for Ascension of the Red Princess2/12 c1 Orcistia
Absolutely loved Ascension of the Red Princess! The way you created the characters was incredible. It made the story so engaging and immersive!
The only thing I felt could make it even better is more creative visuals to enhance the experience. As a comic artist, I'd love to help bring this story to life visually! Especially the scenes with Eclair and Count Winchester, and the interactions between the heroes and their retinues.
You can reach me on Discord: Orcustigium if you're interested. Keep up the amazing work!
Absolutely loved Ascension of the Red Princess! The way you created the characters was incredible. It made the story so engaging and immersive!
The only thing I felt could make it even better is more creative visuals to enhance the experience. As a comic artist, I'd love to help bring this story to life visually! Especially the scenes with Eclair and Count Winchester, and the interactions between the heroes and their retinues.
You can reach me on Discord: Orcustigium if you're interested. Keep up the amazing work!
2/11 c55 
3RonaldM40196867
Ants can do a lot with teamwork.
Mountains are typically symbols of strength.
An air battleship sounds so awesome!
3RonaldM40196867Ants can do a lot with teamwork.
Mountains are typically symbols of strength.
An air battleship sounds so awesome!
2/11 c54 RonaldM40196867
That is an awesome chapter title.
Hammer Hero!
You rock.
Titantic indeed.
That was fun.
That is an awesome chapter title.
Hammer Hero!
You rock.
Titantic indeed.
That was fun.
2/9 c51 DJman248
Several things to note in this chapter! But like the previous one, this review is still shorter than usual, if perhaps a little compact.
The firat section with Sadina's point of view was rather illuminating. It gives some much needed hints in regards to Sadina's psyche, particularly in why she's a mess and yet still insisting in being a guardian to Raphtalia, even with the bad job so far.
It all implies that her current disposition is the result of a past failure, possibly one that goes before Raphtalia, if the last line is anything to go by. Not impossible, so far. And her lime on thinking Raphtalia as foolish suggests her unwilling to see that Raphtalia's been learning to fend for herself...I wouldn't be surprised if her attempts to kill thr shield hero may be related to some degree with this perspective of hers.
A lot of this makes for quite a contrast, especially regarding Sadina's relationship with alcohol. Before, I thought Sadina was just being facetious when she kept calling alcohol "liquid courage", but this POV shows that it's literally what gives her courage to do what she thinks she has to do...even if she's utterly incorrect.
So yes, I'd say that this makes for quite a nice look into Sadina on a deeper level to start with.
By the way...I may be wrong, but was Bed chan's drawing trying to say that the little dryad form in front of Sadina is a smaller extension of the main body which is elsewhere? That's what I got from it anyways.
Next on this chapter is the section with the Hammer hero Maximillian. Papermania was not wrong in pointing out earlier that Maximilian came across as made of straw, but on the flipside I was a tad worried that correcting this vould have resulted in him coming across as overly similar to Tairo in regards to character depth...and thankfully this chapter proved that I had nothing to worry about. Instead of correcting what made Maximillian insufferable, you instead expanded on his character a bit by showing that he is capable of putting aside his personal goals in the face of a bigger moee total threat, without contradicting his self righteous arrogance. So basically, you renoved rich boy Maxie's strawmanness by rounding out his character a bit, while still acknowledging that he's still a self-righteous prick. That may not sound like something monumental, but considering how i have seen cases of strawmen turned into completely different characters between chapters, I feel it's warranted to acknowledge it. Especially since the issue I have with many such cases is that by completely changing the strawman, the author is essentially walking back on the point they were trying to make instead of trying to expand on it in a meaningful way. Which hurts their story because it almost feels, to me at least, that it says "I can't find a better way of conveying what I want to say".
In short, Im glad that Maximilian cannot be easily written off as a strawman since it means that his goals can be properly scrutinized in the story beyond Naofumi and Malty saying "this guy's nuts and therefore not worth listening to".
And, as if to immediately prove this point, Maximilian's willingness to cooperate helps poignantly prove that Astaroth's assessment on Medea's self-serving tendencies as an absolute fact is ultimately wrong. If I have to guess where he went wrong based on the dialogue and facts up to this point...I wager his willingness to attack innocents in a completely indiscriminatory fashion without hiding the fact that he was the one that did it on top of also showing the audacity to try to justify such an atrocity served as the ultimate unifying force for what would usually be factions that each wouldn't bother to tell each other that they'd smell smoke even if they were on fire. As shown in the previous wave between the world leaders, which was likely a key fact in Astaroth's unshakeable (read: inflexible) faith in his own opinion on Medea's ruling class and several noteworthy factions on an fundamental level.
Ironically...I bet that if he obfuscated what his widespread attacks and left behind "clues" that'd suggest foreign involvement at the site of each attack, he likely could have at least trick a few factions into not being willing to cooperate with other select factions during this war.
Of course...that would require Astaroth to actually respect the fact that his enemies aren't a monolith that is collectively inferior to him and his forces which...so far I can't see this character doing thus far.
Which...is actually a negative I have to comment on. As I mentioned before, I feel that Astaroth's issue as a character thus far is that his attitude feels like its at odds with the loyalty he enjoys from his subordinates. Im not saying he can't be misantrophic or arrogant, as those two aspects are key to his character, but in the last few chapters it has felt like there's nothing else to Astaroth onther than those two aspects, which usually wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for how Im still having a hard time believing he could have enough charisma to inspire loyalty from his subordinates such as Eve...which is having the unfortunate side effect of making it easy to write them off as something akin to a bunch of brainless sycophants who only follow him because of his strength.
It reminds of something someone said to me regarding anti heroes and flawed characters: its hard to find a scoundrel (or "bad boy"/ "bad girl" if we go by indulgent romance novels) attractive as someone to follow if they don't have any fun, impressive or endearing qualities that shine despite his or her flaws.
I feel that applies to Astaroth with how he keeps insisting on being right without any change in how he regards his opposition.
On another separate note, Malty's POV section.
I think...it was pretty well done for the most part! Aultcray is still imparting battlefield wisdom on his daughter, but now we see how she's reacting internally to both her father's maneuvers and what's happening around her, something that was sorely missing in the previous chapters. The only hiccup is that I still feel that Malty is still a tad passive as an observer of what's going on, but at least for most of what's happening at least we have her perspective to make it clear on why she's passive for the most part (being disoriented because of a whole mountain falling near her vicinity is a pretty valid reason to be out of sorts for a bit) but it does feel like she could have added on her father'a rebuttal to Mr "Realist Demon" and his ever unchanging opinion.
On a last note, Fitoria's intervention resulting in Astaroth's mountain drop jist straight up missing RPG style basically amounts to an in universe Des Ex Machina...but unlike actual Deus Ex Machinas this one at least quickly establishes that it did not occur without consequence. Though I do wonder...Astaroth's projected result of his strategy actually makes sense. Its a tactic that fits with his utter disregard for lives, involves a method that very few beings could actually employ, and its pretty difficult to counter even for powerful opponents, as shown with Louise The Zero here. It makes sense that divine intervention would be warranted to be able to come away even remotely unscathed.
Of course...I haven't ignored the fact that said divine intervention was only the latest of unpredicted failures that Astaroth suffered due to him not understanding his opponents. So it also makes for a sort of continuous cathartic pay off of sorts.
All in all, appreciate the chapter quite a bit. Im still a few chapters behind but I hope to catch up before this next week is over. Until next time!
Several things to note in this chapter! But like the previous one, this review is still shorter than usual, if perhaps a little compact.
The firat section with Sadina's point of view was rather illuminating. It gives some much needed hints in regards to Sadina's psyche, particularly in why she's a mess and yet still insisting in being a guardian to Raphtalia, even with the bad job so far.
It all implies that her current disposition is the result of a past failure, possibly one that goes before Raphtalia, if the last line is anything to go by. Not impossible, so far. And her lime on thinking Raphtalia as foolish suggests her unwilling to see that Raphtalia's been learning to fend for herself...I wouldn't be surprised if her attempts to kill thr shield hero may be related to some degree with this perspective of hers.
A lot of this makes for quite a contrast, especially regarding Sadina's relationship with alcohol. Before, I thought Sadina was just being facetious when she kept calling alcohol "liquid courage", but this POV shows that it's literally what gives her courage to do what she thinks she has to do...even if she's utterly incorrect.
So yes, I'd say that this makes for quite a nice look into Sadina on a deeper level to start with.
By the way...I may be wrong, but was Bed chan's drawing trying to say that the little dryad form in front of Sadina is a smaller extension of the main body which is elsewhere? That's what I got from it anyways.
Next on this chapter is the section with the Hammer hero Maximillian. Papermania was not wrong in pointing out earlier that Maximilian came across as made of straw, but on the flipside I was a tad worried that correcting this vould have resulted in him coming across as overly similar to Tairo in regards to character depth...and thankfully this chapter proved that I had nothing to worry about. Instead of correcting what made Maximillian insufferable, you instead expanded on his character a bit by showing that he is capable of putting aside his personal goals in the face of a bigger moee total threat, without contradicting his self righteous arrogance. So basically, you renoved rich boy Maxie's strawmanness by rounding out his character a bit, while still acknowledging that he's still a self-righteous prick. That may not sound like something monumental, but considering how i have seen cases of strawmen turned into completely different characters between chapters, I feel it's warranted to acknowledge it. Especially since the issue I have with many such cases is that by completely changing the strawman, the author is essentially walking back on the point they were trying to make instead of trying to expand on it in a meaningful way. Which hurts their story because it almost feels, to me at least, that it says "I can't find a better way of conveying what I want to say".
In short, Im glad that Maximilian cannot be easily written off as a strawman since it means that his goals can be properly scrutinized in the story beyond Naofumi and Malty saying "this guy's nuts and therefore not worth listening to".
And, as if to immediately prove this point, Maximilian's willingness to cooperate helps poignantly prove that Astaroth's assessment on Medea's self-serving tendencies as an absolute fact is ultimately wrong. If I have to guess where he went wrong based on the dialogue and facts up to this point...I wager his willingness to attack innocents in a completely indiscriminatory fashion without hiding the fact that he was the one that did it on top of also showing the audacity to try to justify such an atrocity served as the ultimate unifying force for what would usually be factions that each wouldn't bother to tell each other that they'd smell smoke even if they were on fire. As shown in the previous wave between the world leaders, which was likely a key fact in Astaroth's unshakeable (read: inflexible) faith in his own opinion on Medea's ruling class and several noteworthy factions on an fundamental level.
