for Bad Moon Rising7/22 c51 jmsdragn
Spent the last week reading this series, even when I broke my finger and almost severed the tip off, still tried to read a bit on the hospital(didn't get far).
Aside from some minor grammar issues I have been enjoying this story.
The biggest grammar issue I have seen is thrown instead of throne.
Spent the last week reading this series, even when I broke my finger and almost severed the tip off, still tried to read a bit on the hospital(didn't get far).
Aside from some minor grammar issues I have been enjoying this story.
The biggest grammar issue I have seen is thrown instead of throne.
6/30 c50 
28Cimar of Turalis WildeHopps
I know this may be a bit long winded of a review, but, after reading literally tens of thousands of stories, leaving thousands upon thousands of reviews, and mentoring who knows how many writers, I needed to leave this review. I've only left one other like it, but, I feel with how good the first three books were in this story, and how there is only praise I'm seeing in reviews, that I need to leave this review.
Was shown these stories while sick a couple of weeks ago and have binged all the books up until the end of this one for the past two weeks while recovering and I have to say that you are an excellent writer and lore-weaver for these stories. The first three books flow incredibly well together, building off of each other and the character growth. Each book has a unique way of showing how Harry is built up, grows, and learns lessons to help that growth. Each book of the first three builds up this unique world and worldbuilding that I haven't found before. I really appreciated reading all that.
However, I feel like that kind of fell apart here in this fourth book for the same reason that so many longer stories suffer from; Story Bloat.
The idea of story bloat is when a world becomes so large, so in depth, and with so many characters, that plotlines become lost, characters become muddled or lost, and with the focus split on so many different directions, the characters themselves suffer from it and become more dull and flat.
That happens in the second half of this 4th book in this series.
The story has been focusing heavily on Harry's growth, showing how he is learning and interacting with each new character and situation that pops into his world. How he grows past the cupboard and learns to love and live with others. All that while building up to the eventual fight against Voldemort that he will have. That happens in this book and...
...it is very unfulfilling and left wanting.
Because of the story bloat, we get no resolution to the ongoing storyline about the Ministry of Magic. The first half of this 4th book builds up and up that The Morrigan has a plan for the Ministry, yet, nothing comes of it. At all. Cornellius leaves, but, nothing happens. So much else HAS to be going on, that it is so overlooked that many could overlook it in a heartbeat and not realize it even happened. It's a huge plotline that falls victim to the Bloat.
Because of the story bloat, Harry's growth becomes repetitive for the past 20 or so chapters where everything stalls. There are unique situations, yes, however, the summation of everything he went through in the middle to end of this book can be summarized by the sentence, "Harry got angry, then snogged." His growth, which comes through others, stalls HEAVILY in this book, and I feel the reason is that there are so many characters to focus on, that his growth was mainly forgotten. I had thoroughly enjoyed the first three books and his growth, personally enjoying A Midsummer's Hunt the most. I believe it to be your best writing as the story itself is shorter than the others, HOWEVER, it is jam packed with more growth, learning, and story than "Bad Moon Rising" has done in 4x the length.
Because of the story bloat, the deaths in the end (Sirius and Atalanta) mean nothing. When having to go through the viewpoints of no less than 15 characters in these final chapters, reading started to become a chore instead of enjoyment. The deaths happen, and poof, onto the next character which brings me to the major point the book suffers from, which is far different from the first three books which nailed this down beautifully...
...Book 4 was too smart for its own good.
I started noticing this about 1/3 of the way through this book, where it felt like the story was losing its focus as everything tiny detail needed to have a backstory and hidden easter egg from hundreds of thousands of pages before. This CAN work, as the first three stories managed to build off each other beautifully, but, this book devolved into a completely different story that no longer felt like what it once was; a story about Harry Potter growing as a demigod and escaping from under the cupboard. Too many references to outside literature (the Rick and Morty 2 nickels reference pulled me completely out of the story and I couldn't get back in), and in order to reach the end you wanted (to bring a Book 5 into being), you annihilated all the character growth of Harry in the duel with Voldemort in order to make Voldemort a Demigod to continue the series. In so doing, you destroyed the characters of...
1. Dumbledore: The most powerful wizard in the world is now nothing. He means nothing to the story. There is no threat he can pose to Voldemort to allow a balance in actions that provides tension. It is now all one sided.
