for A Broken Soul4/16 c3 AadenFo
"Did you once tell me you were the last member of your clan?" Never has my interest in a story plummeted so fast. Well, thats not true since ive read much worse, point still stands tho.
"Did you once tell me you were the last member of your clan?" Never has my interest in a story plummeted so fast. Well, thats not true since ive read much worse, point still stands tho.
4/16 c1 AadenFo
I saw somewhere that the note of a well made side character has to do with how often they bring up the MC during their POV. Like, if the side character only ever talks about the MC throughout their POV, then that means they are badly written. I bring this up because it just doesnt feel like a story at the moment. When shown superman and batman, they were only talking about Naruto. When it was showing Kara, it was only talking about Naruto. When it showed Diana and Shayera, they only talked about Naruto. See what I mean? Its limiting the scale of the world AND making the characters cardboard cutouts. Im not saying you shouldnt have them talk about Naruto, since you want to show how they feel about him and whatnot, but it would be better if you mixed in parts where they werent talking about him. For example, at the start of the story when it was the founders of the league talking, you should have had them discussing league matters, or just anything else. This would have started some world building, along with feeling more natural. Instead they were all gathering around, reminiscing about Naruto, which just makes the world and characters seem dull and one sided.
I saw somewhere that the note of a well made side character has to do with how often they bring up the MC during their POV. Like, if the side character only ever talks about the MC throughout their POV, then that means they are badly written. I bring this up because it just doesnt feel like a story at the moment. When shown superman and batman, they were only talking about Naruto. When it was showing Kara, it was only talking about Naruto. When it showed Diana and Shayera, they only talked about Naruto. See what I mean? Its limiting the scale of the world AND making the characters cardboard cutouts. Im not saying you shouldnt have them talk about Naruto, since you want to show how they feel about him and whatnot, but it would be better if you mixed in parts where they werent talking about him. For example, at the start of the story when it was the founders of the league talking, you should have had them discussing league matters, or just anything else. This would have started some world building, along with feeling more natural. Instead they were all gathering around, reminiscing about Naruto, which just makes the world and characters seem dull and one sided.
3/20 c7 Just guest
I would say for Naruto’s Outfit from the classic 2002 PS2 video game Shinobi Hotsuma’s Shinobi outfit, with the headband looking like Kurama along with an Half Kitsune Mask for the lower face and the crazy long xxx scarf being orange with Uzumaki’ Clan Whirlpool Emblem, and a Kage’s cape with Kanji either being Sage of the Six Paths line with either flames at the bottom or maybe the appearance of ten swirling Tails instead or the number 10 and the sword maybe a hybrid version of the seven swords of the hidden mist village.
Or maybe Naruto’s will sense a power and it leads him to the legendary staff of Sun Wukong granting Naruto the knowledge and Skills of Sun Wukong the great sage that’s equal to heaven. Great work on this story. Also would it be possible to either add StarFire and Raven to the Harem as the final additions and no more or they could become sister figures given that they’re been through both the pain of Betrayal as well as being ostracized for circumstances beyond one’s control. Again great job on the story
I would say for Naruto’s Outfit from the classic 2002 PS2 video game Shinobi Hotsuma’s Shinobi outfit, with the headband looking like Kurama along with an Half Kitsune Mask for the lower face and the crazy long xxx scarf being orange with Uzumaki’ Clan Whirlpool Emblem, and a Kage’s cape with Kanji either being Sage of the Six Paths line with either flames at the bottom or maybe the appearance of ten swirling Tails instead or the number 10 and the sword maybe a hybrid version of the seven swords of the hidden mist village.
Or maybe Naruto’s will sense a power and it leads him to the legendary staff of Sun Wukong granting Naruto the knowledge and Skills of Sun Wukong the great sage that’s equal to heaven. Great work on this story. Also would it be possible to either add StarFire and Raven to the Harem as the final additions and no more or they could become sister figures given that they’re been through both the pain of Betrayal as well as being ostracized for circumstances beyond one’s control. Again great job on the story
3/16 c7 Mr. E Guest
the outfit I think should look like Naruto’s Nine Tails Chakra Mode but with a mix of the various Kages that came before outfit the armor of the second hokage but with third hokage’s headgear with the emblem of the Uzumaki Clan Symbol engraved on it and black fur lining it, the cape being Black with Kanji For Sage of Six Paths on the back with a picture of a Ten Tailed Fox with said tails in a Whirlpool pattern and flames lining the bottom of said cape. I don’t know if your planning for Naruto to have weapons but one would be the Sage of Six Paths staff with the capability of the second hokage’s sword of the thunder beast, along with his Father’s three pronged Kunais, along with and that’s assuming he has all seven of the swords of the Hidden Mist Village along with his Family inheritance unless your planning to have Naruto to return to the shinobi world only to get said inheritance as well as the Uzumaki Clan’s entire scrolls of all they have. But other than that EPIC STORY.
