for Harry Potter and the Second Chance5/9 c1 Natalie4q6
Checked out a site called Storio (storioai dot com), and I’m impressed. You can remix your old stories into playable format in minutes. I was surprised by how much faster it made writing for me.
Checked out a site called Storio (storioai dot com), and I’m impressed. You can remix your old stories into playable format in minutes. I was surprised by how much faster it made writing for me.
5/1 c9 
1bleachorange
So, I was reviewing the story as I had it bookmarked to check back as its in active development, and I guess I feel underwhelmed with my past self's judgement. The plot has some decent ideas, but the dialogue is almost unreadable. None of the characters speak like themselves, and I tried mentally paraphrasing some things but when its almost everything I had to give it up as a bad job.
My recommendation for the story is to have someone edit/co-write the dialogue for the story as it is just very unnatural feeling, and I dont know if its a language barrier or what, but its extremely off-putting.
1bleachorangeSo, I was reviewing the story as I had it bookmarked to check back as its in active development, and I guess I feel underwhelmed with my past self's judgement. The plot has some decent ideas, but the dialogue is almost unreadable. None of the characters speak like themselves, and I tried mentally paraphrasing some things but when its almost everything I had to give it up as a bad job.
My recommendation for the story is to have someone edit/co-write the dialogue for the story as it is just very unnatural feeling, and I dont know if its a language barrier or what, but its extremely off-putting.
4/28 c74 Dark Lord Tater Tot
Brilliant story! I don't care for the way Harry is keeping the info about BCJ to himself, especially after the interogation. However, I respect your in story explantion.
Brilliant story! I don't care for the way Harry is keeping the info about BCJ to himself, especially after the interogation. However, I respect your in story explantion.
4/24 c12 Guest
…. Have you ever listened to a conversation between two people? Or been in one? Like, ever?
…. Have you ever listened to a conversation between two people? Or been in one? Like, ever?
4/24 c10 Guest
I’ve never understood why Harry or Luna just never pets a threstal in front of Hermione. It’s literally a beast of burden and probably there.
I’ve never understood why Harry or Luna just never pets a threstal in front of Hermione. It’s literally a beast of burden and probably there.
4/24 c35 Guest
You are spoiling a good story. Pity !
You are spoiling a good story. Pity !
4/24 c32 Guest
Why keep repeating the chapters, complete waste of time absolutely ridiculous,
Why keep repeating the chapters, complete waste of time absolutely ridiculous,
4/24 c9 Guest
The way you write dialogue needs work. Every character that talks doesn’t need to do so as a monologue. People generally don’t say more than a sentence or two at a time.
The way you write dialogue needs work. Every character that talks doesn’t need to do so as a monologue. People generally don’t say more than a sentence or two at a time.
4/23 c4 Guest
Half these chapters are made up of blank space, author’s notes, and an unnecessary recap. They are short enough that all that is excessive
Half these chapters are made up of blank space, author’s notes, and an unnecessary recap. They are short enough that all that is excessive
4/23 c74 3littleemberlou
Well color me surprised! I totally forgot to even look at the relationship pairing, lol
I certainly saw the hints, but this felt very natural and how you wrote it.
3littleemberlouWell color me surprised! I totally forgot to even look at the relationship pairing, lol
I certainly saw the hints, but this felt very natural and how you wrote it.
4/23 c74 31VMFanfiction
If this is a HP/HG/FD story, why didn't you add FD to the ship on the summary? (The HP/HG part)
31VMFanfictionIf this is a HP/HG/FD story, why didn't you add FD to the ship on the summary? (The HP/HG part)
4/23 c74 Hands Off MY Wolfie
As long as the relationships don't start taking over the story, I can tolerate with it. This is why I usually don't read multi stories.
As long as the relationships don't start taking over the story, I can tolerate with it. This is why I usually don't read multi stories.
4/20 c74 Jostanos
SN1 & 2) I always enjoy reading the chapters and stories that you write, FA. The shortness of this chapter is perfect! It helps string the story along from one point to another during a 'non critical' (per se) moment in time. *warm grin*
SN3) *shrugs with a sly wink* So it is a 'Threesome' fic. I don't mind that at all.
Please continue when you may, my friend. Thank you. *eye smiles*
SN1 & 2) I always enjoy reading the chapters and stories that you write, FA. The shortness of this chapter is perfect! It helps string the story along from one point to another during a 'non critical' (per se) moment in time. *warm grin*
SN3) *shrugs with a sly wink* So it is a 'Threesome' fic. I don't mind that at all.
Please continue when you may, my friend. Thank you. *eye smiles*
4/20 c74 Guest
Honestly would make more sense for there to be three girls. Because otherwise someone will always be left out
Honestly would make more sense for there to be three girls. Because otherwise someone will always be left out