2. Atalanta, Harry and Sirius: The first part of the Voldemort fight of Harry v Voldy was really good. I enjoyed it. It struck the right balance between a demigod training to take him down and a sorcerer who was full of himself. That growth was wiped out in the following fights where Voldemort mopped the floor with everyone. Again, story bloat as he needed to become a demigod to justify a plot point 300,000 words ago. The 2nd and 3rd fights felt wrong on so many levels. Having Voldemort suffer no ramifications to doing anything (high level magic, losing an arm as hey, he can grow them back as many times as he wants, etc), made Atalanta's and Sirius's deaths absolutely meaningless. I wasn't saddened that they died. Was I shocked? No. You had the villain able to regenerate limbs, which only Gods and Beasts could do, but he, a brand new demigod can do everything better than anyone else.
Voldemort became a Mary Sue in the worst way, as a way to justify story bloat to not have him defeated in this book. I feel like I've wasted my time reading Book 4 for this ending, and is the main reason why I'm writing this extremely long review. You got a bit too smart for the story. Wanted to grow it too much, and it was at the expense of your characters, their growth, and the story itself.
Was going to type something else, but I instead want to focus on Voldemort becoming a Mary Sue and Atalanta/Sirius's deaths being not as impactful due to the Story Bloat. We got almost zero time with them throughout Book 4 due to so much having to be jam packed into this to push the Formorian plot, that they feel unnecessary when they show up, contrived in their appearance, as useless as Artemis in the hunt against the giant cat (as she said she can get only one kill as it is then immune to her attacks. Seriously?)
I'm hammering this point home about Voldemort's sudden OP'ness, as it really ruined the end of the story. When a guy can regrow his arm without any issue, never gets tired, and can take on the previously strongest characters in the story, while having no weaknesses shown, no growth to achieve those powers (that Harry spent spent the past 979,000 words learning and growing to achieve), it really just deflated the entire story.
I was really looking forward to this ending as I felt it was going to happen, ie, Harry fighting Voldemort, defeating him, however, he learns about the Horcruxes when Voldemort doesn't die, thus he escapes leading to that Horcrux hunt and Harry's final character growth. However, the sudden and abrupt shift to the Formorians, Voldemort turning into a Mary Sue, and all the good guys suddenly becoming incredibly inept, and useless character death, have put me off of reading more. I believe there are ways to fix that, however, I do not believe they will happen unless the Story Bloat is gotten under control.
Again, I enjoyed the first three books and the first half of this book, HOWEVER, the shift to the Formorians due to Story Bloat really brought this book down. 10/10 for the first three books. 5/10 for this one and I'm just not feeling like starting Book 5 now.
tl;dr: First three books were good. Book 4 suffers from Story Bloat, Voldemort becoming a Mary Sue, main characters getting lost in the Story Bloat, and meaningless character death for shock value combined with excessive plot points being introduced make this latest book a put off for Book 5, which is sad.
28Cimar of Turalis WildeHoppsI know this may be a bit long winded of a review, but, after reading literally tens of thousands of stories, leaving thousands upon thousands of reviews, and mentoring who knows how many writers, I needed to leave this review. I've only left one other like it, but, I feel with how good the first three books were in this story, and how there is only praise I'm seeing in reviews, that I need to leave this review.
Was shown these stories while sick a couple of weeks ago and have binged all the books up until the end of this one for the past two weeks while recovering and I have to say that you are an excellent writer and lore-weaver for these stories. The first three books flow incredibly well together, building off of each other and the character growth. Each book has a unique way of showing how Harry is built up, grows, and learns lessons to help that growth. Each book of the first three builds up this unique world and worldbuilding that I haven't found before. I really appreciated reading all that.
However, I feel like that kind of fell apart here in this fourth book for the same reason that so many longer stories suffer from; Story Bloat.
The idea of story bloat is when a world becomes so large, so in depth, and with so many characters, that plotlines become lost, characters become muddled or lost, and with the focus split on so many different directions, the characters themselves suffer from it and become more dull and flat.
That happens in the second half of this 4th book in this series.
The story has been focusing heavily on Harry's growth, showing how he is learning and interacting with each new character and situation that pops into his world. How he grows past the cupboard and learns to love and live with others. All that while building up to the eventual fight against Voldemort that he will have. That happens in this book and...
...it is very unfulfilling and left wanting.
Because of the story bloat, we get no resolution to the ongoing storyline about the Ministry of Magic. The first half of this 4th book builds up and up that The Morrigan has a plan for the Ministry, yet, nothing comes of it. At all. Cornellius leaves, but, nothing happens. So much else HAS to be going on, that it is so overlooked that many could overlook it in a heartbeat and not realize it even happened. It's a huge plotline that falls victim to the Bloat.
