for Where The Moon Rises6/16 c1 Natalie4q6
Wasn’t expecting much, but Storio (storioai dot com) turned out to be pretty awesome. They provide AI tools for fast fiction writing and turning chapters into playable scenes. Just leaving this here in case someone else finds it useful.
Wasn’t expecting much, but Storio (storioai dot com) turned out to be pretty awesome. They provide AI tools for fast fiction writing and turning chapters into playable scenes. Just leaving this here in case someone else finds it useful.
6/6 c62 Guest
your writing is amazing !
your writing is amazing !
5/29 c3 Slither21
Ah yes milotic the famous water/fairy type lol
And thats crazy, he pretty much forgot about the 10 years of built up resentment and grudge in a second and now theyre all buddy buddy like nothing happened. Thatd be crazy for a normal person but even more insane for someone attuned for fairy types.
I feel like it was lazy to make milotic fairy, there are plenty of great fairy types. Hell, milotic couldve just been an exception, specialists have exeptions on their teams all the time
Ah yes milotic the famous water/fairy type lol
And thats crazy, he pretty much forgot about the 10 years of built up resentment and grudge in a second and now theyre all buddy buddy like nothing happened. Thatd be crazy for a normal person but even more insane for someone attuned for fairy types.
I feel like it was lazy to make milotic fairy, there are plenty of great fairy types. Hell, milotic couldve just been an exception, specialists have exeptions on their teams all the time
5/5 c62 ShadowPhyr
binged this for the last week. It's an awesome story. I need more of it, looking forward to your next update!
binged this for the last week. It's an awesome story. I need more of it, looking forward to your next update!
4/16 c62 
7djsoresu
Get ready for some real schizo ramblings.
I haven't read fanfics in a hot minute, much less reviewed one, so here goes some absolute disjointed ramblings from someone who can't even brain well... but, where to start.
Let's go with the 'setting'. The world and world building is really interesting and pretty well-explained. It's interesting trying to compare it to my biases from the games and stuff like the manga. But I like the history you've woven into the plot without the need for excessive flashbacks. Overall, solid.
Let's talk about characters next... the biggest thing for me. I read stories to follow characters and their growth/journey. Arin is... to be frank, boring. Very, very boring. And not in a sense that he has no character, he's characterized quite well actually. But like... where is his character going? We're literally over 60 chapters in to the story and he has yet to lose, or even been challenged thematically or set up really... any path for growth? That's not to say he hasn't struggled but... hm. Trying to word rn. You know what, super out there comparison, probably way off base. But Arin kind of reminds me of Gojo, weirdly enough. Except... in a worse spot. Because Arin is the main protagonist. A common theme with Gojo was that despite his overwhelming strength, he struggled to actually save people with it. And that works really well, especially because he's a supporting character. He's allowed far more room to fail than say, Arin. By most story standards, Arin can't fail. Overall, I should say. So this issue crops up where Arin succeeds... but there's no genuine adversity to him. Obviously, narratively, Team Rocket is that. But I feel like it's pretty obvious that only this 'leader' is going to actually mount a genuine threat to Arin. So more often than not, I find myself disengaged with Arin's personal story or battles. And he kinda lacks... a foil? There's no one that really genuinely challenges Arin's belief/ideology so he's just... always in the right? And I feel like he's supposed to be painted as an underdog, yet it doesn't feel like that at all. Like, I get he's one in regards to societal opinion but... eh? He's strong enough and never really falters so that might as well be irrelevant. Aight enough about Arin. Side characters.
Unfortunately, I'm gonna group pretty much the entire Cherrygrove gym cast together as... extensions of Arin's problems. I don't really feel any investment in their stories. I mean, so far, pretty much Arin will resolve their issues or help them along without any difficulty. In fact, the most invested I got into them as characters was when Arin realized their was a mole within their ranks. I was SO invested in seeing how that would play out in future chapters... and then it got resolved instantly... and perfectly (more or less).
