1/15 c51 TVTropesPapermania
Qinlongfei, this was an excellent chapter. While I do have certain flaws I will point out in chapter 51. This chapter was genuinely a positive experience. Though there were a few moments in this chapter that detracted my enjoyment and immersion of the story. Generally, this chapter held enough entertaining value to qualify as a genuine story, rather than the "Qinlongfei strawman rapsheet" that I previously bashed upon.

So to rate my reading experience of chapter 51. I rate this chapter as a genuinely well-done 7/10. If I had to list out my general complaints, it's either your Pop-culture imagination going haywire and the lack of main character presence to influence the story plot.

Now, without further ado. I'll begin this enjoyable review of what made chapter 51 a great chapter, despite the certain critiques I will point out.

***********

Praiseworthy Moment 1: Thank you Qinlongfei, for taking my complaints on Maximilien with the consideration to expand upon his once strawman character.

Back in chapter 19, I once commented that Maximilian had felt like a strawman character. Because when Maximilian's topic, core beliefs, and arguments were presented. They were so clearly in the wrong, I was so sure that the audience and every single character in the series could label Maximilian as a really dumb strawman character.

But when you responded in chapter 19, Qinlongfei. You gave me hope that eventually, you would later give better characterizations unto Maximilian having valid points, but an unclear mind when it came to prioritizing his heroism.

So for your word to come true into fruition, Qinlongfei. Thank you. I really appreciate it that you were able to take my critic into consideration and flesh out Maximilian as a character who can be genuinely reasonable. Which moves Maximilian past his initial perception as a bland strawman character who exists purely for his poorly thought out ideals to be disproven as incompetent.

Thanks, Qinlongfei, for this great improvement on how the certain extreme beliefs of Maximilian can infact be positively portrayed.

*******

Praiseworthy moment 2: Fire Emblem was actually tolerable this time around. There is no Fire Emblem Pandering as a surprise.

Usually, whenever you bring in a Fire Emblem character, Qinlongfei. A Fire Emblem character would be extremely likely to trigger me into making a rant about how your pop-culture imagination is ruining the story and plot quality.

But chapter 51 is different. Because for once. The Fire Emblem characters in chapter 51 have SERVED a genuine purpose in the name of plot contributions.

Even though King Shannan and Sir Finn had not gone deep into their "random outta-nowhere backstory origins", they did once INCREDIBLY good thing when they had their POVS. King Shannan and Sir Finn focused their POVS solely on providing a narration on the current plot.

King Shannan and Sir Finn didn't babble on about their lives and reasons to fight. Instead, they acted as factual narrators that moved along the story and showed how their surroundings would go on to impact the plot.

Which is why for this section. It's great of you, Qinlongfei, to give a good proper factual POV unto the Fire Emblem characters, and stopping them from babbling their incoherent life stories.

********

Praiseworthy Moment 3: Finally... Malty... Has... Made her grand return...

This is it. The moment I have been waiting for so long. Malty has returned and regained a POV scene. I don't care that it was small. All that matters is that Malty came back and reacquired her role as the protagonist.

So, thank you, Qinlongfei, for finally bringing back the main protagonist that made this fanfiction possible to exist.

Since as of chapter 41, it has been over 9 chapters straight of no Malty POV. So for you to finally bring her back, even if it's a short scene. Malty returning for a POV is refreshing for how it reaffirms her role as a major protagonist who can still influence the story in her own way. While also providing her own thoughts and commentary.

*******

A suggestion: The upload schedule should change or be better established.

This is an increasing problem I have been noticing of your recent chapters, Qinlongfei. This isn't related to your story quality, but rather the upload schedules. Because as of the chapter forties. They have zigged into having 1 chapter released every 7 days or maybe it takes over 14 days to release even a single chapter.

Because the release schedule is so mixed, Qinlongfei. I think you should put a change into uploading bi-weekly, every 9-12 days for every chapter released. Since an inconsistent upload schedule can induce bad-timing hype or anxiousness of waiting for a chapter during a day it won't arrive.

Though I am not really complaining about the story itself. The inconsistent upload schedules for Ascension of the Red Princess should be taken into consideration, so at least viewers are aware of when chapters are released. Rather than just waiting for 7 days without any signs of a delay for a new Ascension of the Red Princess chapter.

*****

Praiseworthy Moment 4: Cool science applications on Ludope’s concentrated fireball.

Aside from the impressive characterization of what Kyo and Ludope's friendship is all about. The coolest part about Kyo's POV is the formation of Ludope's fireball. I may not be a scientist, but it's so cool to see you, Qinlongfei, apply real-life science logic to explain the composition of the fireball.

The fireball had so much packed up mana, that even when Kyo deflected it into the sky. The fireball still had a violent explosion that's similar to a supernova. Before the fireball is ultimately transformed into either a neutron star that spins very fast or a black hole of dense matter.

It was a cool science trivia, Qinlongfei, on how you implemented the density of heat and energy as something comparable to space science with stars.

*****
Praiseworthy Moment 5: Excellent Sadina scene where she is gaining some competence levels.

Beforehand, Qinlongfei, I once hated Sadina before. And it's NOT because of her drunkenness or her incompetence as Raphtalia's protector. The only reason I hated Sadina was her portrayal in chapter 6, where she felt like an out-of-place character having a smut plot that's too inappropriate and tone-deaf for the story. Aside from that one instance of Sadina nudity being EXTREMELY detracting to the story's seriousness and plot, all other scenes of Sadina were pretty funny to watch.

But in chapter 51, this was a great chapter in finally expanding upon Sadina's character. Because now, you can actually see how Sadina's mind is functioning when she's not totally drunk on booze.

When Sadina started to panic. That's when her characterization as a protector made her a more likable character. Because it shows that if she wasn't being so drunk, she could have been an extremely reliable person.

And with that, I'm slowly liking Sadina both for her tragedy in drunkenness and comedy that comes along with it.

*****

Praiseworthy Moment 6: Finally, Astaroth can actually display himself as a threat, than just a mere punching bag.

Even though Astaroth was fated to lose in this chapter, because of your strawman jab, Qinlongfei. This right here is a genuinely likable chapter that actually enhances Astaroth as a character.

Though Astaroth is still a strawman archetype. The one thing I will really credit Astaroth for is that he is GENUINELY threatening and is functioning as an antagonist. His actions as of this chapter have MOVED forward the plot. So now, I applaud Astaroth from moving past his initial status as a blatant punching bag, to a formidable threat that the heroes must push themselves beyond to defeat.

***************

With my praiseworthy moments out of the way. It's time I explain the flaws that ruined a bit of chapter 51. Because while this chapter for the most part is a vast improvement from the previous chapters written.

The main flaws with chapter 51 still continue with Qinlongfei's pop-culture fetish going wild, and the lack of main characters pushing forward the plot. So I'll list off the moments that weakened the quality of chapter 51.

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Complaint 1: Your pop-culture imaginative mind, Qinlongfei, has gone haywire with the addition of Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis. Their POVS could have been totally removed and the story would have still remained the same.

This again, Qinlongfei, is another case of your pop-culture fetish that has weakened the flow of your story. Because I quite literally see no important reason as to why you would introduce these random familiar of zero characters into the story.

Because as a quick note, I had to google search Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis, just to find out where they originated from and why they SOMEHOW have enough importance to warrant their own POV.

I don't know what you intention is, Qinlongfei, with adding in Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis from Familiar of Zero. But their addition into the story is a detriment to the plot. Your execution of their addition feels like its not cohesive and onpar with what you were probably intending, Qinlongfei.

There are two possible in-story ways for why you chose to include them, Qinlongfei. But despite these two plausible reasons for why you chose to add in Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis. The execution, nevertheless, was not at all good and disrupted the story's flow.

* Reason 1: Adding in Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis, because Qinlongfei wanted to expand the story's world building.

If that was your reason for adding Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis, Qinlongfei. Then the execution had failed. Because their addition to the story has worldbuilding that is IRRELEVANT to the plot.

Why should you add worldbuilding elements, Qinlongfei, if their presence to the plot is not progressing the story. The only thing important that Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis had done in chapter 51 was by being support units who utilized their magical capabilities to slowdown Astaroth's Spirit Tortoise sink hole.

You could have easily removed Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis from this chapter, and Fitoria would have still saved everyone regardless. There is literally no point or important impact that Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis had left in the story. Instead, Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis just appeared to pander to the Familiar of Zero fans to show off their super cool magical capabilities that are either nonexistent to moving the story, or are overshadowed by the more plot-important characters.

* Reason 2: Qinlongfei added Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis as a Chekhov's gun character who will prove themselves to be instrumental allies for the main characters in the future.

Even if you were planning for the future of Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis to be transformed into important characters for the main characters.

The first impression you left me of Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis was not at all impactful or noticeable. These guys are so disjointed away from the main plot of what the main and side characters are handling. You might as well call Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis as background characters hogging up too much screen presence.

