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for Code Geass: Lelouch of the Night

3/18 c1 Akuma-Heika
CC's description of Nunna is suspect, considering its her anime incarnation, which was born due to the traumas and tragedies of her life (even if you don't accept the official LN as canon), where it is stated she was different before the incident.

Happy to see this (since Thanatos hasn't updated anything in years). This is the second vampire fic I can remember reading, even though Thanatos implied they were very common. Don't really search 10K fics though, so that might be it.

Harem wise; hope to see the Three Court Ladies in Lulu's harem :p Sayoko, Anya, and Tianzi would be the other requests. Don't know Marrybell or Oldrin well enough to really say one way or another, and the others on your list don't really interest me much (Milly would likely be the only one I would like seeing with Lulu).

You call Lulu 11th Prince when he is born (which is canonically correct), but 7th prince at the end.

"...the war I shall WAGE."
3/4 c3 19AliceXS
This chapter was a low compared to previous chapters. I definitely didn't like it.

The real Lelouch would never have opened up like that to Milly and Shirley because he mistrusts everyone. Even if it is his loved ones, Lelouch prefers to protect them by lying to them or hiding information from them. Therefore, the scene of him telling Milly and Shirley what happened in Shinjunku violates the essence of Lelouch as character. Worse still was reading Lelouch discussing his plans for Milly right off the bat. Unless he had been caught red-handed (and, even then, Lelouch would have preferred to resort to an excuse or outright use Geass/vampiric powers), Lelouch had no reason to say anything to Milly. It was a forced scene to favor the harem, you even tried to create emotion, but everything was so artificial that I didn't believe anything they felt and said because the scene was implausible. Honestly, it's a risky move to write an emotional scene so early in a story that can only work if all the conditions were in place for it to happen and it's obvious that this wasn't the case.

I know this Lelouch is your version and he isn't the canon one, but this Lelouch is a pre-existing character with a defined nature that can only adapt to other circumstances. This is how you manage to take ownership of an already conceived character. Even Thanathos understood that and that was another hit in his story that was fun: watching the demisexual Lelouch we all know adapt to change as he embraced his vampiric nature and fought his new urges. Your Lelouch didn't even resist regarding Milly and Shirley. He wants to spend time with them, so he'll do that. Thanathos didn't make that mistake because he didn't want to rush the harem.

It wasn't even fun to see C.C. told him explicitly that he wanted to sleep with Shirley and Milly because he chose them. It would have been much better if Lelouch discovered that on his own after C.C. would tell him about the second weakness of vampires.

By the way, it's funny that the moon helps vampires to regenerate and rejuvenate since the moon shines by the sun and the sun hurts vampires (in any case, vampires should be more powerful in new moon). But your vampires can hold their own in the sun, so it's not a contradiction.

As positive points, I have only two to mention:
1. The fact that you kept the change of Jeremiah that Thanathos made (in the series it is noted that the creators changed the fate of Jeremiah to save him to the point that we can talk about there being two different Jeremiahs: the one from R1 and the one from R2 ).

2. The interrogation of Clovis and his murder. I liked how you directed it and that Clovis confessed that he decimated the Japanese as an act of revenge because he believed that the Japanese hurt his dear siblings. The bad? That Lelouch didn't care. He didn't even turn around after. The interesting thing about Lelouch is that despite his inhuman acts, his humanity remains intact (come on! The canon Lelouch was able to forgive Jeremiah just because he belonged to his mother's royal guard and wanted to redeem himself, Lelouch didn't even contemplate if Jeremiah could be lie). This could be a turning point in Lelouch's arc as he would start to become dehumanized (saying it isn't as easy as doing it). I also liked how Clovis died here. It was so weird how he did it in the Thanathos story (why a fencing duel? Where did CC get the sword?).

I have no idea what will happen from now on, though I have an idea based on the Thanathos fanfic and canon. I just hope that Lelouch doesn't go out of character again or have to force the scenes at the expense of the verisimilitude of the story. It's still too early to give up on you and your story.

I wish you luck.
3/2 c3 Imperial warlord
Awesome chapter.
3/1 c2 AliceXS
I was wondering if you'll eventually have Lelouch turn Milly, Shirley, Kallen, and Euphemia into vampires to make up his harem, just like Dracula had his three vampire girls serve him. It would be a good protective measure for them, though I'd prefer if Lelouch didn't convert all of them if that was the case. It would be a bit boring and monotonous, don't you think? Some of his loved ones should remain human so that they will volunteer their beautiful necks to Lelouch so that he can feed, without him having to use his vampiric charms. After all, human blood is more delicious. And, of course, the conversion wouldn't happen until we're around the second season of canon. I point that out because I seem to recall Thanathos saying that Lelouch couldn't convert others up to that point in the story and you've adopted vampire mythology from him. That fanfic was discontinued very early on, however at least Thanathos managed to lay some solid foundations, although I think he left enough gaps for you to fill.