Ironically...I bet that if he obfuscated what his widespread attacks and left behind "clues" that'd suggest foreign involvement at the site of each attack, he likely could have at least trick a few factions into not being willing to cooperate with other select factions during this war.
Of course...that would require Astaroth to actually respect the fact that his enemies aren't a monolith that is collectively inferior to him and his forces which...so far I can't see this character doing thus far.
Which...is actually a negative I have to comment on. As I mentioned before, I feel that Astaroth's issue as a character thus far is that his attitude feels like its at odds with the loyalty he enjoys from his subordinates. Im not saying he can't be misantrophic or arrogant, as those two aspects are key to his character, but in the last few chapters it has felt like there's nothing else to Astaroth onther than those two aspects, which usually wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for how Im still having a hard time believing he could have enough charisma to inspire loyalty from his subordinates such as Eve...which is having the unfortunate side effect of making it easy to write them off as something akin to a bunch of brainless sycophants who only follow him because of his strength.
It reminds of something someone said to me regarding anti heroes and flawed characters: its hard to find a scoundrel (or "bad boy"/ "bad girl" if we go by indulgent romance novels) attractive as someone to follow if they don't have any fun, impressive or endearing qualities that shine despite his or her flaws.
I feel that applies to Astaroth with how he keeps insisting on being right without any change in how he regards his opposition.
On another separate note, Malty's POV section.
I think...it was pretty well done for the most part! Aultcray is still imparting battlefield wisdom on his daughter, but now we see how she's reacting internally to both her father's maneuvers and what's happening around her, something that was sorely missing in the previous chapters. The only hiccup is that I still feel that Malty is still a tad passive as an observer of what's going on, but at least for most of what's happening at least we have her perspective to make it clear on why she's passive for the most part (being disoriented because of a whole mountain falling near her vicinity is a pretty valid reason to be out of sorts for a bit) but it does feel like she could have added on her father'a rebuttal to Mr "Realist Demon" and his ever unchanging opinion.
On a last note, Fitoria's intervention resulting in Astaroth's mountain drop jist straight up missing RPG style basically amounts to an in universe Des Ex Machina...but unlike actual Deus Ex Machinas this one at least quickly establishes that it did not occur without consequence. Though I do wonder...Astaroth's projected result of his strategy actually makes sense. Its a tactic that fits with his utter disregard for lives, involves a method that very few beings could actually employ, and its pretty difficult to counter even for powerful opponents, as shown with Louise The Zero here. It makes sense that divine intervention would be warranted to be able to come away even remotely unscathed.
Of course...I haven't ignored the fact that said divine intervention was only the latest of unpredicted failures that Astaroth suffered due to him not understanding his opponents. So it also makes for a sort of continuous cathartic pay off of sorts.
All in all, appreciate the chapter quite a bit. Im still a few chapters behind but I hope to catch up before this next week is over. Until next time!
2/5 c54 TVTropesPapermania
Well, Qinlongfei. Chapter 54 is certainly an improvement towards chapter 53. There weren't any big moments that felt outrageously annoying.
So ultimately for how I feel about this chapter. i'm primarily content and relaxed. Because this chapter had done well in progressing the general plot, and expanding upon major characters like Kyo. So if I had to list out my only complaints towards chapter 54, It's either the pop culture references overdosing the plot and Tairou Sato being WAY MORE irritating than how he's usually portrayed.
Which is why for my general rating of chapter 54. I rate this as a 6.5/10. Though this chapter lacked moments that felt outrageous to read at first glance. This chapter felt like a breather in terms of plot progression, making this a simplistic chapter to stomach upon reading.
******
The Primary Complaint: Tairou Sato is like, SUPER annoying in this chapter. And as such, the hook for this chapter was extremely OFF-PUTTING.
I know, Qinlongfei, that Tairou is supposed to serve as both a part-time strawman character and as an individual who would have a layered characterization. So with that concept in mind, Tairou isn't someone who is designed to be completely hateable, much less be a person who garners frequent bashing of his ideals.
But in this chapter 54. Tairou was different. Tairou's characterization and role in this chapter was really bad. Which is why I will split my complaints about him into subsections:
******
Subsection 1: The introduction to chapter 54 was really unhooking.
Because Tairou was the primary POV for chapter 54. The introduction in itself is inherently suffering the "delusional and egotistical" POV syndrome. It's sort of POV effect that happens whenever the current narrating character is holding extreme amounts of biased and emotional immaturity. It leads to the actual story and POV itself having a narration that's so unreliable. It results in the plot being unable to be moved forward.
And with that, this is why I did not enjoy reading chapter 54 at first glance. This chapter started off with the POV of the dubbed "annoying fanboy of Shield Hero. So to read his inner thoughts like this, it was a really off-putting experience for me to read. Because I can't stand having to read an unreliable narrator who is not at all moving forward the plot.
Tairou's POV wasn't even that engaging. All he does is make up a bunch of Shield Hero rambling, purely so you Qinlongfei, and the other readers could have an excuse to mock about why Shield Hero's writing problems suck.
So to conclude this first subsection complaint, Tairou's POV was simply way too unreliable to be considered hooking. All that Tairou did was ramble on a bunch of unnecessary Shield Hero exposition, and had tainted his narration with too much emotional immaturity to be worth viewing upon first reading.
******
Subsection 2: Please... just don't ever give Tairou another POV. He just does not in any way feel like a suitable candidate that's deserving of a POV. In fact, his characterization is even worse, whenever he is the primary spot light that's narrating the chapter.
This is another major reason why I don't like how chapter 54 started. I just highly suggest that Tairou not receive a POV that illustrates his personal, unreliable, and outright inaccurate thoughts.
To put this into a simpler perspective, I like Tairou. I really do mean that I like seeing Tairou on screen as a character. Because even though at heart, Tairou is a strawman archetype. Tairou is one of the more well-written varieties of Qinlongfei's strawman archetypes.
I get that Tairou's over-the-top Shield Hero rants can come off as useless and annoying to the main characters. But that's the main point of Tairou. He is the comic relief variety of Qinlongfei's strawman character.
And so for that very reason, I like Tairou for how his strawman rants about Shield Hero is always filtered as comic relief, in which other side characters deconstruct with proper logic applied.
That is what I think is the main appeal of why Tairou is so entertaining, despite his irritable nature as a stupid Shield Hero fan.
However, this chapter has one major change in how Tairou is being depicted: Tairou is the main POV of this chapter. And as the POV, I believe it's the source for why his characterization here just feels disengaging to read.
When I mentioned that Tairou works great as a comic relief. I wanted to mean that statement as "Tairou works best when he is being perceived by a second-hand POV".
However, because Tairou is the primary POV of this chapter. That funny filter was deactivated and stripped away. So now, the viewers have to endure the FULL BRUNT of Tairou's Shield Hero rants.
Thereby turning Tairou into an EXTREMELY horrible character that was hard to indulge in chapter 54. Tairou was like a Keel 2.0 where their character POVs were so unreliable and lacked any further characterization on their personality. It ends up being a boring experience as a reader where Tairou and Keel are not at all interesting characters.
Instead, Tairou in chapter 54, became the STRAIGHTEST and most cut-forward example of what a strawman archetype is like.
There is no funny filter that makes Tairou's Shield Hero statements be really funny. This is the ultimate embodiment of Tairou being a horribly bland strawman character that just rants about random Shield Hero nonsense. Without actually progressing the plot.
Furthermore, this personal POV of Tairou doesn't even give his characterization any new interesting layers. He is yet again, a super one-note character who lacks any interesting traits beyond being a fanboy who panders towards stereotyping Shield Hero fans, all whilst lacking any further development of his character.
So to conclude this rant, I find Tairou to be distasteful for holding his very own POV. Combined with the POV being an awful hook to chapter 54, Tairou was the blandest example of a strawman character in this chapter.
I find it much more preferable when Tairou is viewed upon in a second-hand POV. Because a secondary perspective can lessen Tairou's extremely obnoxious form of thinking and really repetitive Shield hero rambling. Instead turning Tairou into a more engaging/tolerable comic relief who can have his Shield Hero facts be translated as a more reliable narration or exposition that can better move forward the plot.
With this complaint done, I really hope I don't ever encounter a Tairou POV. He works so much better when viewed from a secondary perspective.
***********
Speculation Complaint: This Shin Getter character/group better be plot relevant in the grand scheme of storytelling. Otherwise they'd just feel like pointless pandering and padding that's just clogging up the plot with random references.
At this point, Qinlongfei, I don't have a problem with this Shin Getter character/group being suddenly introduced into the story about this.
Because first of all, I have no idea what a Shin Getter even is. I'll have to google what that character/team is to get a better understanding why exactly the Shin getter is even important.
But besides my lack of knowledge where Shin Getter comes from. My primary concern to you, Qinlongfei, is making sure that Shin Getter is going to be a relevant concept.
Since a lot of the characters in this chapter are referencing Shin Getter as this powerful third part armored demon. I expect Shin Getter to be a thing that would majorly influence the plot of the Spirit Tortoise arc in some way.
Or otherwise, I would file a problem to Shin Getter being a character where your pop culture imagination is dragging out the plot. On the other hand, Shin Getter could suffer at being an outta-no-where "Deus Ex Machina" where is sudden appearance is to make a big fight scene, before dipping without proper established context.
So if Shin Getter is going to be a major subplot. I at least want context and exploration for why the Shin getter subplot is even this important. And I think the Shin Getter plotline would work best if his origins at Malach were better explored by what Ren's POV would have to say in his situation during that other world.
Hopefully, Shin Getter would be a cool group of integral characters to the plot, and not my low expectations of them being pandering, padding side characters that contribute to nothing.
*********
Praiseworthy Moment 1: The "spirit embodiment" of the Spirit Tortoise is a super cool character in how they relayed their exposition.
This was great, Qinlongfei. This Spirit who I dub to be the "Spiritual Servant" sounds and made a really cool introduction into this chapter.
From the moment they appeared, they introduced their background origins right away to Naofumi and stated what their plans for the future are going to be. Furthermore, it was humorous of the Spiritual Servant to mock at Naofumi expecting his appearance to be the beautiful Ost Horai, but the spirit ends up looking more like a cute digimon turtle.
My favorite scene definitely has to be how you criticized Ost Horai and her appearance, when you had the Spiritual Tortoise have the unexpected appearance of a cute animal.
