for Despite it All3/3/2024 c30 Pratik
320k and 49 reviews. Tells the story. If this is your first time writing then take heart cuz the road ito success is tough.
The issue is the absurdly unrealistic and sudden drops in context. Too many OCs without any background. It doesn't help that there isn't anything relatable the way your fight scenes go and the lame way you have characters shout out their Justus in English.
More than thr characters, the story is lacking any tension. Its like a straightforward bad guy vs good guy fight. Even when you pull weird combinations of plots it just doesn't seen to have any depth. Rather bland to be honest.
The Chunin Exams, for example, weird concepts and disparate team composition, the trials themselves lacking in any sense or context.
I like Naruto and Neji friendship pics with another teammate but this didn't work. You are trying too much here. Friendship, romance, humor, adventure, fantasy, your story is like a free for all and unfortunately, none work.
I commend you for trying and for writing so many words, but please know quantity doesn't make up for quality, at least not a fanfiction.
I would suggest you read more fanfictions first. Preferably, the best ones, sort then out by reviews to make it easy for you. Or get some fanfic recs from different forums. Learn how pairings work, how to build a realistic world, build and hold tensions, how action scenes can be written to make the it riveting for the audience.
So, yeah good try but read more. In a few years, you can be good.
320k and 49 reviews. Tells the story. If this is your first time writing then take heart cuz the road ito success is tough.
The issue is the absurdly unrealistic and sudden drops in context. Too many OCs without any background. It doesn't help that there isn't anything relatable the way your fight scenes go and the lame way you have characters shout out their Justus in English.
More than thr characters, the story is lacking any tension. Its like a straightforward bad guy vs good guy fight. Even when you pull weird combinations of plots it just doesn't seen to have any depth. Rather bland to be honest.
The Chunin Exams, for example, weird concepts and disparate team composition, the trials themselves lacking in any sense or context.
I like Naruto and Neji friendship pics with another teammate but this didn't work. You are trying too much here. Friendship, romance, humor, adventure, fantasy, your story is like a free for all and unfortunately, none work.
I commend you for trying and for writing so many words, but please know quantity doesn't make up for quality, at least not a fanfiction.
I would suggest you read more fanfictions first. Preferably, the best ones, sort then out by reviews to make it easy for you. Or get some fanfic recs from different forums. Learn how pairings work, how to build a realistic world, build and hold tensions, how action scenes can be written to make the it riveting for the audience.
So, yeah good try but read more. In a few years, you can be good.
2/27/2024 c43 anoyak111
I'm surprised ohnoki wants naruto to win. Do I sense a potential war in the horizon between cloud and leaf. Will filler characters or locations make an appearance in this story?
I'm surprised ohnoki wants naruto to win. Do I sense a potential war in the horizon between cloud and leaf. Will filler characters or locations make an appearance in this story?
2/27/2024 c2 thor94
you made kushina inconsistently stupid here.
No way she could have ever believed even a minute that her son would be able to bruteforce the basic clone jutsu knowing the chances for an uzumaki to success were already really poor, more especially if you added a sealed bottomless chakra pit bijuu in the equation, by experience she would have definitely known the probability for a young uzumaki jinchuriki pulling a decent illusion clone was basically ZERO.
you made kushina inconsistently stupid here.
No way she could have ever believed even a minute that her son would be able to bruteforce the basic clone jutsu knowing the chances for an uzumaki to success were already really poor, more especially if you added a sealed bottomless chakra pit bijuu in the equation, by experience she would have definitely known the probability for a young uzumaki jinchuriki pulling a decent illusion clone was basically ZERO.
2/27/2024 c1 thor94
i really don't like when authors give naruto a loving family relative to raise him, but at same time want to keep him as the same deadlast student from the manga despite having one of the most feared and skilled shinobi as tutor. It make him far worst than his canon self since you can't use konoha adults obvious neglect or sabotage to explain his lack of skills.
i really don't like when authors give naruto a loving family relative to raise him, but at same time want to keep him as the same deadlast student from the manga despite having one of the most feared and skilled shinobi as tutor. It make him far worst than his canon self since you can't use konoha adults obvious neglect or sabotage to explain his lack of skills.
2/21/2024 c42 anoyak111
Hinata vs gaara was read even tho the outcome was obvious. Sasuke vs shikamaru was a fight no one really write about so that was a first. Will the hidden mist civil get an arc with yagura as the antagonist? Feels like an opportunity to put naruto and his generation in a war scenario in s small scale. Especially with yagura being such a weirdo and most likely a sociopath. I think it can work.
Hinata vs gaara was read even tho the outcome was obvious. Sasuke vs shikamaru was a fight no one really write about so that was a first. Will the hidden mist civil get an arc with yagura as the antagonist? Feels like an opportunity to put naruto and his generation in a war scenario in s small scale. Especially with yagura being such a weirdo and most likely a sociopath. I think it can work.
2/14/2024 c4 Username6166
Naruto was raised by Kushina but never met Kakashi before? Dude was literally like a son to Minato and Kushina.
Naruto was raised by Kushina but never met Kakashi before? Dude was literally like a son to Minato and Kushina.
