for Jumping over my Chain
33/28/2023 c4 TrumpasaurusRex
I like that you’re describing the perks you chose.
Some fics don’t even do that.
Wish there was more, but I like your story so far.
I like that you’re describing the perks you chose.
Some fics don’t even do that.
Wish there was more, but I like your story so far.
3/2/2023 c3 erozoth
It's okay so far. A few places where the I changed to He, was a bit weird.
It seems lacking compared to the normal Jumpchain, by that I mean that other than the initial perks\powers he got, there is no place for growth, training. It's basically guaranteed that more or less he remains as is for this entire jump, if you consider the perks he took and no plot logic changes to make things more impressive than they appear.
Point is, the lack of progress (as it seems), during an entire jump makes this far less appealing then normal stories, so he is as strong as what he was given (this is important, he was GIVEN, no earned), he will not become better outside of it.
It's okay so far. A few places where the I changed to He, was a bit weird.
It seems lacking compared to the normal Jumpchain, by that I mean that other than the initial perks\powers he got, there is no place for growth, training. It's basically guaranteed that more or less he remains as is for this entire jump, if you consider the perks he took and no plot logic changes to make things more impressive than they appear.
Point is, the lack of progress (as it seems), during an entire jump makes this far less appealing then normal stories, so he is as strong as what he was given (this is important, he was GIVEN, no earned), he will not become better outside of it.
3/2/2023 c2 erozoth
Yea, the fact the perks are outside the story, like some author notes, is ruining it. I spend a good 5 minutes reading were the persk are in the story, then go down to read the perks, then I can get to read the novel properly.
Yea, the fact the perks are outside the story, like some author notes, is ruining it. I spend a good 5 minutes reading were the persk are in the story, then go down to read the perks, then I can get to read the novel properly.
3/2/2023 c1 erozoth
I would say, first thing to "fix", do differently is put the explanation of each perk as part of the story. Having it the end... sucks. Because the entire chapter, while reading it, all I can think "Don't know what that is, don't care, doesn't matter". Then go to the bottom to read what everything is, then go back to see where he got it.
It's just bad, and so easy to fix.
Changing the text to bold, works, its why many do that.
I would say, first thing to "fix", do differently is put the explanation of each perk as part of the story. Having it the end... sucks. Because the entire chapter, while reading it, all I can think "Don't know what that is, don't care, doesn't matter". Then go to the bottom to read what everything is, then go back to see where he got it.
It's just bad, and so easy to fix.
Changing the text to bold, works, its why many do that.
2/25/2023 c2 TrumpasaurusRex
“ Though the older the memory the fuzzier it was, which all in all made sense, though I was very much surprised at how similar this John was to myself, both in personality and life.”
Small correction: with his general perk regarding his memories. He should have no fuzzy memories. He should have unlimited storage with perfect clarity for all memories.
“ Though the older the memory the fuzzier it was, which all in all made sense, though I was very much surprised at how similar this John was to myself, both in personality and life.”
Small correction: with his general perk regarding his memories. He should have no fuzzy memories. He should have unlimited storage with perfect clarity for all memories.
2/21/2023 c1 Friendly fan
Thank you for the awesome chapter and I hope you have a wonderful week
Thank you for the awesome chapter and I hope you have a wonderful week
2/18/2023 c1 Abandoned 001
I honestly wanted to like this story, but this is just bad. It's akin to sniffing a moldy egg casserole from the back of my fridge: a stupid waste of time for something rotten that belongs in the trash.
Now, I hope you can improve your writing, but that's not why I'm here. I'm sending this message on behalf of my friend (and an actual fun, accomplished author) Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Review Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus's story, Stinky Farty Pyra Mythra Tooting
You don't have to read it, just give him a good review. It doesn't have to be long, just some quick praise will suffice. He's trying to win a contest, and for that he needs a large amount of good reviews.
If you fail to comply by not responding or worse yet, attempt to leave a negative review, I will report your account to both The Critics United as well as the site administrators for deletion.
If you troll my friend, be warned we will troll you, your fics and all of your followers.
So give my friend the good review he deserves and proceed wisely. He's had a bad year and has been through hard times. Help him out and don't be a moron.
- Abandoned 001
k
I honestly wanted to like this story, but this is just bad. It's akin to sniffing a moldy egg casserole from the back of my fridge: a stupid waste of time for something rotten that belongs in the trash.
Now, I hope you can improve your writing, but that's not why I'm here. I'm sending this message on behalf of my friend (and an actual fun, accomplished author) Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Review Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus's story, Stinky Farty Pyra Mythra Tooting
You don't have to read it, just give him a good review. It doesn't have to be long, just some quick praise will suffice. He's trying to win a contest, and for that he needs a large amount of good reviews.
If you fail to comply by not responding or worse yet, attempt to leave a negative review, I will report your account to both The Critics United as well as the site administrators for deletion.
If you troll my friend, be warned we will troll you, your fics and all of your followers.
So give my friend the good review he deserves and proceed wisely. He's had a bad year and has been through hard times. Help him out and don't be a moron.
- Abandoned 001
k