But besides the wonderful introduction of the Spiritual Servant. I am very much intrigued by what his fusion into Naofumi's shield would affect the plot. And for how the Spiritual Servant can reunite itself back into the Spirit Tortoise. Or as to what the Spiritual Servant would do afterwards, if the Spirit Tortoise were to have been completely destroyed.
Overall, Qinlongfei, I enjoyed the personality traits you employed into the Spiritual Servant being the exposition talker. The Spiritual Servant is basically like Aqua 2.0, except the Spirit is both jolly and a serious guardian figure that could ally the main characters with actual competency.
******
Mini Complaint: Qinlongfei, you felt a bit too harsh when ranting about Ost Horai, the Shield Hero author, and Shield Hero fans in general.
I have private messaged you about this, so I won't make this a huge complaint or a major topic worth talking over.
But generally, I felt as though, Qinlongfei, that you were taking Naofumi's criticism a bit too far over the Ost Horai concept in here.
* Naofumi: that sounds like something a insane, pathetic loser who writes online fiction for a living would fantasize about.
Since in terms of story quality, it feels like your taking your rapsheet of Shield Hero criticisms too far when it comes towards both assuming with the Shield Hero author does or what Shield Hero fans do in general.
****
Complaint 3: Naofumi felt a bit like a jerk here.
Aside from the story quality, Naofumi as well feels like he is being an overly obnoxious jerk. Since because he is so insistent on ridiculing the idea of a beautiful Spirit Tortoise. Naofumi feels like he isn't taking the words of the Spiritual Servant seriously.
As a result, Naofumi was more of an obnoxious idiot that isn't heeding the words of a powerful guardian deity, and he felt more indulgent comparing the delirious situation as if he can treat everything like a fictional story.
For my own critique of Naofumi in this story. I felt like his behavior and characterization plummeted into the quality of Leon Fou Bartfort and Consevatie. Naofumi was like a stupid, ignorant fool for treating his surroundings and conversation towards a deity, as if he is a self-insert protagonist who would trash talk and mindlessly reference other stories to make himself as the coolest, most cautious gary stu ever.
In general, Naofumi felt intolerable in his POV with the Spiritual Servant, and he didn't feel all that heroic.
*******
Praiseworthy Moment 2: The outer god plotpoint returning like this felt like an enjoyable chekhov's gun.
If there's one thing I like about your "every action has a consequence". It's your way, Qinlongfei, of handling this chekhov's gun to return like this. So for the bioplant to mutate inside the Spirit Tortoise like this.
I feel hyped to see just how the main characters would handle this enormous threat, It feels like everything back in Ambition of the Red Princess and Raphtalia's rescue is all coming together now. Making me feel excited for the possibility of Malty and Raphtalia fixing up the damages caused by the bioplant.
******
Praiseworthy Moment 3: Your author note on languages sounds like a cool learning lessons.
It's cool of you to share your knowledge of what you know about Chinese Culture, and explaining the different adjectives that are all heroic in some way.
This type of a diverse language being explored like this is an entertaining supplementary information series that helps bring a better understanding on how character archetypes are written.
*********
This was a great chapter for you to release. And it's not too fast pace that could have readers accidentally skip certain events. So overall, I liked the interesting plot twist of the growing bioplant, the exposition of the Spiritual Servant, and arrival of Shin Getter possibly playing an influential role.
This was a entertaining breather chapter despite it's flaws. I'll review again for the next time another chapter drops here.
Well, Qinlongfei. Chapter 54 is certainly an improvement towards chapter 53. There weren't any big moments that felt outrageously annoying.
So ultimately for how I feel about this chapter. i'm primarily content and relaxed. Because this chapter had done well in progressing the general plot, and expanding upon major characters like Kyo. So if I had to list out my only complaints towards chapter 54, It's either the pop culture references overdosing the plot and Tairou Sato being WAY MORE irritating than how he's usually portrayed.
Which is why for my general rating of chapter 54. I rate this as a 6.5/10. Though this chapter lacked moments that felt outrageous to read at first glance. This chapter felt like a breather in terms of plot progression, making this a simplistic chapter to stomach upon reading.
******
The Primary Complaint: Tairou Sato is like, SUPER annoying in this chapter. And as such, the hook for this chapter was extremely OFF-PUTTING.
I know, Qinlongfei, that Tairou is supposed to serve as both a part-time strawman character and as an individual who would have a layered characterization. So with that concept in mind, Tairou isn't someone who is designed to be completely hateable, much less be a person who garners frequent bashing of his ideals.
But in this chapter 54. Tairou was different. Tairou's characterization and role in this chapter was really bad. Which is why I will split my complaints about him into subsections:
******
Subsection 1: The introduction to chapter 54 was really unhooking.
Because Tairou was the primary POV for chapter 54. The introduction in itself is inherently suffering the "delusional and egotistical" POV syndrome. It's sort of POV effect that happens whenever the current narrating character is holding extreme amounts of biased and emotional immaturity. It leads to the actual story and POV itself having a narration that's so unreliable. It results in the plot being unable to be moved forward.
And with that, this is why I did not enjoy reading chapter 54 at first glance. This chapter started off with the POV of the dubbed "annoying fanboy of Shield Hero. So to read his inner thoughts like this, it was a really off-putting experience for me to read. Because I can't stand having to read an unreliable narrator who is not at all moving forward the plot.
Tairou's POV wasn't even that engaging. All he does is make up a bunch of Shield Hero rambling, purely so you Qinlongfei, and the other readers could have an excuse to mock about why Shield Hero's writing problems suck.
So to conclude this first subsection complaint, Tairou's POV was simply way too unreliable to be considered hooking. All that Tairou did was ramble on a bunch of unnecessary Shield Hero exposition, and had tainted his narration with too much emotional immaturity to be worth viewing upon first reading.
******
Subsection 2: Please... just don't ever give Tairou another POV. He just does not in any way feel like a suitable candidate that's deserving of a POV. In fact, his characterization is even worse, whenever he is the primary spot light that's narrating the chapter.
This is another major reason why I don't like how chapter 54 started. I just highly suggest that Tairou not receive a POV that illustrates his personal, unreliable, and outright inaccurate thoughts.
To put this into a simpler perspective, I like Tairou. I really do mean that I like seeing Tairou on screen as a character. Because even though at heart, Tairou is a strawman archetype. Tairou is one of the more well-written varieties of Qinlongfei's strawman archetypes.
I get that Tairou's over-the-top Shield Hero rants can come off as useless and annoying to the main characters. But that's the main point of Tairou. He is the comic relief variety of Qinlongfei's strawman character.
And so for that very reason, I like Tairou for how his strawman rants about Shield Hero is always filtered as comic relief, in which other side characters deconstruct with proper logic applied.
That is what I think is the main appeal of why Tairou is so entertaining, despite his irritable nature as a stupid Shield Hero fan.
However, this chapter has one major change in how Tairou is being depicted: Tairou is the main POV of this chapter. And as the POV, I believe it's the source for why his characterization here just feels disengaging to read.
When I mentioned that Tairou works great as a comic relief. I wanted to mean that statement as "Tairou works best when he is being perceived by a second-hand POV".
However, because Tairou is the primary POV of this chapter. That funny filter was deactivated and stripped away. So now, the viewers have to endure the FULL BRUNT of Tairou's Shield Hero rants.
Thereby turning Tairou into an EXTREMELY horrible character that was hard to indulge in chapter 54. Tairou was like a Keel 2.0 where their character POVs were so unreliable and lacked any further characterization on their personality. It ends up being a boring experience as a reader where Tairou and Keel are not at all interesting characters.
Instead, Tairou in chapter 54, became the STRAIGHTEST and most cut-forward example of what a strawman archetype is like.
There is no funny filter that makes Tairou's Shield Hero statements be really funny. This is the ultimate embodiment of Tairou being a horribly bland strawman character that just rants about random Shield Hero nonsense. Without actually progressing the plot.
Furthermore, this personal POV of Tairou doesn't even give his characterization any new interesting layers. He is yet again, a super one-note character who lacks any interesting traits beyond being a fanboy who panders towards stereotyping Shield Hero fans, all whilst lacking any further development of his character.
So to conclude this rant, I find Tairou to be distasteful for holding his very own POV. Combined with the POV being an awful hook to chapter 54, Tairou was the blandest example of a strawman character in this chapter.
I find it much more preferable when Tairou is viewed upon in a second-hand POV. Because a secondary perspective can lessen Tairou's extremely obnoxious form of thinking and really repetitive Shield hero rambling. Instead turning Tairou into a more engaging/tolerable comic relief who can have his Shield Hero facts be translated as a more reliable narration or exposition that can better move forward the plot.
With this complaint done, I really hope I don't ever encounter a Tairou POV. He works so much better when viewed from a secondary perspective.
***********
Speculation Complaint: This Shin Getter character/group better be plot relevant in the grand scheme of storytelling. Otherwise they'd just feel like pointless pandering and padding that's just clogging up the plot with random references.
At this point, Qinlongfei, I don't have a problem with this Shin Getter character/group being suddenly introduced into the story about this.
Because first of all, I have no idea what a Shin Getter even is. I'll have to google what that character/team is to get a better understanding why exactly the Shin getter is even important.
But besides my lack of knowledge where Shin Getter comes from. My primary concern to you, Qinlongfei, is making sure that Shin Getter is going to be a relevant concept.
Since a lot of the characters in this chapter are referencing Shin Getter as this powerful third part armored demon. I expect Shin Getter to be a thing that would majorly influence the plot of the Spirit Tortoise arc in some way.
Or otherwise, I would file a problem to Shin Getter being a character where your pop culture imagination is dragging out the plot. On the other hand, Shin Getter could suffer at being an outta-no-where "Deus Ex Machina" where is sudden appearance is to make a big fight scene, before dipping without proper established context.
So if Shin Getter is going to be a major subplot. I at least want context and exploration for why the Shin getter subplot is even this important. And I think the Shin Getter plotline would work best if his origins at Malach were better explored by what Ren's POV would have to say in his situation during that other world.
Hopefully, Shin Getter would be a cool group of integral characters to the plot, and not my low expectations of them being pandering, padding side characters that contribute to nothing.
*********
Praiseworthy Moment 1: The "spirit embodiment" of the Spirit Tortoise is a super cool character in how they relayed their exposition.
