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for Overlord: Op Neutral evil

5/31 c16 12overlord latino
Genial
1/28 c1 Pandorabox116674
This is pretty good
11/10/2023 c10 overlord latino
genial
10/25/2023 c4 7BoombaTheSaint
I really don’t want to come off as if I’m flaming you or anything, but this is unreadable, friend.

Example: "In a big room filled with all kind of gym equipment for all different kinds of exercises filled with just one occupent"

This is the opening passage of chapter 4 and it’s riddled with so many errors it’s not even funny.

Mistakes:

"all kind" should be rewritten as "all kinds" to match the plural of "equipment".

"In a big room filled with all kind of gym equipment for all different kinds of exercises" should be substituted with "In a big room filled with all kinds of gym equipment designed to facilitate a plethora of exercises". This ensures that flow and structure are maintained, giving the read a more smoother feel.

A comma (,) should follow the "exercise" to indicate the break following the latter part of the passage.

"Occupent" is actually spelled as "Occupant".

Rewritten: "In a big room filled with all kinds of gym equipment designed to facilitate a plethora of exercises, one occupant stood."



You don’t get proficient at a language just by writing, you need people to point out your errors. Note that I’m only critiquing your errors concerning the English language. If you want to write a story then you’ll need to plan, friend. You can’t just string two sentences together and call it a story. Yes, this is also true for wish-fulfilment stories.
10/22/2023 c1 BoombaTheSaint
Grammar, punctuation, story structure and lack of planning. You really weren’t kidding when you said your English skills were decaying, friend. This is abysmal.

The premise is generic— ROB farting boons at the MC. Choosing a crap world because why not. MC being insufferable for no reason because it’s all a game. No butterfly effects because that will require actual planning and deliberation.

It’s a generic wish-fulfilment that isn’t even wish-fulfilment. Be unique instead of sheep.

Anyway, do with this review what you will.
10/22/2023 c3 12overlord latino
es un buen inicio
10/22/2023 c1 overlord latino
bienvenido al club hombre

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