If you were planning on turning Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis as Chekhov's Gun characters in the near future. Then they should NOT HAVE APPEARED in this chapter at all. Instead, Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis should have appeared in a chapter where their screen presence is important at progressing the plot.

At no point in Ascension of the Red Princess, did it ever mention Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis as powerful mages. These guys were probably name-called twice or thrice, but it's so far back, that I doubt any casual reader can remember them.

Instead, Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis just feel like "outta-nowhere Mary Sue archetypes" that randomly appeared to show off their cool powers. Only to make ZERO impact to the plot, because Fitoria would have saved everyone regardless.

Which is why, Qinlongfei. Even if you intended Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis to be future important characters. My first impressions of them was not really fun. Because despite their magical abilities, they served no influential plot purpose and appeared in the story, just so they could be sidelined by Fitoria. It was not at all a good choice to include Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis in a chapter, where their magical abilities were sidelined and not a major focus of importance that will become prevalent in later chapters.

If you ever decide on bringing back Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis, Qinlongfei, then please be sure that their next POV focus can display their abilities as narratively important in progressing the plot for the main characters.

******

Complaint 2: The main characters should contribute something. The side characters have heavy lifted the plot for so long.

This isn't just a problem in chapter 51. But perhaps a persisting problem in later future chapters. Because a common problem I have with the main characters is that they are doing nothing in moving forward the plot.

It's great, Qinlongfei, that you are showing off why every side character and background character is important. But you really should place more emphasis on involving the main characters into the plot. Worldbuilding elements are cool and all, but that aspect cannot exist by itself and must be maneuvered by the main characters.

The worldbuilding and side characters are supposed to be the terrain that the main characters must navigate from within. But as of now, the main characters are doing nothing are coattailing the success of side character. Examples can be with Aultcray, General Anderson, Louise Ward and Jean-Jacques Francis, and King Shannon.

I'm happy that the side characters have their own prominent moments. But you can't just exclude the main characters from the plot like this for so long and for such an extended period of time.

Because that was what caused me to make continuous reminders for Malty's lack of a POV presence.

If I had to make an excellent example of a main character doing something that actually progresses the plot. It's with Raphtalia in chapter 39, being an influential figure that dismantled the Spirit Tortoise from within and had saved Tact's girlfriend.

That may be one moment, but that was a big one that established Raphtalia's importance. So as a suggestion for you, Qinlongfei, you should hand out more specific moments where it has to be a main character to do a plot relevant POV or plot relevant action choice.

Because that way, it helps establish why a main character is the MAIN character of importance. Because with the way that the story is going without the main characters doing some excellent feats of importance. The actual real main characters now feel like background characters who spectate the plot, all while having the less thematically engaging side characters doing the heavy lifting of their problems.

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Complaint 3: Your story jabbing take on Astaroth is hypocrisy and contradictory to Aultcray's lessons, Qinlongfei.

I understand your distastes on badly written smart protagonists, Qinlongfei. That their so-called smartness is only a facade that exists because their enemies keep falling into their simple and sometime stupid tricks.

But here is where the problem lies, Qinlongfei. In your quote, you said this:

* "This is honestly my problem with character like him, who I consider to be the faux smart protagonist. Many of their master plan really aren't that smart or brilliant. Their master plan are often pretty simple and flat out dumb, but they are simply made to look smart by having all of their opponent fall into them anyway."

In your quote, Qinlongfei, you disapprove of faux smart protagonists like Astaroth for holding out simple plans that bring out victories as a poor demonstration of a smart intellect.

But there is something with Aultcray that DIRECTLY contradicts you jabbing on these faux smart protagonists like Astaroth.

Because in chapter 49, Aultcray says this:
* "As an army commander, a trap, or major attack launched by a powerful magic is devastating. But simple battle tactics could also easily turn the tide of a battle around. And the most basic one is that an army needs its commander to function. So when the tide of a battle is against your enemy, you need to be careful when they launch an attack aimed at your army's commander in an attempt to break the chain of command."

He states that regardless of how simple-minded a strategy is, it can still be an effective plan he'll respect towards any opposing strategist.

Which means. That even though Astaroth relied on a very cheap sink hole strategy to defeat Melromarc's forces.

I do not think it was wise of you to bash on Astaroth like this. I'm not saying I like Astaroth.

But Qinlongfei, your author note directly contradicts the themes and lesson in Ascension of the Red Princess and with Aultcray.

In this chapter, Aultcray even admits to RESPECTING Astaroth. That while Astaroth's plan was kinda dirty and simple-minded. It was nevertheless an effective plan that almost brought down Melromarc.

Which is why, Qinlongfei, you felt like you were being obnoxious in trying to bash the topic of the "faux smart protagonist". All whilst promoting that same idea by having Aultcray in chapter 49 say that both simple-minded and complex plans are both effective at bringing down the effective structure points of your enemies.

In conclusion. I am fine with you delivering a story jab on Astaroth being a strawman character and any other story archetypes you distaste upon. But the real problem is that your own story jab, Qinlongfei, is directly contradictory to Aultcray's very reasonable words of wisdom proclaiming that both simplistic and complex plans are effective in their own rights. And with that, your author note, Qinlongfei, feels like you are also contradicting yourself and what you've established in the plot of chapter 51.

Though, you are correct, Qinlongfei, in saying that the original Astaroth defeating an entire army with a giant sinkhole is both ineffieicient in actually forming the idea and stupid for how the enemies fell for that plan.

******

With my review done. Thank you Qinlongfei for this fantastic chapter at garnering a 7/10 rating for my own tastes and the many entertaining moments I enjoyed. As well your mention to my contribution on how you thought about expanding upon Maximilian's characterization into someone who really is a misguided but semi-competent hero.

In the day that chapter 52 arrives. Then please be sure to have a more establish change or confirmation of what your new release date schedule is going to be. So that the later chapters won't feel like a sudden bombardment when it arrives or is unknowingly absent for distant periods.

Other than that, chapter 51 is an enjoyable read.

1/7 c50 40lord Martiya
I'll take these people as confirmation that Ashy has some political and rethorical skills, as otherwise he wouldn't have managed to get these seven heavy hitters as loyal followers.

1/6 c50 3RonaldM40196867
The shield hero always hides behind something.

Miss Hinnah seems interesting.

Happy Holidays!

12/28/2024 c49 TVTropesPapermania
Although Ascension of the Red Princess took a really long time to update itself a new chapter. With an approximate wait time of 2 weeks. I'm kind of glad that in a way, it took so long for you to update another chapter, Qinlongfei. Because at least I could relax with the lack of having to constantly edit your recently released chapters, and could cool my mind off, until I am more stable to read more of your future fanfiction chapters.

And so, regardless on if it takes you a while, Qinlongfei, to release an update on a chapter, I'll nevertheless be satisfied with either the long wait time, or for the contents that are within the chapter.

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With my introduction done, it's time I give my rating to chapter 49. And to rate this chapter, I give Chapter 49 a 4/10 or a 3.5/10. Because to explain my experiences in reading this chapter, I felt bored. Barely anything in this chapter was able to impress be very well. And every other plotline this chapter contained focused either on plot progression or lacks the cohesive POVs to be connected to each other.

Leading me to rate this chapter as mediocre and mid. Since while nothing in this chapter had greatly upsetted me, I didn't really feel like I was satisfied at reading this literature piece. So here are my complaints for why I didn't enjoy this chapter all that much.

************

Meta Complaint 1: Your formatting on the character POVS, Qinlongfei, are not working properly in Archive of Our Own.

This is less of a story complaint rating, but more of a grammatical format error I noticed from you, Qinlongfei. A problem that chapter 49 has on Archive of Our Own is that the Character POVS are not properly formatted with a separation line.

With that problem, a reader/viewer won't be able to easily decipher the sudden POV change. Because no separation line exists the split apart the moment a POV change happens. If it's possible, Qinlongfei, you should do a minor update on Archive of Our Own for the POV splits to have a separation line.

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Complaint 1: The intro felt weirdly unrelated to anything on the main plot.

If there is one positive benefit that you improved in chapter 49's intro, in comparison to chapter 48's atrociously rude introduction. The positive is that Lord Malfoy IS NOT an annoying character. Lord Malfoy is a factual POV who can be easily indulged and tolerated. Which means, his introduction into the story won't drive away the readers by being a blatantly annoying POV who can't keep his rude words shut.

But aside from the one positive benefit I had with chapter 49's introduction POV. I still have to rate the POV as badly written. Because it suffers the problem of being COMPLETELY UNRELATED to the main plot.

I seriously do not understand why Lord Malfoy and the teenage girl he is talking with is somehow related to the current battle with the Spirit Tortoise. How does Lord Malfoy trash talking King Egbert and Faubley's political court contribute to the main plot? Why is Lord Malfoy's family relations and chat with the teenage girl so important to the story?