This was great, Qinlongfei. This Spirit who I dub to be the "Spiritual Servant" sounds and made a really cool introduction into this chapter.
From the moment they appeared, they introduced their background origins right away to Naofumi and stated what their plans for the future are going to be. Furthermore, it was humorous of the Spiritual Servant to mock at Naofumi expecting his appearance to be the beautiful Ost Horai, but the spirit ends up looking more like a cute digimon turtle.
My favorite scene definitely has to be how you criticized Ost Horai and her appearance, when you had the Spiritual Tortoise have the unexpected appearance of a cute animal.
But besides the wonderful introduction of the Spiritual Servant. I am very much intrigued by what his fusion into Naofumi's shield would affect the plot. And for how the Spiritual Servant can reunite itself back into the Spirit Tortoise. Or as to what the Spiritual Servant would do afterwards, if the Spirit Tortoise were to have been completely destroyed.
Overall, Qinlongfei, I enjoyed the personality traits you employed into the Spiritual Servant being the exposition talker. The Spiritual Servant is basically like Aqua 2.0, except the Spirit is both jolly and a serious guardian figure that could ally the main characters with actual competency.
******
Mini Complaint: Qinlongfei, you felt a bit too harsh when ranting about Ost Horai, the Shield Hero author, and Shield Hero fans in general.
I have private messaged you about this, so I won't make this a huge complaint or a major topic worth talking over.
But generally, I felt as though, Qinlongfei, that you were taking Naofumi's criticism a bit too far over the Ost Horai concept in here.
* Naofumi: that sounds like something a insane, pathetic loser who writes online fiction for a living would fantasize about.
Since in terms of story quality, it feels like your taking your rapsheet of Shield Hero criticisms too far when it comes towards both assuming with the Shield Hero author does or what Shield Hero fans do in general.
****
Complaint 3: Naofumi felt a bit like a jerk here.
Aside from the story quality, Naofumi as well feels like he is being an overly obnoxious jerk. Since because he is so insistent on ridiculing the idea of a beautiful Spirit Tortoise. Naofumi feels like he isn't taking the words of the Spiritual Servant seriously.
As a result, Naofumi was more of an obnoxious idiot that isn't heeding the words of a powerful guardian deity, and he felt more indulgent comparing the delirious situation as if he can treat everything like a fictional story.
For my own critique of Naofumi in this story. I felt like his behavior and characterization plummeted into the quality of Leon Fou Bartfort and Consevatie. Naofumi was like a stupid, ignorant fool for treating his surroundings and conversation towards a deity, as if he is a self-insert protagonist who would trash talk and mindlessly reference other stories to make himself as the coolest, most cautious gary stu ever.
In general, Naofumi felt intolerable in his POV with the Spiritual Servant, and he didn't feel all that heroic.
*******
Praiseworthy Moment 2: The outer god plotpoint returning like this felt like an enjoyable chekhov's gun.
If there's one thing I like about your "every action has a consequence". It's your way, Qinlongfei, of handling this chekhov's gun to return like this. So for the bioplant to mutate inside the Spirit Tortoise like this.
I feel hyped to see just how the main characters would handle this enormous threat, It feels like everything back in Ambition of the Red Princess and Raphtalia's rescue is all coming together now. Making me feel excited for the possibility of Malty and Raphtalia fixing up the damages caused by the bioplant.
******
Praiseworthy Moment 3: Your author note on languages sounds like a cool learning lessons.
It's cool of you to share your knowledge of what you know about Chinese Culture, and explaining the different adjectives that are all heroic in some way.
This type of a diverse language being explored like this is an entertaining supplementary information series that helps bring a better understanding on how character archetypes are written.
*********
This was a great chapter for you to release. And it's not too fast pace that could have readers accidentally skip certain events. So overall, I liked the interesting plot twist of the growing bioplant, the exposition of the Spiritual Servant, and arrival of Shin Getter possibly playing an influential role.
This was a entertaining breather chapter despite it's flaws. I'll review again for the next time another chapter drops here.
2/5 c54 Svampmannen
A nice chapter, with a little chinese lesson at the end. Neat.
Having the eldritch plant further complicate matters was a good spin on the whole battle, and it looks like it will have an interesting payoff.
Felt less enthusiastic to the inital lines between the turtle and Naofumi though. As entertaining as it is to read the jabs at the source material in author's notes is, having the characters literally saying it out loud feels like a tad too much. Maybe use it sparingly, no need to go full Joss Whedon on this.
A nice chapter, with a little chinese lesson at the end. Neat.
Having the eldritch plant further complicate matters was a good spin on the whole battle, and it looks like it will have an interesting payoff.
Felt less enthusiastic to the inital lines between the turtle and Naofumi though. As entertaining as it is to read the jabs at the source material in author's notes is, having the characters literally saying it out loud feels like a tad too much. Maybe use it sparingly, no need to go full Joss Whedon on this.
1/29 c50 DJman248
Hey there. Another review in (gotta say, not having a PC is certainly making me slow to make these!).
The review for this chapter is likely going to be shorter than usual due to how many of the thoughts I had on this one simply being a continuation of what I already expressed in the previous chapter. So I will focus mostly on what can be added on top of that from this chapter. Specifically, I will focus on what this chapter added to the Dio, Granny, Naofumi (and his fellow heroes present), and Kyo (which was a pleasant surprise) in terms of character depth and development.
The reason why this review is like this is due to how most of the chapter was basically introducing scenes of most characters to a strong opponent which I don't know much about beyond the fact that they're from The Last Remnant.
Not a negative in my opinion, but I am at a loss here fue to how...well, I am unfortunately among the many who doesn't much about The Last Remnant beyond the fact that it's fairly obscure as far as Spuare Enix games go. May have remedy that at some point.
But for now, on to my (relatively) short review!
What I like here that you did with Dio and Granny (mainly on the former) is that you essentially put a cap on their impressive abilities introduced in the previous chapter. Yes, Dio can dynamax, but the ability is mainly useful against mooks instead of it being a power up that works on strong individual opponents. On top of that, I like how you gave some insight on what both are thinking at this moment. Dio in particular I feel benefitted from this inside look onto his perspective, since so far he's been a character who's opinion of others and his long term perspective has been something of an enigma aided by how he carries himself in a matter beffiting the "strong, silent type" label. In this case, it makes it clear that Dio is more pragmatic then he comes across. Taking into consideration anything that can help against potential future threats, to the point of even considering Sheperd's warning about the Reapers deriously even though he'd be among the characters (natives of Medea) who would not have much reason to take him seriously.
Meanwhile, Granny's thought process is abiut what I'd expect, in a good way. An old veteran martial artist reading into what kind of opponent she is dealing with, and wondering how good of it would be to test her skills against. Simple and straight to the point. Some characters are meant to be that way for the most part, and Granny, while definitely having some layers, also doesn't have to be overtly complicated to be a decent character that adds to the plot.
The section with Kyo was a pleasant surprise, as I mentioned before. Once again you give him more depth by showing how impacted he was by how Astaroth reduced someone he knew to such a state in thia chapter. Its simple but effective. And sometimes that's all you need.
Lastly, the section with Naofumi's POV was great. Specifically because you're showcasing Naofumi's increasing discomfort with the ever increasing prominence of pragmatism that he's engaging in regarding his allies. What I like isn't the fact that Naofumi's noting how some of his lines sounds like what the queen would say...but rather his abject discomfort at this. This is key because I could see this discomfort helping Naofumi eventually find a balance between callous but neccesary decisions and showing consideration and kindness even at the expense of efficiency.
I also like how you continue to show the other heroes (in this case Motoyasu and Itsuki) similarly pushing themselves to do their best despite the odds while still being (mostly) smart about it, taking into consideration the gap in strength present.
And..that's it for this chapter! Like I mentioned, shorter than usual. Gonna go straight for the next chapter. Hopefully I won't take too long to catch up!
Hey there. Another review in (gotta say, not having a PC is certainly making me slow to make these!).
The review for this chapter is likely going to be shorter than usual due to how many of the thoughts I had on this one simply being a continuation of what I already expressed in the previous chapter. So I will focus mostly on what can be added on top of that from this chapter. Specifically, I will focus on what this chapter added to the Dio, Granny, Naofumi (and his fellow heroes present), and Kyo (which was a pleasant surprise) in terms of character depth and development.
The reason why this review is like this is due to how most of the chapter was basically introducing scenes of most characters to a strong opponent which I don't know much about beyond the fact that they're from The Last Remnant.
Not a negative in my opinion, but I am at a loss here fue to how...well, I am unfortunately among the many who doesn't much about The Last Remnant beyond the fact that it's fairly obscure as far as Spuare Enix games go. May have remedy that at some point.
But for now, on to my (relatively) short review!
What I like here that you did with Dio and Granny (mainly on the former) is that you essentially put a cap on their impressive abilities introduced in the previous chapter. Yes, Dio can dynamax, but the ability is mainly useful against mooks instead of it being a power up that works on strong individual opponents. On top of that, I like how you gave some insight on what both are thinking at this moment. Dio in particular I feel benefitted from this inside look onto his perspective, since so far he's been a character who's opinion of others and his long term perspective has been something of an enigma aided by how he carries himself in a matter beffiting the "strong, silent type" label. In this case, it makes it clear that Dio is more pragmatic then he comes across. Taking into consideration anything that can help against potential future threats, to the point of even considering Sheperd's warning about the Reapers deriously even though he'd be among the characters (natives of Medea) who would not have much reason to take him seriously.
Meanwhile, Granny's thought process is abiut what I'd expect, in a good way. An old veteran martial artist reading into what kind of opponent she is dealing with, and wondering how good of it would be to test her skills against. Simple and straight to the point. Some characters are meant to be that way for the most part, and Granny, while definitely having some layers, also doesn't have to be overtly complicated to be a decent character that adds to the plot.
The section with Kyo was a pleasant surprise, as I mentioned before. Once again you give him more depth by showing how impacted he was by how Astaroth reduced someone he knew to such a state in thia chapter. Its simple but effective. And sometimes that's all you need.
Lastly, the section with Naofumi's POV was great. Specifically because you're showcasing Naofumi's increasing discomfort with the ever increasing prominence of pragmatism that he's engaging in regarding his allies. What I like isn't the fact that Naofumi's noting how some of his lines sounds like what the queen would say...but rather his abject discomfort at this. This is key because I could see this discomfort helping Naofumi eventually find a balance between callous but neccesary decisions and showing consideration and kindness even at the expense of efficiency.