2/13/2024 c41 anoyak111
How is this story not having more view favs, or follows? This chapter is great. Gives us extra time with foreign ninja and get to know them. Im loving the slow burn for naruto and ino. Their relationship feels natural. The team dynamic with neji is great and very different from the usual. I will say you kind of shot yourself on the foot for not addressing the massive changes from canon. But hey you live and you learn. Keep up the great work
How is this story not having more view favs, or follows? This chapter is great. Gives us extra time with foreign ninja and get to know them. Im loving the slow burn for naruto and ino. Their relationship feels natural. The team dynamic with neji is great and very different from the usual. I will say you kind of shot yourself on the foot for not addressing the massive changes from canon. But hey you live and you learn. Keep up the great work
1/26/2024 c4 Baphojr
Mhm been wondering if to make a review or not in each episode bc I have had a few things to say but seemed a moot point by how far along u are in the story. Regardless, I will start from now on, just to show appreciation too.
I will keep it short bc i'm lazy:
Would be good to explain the setting of this world in an A/N or in the actual story. Too many things being taken for granted by us that aren't so (no uchiha masacre, kushina alive, how? And how is that Kushina is alive but Kakashi has never, ever seen Naruto in his life for Naruto to have no clue who he is? What's up with that? Also Kushina not teaching Naruto Kage bunshin...when he failed bunshin and saw his son struggling for over 5 years...is...really counterproductive. And the spite/emoness of both Neji and Sasuke seems a bit childish for their 18 self. Trying to make them seem more reflexionate and hateful if u want it would be better and ofc, they can still be dicks...but not childish ones. Some words are weird as if u are trying to say something formal but whatevs...
Good idea so far I like the uniqueness of it, but i think a lot of readers have left the stroy bc there is too much not said about ur world setting. It almost did to me
Mhm been wondering if to make a review or not in each episode bc I have had a few things to say but seemed a moot point by how far along u are in the story. Regardless, I will start from now on, just to show appreciation too.
I will keep it short bc i'm lazy:
Would be good to explain the setting of this world in an A/N or in the actual story. Too many things being taken for granted by us that aren't so (no uchiha masacre, kushina alive, how? And how is that Kushina is alive but Kakashi has never, ever seen Naruto in his life for Naruto to have no clue who he is? What's up with that? Also Kushina not teaching Naruto Kage bunshin...when he failed bunshin and saw his son struggling for over 5 years...is...really counterproductive. And the spite/emoness of both Neji and Sasuke seems a bit childish for their 18 self. Trying to make them seem more reflexionate and hateful if u want it would be better and ofc, they can still be dicks...but not childish ones. Some words are weird as if u are trying to say something formal but whatevs...
Good idea so far I like the uniqueness of it, but i think a lot of readers have left the stroy bc there is too much not said about ur world setting. It almost did to me
1/11/2024 c8 Guest
Do you really think there can be anyone in the Elemental Nations who can be than a fucking Uzumaki in Fuinjutsu
Do you really think there can be anyone in the Elemental Nations who can be than a fucking Uzumaki in Fuinjutsu
1/7/2024 c35 The Extraordinarii
Well after a 3 day binge I am all caught up. Really enjoying this story man.
Well after a 3 day binge I am all caught up. Really enjoying this story man.
12/5/2023 c1 Storm1310
“center of the large ornate wooden desk, each marked with a picture of a teen and various documents explaining various facts and observations of the person the folder disclosed. He lit various candles in the large office, lighting up the office in the darker hours. Throughout the office were awards and pictures of the past LeadersLarge is used repetitively as is office etc use synonyms and more descriptive words for scenes use the five senses. Example ‘candles lit up the room, taming the shadows as the sun hid behing the famed hokage monument and gave way to the darkness of the night’
“center of the large ornate wooden desk, each marked with a picture of a teen and various documents explaining various facts and observations of the person the folder disclosed. He lit various candles in the large office, lighting up the office in the darker hours. Throughout the office were awards and pictures of the past LeadersLarge is used repetitively as is office etc use synonyms and more descriptive words for scenes use the five senses. Example ‘candles lit up the room, taming the shadows as the sun hid behing the famed hokage monument and gave way to the darkness of the night’
11/18/2023 c32 Samm91
Good chapter. It does seem that the teaching from ero-senin is fairly limited. Would have hoped that he would learn some of his style too showing him to be a student of him. I like that we get more insight into Gaara. Really looking forward to more!
Good chapter. It does seem that the teaching from ero-senin is fairly limited. Would have hoped that he would learn some of his style too showing him to be a student of him. I like that we get more insight into Gaara. Really looking forward to more!
11/18/2023 c32 Frwt
I actually have read a story where Minato survived instead Kushina (it's a time-dimention story, where Naruko come back from the future).
It's a great story. I really love it
But, i don't like that Minato especially when he blame Naru for what happened with Kushina and their unborn child. I mean, it's not her fault for what happened with Kushina and their unborn child, you know.
However, his reaction was normal for a new father who lost his family on what should have been a happy day...
Maybe you have read that story
So, thank you for reading this small talk, and i want to say it again, that i really like your story ️
I actually have read a story where Minato survived instead Kushina (it's a time-dimention story, where Naruko come back from the future).
It's a great story. I really love it
But, i don't like that Minato especially when he blame Naru for what happened with Kushina and their unborn child. I mean, it's not her fault for what happened with Kushina and their unborn child, you know.
However, his reaction was normal for a new father who lost his family on what should have been a happy day...
Maybe you have read that story
So, thank you for reading this small talk, and i want to say it again, that i really like your story ️