With those points, I deem Lord Malfoy's introductory POV as meaningless and boring. The only suspicion of its addition is the possibility of your pop-culture impulsivity going out-of-control, Qinlongfei.

**********

Complaint 2: When will Malty get a POV?...

This is getting annoying now. After not reading Ascension of the Red Princess for approximately 2 weeks. I came to realize just how apathetic I have become towards the characters. The character POVS of the supporting cast is taking away so much attention to the main characters. I feel like I've grown to become disinterested to the main characters.

Because this problem is originating from the lack of Malty's presence. When I read Ascension of the Red Princess and when looking at it's synopsis. The title of the fanfiction CLEARLY describes Malty and her close allies to be the MAIN PROTAGONISTS of the series.

With that statement in mind, I have to ask where Malty's POV is? I am glad that Malty is given a scene with Aultcray. But that still doesn't solve the longing isolation I have to Malty's lack of a POV presence.

I feel like I have been falsely advertised. I was promised that Ascension of the Red Princess would keep Malty a prominent protagonist who will have plenty of screentime. Yet, ever since chapter 41, Malty has been COMPLETELY ABSENT FROM ASCENSION OF THE RED PRINCESS.

I don't care if Malty's POV is extremely small. I just want her to have some screentime, because I feel like I was fed a lie that despite Malty's stated role as a major protagonist. Malty now feels like a background character, where its own author Qinlongfei, is actively ignoring her in favor of proving more screentime to other supporting and background characters.

So with that, I feel apathetic and detached from the story. Simply because I was falsely advertised and Malty the so-called main protagonist is reduced to a background character that isn't hogging up even the tiniest of a personal POV.

I'm fine with side and background characters gaining more screentime. But I DO NOT like the concept when it involved ELIMINATING the main protagonist from exploring their inner thoughts on how they would progress the plot.

*****************

Compliment 1: Astaroth's POV was surprisingly tolerable to read.

I have made myself very clear that I hate Astaroth for being a blatant example of a strawman plot device who exists solely to be disproven.

But I am here to compliment your impressive writing on Astaroth's POV. The great impression I have, Qinlongfei, is that you succeeded in making Astaroth's POV a tolerable reading experience.

Considering that Astaroth is meant to be a hate sink. I am very much happy, Qinlongfei, that you did not make Astaroth's POV be INFURIATINGLY DISENGAGING.

So as a compliment, even though Astaroth is clearly suffering the “delusional and egotistical POV syndrome”, he is at least a downplayed case of that symptom. Because while Astaroth is clearly hateable, he was at least able to deliver factual logic with his mindset, instead of making too many vainglorious boasts that serve to make him a disengaging POV.

As such, I praise you, Qinlongfei, for writing a semi-tolerable villain POV that doesn't veer on being stupidly annoying for readers to observe the events.

*************************

MEGA COMPLAINT: Axel is not a character. Axel is another example of a strawman punching bag. Even if you wrote Axel to be a hate sink, he is a POOR EXAMPLE OF what a Hate sink is. Axel may be a clearly selfish guy who has self-awareness, but that self-awareness is the exact reason as to why his characterization is pure slop. Axel easily be described as the ULTIMATE PRIME EXAMPLE of an "Astaroth trash-talker", and any other personality trait of Axel is merely just an aesthetic that contributes to nothing.

This, Qinlongfei, is the PRIMARY REASON why I hated chapter 49. I don't know what your intentions are with Axel being a hate sink. And if Axel is a hate sink, I would call that guy to be a VERY POOR EXAMPLE of a hate sink. Because Qinlongfei, the existence of Axel is that he only lives and "sides" with Astaroth. Purely so you ,Qinlongfei, could have a blatant self-insert author rant that's embodying the dull characterization of Axel.

And so I will explain my hatred for why Axel is a trashy character and a POORLY written example of what a hate sink is:

***************

Subsection 1: Axel is the literal embodiment of Qinlongfei having a self-insert author avatar. Axel may even be a Gary Stu/Mary Sue because he only exists to speak what the author has in mind.

This is a major reason as to why I DO NOT consider Axel to be a real character. It is because Axel's entire characterization is revolved around making snarky comments that embody Qinlongfei's hatred for badly written stories.

And besides Axel being a CLEAR example of a self-insert author avatar who exists purely to spew out in-universe story jabs. Axel LACKS ANY INTERESTING CHARACTERIZATION. What Axel has without Qinlongfei's snarky comments related to hurling insults at badly written story. Is Axel being the most one-note character whose only motivation is working for the strongest side.

I will admit, that Axel working for the strongest side is both a selfish and realistic aspect of his character. And that is the point. That is the SOLE and ONLY characterization Axel has besides being Astaroth's trash-talker. Because in the end, the only accomplishment Axel has done in the chapter is break my story immersion by having him run his mouth off spouting very typical Qinlongfei story jabs.

Qinlongfei may have gotten what they wished for in expressing how certain elements sucked. But it came at the cost of creating a self-insert author avatar that inhibits a one-note character who is lacking in characterization. Axel truly is a garbage tier character, regardless if he was intended to be a hate sink.

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Subsection 2: Axel's "trash novel" writer story jab rant towards Astaroth is a complete copy and paste to Ren's own story jab back in Ambition of the Red Princess 135. As such, it makes Axel's complaint come off as both unoriginal and repetitive.

This is yet another additional feature as to why I can't take Axel's story jabs seriously. Nevertheless find him to be an enjoyable character. I am fine with people trash-talking Astaroth, but the worst part about Axel is that he is a BLATANT author avatar that only lives to speak out self-insert rants.

And one of the worst lines Axel has ever said is this:

* Axel: Is that so? But I heard only idiot and brainless trash novel writers depend on their enemy's stupidity for their own victories.

The reason I find this one-liner jab of Axel to be so BAD is because that exact line is quite literally a COPY AND PASTE of Ren's own story jab line in Ambition of the Red Princess chapter 135.

Here is the proof and the demonstration of how unoriginal Axel really is as a character. About how Axel's line is nothing more than a replica substitute of your own repeated line coming from ren, Qinlongfei.

* Ren: No. We're not treating our life as a comic story. Only idiots, and bad fanfiction writers bet on their own plan's success on the opponent being stupider than they really are.

The worst part is that seeing these one-liners to be so similar. I feel like, Qinlongfei, that you'd much rather go on making random unrelated rants to jab story stereotypes you hate. Instead of actually focusing on the quality of your fanfiction.

Your story jabs, Qinlongfei, are so evidently prominent in Axel's character. That I now feel inclined to believe Qinlongfei, that you are lacking original thoughts and your own writing demonstrates that you are recycling your old quotes. Hopefully, by later chapters, in case you do decide to file in a story jab. It won't involve reusing old quotes that were already written in previous chapters.

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Subsection 3: The Strawman jabs and archetypes that are present in Ascension of the Red Princess are surprisingly excessive in terms of total numbers. With that, I will call Axel as the anti-strawman character, but that doesn't mean he is a good quality character in any way.

A sort of irony I have for Axel is how he himself is also a strawman archetype. I don't know what your intention is with Axel being a possible hate sink. But I have come up to a conclusion that Axel too is also another strawman archetype.

And as such, I will call Axel the anti-strawman character that still qualifies as the typical strawman archetype. The reasoning for why I believe that to be the case is due to Axel's extremely one-note characterization.

Because Axel exists PURELY to be an "Astaroth trash-talker". Axel LITERALLY HAS no characterization besides demeaning Astaroth to be an idiot. With that, I am led to believe that Axel is just an anti-strawman character.

Since Axel's entire character role relies sole upon bashing Astaroth the strawman plot device. Any other characterization on Axel besides his snarky comments is that his alliance is only related to working for the strongest side.

With that, I now conclude Axel to be the anti-strawman character who only exists just to be an Astaroth trash-talker. Axel's only purpose is to just bash the main antagonist, Astaroth, as the lamest strawman archetype ever.

It really does suck that whether Axel was intended or unintended to be a hate sink. Both Axel and Astaroth are badly written villains whose ideals and words are meant purely for the heroes to treat as punching bags.

These antagonists truly have no variety.

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Subsection 4: The immersion of Ascension of the Red Princess on a general term is fading away, because the strawman jabs are becoming REALLY excessive.

As the most general reason as to why I hate Axel and sometimes the main character. It's that lately, I've noticed how your strawman story jabs, Qinlongfei, are becoming SUPER frequent.

I can usually tolerate your story jabs and strawman archetype, if they can at least fulfill the criteria of moving the plot along. But that's the main problem. Both your story jabs and strawman archetypes, Qinlongfei, are DOING THE OPPOSITE of creating immersion.

