for that time the hero wasn't the escalator everyone else was!12/11/2023 c3 
1Draco0905
idea had merit. maybe your muse will drop in later. good luck in whatever your moving on to.
1Draco0905idea had merit. maybe your muse will drop in later. good luck in whatever your moving on to.
11/14/2023 c1 poodjyr
I'm on alt right thanks for the advice i write on my phone so the sentence auto corrects to the paragraphs I'll fix it soon
I'm on alt right thanks for the advice i write on my phone so the sentence auto corrects to the paragraphs I'll fix it soon
11/11/2023 c2 Draco0905
i know im probably sounding like im complaining. be assured, im actually not. critiquing. so that you can be better in the future.
still kinda info dumping without getting into any kind of description of character's looks, movement, or any kind of change. think legos. put in place and left there while speaking ensues. no movement. no changes in posture ot tone of voice.
next. now it took me awhile to figure out what was really bothering me about it. but it actually was two separate issues that collide and made each seem more of an issue that they really are.
part one is punctuation and a bit of grammar with the occasional blip of misspelled stuff. looking back. the misspellings were almost invariably names. Hebert in this chapter was spelled Heber(L).
the second part is you are occasionally making big blocks of text. neither one alone would have really made an issue. but together they kinda become an issue.
let's put it this way. after you have done everything you think you need to do and just before you want to hit post. try something i do. take your phone or whatever and set it to reading mode. turn the screen away from you. then listen to it. i found sooo many of my mistakes that i could have sworn on my very life i had fixed in this fashion.
hell. i litterally sit there plaing xbox while listening to it. I'm just ready to pause both of them to fix my mistakes. you know in your head what's SUPPOSED to be on the screen. and then you read or skim it really fast and read not nessicarily what's there but what you EXPECT to see there. now, i admit, this doesn't help for things like capitalization, but when you listen to it and it suddenly sounds different than the story you painstakingly crafted in your head, you know you found an issue to look at.
sometimes i find out that the paragraph i meant to put in to explain something or another got left out. sometimes its just punctuation or spelling that throws the audio off. if it sounds like a deluge of words thats just goes on and on without pause. might want to check punctuation and block text.
i honestly think you have a decent idea. for a story. and i hope to one day read it when it's done and your happy with it. im just trying to point out what helps me when i write. maybe it didn't help you at all. maybe you already do this. i dunno. hope this all helps at least.
i know im probably sounding like im complaining. be assured, im actually not. critiquing. so that you can be better in the future.
still kinda info dumping without getting into any kind of description of character's looks, movement, or any kind of change. think legos. put in place and left there while speaking ensues. no movement. no changes in posture ot tone of voice.
next. now it took me awhile to figure out what was really bothering me about it. but it actually was two separate issues that collide and made each seem more of an issue that they really are.
part one is punctuation and a bit of grammar with the occasional blip of misspelled stuff. looking back. the misspellings were almost invariably names. Hebert in this chapter was spelled Heber(L).
the second part is you are occasionally making big blocks of text. neither one alone would have really made an issue. but together they kinda become an issue.
let's put it this way. after you have done everything you think you need to do and just before you want to hit post. try something i do. take your phone or whatever and set it to reading mode. turn the screen away from you. then listen to it. i found sooo many of my mistakes that i could have sworn on my very life i had fixed in this fashion.
hell. i litterally sit there plaing xbox while listening to it. I'm just ready to pause both of them to fix my mistakes. you know in your head what's SUPPOSED to be on the screen. and then you read or skim it really fast and read not nessicarily what's there but what you EXPECT to see there. now, i admit, this doesn't help for things like capitalization, but when you listen to it and it suddenly sounds different than the story you painstakingly crafted in your head, you know you found an issue to look at.
sometimes i find out that the paragraph i meant to put in to explain something or another got left out. sometimes its just punctuation or spelling that throws the audio off. if it sounds like a deluge of words thats just goes on and on without pause. might want to check punctuation and block text.
i honestly think you have a decent idea. for a story. and i hope to one day read it when it's done and your happy with it. im just trying to point out what helps me when i write. maybe it didn't help you at all. maybe you already do this. i dunno. hope this all helps at least.
11/11/2023 c1 1Draco0905
okay. i think i got the idea you wanted to bringnup here. now then.
first. pacing. too much to fast and readers heads spin trying to keep up. current pacing is fine for battles. but for prologues, not so much.
second. back story. imagine that every single reader hes never picked up a single chapter of worm. and in this case. never read or watched "that time i was reincarnated as a slime". think thats the English name for it. and don't reference a sword like that if theres no reason to. just put the damn thing away. and let others ask if you want to go into a backstory about it or just make us guess.
third. Taylor comes from earth bet. she knows the rules there. she knows at least the basics of cape culture. she knows about information control. not only did you blatantly announce to the world and anyone there a NUMBER OF her abilities, you announced it to all the people who have cameras and powers to watch from afar or after the fact.
third. knowing of earth bet and its horrible attitude and atmosphere, Taylor would know not to blurt out the words DON'T WORRY to anyone. this would only make everybody more tense, not less. and then compounding it with this power you detected and came to investigate wasn't even mine. means there more people to watch out for and imminent danger still persists.
1Draco0905okay. i think i got the idea you wanted to bringnup here. now then.
first. pacing. too much to fast and readers heads spin trying to keep up. current pacing is fine for battles. but for prologues, not so much.
second. back story. imagine that every single reader hes never picked up a single chapter of worm. and in this case. never read or watched "that time i was reincarnated as a slime". think thats the English name for it. and don't reference a sword like that if theres no reason to. just put the damn thing away. and let others ask if you want to go into a backstory about it or just make us guess.
third. Taylor comes from earth bet. she knows the rules there. she knows at least the basics of cape culture. she knows about information control. not only did you blatantly announce to the world and anyone there a NUMBER OF her abilities, you announced it to all the people who have cameras and powers to watch from afar or after the fact.
third. knowing of earth bet and its horrible attitude and atmosphere, Taylor would know not to blurt out the words DON'T WORRY to anyone. this would only make everybody more tense, not less. and then compounding it with this power you detected and came to investigate wasn't even mine. means there more people to watch out for and imminent danger still persists.