Now, the other gym leaders/e4/Lance on the other hand? Very well written. I really like their characterization. Very good job on making all of them feel like they have their own characters, motivations, and history. My only really 'issue' with them, ties back to Arin. I feel like they're too reliant on Arin to fix their problems. It kinda removes their agency (probably not the right word lmao). The... mmm, power gap between Arin and most of the other characters kinda creates this issue where he needs to be on the scene for it to go well. Oh, kinda like Gojo lmao. But again, the difference is that ultimately despite his power, Gojo more often fails at the pivotal moments. Bleh, I'm rambling.
The villains... exist? Kinda hard to say much about them when we don't really know much. I will say, the Blackthorn elders when they were the main antagonists were super boring and I'm glad we've moved on and hopefully never deal with them again. They just fall under the whole "antagonists to simply be antagonistic" umbrella. Like, I guess they were the closest thing (and Claire by extension) to a foil to Arin in a whole tides of change vs upholding tradition kinda thing but... they're woefully incompetent (in the face of our glorious main protagonist) and hilariously off the mark in... er, words, fuck. Brain is slowing down. Like... moral standpoint? It's not that, but that's probably as close as I'll be able to get. Like, they're not in the right whatsoever. Nothing we've been shown about them paints it as they're actually trying to do good. So it boils down to good vs not good, which then relies on how much they can be perceived as an actual threat to the good. Which... was none. So Rocket at least is way better in that regard. They may not really oppose Arin in ideology (outside of like... "murder is very good and needed vs er, no, what the fuck are you talking about" lol), but at least they're a real threat to the good.
Erm, I think my ramblings are winding down now. What else can I talk about.
Uh, the action? The action is... good. For the most part I can usually understand what's going on, and it's paced well. The only negative I have, is the whole... move creations? Like, combing multiple moves into one, doing super moves etc etc. I think there are clever ways to set up "created moves". This is most definitely not something exclusive to your fic, and is probably quite common in today's landscape (again, been away from fanfics for quite a bit so I'm kinda slowly dipping my feet in again). But it gets to a point where I'm like... huh? Is this still pokemon? I'm just old-fashioned. Oh God I'm the Blackthorn elders aren't I? "Back in my day, all we had were good ole flamethrower and bubblebeam! Not these newfangled hypersonic voice beam blasts!"
Anyway, these are the parts where I get lost in battles because it can be... a lot. Tentacruel using acid armor to sneak around undetected? I can get behind that. Sylveon using domain expansion (yes I have jjk brainrot how could you tell) to use his domain Fae's Lost Woods? Erm... huh?
Grammar/ease of reading, let's ramble about that for a bit. I'm no big grammar police, so everything I saw seemed good and digestible, a couple of spelling mistakes/maybe an autocorrect to the wrong word here or there, but it was few and far between and hardly noteworthy and I can't even remember an example. Everything is well-paced for the most part, sometimes I'm kinda like "do we really need to see what this character is doing right at this moment?" but those parts are easy to skim through. Tbh, this usually happens with the gym trainers for me.
Hmm. I think that's about it? I probably came off harsher than intended, that's just kinda how I am. This is a good story, I'm gonna follow/favorite all that jazz. I can tell you care about this story and have put passion into it, it's by no means slop or garbage. And a lot of my opinions are just... well, my opinions and biases. I'm by no means some scholar literary analyst. I doubt I hold many common opinions. You can do whatever with my "advice" (as if I know what it takes to write a good story lmao). YOU are writing a good story. You will continue to write a good story regardless of what my small personal issues with it are. I can enjoy something but admit it has its flaws. Will it be a perfect story if you follow all my advice? Absolutely not. Maybe it'd be more favorable to me, but at that point I might as well write my own story. So... yeah. Keep doing you, don't let the disjointed ramblings of some guy on the internet convince you otherwise lmao. I might interject here and there with a review down the line, but I doubt (and hope) nothing will be like this one where's its just a mess of bleh. Alrighty for real this time, I'm done. Thanks for writing this story!