I also like how you continue to show the other heroes (in this case Motoyasu and Itsuki) similarly pushing themselves to do their best despite the odds while still being (mostly) smart about it, taking into consideration the gap in strength present.
And..that's it for this chapter! Like I mentioned, shorter than usual. Gonna go straight for the next chapter. Hopefully I won't take too long to catch up!
1/28 c53 TVTropesPapermania
This was an excellent chapter, Qinlongfei. Continuing on from chapter 52, this chapter exceeded my expectations and was a genuinely enjoyable read.
So if I had to give myself a review of chapter 53... I will rate this a... 3/10...
Well, for all the praise and cheers I wanted to make about my introduction. I will admit, I genuinely did enjoy a plethora of scenes regarding chapter 53. The story was great for expanding upon how Aultcray sees Malty as a wonderful daughter, Malty having a talk with Eclair, and Naofumi's perspective of how his team is handling the Spirit Tortoise.
Overall, this chapter held great focus on moving forward the plot. So if I had to settle down my complaints, I only have 4 problematic aspects to discuss.
However, there is only ONE complaint that REALLY killed my entire enjoyment of this story. And this sole complaint is the main reason why I went from "this chapter sounds cool with its premise" to "What a terrible rage-baiting and disrespectful ending".
Without further ado, I'll list off my complaints and occasional moments, where chapter 53 was enjoyable for my taste.
*******
Complaint 1: All of these side characters from the ranks of the Rebel Alliance have zero relevancy in the plot.
Based on what you have said, Qinlongfei, whenever you focus on a side character. Your usual motivation for including so many characters and giving them narrative focus is done for the purpose of expanding the worldbuilding. As well as to reinforce the belief that sometimes "not all stories revolve purely around the main characters".
And I can perfectly understand that decision of yours when bringing fourth to give the lower ranks of the Rebel Alliance their focus on battling Astaroth.
But there is one problem I have with the Rebel Alliance's lower ranks, despite their characterization and worldbuilding about how their organization functions:
The lower ranks of the Rebel Alliance have MINIMAL relevancy or a chance to impact the plot as a characters worth caring.
You essentially just name-dropped a bunch of "masked NPC soldiers" with random names and had them do super cool attack strategies as a means to progress themselves.
But besides those things the Rebel Alliance had done. The lower ranking members felt like a waste and were not effectively involved in the main plot. The Rebel Alliance may be a chekhov's gun in the future, but I fail to see how their contribution in the Spirit Tortoise is effectively going to change the plot going forward.
It just feels too early to give the lower ranks of the Rebel Alliance this level of focus and for so many "insignificant" characters to be name-dropped like this.
*******
But besides the downsides I have made about the Rebel Alliance. There is one noticeable character I am glad to have seen make their return: Shephard.
I remember Shephard from the Cal Mira council meeting about the Four Cardinal Heroes. So seeing Shephard here, I can absolutely relate to what he is thinking about and his efforts to fight back against Astaroth.
Because one important aspect that I know of Shephard is his notoriety a recurring character, and as that guy who held big theories about the "Death Reapers". So if there is one thing I am glad about the Rebel Alliance and my wishes for them: It's to have Shephard be given a more expanded character role here and to treat his "Death Reapers" theory as a chekhov's gun that might be important to the future.
*********
Praiseworthy Moment: Aultcray's POV was magnificent in giving Malty and Eclair some much-needed characterization.
If there is one complaint I still have. It's that I never was able to properly understand what exactly Eclair did to mess up against Astaroth. From what I could pick up on Eclair's mistake, it's that she overworked her army and got them killed via over exhaustion against their enemies.
But besides that sole complaint, I still enjoyed seeing Malty be on her more comforting side as Eclair's friend.
*****
Outside of the Eclair topic. I enjoyed seeing Aultcray be a proud father to Malty. It shows how his provided lessons are really helping Malty be a better war strategiest and to better show her own capabilities that she's been hiding from him for so long.
Because previously in the chapters, Aultcray once taught Malty to always rely on simple consistent strategies as Plan A, before formulating complex ones for Plan B. And this chapter was an excellent showcasing of that example.
For Malty relied immediately on burning the Spirit Tortoise's bio-plant shield as the first option. Even though Aultcray had other more complex plans in proceeding with the destruction of the Spirit Tortoise's heart.
And outside the strategical part of the battle. I enjoyed seeing Aultcray's parental aspects, where he praises Malty for her capabilities and is more accepting with her relationship towards Naofumi. It really helps me wish the opportunity for Malty to open up her past lies with Aultcray and for Aultcray himself to have a personal chat with Naofumi as well, if those are still possible.
**********
Praiseworthy Moment 2: Malty returns yet again.
Thanks for bringing back Malty's prominence. Even Though it's not necessary for her to be shoehorned into every chapter. I am at least glad that you are bringing her status back as a protagonist-level character who cannot be absent for indefinite periods of time.
It shows that Malty still needs to be present in the plot to influence how it goes. So it's great of Malty to be given a important task of burning the Spirit Tortoise's bio-plant seeds, which is a comparably noticeable feat I enjoyed from Raphtalia in chapter 39.
******
Potential Problem: Malty's desire for the "Avatar State".
Back in chapter 38, I once made a huge complaint that Malty's teleportation power had felt like an "unnecessary power-up that occurred because Malty just so happened to whine very hard."
So since you are implementing the "Avatar State" as a major power up that Malty can only use sparingly in desperate moments. I hope, Qinlongfei, that you are able to use foreshadowing, desperation, and training scenes to demonstrate the road of how Malty will acquire greater levels of power.
******
A Preference Take: I think Eve functions as a better POV narrator than Astaroth.
Even though Eve can get overly emotional, and tends to across as being a very whiny individual who can't make up her mind between right and wrong. The one thing I like about Eve is that at least her POV scenes are not as irritatingly aggravating like with Astaroth.
So as a possible suggestion about when narrating the Astaroth-related scenes. Would it be possible to have more Eve POVS instead of Astaroth? Because Eve is much more tolerable, because she doesn't indulge herself into annoying monologues that can disengage readers, such as myself.
********
Complaint 2: Astaroth once again cycles back into his status as a "strawman villain" whose more of a mere pest, than a genuine threat worth fearing and hating.
When reading this chapter and seeing Astaroth's actions in here. I now find him to have de-evolved from a genuine threat in chapter 51, to a complete Strawman villain who really is too one-note to be some worth taking seriously.
Because I have now seen a pattern of how Astaroth schemes his plans. And he is now getting repetitive, rather than as a threat that's a respectably terrifying foe.
To put it simply, Astaroth's scheming of "practical plans" always enters this phase of pattern:
* Made-up Astaroth Dialogue: “I will smile smugly and declare my plan as 100% practical, until my enemies inevitably outsmart me in someway. Once I lose, I will retry the exact same practical plan in a different mold of being super smug in an endless cycle.”
To see Astaroth make a retreat and then come back with that same smile expression in chapter 53. Astaroth didn't invoke himself as a competent villain, nor a hateable strawman character. Instead, Astaroth just revealed himself to be a bland strawman character who's only form of attacking is "scheme, smile smugly, lose, and then repeat those cycles".
That makes Astaroth more like a Team Rocket pest, than a genuine villain that should be threatening the heroes. So in how Astaroth was depicted in this chapter. I felt like his seemingly villainous reputation is just an exaggerated facade to hide how monotonously unoriginal his "practical/realistic plans" really are.
*******
Complaint 3: You really did not need to introduce this many (Siltvelt/Legend of Fay) characters Qinlongfei. The quality of these characters are no-where comparable to the greatness Bright and Set had displayed.
Continuing from complaint 1, I really don't think it was a good idea of you to add these characters. These Siltvelt characters sound like a really BLATANT self-insert of your own pop-culture imagination that's interrupting the flow of the plot.
Because here is what the (Siltvelt/Legend of Fay) characters had done throughout their huge cast cameo interactions in chapter 53: "A bunch of random unrelated characters pair themselves together into an attack formation to face off a bunch of incoming enemies from the Spirit Tortoise".
With a description like that, I feel like Qinlongfei, that you've let your Pop-Culture imagination go out-of-hand and it has now clogged the flow of the plot. These Legend of Fay characters could have been removed entirely in chapter 53, and the plot flow would still remain the same with the Spirit Tortoise's spirit.
*******
The TRUE and ULTIMATE Complaint: Reading Qinlongfei's MOST DISRESPECTFUL author note in chapter 53.
If I hadn't seen the author note. I would have firmly rated chapter 53 as a 6.5/10 or 7/10 that generally is a better chapter than chapter 52.
But by reading the author note of chapter 53. It greatly soured the story's mood. My engagement into reading chapter 53, after reading that dreaded author note went from a 7/10 to a 3/10. The author note was just that bad and it all came from this quote.
* Qinlongfei: "And in case anyone wonders, the turtle at the end is the spirit of the turtle. No, the spirit of the turtle is not (yet again) a well endowed woman. That is something I (once again) intentionally changed again just to avoid the accusation from sad, butthurt shield simps from accusing me getting the canon wrong because I didn't know better. Your canon sucks monkey and I want no part about it most of the time, deal with it.
Wow... This is your response. I''m baffled and steamed up, Qinlongfei. I didn't know you had it in you to write such an EGREGIOUS statement.
After all the loyalties your readers and even myself have shown to your Ascension of the Red Princess, this is how you treat them all?
This just feels really disgraceful and petty to hear from you, Qinlongfei. I'm not mad that you changed Ost Horai into a more mysterious spirit. I am mad, because you disrespected your own fans, Qinlongfei.
Your telling me, that even though I. and so many other readers displayed their loyalty by being returning viewers to your fanfiction. Your, own response, Qinlongfei, is to accuse everyone of being a Shield Simp?
This author note was the most sour statement I could ever hear from you. For a time, I enjoyed reading your fanfictions. I really thought you were a cool author who can understand reader criticism and to write a great story. But reading this statement from your own author note. It just sounded really petty to hear you accuse your own readers as potential "Shield Simps", who will criticize your writing.
I really did plan on giving chapter 53 a 7/10. Because it was genuinely a great chapter. But to hear you, Qinlongfei, tell your own readers to do this:
* Qinlongfei: Your canon sucks monkey and I want no part about it most of the time, deal with it.
