for A Somewhat Odd Experience6/2 c1 
2k+Hawki
-"...go for the Golden trio."
Should probably be "Golden Trio" or "golden trio."
-You do something fairly interesting with the tense that I thought was an error at first, but I'm assuming that isn't the case. I noticed that you have Harry's POV in past tense (e.g. "Harry blinked") followed by the screen events being in present tense. Kind of reinforces the divide, and makes the screen stuff more artificial (in a good way).
-Overall, this is pretty good. While it's not doing much new in the genre, what it does, it does well. As I touched on above, there's a good sense of artificiality in regards to the world of the computer, and how Harry is separated from it (or by the end, arguably not so separated). Nice job.
2k+Hawki-"...go for the Golden trio."
Should probably be "Golden Trio" or "golden trio."
-You do something fairly interesting with the tense that I thought was an error at first, but I'm assuming that isn't the case. I noticed that you have Harry's POV in past tense (e.g. "Harry blinked") followed by the screen events being in present tense. Kind of reinforces the divide, and makes the screen stuff more artificial (in a good way).
-Overall, this is pretty good. While it's not doing much new in the genre, what it does, it does well. As I touched on above, there's a good sense of artificiality in regards to the world of the computer, and how Harry is separated from it (or by the end, arguably not so separated). Nice job.