Because of the story bloat, Harry's growth becomes repetitive for the past 20 or so chapters where everything stalls. There are unique situations, yes, however, the summation of everything he went through in the middle to end of this book can be summarized by the sentence, "Harry got angry, then snogged." His growth, which comes through others, stalls HEAVILY in this book, and I feel the reason is that there are so many characters to focus on, that his growth was mainly forgotten. I had thoroughly enjoyed the first three books and his growth, personally enjoying A Midsummer's Hunt the most. I believe it to be your best writing as the story itself is shorter than the others, HOWEVER, it is jam packed with more growth, learning, and story than "Bad Moon Rising" has done in 4x the length.
Because of the story bloat, the deaths in the end (Sirius and Atalanta) mean nothing. When having to go through the viewpoints of no less than 15 characters in these final chapters, reading started to become a chore instead of enjoyment. The deaths happen, and poof, onto the next character which brings me to the major point the book suffers from, which is far different from the first three books which nailed this down beautifully...
...Book 4 was too smart for its own good.
I started noticing this about 1/3 of the way through this book, where it felt like the story was losing its focus as everything tiny detail needed to have a backstory and hidden easter egg from hundreds of thousands of pages before. This CAN work, as the first three stories managed to build off each other beautifully, but, this book devolved into a completely different story that no longer felt like what it once was; a story about Harry Potter growing as a demigod and escaping from under the cupboard. Too many references to outside literature (the Rick and Morty 2 nickels reference pulled me completely out of the story and I couldn't get back in), and in order to reach the end you wanted (to bring a Book 5 into being), you annihilated all the character growth of Harry in the duel with Voldemort in order to make Voldemort a Demigod to continue the series. In so doing, you destroyed the characters of...
1. Dumbledore: The most powerful wizard in the world is now nothing. He means nothing to the story. There is no threat he can pose to Voldemort to allow a balance in actions that provides tension. It is now all one sided.
2. Atalanta, Harry and Sirius: The first part of the Voldemort fight of Harry v Voldy was really good. I enjoyed it. It struck the right balance between a demigod training to take him down and a sorcerer who was full of himself. That growth was wiped out in the following fights where Voldemort mopped the floor with everyone. Again, story bloat as he needed to become a demigod to justify a plot point 300,000 words ago. The 2nd and 3rd fights felt wrong on so many levels. Having Voldemort suffer no ramifications to doing anything (high level magic, losing an arm as hey, he can grow them back as many times as he wants, etc), made Atalanta's and Sirius's deaths absolutely meaningless. I wasn't saddened that they died. Was I shocked? No. You had the villain able to regenerate limbs, which only Gods and Beasts could do, but he, a brand new demigod can do everything better than anyone else.
Voldemort became a Mary Sue in the worst way, as a way to justify story bloat to not have him defeated in this book. I feel like I've wasted my time reading Book 4 for this ending, and is the main reason why I'm writing this extremely long review. You got a bit too smart for the story. Wanted to grow it too much, and it was at the expense of your characters, their growth, and the story itself.
Was going to type something else, but I instead want to focus on Voldemort becoming a Mary Sue and Atalanta/Sirius's deaths being not as impactful due to the Story Bloat. We got almost zero time with them throughout Book 4 due to so much having to be jam packed into this to push the Formorian plot, that they feel unnecessary when they show up, contrived in their appearance, as useless as Artemis in the hunt against the giant cat (as she said she can get only one kill as it is then immune to her attacks. Seriously?)
I'm hammering this point home about Voldemort's sudden OP'ness, as it really ruined the end of the story. When a guy can regrow his arm without any issue, never gets tired, and can take on the previously strongest characters in the story, while having no weaknesses shown, no growth to achieve those powers (that Harry spent spent the past 979,000 words learning and growing to achieve), it really just deflated the entire story.
I was really looking forward to this ending as I felt it was going to happen, ie, Harry fighting Voldemort, defeating him, however, he learns about the Horcruxes when Voldemort doesn't die, thus he escapes leading to that Horcrux hunt and Harry's final character growth. However, the sudden and abrupt shift to the Formorians, Voldemort turning into a Mary Sue, and all the good guys suddenly becoming incredibly inept, and useless character death, have put me off of reading more. I believe there are ways to fix that, however, I do not believe they will happen unless the Story Bloat is gotten under control.