The conversation that Lelouch and C.C. about vampire abilities, the conversion process, and the demystification of vampire myths was exactly the same as in the Thanathos story and was a great way to start, but there's still so much more to the folklore that you can tackle. By the way, two things that I loved about the C.C. of Thanathos was her characterization (she was quite faithful to the essence of the canonical CC) and her guiding role in this new vampire world (she was finally serving as a true accomplice for poor Lelouch, which, in turn, she gave me a lot of Lestat vibes from Interview with the Vampire). I get the impression that will stick with your story and I appreciate it. If in canon she had helped Lelouch instead of keeping so much information to herself, Lelouch would have been better able to face the difficulties.

Now that you've replaced the Geass mythology with the vampire mythology, I wonder what Charles's subplot (and his Ragnarök Connection plan) will be like now since it was very tied to the Geass and to what extent C.C. is implicated. In the prologue we already know that she is aware that Marianne is a vampire (because she will have turned her, if we stick to canon), so, just like in canon, CC will have certain secrets that she won't share with Lelouch. Right off the bat, I wonder how you'll handle that part and how you plan to let the harem girls find out that Lelouch is a vampire. I don't ask less that the reactions are diverse (there will be those who accept it, those who reject it out of hand, those who will need time to accept it...) and that will be fun to read.

I already saw that Lelouch subdued Villetta under his will so that she would recognize him as her master and that will be useful when he has to recruit her to his side, so that he doesn't have to blackmail her like in the anime and, also, that will make it easier for him to include her in his harem. However, I insist on what I told you in my previous comment. As interesting as the idea of having a large harem is, you should have a limit, because you are telling a story and not just creating a fantasy. In that case, you should stick with the ultimate members of the harem you outlined in your first author's notes, mostly because you may already have an idea of how to put it together (or so you gave me to understand). I already made my suggestion in the first comment about who should be part of Lelouch's harem and why, so I won't repeat myself here.

By the way, I don't know why Suzaku should have a harem. With Lelouch, the reason is understood due to his nature as a vampire (that was another of Thanathos' story successes: his Lelouch remained within the character established by the canon and that Lelouch wasn't open to having polyamorous relationships, so seeing him adapt to his new instincts was funny and believable to any good Lelouch connoisseur). But Suzaku has the same problem as the canon Lelouch: he's also not open to polyamorous relationships. The only way I can think of that you could do that and it feels organic with the plot is if you're planning to make him a vampire too and that would be great! It would remind me of Zero, one of the main characters in the anime Vampire Knight, who was the son of vampire hunters, but due to life circumstances, he became one and that brought him into conflict with himself, although your Suzaku could infinitely surpass him as character (after all, Suzaku is excellently written in canon). Knowing Suzaku's respect for human life and rejection of violence, that would drive him crazy (besides, he wouldn't be the first vampire hunter to be one too; if I continue with my approach to a Suzaku like Van Helsing, leave me with my right to dream!). Suzaku is a man of many contradictions.

Speaking of Suzaku, I must say I'm more than satisfied with your characterization of him, since he's quite nailed to the canon. I'm glad not all Code Geass fickers want to make him their punching bag to take out all the frustrations they've accumulated since the anime. About Kallen... Unlike Suzaku, you didn't let us see his feelings and thoughts of him. So you didn't leak our favorite redhead's personality through the narration. You just limited yourself to telling what was happening and recycled their dialogues from the anime. I would say that it was the lowest point of the chapter since it was a very impersonal narrative and, despite everything, it wasn't bad.

You need to find a voice to express his point of view. I'll give you some tips: Kallen is a quick thinking girl who knows how to adapt and respond to situations, that she knows what she wants and how she wants it. Kallen doesn't think long term or the consequences of his actions until they happen; she is the type of person who lives in the moment. She is enthusiastic, outspoken, resilient, spontaneous, selfless to the point that she prioritizes the needs of others over her own without thinking too much about it (Kallen rarely thinks about herself), determined, true to herself and her values and convictions, she is pragmatic by circumstance and not by choice. She hates injustice, she defends her people tooth and nail (the people of Japan and her loved ones). She is able to connect with others through her personal experiences (for example, she could connect with Lelouch through his bond with his sister since she had a special relationship with her own brother, so she would understand him). If you knew the MBTI Type and the Enneagram (which are good tools for writing characters), I would tell you to write her as an ESFP Enneatype 8w7 social subtype.

It's difficult to be able to give you some indications of how to write it without having an idea of the scene. For example, in the scene you wrote, you were able to talk about the pain Kallen feels watching the British massacre the Japanese mercilessly (I remember we have a close-up of Kallen in the first episode where we see her tearfully as she she curses the soldiers who shoot the Elevens) or that Kallen was prepared to die fighting Jeremiah, if that meant one less soldier not hurting more Japanese (in her character poem, she literally says that it was Lelouch who helped him find a purpose in life because otherwise he would have fought to the bitter end to join his dead brother, reminds me of a line in a song that said, "Teach me how to fight, I'll show you how to win," perfectly applies to Lelouch and Kallen).

