for Tsunade's Advice9/19/2023 c6 jimmy.deacetis
The story is perfect like this. You don't have to put pressure on yourself for the relationship. Temari and Naruto are from two different villages and this means that they don't see each other much. The actual relationship should begin after the war if there are no particular changes.
For Temari I have no problem if the relationship and marriage will be similar to canon Temari and Shikamaru. At a distance it's more difficult. The problem with the canon story is that Hinata waited too long to be from the same village. This is also one of the reasons why I suggested you exclude Ino, Tenten and Sakura. With them you had to include many more scenes because Naruto can see them much more often and should already have a girlfriend among them before the war because there is no point in waiting endless chapters. Here you can better handle the story and include the rare chapters where Naruto and Temari meet up until the actual war.
The story is perfect like this. You don't have to put pressure on yourself for the relationship. Temari and Naruto are from two different villages and this means that they don't see each other much. The actual relationship should begin after the war if there are no particular changes.
For Temari I have no problem if the relationship and marriage will be similar to canon Temari and Shikamaru. At a distance it's more difficult. The problem with the canon story is that Hinata waited too long to be from the same village. This is also one of the reasons why I suggested you exclude Ino, Tenten and Sakura. With them you had to include many more scenes because Naruto can see them much more often and should already have a girlfriend among them before the war because there is no point in waiting endless chapters. Here you can better handle the story and include the rare chapters where Naruto and Temari meet up until the actual war.
9/18/2023 c6 krzychu14x
Naruto/Temari is a great pairing, I would say don’t rush and put it as a side plot and it will be great!
Naruto/Temari is a great pairing, I would say don’t rush and put it as a side plot and it will be great!
9/14/2023 c5 jimmy.deacetis
Good chapter.
I think eliminating Sasori and Deidara is a good thing. Deidara vs. Sasuke is useless because Sasuke survives. Killing him now and saving Gaara I think is a good thing.
I read a comment that said the statue would continue to take chakra and also from Naruto's clone. But the statue is burning until Nagato calls it away and it should stop to absorb chakra or so I think.
Good chapter.
I think eliminating Sasori and Deidara is a good thing. Deidara vs. Sasuke is useless because Sasuke survives. Killing him now and saving Gaara I think is a good thing.
I read a comment that said the statue would continue to take chakra and also from Naruto's clone. But the statue is burning until Nagato calls it away and it should stop to absorb chakra or so I think.
9/14/2023 c5 
1zx20000006
I am not sure if this plan would have worked the gedo statue encases garra with its chakra then starts to siphon his chakra the moment the shadow clone touched garra it should have dispelled and it chakra absorbed into the statue.
1zx20000006I am not sure if this plan would have worked the gedo statue encases garra with its chakra then starts to siphon his chakra the moment the shadow clone touched garra it should have dispelled and it chakra absorbed into the statue.
9/14/2023 c1 zx20000006
thank you for addressing these problems with naruto's personality most authors just ignore them or hesitate to change them because they are too lazy to write some proper character development. This chapter definitely caught my attention I cant wait to see how different this naruto turns out.
thank you for addressing these problems with naruto's personality most authors just ignore them or hesitate to change them because they are too lazy to write some proper character development. This chapter definitely caught my attention I cant wait to see how different this naruto turns out.
9/11/2023 c3 Guest
It Is an interesting story, with very good use of Genin tecnique in a unique method that helps Naruto and others a lot, very good the First chapter and the dialogue that starts everything, unfortunatly i do not have a good suggestion, maybe you could male someone you trust read the fight and in case adjust it, thanks for your work and your time have a nice day and stay safe
It Is an interesting story, with very good use of Genin tecnique in a unique method that helps Naruto and others a lot, very good the First chapter and the dialogue that starts everything, unfortunatly i do not have a good suggestion, maybe you could male someone you trust read the fight and in case adjust it, thanks for your work and your time have a nice day and stay safe
9/13/2023 c4 jimmy.deacetis
Excellent chapter. The ones they face in the canon story are clones who are not shadow clones. Samehada can't really be there and even as a shadow clone the weapon wouldn't be the real one. It shouldn't have the same resistance. Or after Kisame's eventual defeat, Samehada would be taken by the konoha shinobi. For Itachi's copy it is different because the sharingan is not a weapon external to Itachi. I think not giving Samehada to this version of Kisame is a great idea. In the canon story they think the ones they're facing are the real ones, but we know they're not and we can change some things.
