for The Wizard of Orario1/10/2024 c4 
12JensenDaniels32
Okay, I love the massive jump in the magic stat, but all of his other stat increases are growing kinda pathetically.
12JensenDaniels32Okay, I love the massive jump in the magic stat, but all of his other stat increases are growing kinda pathetically.
12/18/2023 c18 Guest
like how Matthew is portrayed though the whole family and unknown past thing is a bit vague
like how Matthew is portrayed though the whole family and unknown past thing is a bit vague
12/11/2023 c17 6Kirisaki Yuu
Not bad what you're cooking up. Some inconsistencies but I think you'll be able to patch them up though a quick note,
You got Daphne and Cassandra flipped. Cassandra is the blue haired one, Daphne is the red.
6Kirisaki YuuNot bad what you're cooking up. Some inconsistencies but I think you'll be able to patch them up though a quick note,
You got Daphne and Cassandra flipped. Cassandra is the blue haired one, Daphne is the red.
12/10/2023 c17 Zabaniya
Most of my problems were already mentioned by The Qrow alongside the spelling mistakes but i guess my main issue is that your OC doesn't really stand out as much or has a full on presence. It feels like he can't stand alone without the presence of Bell which juat pretty much makes him feel like a side character or just a tag along to Bell. It was kinda pushing it with the way how you wrote the Summary of the story.
Most of my problems were already mentioned by The Qrow alongside the spelling mistakes but i guess my main issue is that your OC doesn't really stand out as much or has a full on presence. It feels like he can't stand alone without the presence of Bell which juat pretty much makes him feel like a side character or just a tag along to Bell. It was kinda pushing it with the way how you wrote the Summary of the story.
12/4/2023 c7 The Qrow
Im actually disapointed you went with the Ais/Bell route. When you removed Bell from the minotaur fight you also removed the obsession with Ais which means Bell shouldn't have a cheat exp skill right now. Would have made the story a bit more unique if you had.
Im actually disapointed you went with the Ais/Bell route. When you removed Bell from the minotaur fight you also removed the obsession with Ais which means Bell shouldn't have a cheat exp skill right now. Would have made the story a bit more unique if you had.
12/4/2023 c6 The Qrow
The story so far has been quite good but there are some clear flaws you might want to check out.
Lets start with the first. MC shouldnt have followed Bell that easily. Hes stuck in a world knowing nothing about anything m. He really should have checked out his options before joining hestia. Why even join as a adveturer? People from our world isn't much for risking our lives.
Secondly. The murder thing. You went a bit to heavy with that. Yes he beat her, yes MC was pissed but actually deciding to kill someone should have been a harder chioce.
Third, and this is where we are getting into the actual bad stuff. Hestia and all the gods know that the dungeon wants to kill all life. Hell everyone Knows that. Its common knowledge that the gods helped beat back the monsters into the dungeon after which Thanatos used his full godly might to surpress its power. Now you might have changed that and thats fine but if the gods DIDNT know about this then they should tell everyone immeadiatly. This is a being that wants and could kill everything in the world. Why would they keep it a secret? Let others help? Hell why would MC care in the slightest who would be the one that would protect against the dungeon? He shouldnt have the slightest clue how strong or weak the others adveturers could be?
Fourth. The spellbook. That spellbook is irreplaceable and his ONLY chance of ever getting home. He should have begged Loki on his hands and knees getting it back. Nothing, including his place in Hestias family should be as important. Hell, bribe her with teaching her Familia some spells or something if you had to. The fact he turned her down makes no sense.
Other then that you have a good story going on here. You can see here and there you making a couple of rookie mistakes but it doesnt take away from the story. Keep up the good job!
The story so far has been quite good but there are some clear flaws you might want to check out.
Lets start with the first. MC shouldnt have followed Bell that easily. Hes stuck in a world knowing nothing about anything m. He really should have checked out his options before joining hestia. Why even join as a adveturer? People from our world isn't much for risking our lives.
Secondly. The murder thing. You went a bit to heavy with that. Yes he beat her, yes MC was pissed but actually deciding to kill someone should have been a harder chioce.
Third, and this is where we are getting into the actual bad stuff. Hestia and all the gods know that the dungeon wants to kill all life. Hell everyone Knows that. Its common knowledge that the gods helped beat back the monsters into the dungeon after which Thanatos used his full godly might to surpress its power. Now you might have changed that and thats fine but if the gods DIDNT know about this then they should tell everyone immeadiatly. This is a being that wants and could kill everything in the world. Why would they keep it a secret? Let others help? Hell why would MC care in the slightest who would be the one that would protect against the dungeon? He shouldnt have the slightest clue how strong or weak the others adveturers could be?
Fourth. The spellbook. That spellbook is irreplaceable and his ONLY chance of ever getting home. He should have begged Loki on his hands and knees getting it back. Nothing, including his place in Hestias family should be as important. Hell, bribe her with teaching her Familia some spells or something if you had to. The fact he turned her down makes no sense.
Other then that you have a good story going on here. You can see here and there you making a couple of rookie mistakes but it doesnt take away from the story. Keep up the good job!
11/30/2023 c14 DickWizard
Noticed you didn't mention it's but to level up the minimum rank needed is D
Noticed you didn't mention it's but to level up the minimum rank needed is D
10/13/2023 c14 Redburndragon
Wont be surprised in arresting Zanis it would be discovered his doing other shady shit or funding mr d and his shit
Wont be surprised in arresting Zanis it would be discovered his doing other shady shit or funding mr d and his shit
9/7/2023 c9 superdart
I mean for someone who went to a floor way above his level and fought an infant dragon those stat gains are pathetic, you should've just restricted his magic and given him an exp booster like Bell so they could grow equally as fast since both seem to be main characters here.
Instead we get deadbeat lame-o matt
I mean for someone who went to a floor way above his level and fought an infant dragon those stat gains are pathetic, you should've just restricted his magic and given him an exp booster like Bell so they could grow equally as fast since both seem to be main characters here.
Instead we get deadbeat lame-o matt
8/16/2023 c11 Giggity Master
Giggity. Take your time Author, this has been some quality entertainment.
Giggity. Take your time Author, this has been some quality entertainment.
8/12/2023 c10 Kelaren
I liked it very much. To be honest, I really want to see more collisions of Matthew's magic with the typical magic of Orario. Oh, and I wonder if anyone else got into Orario besides Matthew.
I liked it very much. To be honest, I really want to see more collisions of Matthew's magic with the typical magic of Orario. Oh, and I wonder if anyone else got into Orario besides Matthew.