Instead, the story jabs and strawman archetypes are destroying the story immersion. They are delaying the current plot, just so you could excuse a self-insert one-liner that deconstructs a story or character archetype you hate.

I'm fine with dealing with occasional strawman characters and quotes. But as of now, Qinlongfei, your strawman archetypes and story jabs are now REALLY EXCESSIVE. And especially with how much I am complaining about Axel and chapter 49.

Hopefully in the future chapters, Qinlongfei, you can improve your quality of writing by having the story jabs be either more limited or be better integrated into the main plot. Because as of now, your frequent execution and utilization of delivering these story jabs are being DETRIMENTAL to the current plot.

I came here to read how the main and side characters would fight the Spirit Tortoise. As well as how Astaroth and his forces would move forward into their world domination plans. I never had any intentions to have my immersions be destroyed by you, Qinlongfei, on your insistence to file in unrelated story jabs and strawman characters.

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Compliment 2: I enjoyed Malty's portrayal in Aultcray's POV. I'm glad that Malty had moved away from her character assassinated idiocy and has now gained a cool-head in terms of competence.

I think Aultcray's scene, Qinlongfei, had functioned great. Although I don't really understand how battle tactics are supposed to work. I am able to grasps the concept that basic straightforward tactics are more consistent in providing victory, than the overly complex ones that rely on trickery.

Though I won't be able to grasp what makes a complex or simplistic battle style. Or how an individual can assess a battlefield. I will praise you, Qinlongfei, for boosting up Malty into showing her more competent and intellectual edges.

Because this way, even Aultcray has to admit that Malty is surprisingly smarter than what he expected her to be. I may have labelled Aultcray to be Fraudkuna in chapter 48, but now I can say that Aultcray has ascended past that status. Since in chapter 49, Aultcray proved his credibility as a general by asking some good questions that can assess Malty as his teacher when it comes to battle. All while Malty is able to reply back with intellectual answers and to not come off like a character assassinated hysterical idiot.

If there is one suggestion I wish for Malty and Aultcray, it's this, Qinlongfei. Would it be possible for you to write a calm scene where both Malty and Aultcray reveal their deepest feelings for each other? Because i've noticed that in Ambition of the Red Princess, Malty and Aultcray's most prominent regrets is how their lies tore each other apart.

For Malty, she had been playing the "nice girl act" for so long, I think it would be a great opportunity to reveal more of her real self towards her father Aultcray. So that way, Malty can clear up her past selfish intentions on why she betrayed him and stuck around Naofumi for political purposes. Before Malty eventually learned what it means to be unconditionally loved and protected by others. As another opportunity, Malty could also reveal how she knows of Henrietta and Marianne. By revealing what Malty knows of Aultcray's old family, Aultcray could have the chance to reveal more of his past insecurities as a paranoid father and to better show how he can express his love.

I do hope that if there is a chance, Qinlongfei, you could write a Malty and Aultcray scene where they can learn more of each others' personal feelings. Because both of their deepest regrets towards each other appear to be how their own selfish and paranoid motivations was what detached their familial love for so long. So I think it would be an excellent opportunity for both characters to open up their selfishness and fears when they were first introduced and had interacted with each other in the early stages of Ambition of the Red Princess.

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Before I end this review, I want to say this, Qinlongfei: Congratulations for having Ascension of the Red Princess be an ongoing fanfiction for 1 year. Happy anniversary for your fanfiction being one-year old in terms of how long it has existed in terms of updated chapter count. It truly is an achievement for you to have the determination to write such a long fanfiction.

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With the review finished, I hope you can understand, Qinlongfei, for why I find chapter 49 to be a mediocre chapter in terms of reading quality. Though I will admit that chapter 49 is tremendously better than the atrociously horrible chapter 48.

I still find chapter 49 to be a very flawed chapter because of it's somewhat unrelated introduction of Draco Malfoy. And most importantly, how much Axel sucked as a character who killed my immersion into the story. I don't know if your intentions on Axel was to have him be written as a hate sink, but my reasons for despising the character is because he feels alot like a Mary Sue who exists solely for you, Qinlongfei, to self-insert random story jabs.

And as a final side-note complaint, I still wish for the moment that Malty receives her own POV scene. I don't care if it's a big or small POV scene. I just want Malty to have her own personal screen time. Because as the main protagonist, Malty CANNOT be completely absent from the fanfiction, Ascension of the Red Princess, which literally labels her as a major prominent character. By sidelining Malty for this long, I feel like I am being falsely advertised at how Malty, the supposed main protagonist was sidelined to the equivalent status of a background character that isn't receiving her POV for EIGHT CHAPTERS STRAIGHT!

Hopefully, my review rant here, Qinlongfei, did not come off as aggravating. Because while I will stay to continue reading your fanfiction, I still don't wish to be a returning viewer who keeps getting dissatisfied by chapter I find to be badly written.

Even if certain elements of chapter 49 had disappointed me with a 4/10 rating. I should still thank you for the long wait time it took to upload a chapter of Ascension of the Red Princess. Because despite the long period of waiting, it at least helped me have the cooldown time to relaxed and to be eventually be ready for the day you released your new chapter.

Bye, and have fun in the next time you write another Ascension of the Red Princess chapter. I had my small moments where I enjoyed chapter 49.

12/26/2024 c48 DJman248
Once again, I caught up with Ascension of the Red Princess!

I mist admit that despite several strong points, this chaoter may in fact be one of the weaker ones of this story thus far. Mainly because, in my opinion, most of those strong points, which are very good in isolation, are undermined by something that affects their strengths in the overall narrative of this chapter.

As usual, I want to start with the positives:

The initial scene with Celestine and Raleigh Consevatie provides a quick look behind the scenes making it clear that, once again, there are nobles who even in the middle of a world ending crisis will prioritize their political wants as if the world being saved is guaranteed, taking for granted how such ill timed political maneuvers can undermine said efforts to save the world from all ends.

I'd say this fits nicely with the kind of character you wrote Celestine as and what characters she's being an allegorical stand in for. I can absolutely see those types of villainesses prioritize their own interests without a care on if it reflects well on the reality that surrounds them. That such a character wnds up getting played like a fiddle by the latest Consevatie (who's admittedly mlre competent than SIOC so far) is rather fitting, and hints at potential turnarounds happening while Oifey and Seliph (who, if nothing else, have their priorities straight) too busy to stop it.

I could also appreciate the potential idea that Oifey KNOWS that Celestine is being unfaithful and doing political maneuvers behind his back. I mean...if those soldiers are as "self-righteous" as Raleigh deems them to be...it'd be pretty weird for them to NOT inform Oifey of these "business meetings" happening without his say so in his home. Could even be half of the reason for why Oifey doesn't even bother pretending to pamper Celestine "like a proper husband (her words, not mine), the other half being that Celestine's "sterling" personality makes it real easy to want to stay away from her in all senses.

Aultcray's tactical acumen being used is also pretty good. It's already been well established that Aultcray has a well earned reputation as a tactical genius due to his efforts in the Great War. It has also been established via flashbacks and his own actions in Ambition of the Red Princess that Aultcray can act like an idiot on matters involving politics and self-control due to his lack of restraint when he feels it involves his family in any way.

Both of these things are true. So I don't feel like Aultcray getting to outsmart Astaroth here is bad, on the contrary, it's good because not only does it re-establish Aultcray's value as a strategist and war commander (which would be key for Malty to reaccess her own father in regards to The Game among other things) but also clear that Astaroth is not nearly as infallible as he presents himself to be, even if this victory is relatively small in comparison to what has been going on before.

Lastly, the loosely cohesive cooperation of the several groups is well communicated through the different perspectives, and how each side is guessing at each others intent and planning around that. Special mention going to Saias (putting aside the hot mess that is Arvis apparently cheating on his wife of course...or maybe not, I don't know the boy's age in comparison to his half siblings), another player with higher than average tactical prowess.

So yes, I'd say that there's more than a fair bit in this chapter that is solid and very much believable. However, as I said before, there are several accompanying weak spots that I feel undermine most of the chapter's strong point in some way:

First, the scene with Celestine, despite being decent on its own as part of you deconstructing cliches that are common in web novels, doesn't feel like it's connecting properly with the rest of the chapter, even indirectly. What do I mean by this? I mean that the POV being mainly on the two scummy villains conspiring behind the scenes wasn't complemented by another scene to give a different perspective or at least tie it more solidly with what's going on at the battlefront. Due to it not being tied like this it felt like the scene was a tad disorienting and perhaps not quite as attention grabbing as it could be.