7djsoresuGet ready for some real schizo ramblings.
I haven't read fanfics in a hot minute, much less reviewed one, so here goes some absolute disjointed ramblings from someone who can't even brain well... but, where to start.
Let's go with the 'setting'. The world and world building is really interesting and pretty well-explained. It's interesting trying to compare it to my biases from the games and stuff like the manga. But I like the history you've woven into the plot without the need for excessive flashbacks. Overall, solid.
Let's talk about characters next... the biggest thing for me. I read stories to follow characters and their growth/journey. Arin is... to be frank, boring. Very, very boring. And not in a sense that he has no character, he's characterized quite well actually. But like... where is his character going? We're literally over 60 chapters in to the story and he has yet to lose, or even been challenged thematically or set up really... any path for growth? That's not to say he hasn't struggled but... hm. Trying to word rn. You know what, super out there comparison, probably way off base. But Arin kind of reminds me of Gojo, weirdly enough. Except... in a worse spot. Because Arin is the main protagonist. A common theme with Gojo was that despite his overwhelming strength, he struggled to actually save people with it. And that works really well, especially because he's a supporting character. He's allowed far more room to fail than say, Arin. By most story standards, Arin can't fail. Overall, I should say. So this issue crops up where Arin succeeds... but there's no genuine adversity to him. Obviously, narratively, Team Rocket is that. But I feel like it's pretty obvious that only this 'leader' is going to actually mount a genuine threat to Arin. So more often than not, I find myself disengaged with Arin's personal story or battles. And he kinda lacks... a foil? There's no one that really genuinely challenges Arin's belief/ideology so he's just... always in the right? And I feel like he's supposed to be painted as an underdog, yet it doesn't feel like that at all. Like, I get he's one in regards to societal opinion but... eh? He's strong enough and never really falters so that might as well be irrelevant. Aight enough about Arin. Side characters.
Unfortunately, I'm gonna group pretty much the entire Cherrygrove gym cast together as... extensions of Arin's problems. I don't really feel any investment in their stories. I mean, so far, pretty much Arin will resolve their issues or help them along without any difficulty. In fact, the most invested I got into them as characters was when Arin realized their was a mole within their ranks. I was SO invested in seeing how that would play out in future chapters... and then it got resolved instantly... and perfectly (more or less).
Now, the other gym leaders/e4/Lance on the other hand? Very well written. I really like their characterization. Very good job on making all of them feel like they have their own characters, motivations, and history. My only really 'issue' with them, ties back to Arin. I feel like they're too reliant on Arin to fix their problems. It kinda removes their agency (probably not the right word lmao). The... mmm, power gap between Arin and most of the other characters kinda creates this issue where he needs to be on the scene for it to go well. Oh, kinda like Gojo lmao. But again, the difference is that ultimately despite his power, Gojo more often fails at the pivotal moments. Bleh, I'm rambling.
The villains... exist? Kinda hard to say much about them when we don't really know much. I will say, the Blackthorn elders when they were the main antagonists were super boring and I'm glad we've moved on and hopefully never deal with them again. They just fall under the whole "antagonists to simply be antagonistic" umbrella. Like, I guess they were the closest thing (and Claire by extension) to a foil to Arin in a whole tides of change vs upholding tradition kinda thing but... they're woefully incompetent (in the face of our glorious main protagonist) and hilariously off the mark in... er, words, fuck. Brain is slowing down. Like... moral standpoint? It's not that, but that's probably as close as I'll be able to get. Like, they're not in the right whatsoever. Nothing we've been shown about them paints it as they're actually trying to do good. So it boils down to good vs not good, which then relies on how much they can be perceived as an actual threat to the good. Which... was none. So Rocket at least is way better in that regard. They may not really oppose Arin in ideology (outside of like... "murder is very good and needed vs er, no, what the fuck are you talking about" lol), but at least they're a real threat to the good.