I can't believe I'm still reading stories from an author who's so rude with a quote like that, they go as far as to call their readers as "potential Shield Simps". Despite the lack of reviews complaining to you about Shield Hero cannon lore.
******
Overall about the story, this chapter 53 was generally great, Qinlongfei. It really is. I was happy to see you write about more of Shephard from the Rebel Alliance, and to expand upon Aultcray's POV with Malty. It's also cool of you to change the out-of-place Ost Horai into a genuinely mysterious spirit that represents the Spirit Tortoise.
So if there is one complaint I REALLY despised about chapter 53, Qinlongfei. Your author note sucks and it was horrible to read that last statement. I kind of wish you never wrote that last line and sour the entire story mood with the implication that your readers are "Shield Simps" who will trash your writing with canon Shield Hero.
For the next chapter, hopefully, you'll keep your emotions in better check, so that the author note and trivial matters won't be presented as enraging for the readers to see.
This was an excellent chapter, Qinlongfei. Continuing on from chapter 52, this chapter exceeded my expectations and was a genuinely enjoyable read.
So if I had to give myself a review of chapter 53... I will rate this a... 3/10...
Well, for all the praise and cheers I wanted to make about my introduction. I will admit, I genuinely did enjoy a plethora of scenes regarding chapter 53. The story was great for expanding upon how Aultcray sees Malty as a wonderful daughter, Malty having a talk with Eclair, and Naofumi's perspective of how his team is handling the Spirit Tortoise.
Overall, this chapter held great focus on moving forward the plot. So if I had to settle down my complaints, I only have 4 problematic aspects to discuss.
However, there is only ONE complaint that REALLY killed my entire enjoyment of this story. And this sole complaint is the main reason why I went from "this chapter sounds cool with its premise" to "What a terrible rage-baiting and disrespectful ending".
Without further ado, I'll list off my complaints and occasional moments, where chapter 53 was enjoyable for my taste.
*******
Complaint 1: All of these side characters from the ranks of the Rebel Alliance have zero relevancy in the plot.
Based on what you have said, Qinlongfei, whenever you focus on a side character. Your usual motivation for including so many characters and giving them narrative focus is done for the purpose of expanding the worldbuilding. As well as to reinforce the belief that sometimes "not all stories revolve purely around the main characters".
And I can perfectly understand that decision of yours when bringing fourth to give the lower ranks of the Rebel Alliance their focus on battling Astaroth.
But there is one problem I have with the Rebel Alliance's lower ranks, despite their characterization and worldbuilding about how their organization functions:
The lower ranks of the Rebel Alliance have MINIMAL relevancy or a chance to impact the plot as a characters worth caring.
You essentially just name-dropped a bunch of "masked NPC soldiers" with random names and had them do super cool attack strategies as a means to progress themselves.
But besides those things the Rebel Alliance had done. The lower ranking members felt like a waste and were not effectively involved in the main plot. The Rebel Alliance may be a chekhov's gun in the future, but I fail to see how their contribution in the Spirit Tortoise is effectively going to change the plot going forward.
It just feels too early to give the lower ranks of the Rebel Alliance this level of focus and for so many "insignificant" characters to be name-dropped like this.
*******
But besides the downsides I have made about the Rebel Alliance. There is one noticeable character I am glad to have seen make their return: Shephard.
I remember Shephard from the Cal Mira council meeting about the Four Cardinal Heroes. So seeing Shephard here, I can absolutely relate to what he is thinking about and his efforts to fight back against Astaroth.
Because one important aspect that I know of Shephard is his notoriety a recurring character, and as that guy who held big theories about the "Death Reapers". So if there is one thing I am glad about the Rebel Alliance and my wishes for them: It's to have Shephard be given a more expanded character role here and to treat his "Death Reapers" theory as a chekhov's gun that might be important to the future.
*********
Praiseworthy Moment: Aultcray's POV was magnificent in giving Malty and Eclair some much-needed characterization.
If there is one complaint I still have. It's that I never was able to properly understand what exactly Eclair did to mess up against Astaroth. From what I could pick up on Eclair's mistake, it's that she overworked her army and got them killed via over exhaustion against their enemies.
But besides that sole complaint, I still enjoyed seeing Malty be on her more comforting side as Eclair's friend.
*****
Outside of the Eclair topic. I enjoyed seeing Aultcray be a proud father to Malty. It shows how his provided lessons are really helping Malty be a better war strategiest and to better show her own capabilities that she's been hiding from him for so long.
Because previously in the chapters, Aultcray once taught Malty to always rely on simple consistent strategies as Plan A, before formulating complex ones for Plan B. And this chapter was an excellent showcasing of that example.
For Malty relied immediately on burning the Spirit Tortoise's bio-plant shield as the first option. Even though Aultcray had other more complex plans in proceeding with the destruction of the Spirit Tortoise's heart.
And outside the strategical part of the battle. I enjoyed seeing Aultcray's parental aspects, where he praises Malty for her capabilities and is more accepting with her relationship towards Naofumi. It really helps me wish the opportunity for Malty to open up her past lies with Aultcray and for Aultcray himself to have a personal chat with Naofumi as well, if those are still possible.
**********
Praiseworthy Moment 2: Malty returns yet again.
Thanks for bringing back Malty's prominence. Even Though it's not necessary for her to be shoehorned into every chapter. I am at least glad that you are bringing her status back as a protagonist-level character who cannot be absent for indefinite periods of time.
It shows that Malty still needs to be present in the plot to influence how it goes. So it's great of Malty to be given a important task of burning the Spirit Tortoise's bio-plant seeds, which is a comparably noticeable feat I enjoyed from Raphtalia in chapter 39.
******
Potential Problem: Malty's desire for the "Avatar State".
Back in chapter 38, I once made a huge complaint that Malty's teleportation power had felt like an "unnecessary power-up that occurred because Malty just so happened to whine very hard."
So since you are implementing the "Avatar State" as a major power up that Malty can only use sparingly in desperate moments. I hope, Qinlongfei, that you are able to use foreshadowing, desperation, and training scenes to demonstrate the road of how Malty will acquire greater levels of power.
******
A Preference Take: I think Eve functions as a better POV narrator than Astaroth.
Even though Eve can get overly emotional, and tends to across as being a very whiny individual who can't make up her mind between right and wrong. The one thing I like about Eve is that at least her POV scenes are not as irritatingly aggravating like with Astaroth.
So as a possible suggestion about when narrating the Astaroth-related scenes. Would it be possible to have more Eve POVS instead of Astaroth? Because Eve is much more tolerable, because she doesn't indulge herself into annoying monologues that can disengage readers, such as myself.
********
Complaint 2: Astaroth once again cycles back into his status as a "strawman villain" whose more of a mere pest, than a genuine threat worth fearing and hating.
When reading this chapter and seeing Astaroth's actions in here. I now find him to have de-evolved from a genuine threat in chapter 51, to a complete Strawman villain who really is too one-note to be some worth taking seriously.
Because I have now seen a pattern of how Astaroth schemes his plans. And he is now getting repetitive, rather than as a threat that's a respectably terrifying foe.
To put it simply, Astaroth's scheming of "practical plans" always enters this phase of pattern:
* Made-up Astaroth Dialogue: “I will smile smugly and declare my plan as 100% practical, until my enemies inevitably outsmart me in someway. Once I lose, I will retry the exact same practical plan in a different mold of being super smug in an endless cycle.”
To see Astaroth make a retreat and then come back with that same smile expression in chapter 53. Astaroth didn't invoke himself as a competent villain, nor a hateable strawman character. Instead, Astaroth just revealed himself to be a bland strawman character who's only form of attacking is "scheme, smile smugly, lose, and then repeat those cycles".
That makes Astaroth more like a Team Rocket pest, than a genuine villain that should be threatening the heroes. So in how Astaroth was depicted in this chapter. I felt like his seemingly villainous reputation is just an exaggerated facade to hide how monotonously unoriginal his "practical/realistic plans" really are.
*******
Complaint 3: You really did not need to introduce this many (Siltvelt/Legend of Fay) characters Qinlongfei. The quality of these characters are no-where comparable to the greatness Bright and Set had displayed.
Continuing from complaint 1, I really don't think it was a good idea of you to add these characters. These Siltvelt characters sound like a really BLATANT self-insert of your own pop-culture imagination that's interrupting the flow of the plot.
Because here is what the (Siltvelt/Legend of Fay) characters had done throughout their huge cast cameo interactions in chapter 53: "A bunch of random unrelated characters pair themselves together into an attack formation to face off a bunch of incoming enemies from the Spirit Tortoise".
With a description like that, I feel like Qinlongfei, that you've let your Pop-Culture imagination go out-of-hand and it has now clogged the flow of the plot. These Legend of Fay characters could have been removed entirely in chapter 53, and the plot flow would still remain the same with the Spirit Tortoise's spirit.
*******
The TRUE and ULTIMATE Complaint: Reading Qinlongfei's MOST DISRESPECTFUL author note in chapter 53.
If I hadn't seen the author note. I would have firmly rated chapter 53 as a 6.5/10 or 7/10 that generally is a better chapter than chapter 52.
But by reading the author note of chapter 53. It greatly soured the story's mood. My engagement into reading chapter 53, after reading that dreaded author note went from a 7/10 to a 3/10. The author note was just that bad and it all came from this quote.
* Qinlongfei: "And in case anyone wonders, the turtle at the end is the spirit of the turtle. No, the spirit of the turtle is not (yet again) a well endowed woman. That is something I (once again) intentionally changed again just to avoid the accusation from sad, butthurt shield simps from accusing me getting the canon wrong because I didn't know better. Your canon sucks monkey and I want no part about it most of the time, deal with it.
Wow... This is your response. I''m baffled and steamed up, Qinlongfei. I didn't know you had it in you to write such an EGREGIOUS statement.
After all the loyalties your readers and even myself have shown to your Ascension of the Red Princess, this is how you treat them all?
This just feels really disgraceful and petty to hear from you, Qinlongfei. I'm not mad that you changed Ost Horai into a more mysterious spirit. I am mad, because you disrespected your own fans, Qinlongfei.
Your telling me, that even though I. and so many other readers displayed their loyalty by being returning viewers to your fanfiction. Your, own response, Qinlongfei, is to accuse everyone of being a Shield Simp?
This author note was the most sour statement I could ever hear from you. For a time, I enjoyed reading your fanfictions. I really thought you were a cool author who can understand reader criticism and to write a great story. But reading this statement from your own author note. It just sounded really petty to hear you accuse your own readers as potential "Shield Simps", who will criticize your writing.