Second, while I agree with Aultcray's worth as a tactically proven commander being shown, the way it happened in this chapter had some unfortunate side effects regarding other characters, specifically Astaroth and especially Malty. While I appreciate (and believe me, REALLY appreciate) Astaroth getting humiliated by having his complex tactics getting sunk by much more simpler tactics and agree that Aulcray should get to eventually embarrass Astaroth by being better than him in tactics, it feels like it happened too fast and too easily. The reason I feel this is that Astaroth was established to have conquered a whole world full of opposing armies, which I assume also had their own tacticians and strategists...and while I don't like giving this smug little punk anything, I have to accept that he basically would have to have been smart or at least clever enough to get one up over all of them, which includes Kyo, who we already know is very smart, despite his arrogance. And definitely would have known that said cannon fire might not be enough since there's at least TWO much higher level heroes in the mix of his target area...both which he already saw fighting right in front of him which gave him ample opportunity to see what they're capable of in comparison to his own elite troops.

So. Bearing that in mind, the idea that this Astaroth would get outplayed THIS easily and this quickly as soon as Aultcray took the reins just...doesn't seem all that plausible. Not without giving the impression that
every other commander of the other world plus Kyo are a bunch of easily tricked morons.

Again. The issue here isn't Aultcray outsmarting Astaroth...is him doing it so easily and quickly with tactics that I would have to assume were already tried by at least one commander in the other world.

As for how this Malty? It's not in regards to Aultcray being a tactician that affects her...but more on how this chapter went about proving that Aultcray is capable of emotional restraint as a commander. Basically...it's Malty freaking out the way she did to the point of her about to senselessly going to run into cannon fire in comparison to Aultcray being calm and "teaching" her about keeping calm on the battlefield.

On paper, it doesn't sound farfetched. Except for one problem: Malty arguably has better emotional restrain than her father. I don't mean to say that Malty is unaffected when her loved ones (specifically Naofumi and Raphtalia) are in danger. Just that even within this story, even when Malty is feeling distressed over Naofumi and others that she cares for in danger, she tends to remain outwardly calm, or at least remain mostly in control, focusing on how to best help Naofumi and others, or at worst, overthink on whether they are able to get themselves out of danger or not.

I don't remember a single instance where Malty lost her senses this completely to the point of becoming momentarily hysterical.

...and I briefly wonder if Aultcray would truly be able to remain as calm as he wa shown here if it was Malty, Melty and/or his wife that was within that cannon fire. Considering what I know of him? I highly doubt it, considering his track record. And I don't mean that as a slight against Aultcray, but rather as an objective observation of how the old king reacts when a matter involves his loved ones. His tactical mind simply doesn't keep him calm in such a case, where as Malty has repeatedly shown to be able to remain in control for the most part, especially way past the early parts of Ambition of the Red Princess.

So basically...Im left wondering if I missed something. And arguably I probably did! I could believe there being some aspect to this whole situation (such as Astaroth plus the tortoise being the most dangerous enemies yet, who managed to "kill" one of the heroes), or perhaps a culmination of several things over the course of the last few situations she's been involved in (such as being involved in back to back danger as well as being surrounded by several people who she herself knows would throw the heroes and her under the bus if given th3 chance) , that lead Malty to have much less control over herself than usual in this moment, and her feeling embarrassed, chastising herself internally over it.

I could even imagine that, perhaps, Malty even believed for a moment that her father (and maybe even her mother) was willing to actually kill Naofumi due to his paranoia, even if it meant dooming the world. I could see it as a moment where Malty made an error in judgement due to her getting carried away by her previous impression of her father (and perhaps, even to an extent, her mother as well, who ordered her to be next to Aultcray for this moment).

I could see all this being explanations for this moment that makes Malty seem out of character...but the issue is that it remains up in the air due to us not getting a POV of Malty that could have illuminated the reader and gave more context that would have made the moment feel more natural.

Lastly, and this one is perhaps a tad subjective, but the way the fire emblem cast eas involved in this chapter felt like it gave them a bit too much attention as stand alones. What I mean by that is, I feel that the crossover characters (and OCs as well) are at their strongest when they and their actions have some sort of relation, whether it'd be literal, allegorical, direct, or indirect to the main characters. And usually that has been the case most of the time in both Ambition and Ascension at least to some capacity. This chapter is one of the rare times where it's not quite the case. Feeling more like an interlude (which is usually the space when the crossover characters standing on their own doesn't feel like it would affect the pace) for most of its length. Particularly in how Saias' introduction feels like it has less weight within the story by itself mainly because all that gives credence to his worth in terms of tactical prowess before this chapter (unless I misremembered) is what he's known for from his canon counterpart.

Don't get it twisted, I don't dislike the fire emblem lore being included as part of this, but I have to acknowledge that I have a positive bias towards it and have to admit that unless the reader knows of and likes fire emblem (and speifically of the Jugdral games in this case) their engagement with this chapter may be negatively affected.

All in all, I did like this chapter for the most part, but I do feel that its weak points should be considered so that they don't negatively impact future developments relating to the characters and events going on.

Until next time!

12/13/2024 c48 TVTropesPapermania
Gotta say, Qinlongfei. I'm really happy, and I do mean this. I'm still proud of myself for having caught up to all your latest chapters for Ascension of the Red Princess. But to tell you my reading experience on this chapter, it's this:

* Chapter 48 is a TRASH-TIER chapter. Due to the Character Assassination I witnessed of Malty, Aultcray looking less like a strategist and more of an ACTUAL FOOL. And most importantly, Fire Emblem pandering.

If you want to know what rating I'm giving chapter 48. It's been so long since I've handed an EXTREMELY negative rating. But here it is: my verdict to rate this chapter under my own personal taste.

Chapter 48... is a ... 1.5/10. There. I really hate this chapter and it SUCKS BAD!

I prefer not ranting my emotions on a fanfiction/book of imaginative characters. But the worst feeling as a fan is that despite my loyalties to continue sticking up, I sometimes have to stomach some extremely garbage-tier chapters I genuinely cannot enjoy one bit. So I'll go about ranting why chapter 48 is a horrible chapter.

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Complaint 1: A guide to killing the hype-train of the audience, by having the opening intro be focused into an aggravating jerk, whose inner conflict is too vague to comprehend and too sporadic to be worth valuing. What’s the point of characterizing a jerk who suffers the “Delusional and Egotistical POV” syndrome that’s more likely to drive away the audience, than to be intrigued of their character? This intro is more off putting than it is hooking.

This is the FIRST of many complaints I have of chapter 48. It's Celestine Chalphy. I hate Celestine NOT BECAUSE she is a strawman character.

I have already said many times that Qinlongfei SUCKS at trying to write characters, not strawman stereotypes. But I DO NOT hate Celestine because she is a stereotype meant to bash on badly written villainesses. I HATE Celestine because her APPEARANCE and INTRODUCTION in the chapter is the SOURCE for why chapter 48 is the complete opposite of what you'd call a HOOKING chapter.

Think about it... What is the point of an introduction and a reeling hook? The point of a a new chapter introduction is to GIVE the readers a REASON to value the SOURCE of the ongoing conflict. Whether a character is a jerk or a sympathetic person, the CONFLICT must be a valuable material that needs to CATCH the reader's attention.



But here is where Celestine fails... SHE IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what you'd describe a hooking introduction.

You're telling me that to read chapter 48, I have sit through Celestine's DIRTY WHINING, and Raleigh's SCHEMING!? You expect me to read SLOP and MUD at the start of my reading meal? This is not a hooking intro.

This is nothing more than Qinlongfei's excuse to self-insert an outta-nowhere conflict to so-called "I must expand the worldbuilding of Ascension of the Red Princess" at all cost. Forget that excuse. Celestine is a garbage character, because she is suffering the "delusional and egotistical POV" syndrome, and her appearance is what RUINED the introduction into AN UNAPPEALING MESS THAT WOULD DRIVE AWAY the audience.

Because after all, do you really expect the audience to read a story, only to be infuriated by an outta-nowhere intro focusing on an EXTREMELY rude character that's so detached from the plot. This introduction ain't even appealing and I could barely even comprehend nor care what it is Celestine is so upset about.

How ironic, the story tried so had to deconstruct Celestine as this whiny and bratty villainess. But at what cost... To DRIVE AWAY its own audience by an irritating introduction that only serves to show the author's inability to write a hooking intro that's related to the plot. Celestine tried so hard to deconstruct the villainess stereotype as a means to attract the audience, but all it did was made me rage for how INCOMPETENTLY UNHOOKING the introduction had been.

Note: I said this many times before, but I do not hate you, Qinlongfei. In each time I make a huge complaint about a bad chapter you wrote. I never try to hate on you in real life. I am only criticizing certain aspects of a chapter I really LOATHE as bad writing I cannot stomach. Instead causing my mood to be soured by having to read a badly written story I can't enjoy. So if this review appears upsetting to you, Qinlongfei, and the other readers, then I apologize for my harsh words.