I'm glad to read that she and Suzaku will be other points of view that we will explore throughout the story. It makes total sense since Kallen, Suzaku, Lelouch and CC are the main characters of the anime and you're going the same canon route. Also, I love Suzaku and Kallen very much. They are my favorite characters along with Lelouch.

I really like how you transfer all the audiovisual information that the series transmits to us in the field of narrative. It doesn't feel heavy at all. This chapter flew by. I suppose that in the following the divergences with the canon will begin. I'll see it.

Well. I cut it here because I have extended a lot. I hope you like my comments and they help you in some way with the development of your story (I would have liked you to answer comments in your author's notes xD). I'll tell you what I thought of the last chapter you uploaded.
3/1 c1 AliceXS
As soon as I read the word "vampire" in the synopsis of your fanfic, you caught my interest and I decided to give your story a chance. I really like vampires, I think it has a very rich folklore to create excellent stories and I like the idea of combining it with my favorite anime, especially since I created Lelouch in the Sims 4 as a vampire (it was either that or turn him into a Sorcerer /Spellcaster, in the absence of Geass in Sims 4) and I have a lot of fun playing with it.

I'm intrigued to see how you take ownership of the vampire mythology and present and adapt it to the world and story of Code Geass. And indeed, since it sounds like you're going the same canon route, I'd like to see Suzaku as a vampire hunter so that he is to Lelouch what Van Helsing is to Dracula, at least in terms of antagonistic relationship. Suzaku's self-righteousness and incredible abilities would make him an excellent hunter. Ah! I think I'll be impatiently waiting for Lelouch's reveal to Suzaku.

Regarding the harem, I would say that C.C., Kallen, Milly and Shirley make up Lelouch's harem (Euphemia is Suzaku's eternal lover; if you want him to receive some love, you should leave her with his White Knight and not with Lelouch). Why C.C., Kallen, Milly and Shirley? Because they are more likely to spend time with Lelouch and build a relationship. Also, I would hate for this story to focus on the harem and forget that it has to tell Lelouch's story of overthrowing Britannia, just as it would be horrible if the girls were just Lelouch's sex dolls and not characters with their own conflicts and developments. And so, being only a few, you wouldn't go crazy to work with each one of them (don't keep the options open, if they are not feasible). For the same reason, I would not vote for any of the potential candidates who, leaving aside what I said, would be a bit uncomfortable because of their age (and because of the blood relationship of some).

I liked this chapter and your narrative. In the same way, I liked the characterization of C.C., the contract with Lelouch and the fact that even though this fic is inspired by another it is your own version of things. It is a promising beginning and I would gladly like how the plot continues. For now, you have my approval. I'll scroll carefully and see if I leave any comments. Do not disappoint me.
2/28 c3 4fangs of death
great chapter.
2/28 c3 Jklimena
It's good to see another chapter, and don't worry about how long it takes you to get each chapter out, in the end the most important thing will always be your personal life, so I hope you do well in your studies.

Moving on to the chapter itself, it's interesting to see how things are developing, not only because of how Lelouch's vampirism is progressing, but also because of the changes that have occurred, being the fact that Milly knows about Lelouch and his future plans something that will undoubtedly affect a number of things in the long run. I also wonder how exactly the harem will work, seeing that at the moment C.C. has a dominance over Lelouch, so it will be interesting to see how things play out so that she will be the one who ends up being part of Lelouch's harem and not the other way around.
2/28 c3 AppleCookies0
Banger chapter
2/28 c3 15NinjaFang1331
Wonderful work and thank you for such a great chapter
2/28 c3 5stardrago
hmm, I think you may need to correct some things before the next chapter, like that Shirley does live on campus; its Kallen that had still lived at her fathers home. Though perhaps instead of Sophie Wood who was Shirley's roommate in season 1 you could have Miya I. Hallmick instead, with that some female students in Ashford from season 2 be in, like the ones from the Fantasy Seduction Club.
Also, will the next chapter have the rest of events in Stage 3 involving Kallen and the shower scene, as well as after events from the Picture Drama at the women's bath area?
2/28 c3 Spiral-Voltron-Zero0Q1
This was great!
Though I hope to see Kallen in the harem soon!
2/28 c1 iamshinydragonmist
the irregulars can be half vampires which are why they are called irregular
2/28 c3 36SeerKing
Looks good, my friend.

You did miss italicising Milly's first thoughts after she left Lelouch behind though. Might wanna fix that.
2/21 c2 AppleCookies0
Really great start looking forward to more! Your characters for each harem look good (always good to see Marrybel in fics) but maybe add Ayano Kosaka for Suzaku?
2/11 c2 5stardrago
so for the next chapter will Lelouch have the 'charm' effect as well in action during the shower scene as well as maybe some included moments from the picture dramas or some events from the Lost Stories game; like of Kallen in the yellow dress which has her neck in full view or of the later on Halloween party which has Villetta in her witch outfit.
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