heck, given how the civilians in V8 acted, it implies that they are never attacked at all. Meaning that any potential attack in Atlas likely was directed in Mantle, where as i stated, is treated like shit.
Anyways, i hope that answers your question in the beginning & i can't wait to see where this story goes. I really liked this first chapter
1bardockskywalker1991Well, to answer your question on why Cinder was abused in the open in the show... Is it really that surprising considering Atlas is-... Ya'know, ATLAS? They have Faunus Labor, dangerous mines that their workers work on, are a very racist nation as a whole & treat the other half of their nation like complete & utter shit. "Just a few city blocks" in the words of Ironwood. So something like child abuse & labor doesn't seem out of place in Atlas... As for Grimm... Well, you have to keep in mind that the Grimm never directly attacked Atlas before the events of V8. Heck, given how the civilians in V8 acted, it implies that they are never attacked at all. Meaning that any potential attack in Atlas likely was directed in Mantle, where as i stated, is treated like shit.
Anyways, i hope that answers your question in the beginning & i can't wait to see where this story goes. I really liked this first chapter
11/3/2022 c1 42Rassilon001
I found this story thanks to some very lovely artwork on deviantart, and I must say, I like the premise. I wouldn't say the backstory is hugely horrible, if I may potentially defend the RWBY writers/animators, the flashback does occur from Cinder's perspective, it may be slightly warped as a result. Perhaps she believed no one would help her except Rhodes, and thus believed everyone saw, everyone knew, and no one cared. And Grimm or no, it's quite clear even on Remnant people can't be forced to be nice to each other to drive them off or protect themselves.
But small changes can have big effects, and having Cinder as a third sister to Ruby and Yang is an interesting dynamic to explore. I look forward to reading more of this story, and especially, seeing this version of Summer Rose. Since she's a post-humorous character in canon, I enjoy the interpretations the fans come up with regarding her, and thus far I'm enjoying this version very much.
I suspect even as a sister/daughter in the Rose household (or is it technically the Xiao Long?) Cinder is likely to still need a while before she's not completely broken, distrusting, or closed off. But if anyone can help it would definitely be that family.
42Rassilon001I found this story thanks to some very lovely artwork on deviantart, and I must say, I like the premise. I wouldn't say the backstory is hugely horrible, if I may potentially defend the RWBY writers/animators, the flashback does occur from Cinder's perspective, it may be slightly warped as a result. Perhaps she believed no one would help her except Rhodes, and thus believed everyone saw, everyone knew, and no one cared. And Grimm or no, it's quite clear even on Remnant people can't be forced to be nice to each other to drive them off or protect themselves.
But small changes can have big effects, and having Cinder as a third sister to Ruby and Yang is an interesting dynamic to explore. I look forward to reading more of this story, and especially, seeing this version of Summer Rose. Since she's a post-humorous character in canon, I enjoy the interpretations the fans come up with regarding her, and thus far I'm enjoying this version very much.
I suspect even as a sister/daughter in the Rose household (or is it technically the Xiao Long?) Cinder is likely to still need a while before she's not completely broken, distrusting, or closed off. But if anyone can help it would definitely be that family.
11/2/2022 c1 FelipeCH98
Found this story thanks to a piece of fanart. Been a long while since I decided to look up for RWBY fanfics.
Will keep an eye on this one, looks promising so far.
And regarding what happens to the Madam, I can see Ironwood pulling some moves encouring the people in the Hotel Directive to act against the Madam.
Like, publicy condemning her act of Child-labour/slavery, denying any knowledge about her actions, and any of them being more than happy to replace the Madam to restore the "good image" of the Glass Unicorn.
Found this story thanks to a piece of fanart. Been a long while since I decided to look up for RWBY fanfics.
Will keep an eye on this one, looks promising so far.
And regarding what happens to the Madam, I can see Ironwood pulling some moves encouring the people in the Hotel Directive to act against the Madam.
Like, publicy condemning her act of Child-labour/slavery, denying any knowledge about her actions, and any of them being more than happy to replace the Madam to restore the "good image" of the Glass Unicorn.
11/2/2022 c1 Vist97
This is very interesting and I’m enjoying it, I do hope for more updates and start a time skip to canon story right after that woman was arrested and adopted to rose xiao long family.
As much as I don’t like it, but I do want summer to be missing after her quest on fighting Salem and failed. So that cinder believe think she died so she can honor summer rose by become a greatest huntress and protect her step-sisters. And possibly despite not trusting Ozpin but still become a professor of Beacon Academy
This is very interesting and I’m enjoying it, I do hope for more updates and start a time skip to canon story right after that woman was arrested and adopted to rose xiao long family.
As much as I don’t like it, but I do want summer to be missing after her quest on fighting Salem and failed. So that cinder believe think she died so she can honor summer rose by become a greatest huntress and protect her step-sisters. And possibly despite not trusting Ozpin but still become a professor of Beacon Academy
11/2/2022 c1 3Marc Ello-Re Yes
I like it! Cinder did need a win. even as a villain, she wasnt all that good at it if I'm being honest. having someone who actually gave a damn about her, and not just leave her like that dumb huntsman who left her there for years even knowing she was abused, will help her out to be a better person, maybe even an actual character than just a generic bad guy.
3Marc Ello-Re YesI like it! Cinder did need a win. even as a villain, she wasnt all that good at it if I'm being honest. having someone who actually gave a damn about her, and not just leave her like that dumb huntsman who left her there for years even knowing she was abused, will help her out to be a better person, maybe even an actual character than just a generic bad guy.
11/2/2022 c1 23Earth Dragon Arnighte
Of course no one cared about the abuse. It's Atlas, dude. Everyone there has their heads so far up their asses, they could tell you what they had for breakfast... last week.
Good start, though.
23Earth Dragon ArnighteOf course no one cared about the abuse. It's Atlas, dude. Everyone there has their heads so far up their asses, they could tell you what they had for breakfast... last week.
Good start, though.