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Complaint 2: The Appearances of Celestine signal the indication of the Fire Amblem: PANDERVERSE. (See the South Park: Panderverse for reference)



This is less of a Celestine problem and more of a general problem I have with your pop-culture fetish with fire emblem, Qinlongfei. Because there is one REALLY big pattern I will ALWAYS notice WHENEVER Celestine is brought up into having a focusing appearance:

* Each time Celestine appears as either the POV or holds a scene focused onto her, IT'S VERY LIKELY you'll spew out a TRUCKLOAD of Fire Emblem lore. For the sake of what i would say, pandering to the Fire Emblem fans.

And THIS IS perhaps the TRUE REASON I hate Celestine. It isn't because she's a strawman archetype. Celestine's worst quality as a character is that in EACH TIME SHE MAKES AN APPEARANCE, it's either herself or ANOTHER CHARACTER OVERBLOATING the chapter with random Fire Emblem talk, that relates NOTHING TO THE MAIN PLOT!

Celestine on her own is already a HORRIBLE CHARACTER that lacks an attractive substance to hook over the audience. But the worst part about her is that WHENEVER SHE APPEARS, THERE's ALWAYS a 100% probability, Qinlongfei, that you'll spew out random Fire Emblem relationships that are ABSOLUTELY INCOHESIVE, OFFPUTTING, and most importantly IRRELEVANT TO THE MAIN PLOT!

I thought Seliph Chalphy, Oifey, and Baldos were already extremely OVERRATED in how much they gloat about random Fire Emblem Pop Culture fetish lore. But Celestine is the queen. Celestine holds the title of being the biggest Fire Emblem relationship/lore rambler. I don't hate Celestine as a stereotypical villainess deconstruction, I hate Celestine for HOW MUCH SHE GOES ON and ON LIKE A BROKEN RECORD! (See Namek Saga Frieza for the quote.)

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Complaint 3: Why Should I value Celestine's relationship issues as a compelling conflict I should be invested in? Despite the glaring red flags of Celestine being an UNDERDEVELOPED SPORADIC character, whose appearances and exposition are both EXTREMELY INCOHESIVELY ATTACHED TO THE MAIN PLOT!

This is the last Issue I have with Celestine. And it's an expansion from the previous complaints I had from the top. So here is my question: What's worth valuing Celestine and her screen time who has issues as a spoiled brat, EVEN THOUGH SHE IS AN EXTREMELY MINOR CHARACTER THAT HOLDS A MINISCULE PROBLEM THAT's DETACHED FROM THE PLOT?

This is another reason why Celestine sucks. It isn't because she's a strawman character. Celestine is a terribly written character, since when you combine both her status as a minor nobody and as someone whose extremely petty.

You get a character that not even the audience would notice as worth valuing her problems. The point of Celestine may have been to deconstruct the villainess genre. But to me, Celestine sucks because by being a deconstruction stereotype, combined with being a minor character in the grand scheme of things. She ends up being EXTREMELY UNDERDEVELOPED and IT'S EXTREMELY INCOHESIVE for me to HYPER-ANALYZE why her toxic relationship with Oifey is an important plot thread.

I know that Oifey x Celestine is going to build up to something that's related to a more major villain. But your buildup to that, Qinlongfei, is downright atrocious in terms of writing. Because as a reader, I have to sit through a PETTY DRAMA dispute I can barely relate to. Cause Celestine is both a minor character and her own problems are TOO DETACHED to the plot to be well connected.

It makes Celestine feel less like a character from Ascension of the Red Princess. Instead, Celestine feels more like a badly-written romcom character THAT'S NOT EVEN IN THE RIGHT GENRE. Because I came to read Ascension of the Red Princess to see how the main and side characters would work together to handle their problems. Not an outta-nowhere character who's presence is both minimal and UNRELATED TO ANY PLOTLINES THAT WON'T COME INTO FRUITITION UNTIL 100 CHAPTERS LATER!

I'm done complaining about Celestine, so I'll move on into the next topic for another character I DESPISE.

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Complaint 4: Aultcray is a HORRIBLE strategist. Aultcray is a FRAUD when it comes to being INTELLECTUAL! Aultcray is FRAUDKUNA (See Jujutsu Kaisen as reference) and his victories is nothing more than a character shilling attempt to be an edgelord warlord who has no idea how to manage a war battle. Aultcray is a terrible teacher whose only advice is only applicable to characters who had been CHARACTER ASSASSINATED. (I'm looking at you Malty)

I really hated Aultcray in this chapter, Qinlongfei. Your attempts into writing and building Aultcray as a warlord is a CATASTROPHE! So I'll go into some subsections explaining how Aultcray made himself the biggest idiot and fraud I can even compare to FRAUDKUNA.

Aultcray: Ah, yes. My anti-War smarts Technique. I haven't used this one since the Three Heroes Church exposed me to be the biggest idiot ever.

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Subsection 1: Your telling me, Qinlongfei, that your intentions on having Aultcray beat Astaroth was to demonstrate Aultcray's war smarts as a strategist?

If so, then why is it that Aultcray's ONLY ACHIEVABLE FEAT as this "master war strategist" was by beating a strawman character who's only purpose is to be humiliated as a punching bag. Because I REALLY DISLIKE HOW Aultcray got is victorious win. Think of it like this quote: "A Hero is Only as Good as its Villain?"

Think of that quote, Qinlongfei, and what exactly is it that you revealed of Aultcray. If the only feasible feat Aultcray got was by defeating Astaroth, the biggest punching bag ever. It demonstrates that Aultcray IS NOT A MASTER WAR STRATEGIST!

Instead, I interpret Aultcray as an idiot who's so stupid, his only effective means of winning is by trash talking and infuriating an idiot that's even stupider than himself. Just look at Aultcray's entire battle plan. Aultcray's whole plan HINGED PURELY ON making sure Astaroth turned himself to be a fool. Rather than Aultcray making to move to tactically scare Astaroth into submission.

Aultcray hinged everything on Astaroth being so snobbishly arrogant, it's that Astaroth's own doing that screwed himself over. NOT AULTCRAY, who actually had his own counterstrategy in case Astaroth was GENUINELY a smart and cowardly pragmatist that should be feared as a threat.

I am truly disappointed with Aultcray's feat. It's just like how Aneko Yusagi turned Naofumi into an idiot: Having your main character fight a bunch of idiots, just so said main characters can gloat about how masterfully smart he is. When in reality, the main character indirectly exposed himself as an idiot who can only defeat people who are already dumbed down to the lowest of lows.

Aultcray truly is FRAUDKUNA and a BIG SKINNY LYING STRATEGIST WHO IS THE KING OF CLOWNS...

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Subsection 2: Aultcray is so incompetent at being a teacher, the only person he's capable of teaching is by having Malty be character assassinated into an idiot. Just so Aultcray could be character shilled into a FRAUDKUNA war general whose only advice are words that Malty is supposed to already know.

This is the prime reason as to why Aultcray WAS SO HORRIBLE IN THIS CHAPTER!

After all the expectations and buildup of Aultcray having his personal chat with Malty as an observer. I was SEVERELY DISSAPPOINTED when both Malty and Aultcray had their interactions. I just HATED the advice Aultcray was giving into Malty.

Because from what I can depict of Aultcray, he isn't giving Malty helpful advice that would help her in life. Instead, Aultcray is being CHARACTER SHILLED into the Fraudkuna war strategist at the cost of daughter Malty being character assassinated into an idiot.

Here is my explanation for why I believe Malty was character assassinated in this chapter: Remember that in previous scenes where there is a high-pressured situation, Malty ALWAYS KNEW HOW TO KEEP A COOL HEAD!

Even in Balafon, when Raphtalia and Firo were held captive as Consevatie's slaves. Malty had the brain to KEEP COOL and COULD RELY on her dirty pragmatic methods to save her companions at all costs. I know that Malty can be a bit impulsive at times, but SHE IS CAPABLE of keeping a cool head in the heat of battle to focus on providing support for her allies.

Just look at the Third Wave also. Malty, even though she was blown away by some fishes was STILL CAPABLE OF RATIONAL THOUGHT. Malty could order Melty to be a healer for the other soldiers. Malty could rush forward to the center of the battle, so that she'll be of use for Raphtalia and Naofumi's safety.

As for Malty's biggest strongpoint, she KNOWS how to HOLD A POKER FACE IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS AND POLITICAL GAMES! In those types of situations, Malty would hold a poker face and knows how to actively advise her allies like Naofumi to not explode in their emotions. Because in those types of situations, an overreactive behavior could screw yourself over to the devious politicians.

But this time in chapter 48, it's different. Malty did not act like her usual smart self who knows when to be obedient and cool headed. Instead, Malty was character assassinated so badly, it's enough that she became a hysterical woman. A hysterical woman who's so panicky with her words, I almost felt like comparing Malty to those clingy harem girls who only exists on begging for their love interest to stay safe.