I liked this start for Naruto and Temari. For them there is no need for big changes like for other girls. But this is already more than enough for a start. I suggest that Shukaku almost gets pulled out completely, but Gaara is saved in time and doesn't die thanks to them being quicker. Akatsuki no longer needs Gaara and Shukaku.
Excellent chapter. The ones they face in the canon story are clones who are not shadow clones. Samehada can't really be there and even as a shadow clone the weapon wouldn't be the real one. It shouldn't have the same resistance. Or after Kisame's eventual defeat, Samehada would be taken by the konoha shinobi. For Itachi's copy it is different because the sharingan is not a weapon external to Itachi. I think not giving Samehada to this version of Kisame is a great idea. In the canon story they think the ones they're facing are the real ones, but we know they're not and we can change some things.
I liked this start for Naruto and Temari. For them there is no need for big changes like for other girls. But this is already more than enough for a start. I suggest that Shukaku almost gets pulled out completely, but Gaara is saved in time and doesn't die thanks to them being quicker. Akatsuki no longer needs Gaara and Shukaku.
9/11/2023 c3 jimmy.deacetis
Excellent chapter.
There is a possibility that Gaara is still alive that they took much less time.
I understand that it's not easy to create a romantic story between two characters out of nothing, but it's not impossible. You have to change some things from the canon story and you're already well underway.
I suggested Temari because she is the easiest girl apart from Hinata to pair up with Naruto or at least I think so. For example Ino needs big story changes and often they have to be there since pre-shippuden or it wouldn't work well. Same thing with other girls and even Hinata(if she's like the canon story) needs a lot more time and that Naruto isn't interested in her romantically.
Temari already has her reasons in the canon story to have a possible crush on Naruto if he wasn't an idiot and interested in Sakura and then Hinata. Just eliminate Shikamaru as a boyfriend (too lazy for her) and this Naruto is better than the canon one. You don't have much to add to the canon story. Temari starts thinking about Naruto after the next few chapters. Naruto the same after a scene that I suggest. After bringing Gaara back, Temari hugs Naruto to thank him and this begins their crush. If you continue the story this will develop in future chapters when they meet again.
I read a comment that said Mei Terumi, Karin and Mabui. I don't think Mabui and Mei make sense for various reasons. Karin is a worse Sasuke fangirl than Ino and even if after Danzo dies there's a possibility, wouldn't she do it like in the canon story?
Excellent chapter.
There is a possibility that Gaara is still alive that they took much less time.
I understand that it's not easy to create a romantic story between two characters out of nothing, but it's not impossible. You have to change some things from the canon story and you're already well underway.
I suggested Temari because she is the easiest girl apart from Hinata to pair up with Naruto or at least I think so. For example Ino needs big story changes and often they have to be there since pre-shippuden or it wouldn't work well. Same thing with other girls and even Hinata(if she's like the canon story) needs a lot more time and that Naruto isn't interested in her romantically.
Temari already has her reasons in the canon story to have a possible crush on Naruto if he wasn't an idiot and interested in Sakura and then Hinata. Just eliminate Shikamaru as a boyfriend (too lazy for her) and this Naruto is better than the canon one. You don't have much to add to the canon story. Temari starts thinking about Naruto after the next few chapters. Naruto the same after a scene that I suggest. After bringing Gaara back, Temari hugs Naruto to thank him and this begins their crush. If you continue the story this will develop in future chapters when they meet again.
I read a comment that said Mei Terumi, Karin and Mabui. I don't think Mabui and Mei make sense for various reasons. Karin is a worse Sasuke fangirl than Ino and even if after Danzo dies there's a possibility, wouldn't she do it like in the canon story?
9/11/2023 c2 jimmy.deacetis
After this chapter I think there are possibilities for other girls too. At the beginning I more or less thought no to Ino, but the possibility is there. Hinata depends on how she is. If she's like the canon story it might be more complicated. If she has matured and is not too shy she is the best choice.
For now I remain of the opinion that Temari is a good idea, but I want to find out what you will do.
After this chapter I think there are possibilities for other girls too. At the beginning I more or less thought no to Ino, but the possibility is there. Hinata depends on how she is. If she's like the canon story it might be more complicated. If she has matured and is not too shy she is the best choice.
For now I remain of the opinion that Temari is a good idea, but I want to find out what you will do.