I really did plan on giving chapter 53 a 7/10. Because it was genuinely a great chapter. But to hear you, Qinlongfei, tell your own readers to do this:
* Qinlongfei: Your canon sucks monkey and I want no part about it most of the time, deal with it.
I can't believe I'm still reading stories from an author who's so rude with a quote like that, they go as far as to call their readers as "potential Shield Simps". Despite the lack of reviews complaining to you about Shield Hero cannon lore.
******
Overall about the story, this chapter 53 was generally great, Qinlongfei. It really is. I was happy to see you write about more of Shephard from the Rebel Alliance, and to expand upon Aultcray's POV with Malty. It's also cool of you to change the out-of-place Ost Horai into a genuinely mysterious spirit that represents the Spirit Tortoise.
So if there is one complaint I REALLY despised about chapter 53, Qinlongfei. Your author note sucks and it was horrible to read that last statement. I kind of wish you never wrote that last line and sour the entire story mood with the implication that your readers are "Shield Simps" who will trash your writing with canon Shield Hero.
For the next chapter, hopefully, you'll keep your emotions in better check, so that the author note and trivial matters won't be presented as enraging for the readers to see.
1/28 c53 8Eternal Drakness of Light
Hey. I was hoping to asl for a story request. Miraculous Ladybug ans this time Chloe as a Hero please
8Eternal Drakness of LightHey. I was hoping to asl for a story request. Miraculous Ladybug ans this time Chloe as a Hero please
1/20 c52 TVTropesPapermania
This was a great chapter Qinlongfei. Even though, I will say that it isn't as action-packed and incredibly desperate like with chapter 51 . This chapter 52 was still entertaining nevertheless.
So to give myself a rating of chapter 52. I rate this under my tastes as a 6/10. Because while this chapter doesn't have a lot of infuriating moments. The biggest downside of this chapter has to be the lack of main characters being involved, the sour tone this chapter gave. And most importantly, the really bad speculations I am getting, based on the inference I have read of Astaroth and Keyaru. With these two characters being regarded under my opinion as the worst villains ever written.
But despite the setbacks chapter 52 presented. It's still a relaxing breather chapter for every character to calm themselves down after the heated battles the previous chapters had.
So now, I'll begin my review:
********
Title 1: It's surprising of you to upload a chapter this early.
This is the most surprising part about this chapter, Qinlongfei. You actually uploaded chapter 52 in 6 days.
Because, usually as of recently. You are more likely to stray off from your original 1 week schedule and would instead upload sporadically at a 1 week or 2 week schedule for every chapter.
But surprisingly as of chapter 52. It ended up taking you 6 says to release this chapter.
So probably as a suggestion, Qinlongfei. Would it be possible for you to upload chapters of the fanfiction at a consistent basis? The upload schedule doesn't have to be every 7 days, and it can be suggestion to 9-12 days or a switch to a bi-weekly schedule.
Since as of now, the chapter of Ascension of the Red Princess have been recently uploaded at a sporadic period of short and long wait times. I'm just taking note in this section for Ascension of the Princess having a varied upload schedule where every chapter is released at an unexpected time. So I don't really have any complaints here.
*********
Complaint 1: The introduction to this chapter was kind of sour with Astaroth. This chapter leaned heavily into suffering the "delusional and egotistical POV" syndrome, that ruined the engagement. Astaroth's defeat wasn't really all that satisfying, even if Aultcray delivered a good speech.
For chapter 52, this is what I'd say is the PRIMARY reason I didn't enjoy this chapter all that much.
It's that when you introduced this chapter, Astaroth was much more aggravating than what he appeared in his previous POV appearances.
In chapter 49, Astaroth was at his most tolerable when it came to having his villain POV. Because while Astaroth was clearly scheming for his victory, at least his POV was mostly factual, and you, Qinlongfei, weren't making Astaroth go into his overzealous rants about "realism".
But in chapter 52. This is a different scenario: This scenario is about Astaroth having his villainous breakdown at the realization that Aultcray and Fitoria had counteracted his ultimate plan.
*****
If you were planning, Qinlongfei, on making Astaroth's defeat in this chapter 52 to be a satisfying one. This was the completely opposite of what you call a "satisfying villain defeat".
Because having a POV that suffers the "delusional and egotistical" syndrome makes the chosen character come off as more aggravating and annoying. Rather than as someone who the audience should jeer for their downfall.
With that idea in mind, this is why I felt little closure when Astaroth's plan had backfired on his face. The guy went on to whine and whine like a broken record (Frieza Quote reference) about how the heroes only got lucky in beating him.
I get that you wanted to show a villain POV, Qinlongfei. But I believe that the timing for Astaroth's POV to be displayed like this is what ruined his entire culmination of defeat.
By having Astaroth as the chosen POV, it ended up reducing Aultcray's POV speech as a weak, minimal, protestor who really isn't influencing him all that much.
*****
Aultcray's jab towards Astaroth would have been so much better if Aultcray had been wearing the main POV. Because that way, the readers could actually look into how sour Astaroth might have been, when realizing that both Melromarc's forces and its demigod is against his worldly invasion.
However, because Astaroth ended up taking the spotlight. He ended up ruining his own defeat that should have been a satisfying form of closure. Because I was more enraged by having to hear that sore loser whine his mouth off with excuses. Rather than to hear another character witness his breakdown from a second-hand perspective.
So as a quick note, Qinlongfei. Here is a suggestion I'd like to offer you when it comes to giving your villains a satisfying villain defeat:
* Show the villain's defeat from the perspective of a second-hand POV. Because by showing the POV from another perspective, the viewer can make inferences on how much of a loser the main villain is reacting upon their defeat.
But if the main villain is having their POV upon their defeat, it instead ruins that closure and resolution. Because it leaves the readers as a steaming mess who are forced to read on an OVERLY RUDE rant of the defeated villain whining. The whining can become so irritating, it can result in an off-putting experience that ruins the entire purpose of a villain defeat.
******
Complaint 2: The introduction of the story was really sour.
Continuing from the first point above. The main hook of this chapter being Astaroth as a "sore loser" was really underwhelming. Because the introductory hook for chapter 52 involves listening to that strawman character do a "delusional and egotistical" POV rant about how everyone sucks and are really selfish.
It makes for an incredibly off-putting and disengaging experience when I first read chapter 52. If your intent, Qinlongfei, was to make a catharthis defeat for Astaroth as an introduction.
Then I find the introduction to be underwhelming and extremely rude upon my viewing. Because I just hated having to read the fanfiction, and then finding out that the main hook is listening to the main villain deliver trash-talking rants that kill the immersion. As it's not at all enjoyable reading a INCREDIBLY biased, unreliable, and outright EGOTISTICAL POV that not only belittles the other characters.
But most importantly, the POV for chapter 52 is aggravating enough, it's as though Astaroth is belittling even the AUDIENCE for daring to read the fanfiction and supporting the opposing faction that is against him.
Which in terms of narrative quality, it sucks. It was really jerkish and rude that the main fictional villain of this fanfiction has a badly made introductory hook. One that mocks not just the characters, but even the audiences to fuel the possibility of a disengagement to the chapter.
*********
Quick note: I just realized that Louise was given a brief cameo mention in chapter 45 as this powerful mage who is like a wildcard in the game of thrones. Which in turn, makes her a slightly foreshadowed character into the story, and not like the self-insert mary sue I thought of her to be.
So, sorry for the initial harsh criticism I gave to Louise in chapter 51, Qinlongfei. But I still think for a moment that Louise was introduced too early into the story and that her in-story role felt too miniscule to really be impacting.
********
Title 2: Seeking more facts about Astaroth in google.
Qinlongfei, I still think that your version of Ascension!Astaroth sucks at being a villain. Because the best summary I can give the character is that he is just "Big strong strawman character with excellent resources, but weak ideals that exist only to be toppled over by the main characters".
But regardless of what complaints I have of Ascension!Astaroth. I don't think I can blame you fully on why he is such a badly-thought out villain.
Because when looking into the source material on the internet that created Astaroth from the "Realist Demon King". I then learned just how garbage the original iteration of Canon!Astaroth was like.
In short, Canon!Astaroth was exactly like the man you made him out to be, Qinlongfei. Canon!Astaroth is an egotistical faux smart protagonist who uses dumb "realism" to excuse his own overwhelming plot armor in "Realist Demon King".
With an opinion like that to Canon!Astaroth. It gave me a realization: that Astaroth never really had much room to be improved on as a character. Because considering that his canon counterpart was just a blatant faux smart mary sue. I now understand, Qinlongfei, as to why your iteration of Ascension!Astaroth isn't all that great of a character.
Since even the original version of Astaroth was badly made. It would then prove difficult for you as the author of this fanfiction to create a reimagined Ascension!Astaroth.
So while I hate Ascension!Astaroth for being a villain I don't really like. It helps, Qinlongfei, that by looking into Astaroth's origins. You, as the author, did your best to reimagine his character into an effective villain that deconstructs the craziness of the original Astaroth.
*********
Possible Speculation on Keyaru:
In my previous reviews, I've always been making out Keyaru as this really cliche and bland villain who would not stand out amongst the cast of strawman characters. Because he always felt generic as the "delusional vengeful protagonist" out to ruin Flare's life at all costs.
Since his behavior is so common amongst every previous antagonist written in Ascension of the Red Princess.
So for my speculation on Keyaru, Qinlongfei. I hope you spend more time exploring more on Keyaru's smug egotism and illogical "heal" powers. So that Keyaru can be more of an allegory character that deconstructs his very exploitative powers, rather than the very cliche vengeful maniac I previously made him out to be.
Because my biggest worries for Keyaru as a villain is that he may come off as too generic and uninspiring in his crusading revenge against Flare. I think that with the direction of chapter 52, Keyaru would work better as a villain being deconstructed of his cheating and exploitative powers that just showcase how much of a smug lunatic he really is.
**********
Praiseworthy moment 1: Aultcray's speech about Astaroth was amazing.
Qinlongfei, you've always taken opportunities that whenever a character is making a jab against a strawman villain. The character would have a likelihood of their speech embodying your opinions taking jabs on strawman archetypes and poorly thought out story clichés.
But to Aultcray's speech against Astaroth. It was an excellent demonstration of carefully interweaving your jabbing traits into a believable speech.