Just wow... Malty sunken so low in this chapter. Malty got character assassinated so badly, even Aultcray the FRAUDKUNA WAR STRATEGIST has to be character shilled to be the more superior intellectual father over Malty.

Aultcray didn't teach Malty anything new. Aultcray just reminded Malty of political war advice she's supposed to ALREADY KNOW AS A PRINCESS WHO WAS TAUGHT AS A STUDENT! Malty may be an idiot at times, but she's no panicky idiot.

It's so sad and pathetic to see Malty be degraded so badly into a panicky cliche harem girl, she ends up becoming a complete weakling that needs Aultcray the FRAUDKUNA to offer up "lessons" she's already known her life. And has already displayed in previous dangerous scenarios where Malty had a more cool-headed mindset.



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Subsection 3: Malty and Aultcray's chat was so underwhelmingly pathetic to the expectations that chapter 47 had hyped me on about.

When Aultcray specifically requested Malty to come alongside him for war in chapter 45 and 47. I EXPECTED A BIG FAMILY BONDING MOMENT where both Aultcray and Malty would open up their deepest insecurities.

* For Malty, I thought she'd once again confess her deepest lies to their father. So that their relationship could finally be patched up in the aftermath of what they did together in scheming against Naofumi. Because after all in Ambition of the Red Princess, Malty has had plenty of inner monologue moments where SHE REGRETS HAVING BEEN AN UNGRATEFUL BRAT TOWARDS HER FATHER! Malty has seen Aultcray's previous family like Henrietta and Marienne. Leading to Malty having her own insecurities as Aultcray's second daughter and as someone who wishes to patch up what her ambitious deeds had done to her loving father.

* For Aultcray in addition, I saw how much he regrets being Malty's paranoiac father. How it led to him antagonizing Naofumi, who so deeply loved Malty on a personal level. Making it that by the time Ambition of the Red Princess ended, he wished to make amends for what his failures had done. So as such, I expected that when Malty and Aultcray talked to each other, they would both reveal how much they have been hurting on the inside.

But no... Noo... No... That is not what happened.

Instead, I was hit by an EXTREMELY UNDERWHELMING character interaction of Aultcray and Malty. This entire setup of Aultcray was not him getting to know his daughter more. This is just CHARACTER SHILLING meant to make Aultcray look like a wise old man who would lead his daughter into a better life.

But I ask this? How will Aultcray lead Malty, if they NEVER EVEN REVEALED THEIR DEEPEST FEELINGS!? There ultimately buildup to talk to each other is truly what you call "killing the hype-train". Aultcray is no benevolent father who understands his daughter Malty, nor he is a powerful war general who can lead powerful attack strategies.

From this moment forward, I hereby declare Aultcray Melromarc to be FRAUDKUNA. Because his actions as of chapter 48 displayed him to be someone who needed his own daughter to be character assassinated into an idiot, just so he could look like a (FOOLISHLY STUPID) wise old man whose wisdom is only useful to others dumber than himself. Beyond the POORLY and ANTI-CLIMATIC parental talk that Aultcray had with Malty, he is also a stupid war general whose only feats is defeating a strawman punching bag that wasn't even a good villain to begin with.

Ultimately, Aultcray is ruined by just this one quote, "A Hero is Only As Good As the Villains They Face". And thus, Aultcray the Fraudkuna is only capable of challenging Astaroth the Honored One of Strawman Plot Devices.

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Complaint 5: Can Malty just PLEASE have a POV scene.

I'm slowly being irritated by this concept now. It's been SEVEN STRAIGHT CHAPTERS SINCE MALTY HAS GOTTEN A POV SCENE! I know that other characters need their own screen time to be developed and characterized. But Malty is the MAIN PROTAGONIST! I can understand one or maybe even four chapters straight of Malty being absent in as the POV spectator.

But Seven chapters of no Malty POV? This feels like a disservice to the protagonist role for Malty. I know that Malty needs to be occasionally sidelined for other characters to have the spotlight. But she is the MAIN PROTAGONIST. The main protagonist CANNOT be absent, when the entire work itself DESCRIBES the story as "ASCENSION OF THE RED PRINCESS"!

Malty is the Ascension of the Red Princess. By having Malty be absent from the story, the premise of the whole fanfiction itself FEELS LIKE I'VE BEEN FALSELY ADVERTISED!

I was advertised with the premise that this would be a political drama war, WITH MALTY BEING THE INCLUDED MAIN PROTAGONIST! But No! Instead, I was falsely advertised by having the main protagonist REMAIN ABSENT for SEVEN STRAIGHT CHAPTERS. This was not what Ascension of the Red Princess advertised me. I was told that Malty would remain a PROMINENT CHARACTER.

But where is Malty's prominence, when for the entire time, she's completely absent and no POV acknowledges her as someone that's worth following around.

The only issue for this complaint to be solved is this: Just give Malty a POV. I don't need a big Malty POV. I just need a Malty POV, no matter how big or small. I want to see how Malty is feeling or thinking about what she should do during the Spirit Tortoise arc.

I've already seen how the other characters have reacted. At least let Malty have a little spotlight to reclaim her title as the prominent protagonist.

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Complaint 6: The final scene was EYE-WATERINGLY BORING, because it's just a bunch of unrelated characters spewing worthless exposition about themselves and nothing about the plot. Reject Fire Emblem lore. It's all just fluff and artificial worldbuilding that serves nothing in moving either the current plot and main characters.

I'm no Fire Emblem fan and that's the WHOLE POINT. I do not like nor did I ever read Ascension of the Red Princess to be pandered by random Fire Emblem lore. I came to read this story to see how Qinlongfei would develop Mal

12/12/2024 c48 40lord Martiya
Ashtaroth just proved himself an extremely poor tactician and strategist.
As a tactician, the right manouver with his superiority in numbers and position should have been to force the enemy to charge in a fortified position and pin itself down to be either exhausted (the same tactic that won England such triumphs as Crecy, Poitiers and Azencourt while on numerical inferiority, before the French adapted) or casually surrounded (how Hannibal won at Cannae. Again in numercal inferiority), but failed to properly prepare said position. I'm sure you know a few more example from East Asian history... Such as Nagashino, that I just remembered and a Japanese should know about (let's add poor history student).
As a strategist, he equipped his infantry with both shields and pikes, two incompatible weapons due pikes needing both hands to be properly used (they should have had shorter spears instead, or no shields at all). Even without magic Anderson's men would have literally walked over them.

12/7/2024 c47 TVTropesPapermania
Qinlongfei. I have did it. I have so many mixed feeling inside of me. But it is done.

Remember one year ago, I told you, I would catch up to your Ambition of the Red Princess and Ascension of the Red Princess to continue being your loyal fan. One who inspects how I felt when I read the chapter, while also making my own additional edits into TV Tropes.

Well, I did it. I have finally accomplished the task that took me over 1 year to finally achieve:

* I READ ALL OF ASCENSION OF THE RED PRINCESS! I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED PLAYING CATCH-UP! I am now in line and I can now read your most recent chapters. Because I am here.

Qinlongfei, even though you have not communicated with me (and perhaps the other reviewers) for perhaps a long time. Probably due to personal reasons. I will still thank you for motivating me to get this far into reading your fanfiction.

I will admit. There have been a PLETHORA of moments where I hated how you characterized certain characters and wrote certain scenes I saw as poorly handled. Yet, despite those many moments where I held a disdain for your fanfiction hitting some writing fumbles.

Ultimately, I was still motivated to continue editing, until I could finally catch up like with all the other readers. Furthermore, there came some chapters such as chapter 40 which I deemed to be incredibly enjoyable for my taste. Just like the ones during chapter 1-17.

So now, I'll write off my review explaining what I enjoyed about chapter 47 and what I disliked as poorly written moments. Here it goes:

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A complaint: I have a conflicting opinion on Astaroth being a bland strawman antagonist. Despite how very flat and one-note Astaroth is, I will give praise towards your efforts, Qinlongfei, for having expanded why he is such a disgustingly terrible person.

Just to recap my complaints about Astaroth in chapter 39. They still remain present and are reaffirmed based on how stereotypical Astaroth had acted in his appearance here, at chapter 47.

Because ultimately, Astaroth is just a punching bag. His only form of causing emotional turmoil is by frustrating the other characters by claiming his cowardly tactics a pragmatic plans. Additionally, Astaroth is more of a plot device that gives off a SHALLOW foiling to Naofumi, because their similarities are so thin.

I get that the point of Astaroth is that he is supposed to be a crazed idealized version of Extremism. Which Naofumi must stay away from in playing the game of thrones. However, I cannot hide the fact that Astaroth had BONE-DRY characterization and he might as well be called a plot device that exists purely to be a punching bag. And cause a SHALLOW comparison that isn't all that emotionally investing for Naofumi to be compared with.