Again, I enjoyed the first three books and the first half of this book, HOWEVER, the shift to the Formorians due to Story Bloat really brought this book down. 10/10 for the first three books. 5/10 for this one and I'm just not feeling like starting Book 5 now.
tl;dr: First three books were good. Book 4 suffers from Story Bloat, Voldemort becoming a Mary Sue, main characters getting lost in the Story Bloat, and meaningless character death for shock value combined with excessive plot points being introduced make this latest book a put off for Book 5, which is sad.
6/20 c50 GoldQuartz
God, this was very sad, as in tear worthy, not the quality of the worm. Harry will never win against Voldemort if he doesn't accept Death, right now he runs from death, like Voldemort, he needs to face it, just like in the show. That will be how Harry will defeat Voldemort.
God, this was very sad, as in tear worthy, not the quality of the worm. Harry will never win against Voldemort if he doesn't accept Death, right now he runs from death, like Voldemort, he needs to face it, just like in the show. That will be how Harry will defeat Voldemort.
6/20 c44 GoldQuartz
Eh, I think Harry should still be the Main Character, maybe as a mentor figure to Percy during his hunt for Artemis. Honestly, these should be background characters.
How powerful is Harry compared to them?
Eh, I think Harry should still be the Main Character, maybe as a mentor figure to Percy during his hunt for Artemis. Honestly, these should be background characters.
How powerful is Harry compared to them?
6/19 c41 GoldQuartz
Either Death itself, or the God that Scáthach usurped. We need to know what that thing is, cause it's most likely the reason that Scáthach can perceive the Cloak
Either Death itself, or the God that Scáthach usurped. We need to know what that thing is, cause it's most likely the reason that Scáthach can perceive the Cloak
6/18 c25 GoldQuartz
Scahatch or her mentor? I mean, she knows Harry was under the invisibility Cloak.
Scahatch or her mentor? I mean, she knows Harry was under the invisibility Cloak.
6/18 c21 GoldQuartz
Oh shit, Voldemort is at the Dursleys, perhaps this will speed up Harry's recovery, or make it worse.
I have a feeling Luna is the missing Goddess, and it would tie into you saying Harry will date a Goddess. Though with how you say it, Luna is most likely a soul reincarnated when it shouldn't have been.
Scathach just needs that one final push in order to tell Harry what she knows, and her relation to him. Perhaps a soul that also shouldn't have been reincarnated, perhaps a legacy.
So Harry is related to The Morrigan, I wonder if anything will come from it, or just the fact that he's from the Celtic Clan.
Oh shit, Voldemort is at the Dursleys, perhaps this will speed up Harry's recovery, or make it worse.
I have a feeling Luna is the missing Goddess, and it would tie into you saying Harry will date a Goddess. Though with how you say it, Luna is most likely a soul reincarnated when it shouldn't have been.
Scathach just needs that one final push in order to tell Harry what she knows, and her relation to him. Perhaps a soul that also shouldn't have been reincarnated, perhaps a legacy.
So Harry is related to The Morrigan, I wonder if anything will come from it, or just the fact that he's from the Celtic Clan.
6/18 c14 GoldQuartz
The tragedy would be Delphini, maybe, though she fits into the one who understands his pain, but she hasn't truly moved on from her own to help him. I wonder if there's going to be juxtaposition between them, with her killing her abusive guardian, but never moving on, while Harry learns to move on, sparing them, and allowing him to rid himself of the main leverage the Hunt has on him.
The tragedy would be Delphini, maybe, though she fits into the one who understands his pain, but she hasn't truly moved on from her own to help him. I wonder if there's going to be juxtaposition between them, with her killing her abusive guardian, but never moving on, while Harry learns to move on, sparing them, and allowing him to rid himself of the main leverage the Hunt has on him.
6/17 c8 GoldQuartz
What do you mean flips the whole board? Like how the Morrigan was Awakened? How Scáthach Mantled with Harry, how Harry Awakened the hunt?
What do you mean flips the whole board? Like how the Morrigan was Awakened? How Scáthach Mantled with Harry, how Harry Awakened the hunt?
5/22 c50 ArachnidHiveMind
We kind have already seen some of this, but mire Harry and Hermione and Ron vs X would be fun.
We kind have already seen some of this, but mire Harry and Hermione and Ron vs X would be fun.
5/22 c50 ArachnidHiveMind
At one point in this when Sirius and James were bantering, Sirius calls James Padfoot, that might need a quick edit
At one point in this when Sirius and James were bantering, Sirius calls James Padfoot, that might need a quick edit