the outfit I think should look like Naruto’s Nine Tails Chakra Mode but with a mix of the various Kages that came before outfit the armor of the second hokage but with third hokage’s headgear with the emblem of the Uzumaki Clan Symbol engraved on it and black fur lining it, the cape being Black with Kanji For Sage of Six Paths on the back with a picture of a Ten Tailed Fox with said tails in a Whirlpool pattern and flames lining the bottom of said cape. I don’t know if your planning for Naruto to have weapons but one would be the Sage of Six Paths staff with the capability of the second hokage’s sword of the thunder beast, along with his Father’s three pronged Kunais, along with and that’s assuming he has all seven of the swords of the Hidden Mist Village along with his Family inheritance unless your planning to have Naruto to return to the shinobi world only to get said inheritance as well as the Uzumaki Clan’s entire scrolls of all they have. But other than that EPIC STORY.
3/16 c7 Guest
well sexy lemon with the harem, glad he finally sealed the deal there. also I dont mind the hero name, it fits with his close relationship with kurama and I actually dislike it when he is called the yellow flash since that is just unoriginal
well sexy lemon with the harem, glad he finally sealed the deal there. also I dont mind the hero name, it fits with his close relationship with kurama and I actually dislike it when he is called the yellow flash since that is just unoriginal
3/18 c7 
29redlox2
A broken soul chapter 7 review
Nice chapter. Nice to see naruot being part of the justice laughs but not a founder member but part of the expanded “unlimited” league. Haha naruto and his girlfriends loving
29redlox2A broken soul chapter 7 review
Nice chapter. Nice to see naruot being part of the justice laughs but not a founder member but part of the expanded “unlimited” league. Haha naruto and his girlfriends loving
3/16 c7 Guest
Killerssg, I don't if you accept request but pls do another reading fanfic where the Shinobi Alliance reads: Warhammer 40k and Space Marines 1-2 (Games). Where they read a book that takes place in the grim darkness of the far future, a future where their favorite blonde Uzumaki becomes the God-Emperor of Mankind, ruling a vast Imperium of Man, a future where there is only war, in 48,000 years. Replaced Malcador with Orochimaru. Rinne-Sharingan & Rinnegan Naruto as the new Jubi Jinchuriki
Killerssg, I don't if you accept request but pls do another reading fanfic where the Shinobi Alliance reads: Warhammer 40k and Space Marines 1-2 (Games). Where they read a book that takes place in the grim darkness of the far future, a future where their favorite blonde Uzumaki becomes the God-Emperor of Mankind, ruling a vast Imperium of Man, a future where there is only war, in 48,000 years. Replaced Malcador with Orochimaru. Rinne-Sharingan & Rinnegan Naruto as the new Jubi Jinchuriki
3/16 c7 agnar
so, the name is bad. Something like 'The Sage' would be ok but 90 percent of the world at least will have no frigging idea what a Rikudo Sennin is. You might as well make his hero name Hagaromo for all it'll mean to anyone but him and the tailed beasts.
Beyond that, during the lemon scene, you must've copy/pasted it from another crossover fic, because you called his women may lin, irma, etc. the girls from WITCH.
so, the name is bad. Something like 'The Sage' would be ok but 90 percent of the world at least will have no frigging idea what a Rikudo Sennin is. You might as well make his hero name Hagaromo for all it'll mean to anyone but him and the tailed beasts.
Beyond that, during the lemon scene, you must've copy/pasted it from another crossover fic, because you called his women may lin, irma, etc. the girls from WITCH.
3/16 c7 1deathmach
The first comment was for the choice in girls and honestly fire chapter cant wait for more
1deathmachThe first comment was for the choice in girls and honestly fire chapter cant wait for more
3/5 c3 hard pass
This is a story for someone with a child like mind
This is a story for someone with a child like mind
2/11 c6 Just Guest
Nicely done, now that Naruto is coming back into the Justice League maybe he could help in more ways than one like give various villains or villainess a chance to reform or even cure them such as Restore Harvey Dent aka Two Face’s Faces maybe even remove big bad Harvey’s soul as it were, curing Both Victor Freeze and his Wife Nora from they’re afflictions and so on. Just a few suggestions. In any case great job on this chapter and I’ll look forward to the next one. Take care and good luck
Nicely done, now that Naruto is coming back into the Justice League maybe he could help in more ways than one like give various villains or villainess a chance to reform or even cure them such as Restore Harvey Dent aka Two Face’s Faces maybe even remove big bad Harvey’s soul as it were, curing Both Victor Freeze and his Wife Nora from they’re afflictions and so on. Just a few suggestions. In any case great job on this chapter and I’ll look forward to the next one. Take care and good luck
2/11 c6 Mr. E Guest
Epic Story , and as for the harem I guess it’s better than none.
Epic Story , and as for the harem I guess it’s better than none.