Erm, I think my ramblings are winding down now. What else can I talk about.
Uh, the action? The action is... good. For the most part I can usually understand what's going on, and it's paced well. The only negative I have, is the whole... move creations? Like, combing multiple moves into one, doing super moves etc etc. I think there are clever ways to set up "created moves". This is most definitely not something exclusive to your fic, and is probably quite common in today's landscape (again, been away from fanfics for quite a bit so I'm kinda slowly dipping my feet in again). But it gets to a point where I'm like... huh? Is this still pokemon? I'm just old-fashioned. Oh God I'm the Blackthorn elders aren't I? "Back in my day, all we had were good ole flamethrower and bubblebeam! Not these newfangled hypersonic voice beam blasts!"
Anyway, these are the parts where I get lost in battles because it can be... a lot. Tentacruel using acid armor to sneak around undetected? I can get behind that. Sylveon using domain expansion (yes I have jjk brainrot how could you tell) to use his domain Fae's Lost Woods? Erm... huh?
Grammar/ease of reading, let's ramble about that for a bit. I'm no big grammar police, so everything I saw seemed good and digestible, a couple of spelling mistakes/maybe an autocorrect to the wrong word here or there, but it was few and far between and hardly noteworthy and I can't even remember an example. Everything is well-paced for the most part, sometimes I'm kinda like "do we really need to see what this character is doing right at this moment?" but those parts are easy to skim through. Tbh, this usually happens with the gym trainers for me.
Hmm. I think that's about it? I probably came off harsher than intended, that's just kinda how I am. This is a good story, I'm gonna follow/favorite all that jazz. I can tell you care about this story and have put passion into it, it's by no means slop or garbage. And a lot of my opinions are just... well, my opinions and biases. I'm by no means some scholar literary analyst. I doubt I hold many common opinions. You can do whatever with my "advice" (as if I know what it takes to write a good story lmao). YOU are writing a good story. You will continue to write a good story regardless of what my small personal issues with it are. I can enjoy something but admit it has its flaws. Will it be a perfect story if you follow all my advice? Absolutely not. Maybe it'd be more favorable to me, but at that point I might as well write my own story. So... yeah. Keep doing you, don't let the disjointed ramblings of some guy on the internet convince you otherwise lmao. I might interject here and there with a review down the line, but I doubt (and hope) nothing will be like this one where's its just a mess of bleh. Alrighty for real this time, I'm done. Thanks for writing this story!
4/15 c55 2Lunitan
Yeah this chapter is the end for me, there is no reason the rockets should have gotten away except for plot armor you purposely nerfed them to make it happen.
2LunitanYeah this chapter is the end for me, there is no reason the rockets should have gotten away except for plot armor you purposely nerfed them to make it happen.
4/12 c62 Greysh
lovely story. I like the worldbuilding and I love all the fairies :)
Arin is great. I really like the slice of life parts of this fic. The pokenet are funny too.
lovely story. I like the worldbuilding and I love all the fairies :)
Arin is great. I really like the slice of life parts of this fic. The pokenet are funny too.
4/11 c41 Greysh
extra kudos for this chapter :) lovely gym design. -
show them fairies ! indeed :)
well done. loving it
extra kudos for this chapter :) lovely gym design. -
show them fairies ! indeed :)
well done. loving it
4/4 c1 johnnyi89
I agree with all the most recent comments. This is an amazing narrative, great character building and story telling and love that Arin is a specialist gym leader. A great focus and the twists and turns are great. Your literary mind is great! It is a joy to read and I look forward to each new chapter. Please keep it up!
I agree with all the most recent comments. This is an amazing narrative, great character building and story telling and love that Arin is a specialist gym leader. A great focus and the twists and turns are great. Your literary mind is great! It is a joy to read and I look forward to each new chapter. Please keep it up!