By having Aultcray say: "Astaroth's biggest mistake was making himself an enemy out of everyone for the sake of his own pragmatism".
That was the most satisfying moment of chapter 52. Even though I disliked reading Astaroth's POV being incredibly sour. Thanks, Qinlongfei, for making a very satisfying speech that both clearly expresses your opinion on Astaroth as a character and the fatal flaw that Astaroth made in the story that absolutely ruined his own plans.
********
Even though I don't have a lot of big moments to say about chapter 52. Thanks for the good chapter that you've written.
It was an enjoyable experience to read and see how Astaroth would react in the following aftermath of his defeat.
And as a last note, please be more consistent on when you upload future chapters or to have a firm schedule change on how long it will take for each chapter to be consistently released.
After all that. Thanks for the release of chapter 52 and its contents.
This was a great chapter Qinlongfei. Even though, I will say that it isn't as action-packed and incredibly desperate like with chapter 51 . This chapter 52 was still entertaining nevertheless.
So to give myself a rating of chapter 52. I rate this under my tastes as a 6/10. Because while this chapter doesn't have a lot of infuriating moments. The biggest downside of this chapter has to be the lack of main characters being involved, the sour tone this chapter gave. And most importantly, the really bad speculations I am getting, based on the inference I have read of Astaroth and Keyaru. With these two characters being regarded under my opinion as the worst villains ever written.
But despite the setbacks chapter 52 presented. It's still a relaxing breather chapter for every character to calm themselves down after the heated battles the previous chapters had.
So now, I'll begin my review:
********
Title 1: It's surprising of you to upload a chapter this early.
This is the most surprising part about this chapter, Qinlongfei. You actually uploaded chapter 52 in 6 days.
Because, usually as of recently. You are more likely to stray off from your original 1 week schedule and would instead upload sporadically at a 1 week or 2 week schedule for every chapter.
But surprisingly as of chapter 52. It ended up taking you 6 says to release this chapter.
So probably as a suggestion, Qinlongfei. Would it be possible for you to upload chapters of the fanfiction at a consistent basis? The upload schedule doesn't have to be every 7 days, and it can be suggestion to 9-12 days or a switch to a bi-weekly schedule.
Since as of now, the chapter of Ascension of the Red Princess have been recently uploaded at a sporadic period of short and long wait times. I'm just taking note in this section for Ascension of the Princess having a varied upload schedule where every chapter is released at an unexpected time. So I don't really have any complaints here.
*********
Complaint 1: The introduction to this chapter was kind of sour with Astaroth. This chapter leaned heavily into suffering the "delusional and egotistical POV" syndrome, that ruined the engagement. Astaroth's defeat wasn't really all that satisfying, even if Aultcray delivered a good speech.
For chapter 52, this is what I'd say is the PRIMARY reason I didn't enjoy this chapter all that much.
It's that when you introduced this chapter, Astaroth was much more aggravating than what he appeared in his previous POV appearances.
In chapter 49, Astaroth was at his most tolerable when it came to having his villain POV. Because while Astaroth was clearly scheming for his victory, at least his POV was mostly factual, and you, Qinlongfei, weren't making Astaroth go into his overzealous rants about "realism".
But in chapter 52. This is a different scenario: This scenario is about Astaroth having his villainous breakdown at the realization that Aultcray and Fitoria had counteracted his ultimate plan.
*****
If you were planning, Qinlongfei, on making Astaroth's defeat in this chapter 52 to be a satisfying one. This was the completely opposite of what you call a "satisfying villain defeat".
Because having a POV that suffers the "delusional and egotistical" syndrome makes the chosen character come off as more aggravating and annoying. Rather than as someone who the audience should jeer for their downfall.
With that idea in mind, this is why I felt little closure when Astaroth's plan had backfired on his face. The guy went on to whine and whine like a broken record (Frieza Quote reference) about how the heroes only got lucky in beating him.
I get that you wanted to show a villain POV, Qinlongfei. But I believe that the timing for Astaroth's POV to be displayed like this is what ruined his entire culmination of defeat.
By having Astaroth as the chosen POV, it ended up reducing Aultcray's POV speech as a weak, minimal, protestor who really isn't influencing him all that much.
*****
Aultcray's jab towards Astaroth would have been so much better if Aultcray had been wearing the main POV. Because that way, the readers could actually look into how sour Astaroth might have been, when realizing that both Melromarc's forces and its demigod is against his worldly invasion.
However, because Astaroth ended up taking the spotlight. He ended up ruining his own defeat that should have been a satisfying form of closure. Because I was more enraged by having to hear that sore loser whine his mouth off with excuses. Rather than to hear another character witness his breakdown from a second-hand perspective.
So as a quick note, Qinlongfei. Here is a suggestion I'd like to offer you when it comes to giving your villains a satisfying villain defeat:
* Show the villain's defeat from the perspective of a second-hand POV. Because by showing the POV from another perspective, the viewer can make inferences on how much of a loser the main villain is reacting upon their defeat.
But if the main villain is having their POV upon their defeat, it instead ruins that closure and resolution. Because it leaves the readers as a steaming mess who are forced to read on an OVERLY RUDE rant of the defeated villain whining. The whining can become so irritating, it can result in an off-putting experience that ruins the entire purpose of a villain defeat.
******
Complaint 2: The introduction of the story was really sour.
Continuing from the first point above. The main hook of this chapter being Astaroth as a "sore loser" was really underwhelming. Because the introductory hook for chapter 52 involves listening to that strawman character do a "delusional and egotistical" POV rant about how everyone sucks and are really selfish.
It makes for an incredibly off-putting and disengaging experience when I first read chapter 52. If your intent, Qinlongfei, was to make a catharthis defeat for Astaroth as an introduction.
Then I find the introduction to be underwhelming and extremely rude upon my viewing. Because I just hated having to read the fanfiction, and then finding out that the main hook is listening to the main villain deliver trash-talking rants that kill the immersion. As it's not at all enjoyable reading a INCREDIBLY biased, unreliable, and outright EGOTISTICAL POV that not only belittles the other characters.
But most importantly, the POV for chapter 52 is aggravating enough, it's as though Astaroth is belittling even the AUDIENCE for daring to read the fanfiction and supporting the opposing faction that is against him.
Which in terms of narrative quality, it sucks. It was really jerkish and rude that the main fictional villain of this fanfiction has a badly made introductory hook. One that mocks not just the characters, but even the audiences to fuel the possibility of a disengagement to the chapter.
*********
Quick note: I just realized that Louise was given a brief cameo mention in chapter 45 as this powerful mage who is like a wildcard in the game of thrones. Which in turn, makes her a slightly foreshadowed character into the story, and not like the self-insert mary sue I thought of her to be.
So, sorry for the initial harsh criticism I gave to Louise in chapter 51, Qinlongfei. But I still think for a moment that Louise was introduced too early into the story and that her in-story role felt too miniscule to really be impacting.
********
Title 2: Seeking more facts about Astaroth in google.
Qinlongfei, I still think that your version of Ascension!Astaroth sucks at being a villain. Because the best summary I can give the character is that he is just "Big strong strawman character with excellent resources, but weak ideals that exist only to be toppled over by the main characters".
But regardless of what complaints I have of Ascension!Astaroth. I don't think I can blame you fully on why he is such a badly-thought out villain.
Because when looking into the source material on the internet that created Astaroth from the "Realist Demon King". I then learned just how garbage the original iteration of Canon!Astaroth was like.
In short, Canon!Astaroth was exactly like the man you made him out to be, Qinlongfei. Canon!Astaroth is an egotistical faux smart protagonist who uses dumb "realism" to excuse his own overwhelming plot armor in "Realist Demon King".
With an opinion like that to Canon!Astaroth. It gave me a realization: that Astaroth never really had much room to be improved on as a character. Because considering that his canon counterpart was just a blatant faux smart mary sue. I now understand, Qinlongfei, as to why your iteration of Ascension!Astaroth isn't all that great of a character.
Since even the original version of Astaroth was badly made. It would then prove difficult for you as the author of this fanfiction to create a reimagined Ascension!Astaroth.
So while I hate Ascension!Astaroth for being a villain I don't really like. It helps, Qinlongfei, that by looking into Astaroth's origins. You, as the author, did your best to reimagine his character into an effective villain that deconstructs the craziness of the original Astaroth.
*********
Possible Speculation on Keyaru:
In my previous reviews, I've always been making out Keyaru as this really cliche and bland villain who would not stand out amongst the cast of strawman characters. Because he always felt generic as the "delusional vengeful protagonist" out to ruin Flare's life at all costs.
Since his behavior is so common amongst every previous antagonist written in Ascension of the Red Princess.
So for my speculation on Keyaru, Qinlongfei. I hope you spend more time exploring more on Keyaru's smug egotism and illogical "heal" powers. So that Keyaru can be more of an allegory character that deconstructs his very exploitative powers, rather than the very cliche vengeful maniac I previously made him out to be.
Because my biggest worries for Keyaru as a villain is that he may come off as too generic and uninspiring in his crusading revenge against Flare. I think that with the direction of chapter 52, Keyaru would work better as a villain being deconstructed of his cheating and exploitative powers that just showcase how much of a smug lunatic he really is.
**********
Praiseworthy moment 1: Aultcray's speech about Astaroth was amazing.
Qinlongfei, you've always taken opportunities that whenever a character is making a jab against a strawman villain. The character would have a likelihood of their speech embodying your opinions taking jabs on strawman archetypes and poorly thought out story clichés.
But to Aultcray's speech against Astaroth. It was an excellent demonstration of carefully interweaving your jabbing traits into a believable speech.
By having Aultcray say: "Astaroth's biggest mistake was making himself an enemy out of everyone for the sake of his own pragmatism".
That was the most satisfying moment of chapter 52. Even though I disliked reading Astaroth's POV being incredibly sour. Thanks, Qinlongfei, for making a very satisfying speech that both clearly expresses your opinion on Astaroth as a character and the fatal flaw that Astaroth made in the story that absolutely ruined his own plans.
********
Even though I don't have a lot of big moments to say about chapter 52. Thanks for the good chapter that you've written.
It was an enjoyable experience to read and see how Astaroth would react in the following aftermath of his defeat.
And as a last note, please be more consistent on when you upload future chapters or to have a firm schedule change on how long it will take for each chapter to be consistently released.
After all that. Thanks for the release of chapter 52 and its contents.