With that, this chapter essentially cemented the entire existence of Astaroth. Everyone hates the guy and will do anything to insult his ego as nothing more than a facade to hide his cowardly nature. Astaroth is nothing more than a punching bag meant to attack a story genre stereotype of badly written characters. Instead of Astaroth being his own character that SHOULD have more depth than just an egotistical strong man who spouts himself out as intellectually realistic.

As one final insult to Astaroth being a terrible villain. There is literally NOTHING that sets him apart from the infamy that Consevatie, Bartfort, and Keyaru have all created among themselves. All these characters fit the same molds as egotistical and delusional individuals who exists purely to pester the protagonists. Just so Consevatie, Astaroth, Bartfort, and Keyaru are all disproven as idiots by the main characters. The only difference between them is a thin layer of artificial flavoring such as Consevatie being the trashtalking protagonist, Bartfort being the most typical trashtalker, Keyaru being arrogantly vengeful, and and Astaroth spouting "pragmatic" speeches as the only form of dissociation.

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It's getting tiring having to find all the ways to deconstruct Astaroth as a terrible villain. So I'll give out some possible suggestions on which area of character could be improved upon:

* Charisma. Astaroth's charisma should be better explored. Because while he may be a punching bag, his words should have some level of believability. After all, his own form of words and world dominating competence is what won over his faction. It's why Eve even follows him around as her benevolent hero. Astaroth can still be an egotistical jerk. It's just that his words should be more charismatic, so that I can observe real feats of manipulations and propaganda that gives a better reasoning for why his army trusts him.

* How does Eve's relationship work with Astaroth? The most interesting part about Astaroth, aside from his bland character stereotype, is that he holds an interesting relationship with Eve. She's the most thoroughly explored character with Astaroth and is given the most sympathetic portrayal as someone who is misguided. Lining up with Astaroth's charisma, he should be characterized with how toxic of a manipulator he is to Eve. Since their relationship is already shown to be unstable with how much Eve disagrees over his innocent people kills, and other characters calling out Astaroth of his delusions.

As another possible plotline for Eve. Even Kyo mentioned in this chapter that Astaroth is being unusually different. Because Astaroth is perhaps trying to manipulate Eve into thinking Medea as a populace not worth saving. And for what I think, It sounds like a great idea. For it further characterizes Astaroth as a manipulator who's willing to fuel Eve, his most loyal advisor, with the propaganda that no one is to be trusted in Medea.

For one final addition, I still wish to see as to why Eve trusts Astaroth as her "benevolent hero". It's already been made clear that Astaroth is a corrupt man. But what exactly does Eve see in him? My only headcanon for Eve following Astaroth is because Astaroth genuinely USED to be a (Semi)-good person. Until the Burning Legion ruined so many of their property, it's what probably caused both Eve and Astaroth to spiral down into their delusions.

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Sidenote for the first complaint: The Author Note is further giving me a bad impression on Astaroth being more of a strawman plot device with no substance.

The author section in chapter 47 was great on its own. Because the author note gave me a great origin point for what motivated Qinlongfei to characterize Astaroth like this. It helps bring a clearer meta-viewpoint that explains why character archetypes like Astaroth make for horrible heroes who are ultimately another form of Mary Sues.

That being said, Qinlongfei's author notes also confirmed to me just HOW BLAND Astaroth really is as an antagonist. Because Astaroth was never built up to function as a character who had a reasonable plan for absolute power. Astaroth is literally just a REALLY STRONG MAN with weak ideals. So that he could be disproven like how a person would treat a punching bag, just so another philosophy is proven more righteous over Astaroth.

Hopefully by later chapters, Astaroth would become a little more creative with actual smart plans or gain more cool (not necessarily about redemption or genuine goodness) qualities for his characterization. So that I won't have to continue perceiving him as a plot device.

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Minor Logic Mess-Up I've noticed:

Remember in Ambition of the Red Princess chapter 5: Woe. In that chapter, Malty explicitly said in her thoughts that she had NO IDEA what the middle finger gesture meant when Motoyasu pulled his finger up.

But here is the problem. How is Lord Dio, who is a native to Medea, capable of understanding what the middle finger gesture means? This is not really a plot relevant complaint. But this small slip-up does ruin a little of my immersion in Ascension of the Red Princess.

Because Lord Dio is contradicting the story's logic by being a native who KNOWS an insulting gesture from the modern world. Yet Malty, another native, has no idea what the middle finger is supposed to mean.

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Will there eventually be a Malty POV in the next chapter? Because it's been probably 6 six chapters straight since Malty has been absent from the spotlight. Naofumi's POV here was still good nevertheless. But I feel devoid over Malty being intentionally shoved into the sidelines and the side characters taking too much screen time.

I think Malty should at least have any scene, no matter how big or small, to have a POV scene after being absent for so long. Ascension of the Red Princess may be a politically driven story, but Malty still qualifies as a main character that either spectates or commits her own set of actions.

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Complaint 2: What sort of Political powerplay did Prince Joseph just do? The term "powerplay" is so poorly defined in the story, it just sounds like a glorified term for "sneakily insulting", rather than a form of threat.

This is a problem I have with Prince Joseph's conversation with Aultcray and Lord Grima. Prince Joseph DOES NOT sound like he is making a political powerplay. Prince Joseph sounds more like he wanted an excuse to mock Lord Grima as a coward and wants to barigain Aultcray's commander role as an excuse to lead his own army.

Begging me to question what exactly a political powerplay means? I find that, Qinlongfei, to be a POORLY defined term and when a person is actually trying to be manipulative. I CANNOT understand how their words are meant to act threatening or disadvantageous to another character. The only thing I know about your depiction of politics in Ascension of the Red Princess is that the word powerplay is used to either deliver a subtle mockery about someone. Or to request something of high demand at the cost of slandering a person's reputation.

This isn't just a problem I have with Prince Joseph. It's more of myself wanting more explicit inner monologues or certain word choices that can actually EXPRESS the impact of what a political powerplay is like.

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Complaint 3: The Battle Planning counter against Astaroth felt like it was the most boring part of the chapter.

About 3/4 into chapter 47. The scene where all the noblemen and Aultcray spent their time together to coordinate their tactics against Astaroth had felt like the most boring.

Because so many things in that scene felt like it existed PURELY to PAD out the chapter length. Archduke Wales, Duke Arvis, and Prince Joseph were already enough as talky characters discussing the battle plan. But having them mention random outta-nowhere references as extra reinforcements feels a lot like an EXCUSE to add in a reference character into a army soldier slot.

A slot that could have just have been filled out with a typical Strong man that doesn't need a big description. Those big description being used to "characterize" a typical mook soldier just feel like UNNECESSARY supplementary materials that won't relate much to the main antagonists, major side characters, and main characters.

Anyway, the battle discussion that Aultcray had with the other nobles should have been shorter. Because after that, it became far more interesting when Aultcray requested for Malty's presence to be by his side.

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Praiseworthy Moment 1: Aultcray's family talk with Malty and Melty.

I really enjoyed the end of this chapter. It was a dramatic end to have Aultcray step forward and request for Malty to stand beside him. So that for both of them, they could gain a better understanding of each other's perspective. While I do understand Aultcray to be a loving father, he also needs to play into the role as a wartime commander and leader who can analyze everyone to a deeper level.

Especially with Malty. Because the one thing that's been missing with Aultcray and Malty is their character interaction. It's been since Ambition of the Red Princess chapter 2, where both Malty and Aultcray had their personal talk. Except in that moment, Aultcray was too paranoiac and Malty was too manipulative to open up their real feelings. But now, I see an INCREDIBLE opportunity. With Aultcray and Malty together, they may finally have a chance to learn of each other's personality to a closer level. For Aultcray, he'll probably learn to treat Malty as a more mature person in political games, especially after how she ended up screwing his original plans with Naofumi for her own ambitions. Whereas Malty could love her father more for seeing how traumatized he is as a worrisome person.

Aside from Malty, I also enjoyed Melty's discipline. Although I temporarily found annoyance at Aultcray harshly ordering Melty to step down her overprotection to Malty. I still loved seeing Aultcray interact with Melty and to showcase his more serious side when the situation is desperate. Hopefully in another scene where Melty and Aultcray are together, they could rekindle more of their familial bond when the stakes have slowly dwindled down.

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Praiseworthy moment 2: Malty and Motoyasu were great at defending Naofumi.

As much as I hate Astaroth for being a bland strawman plot device. I will admit that he served a great role at antagonizing Naofumi.

It's enough that I enjoyed Malty and Motoyasu bringing out their compelling arguments as to why Naofumi is still a good person to everyone's eyes. Whereas Astaroth is more of a conqueror who uses excuses and comparisons to deflect any blame from his world domination plans.

My favorite moments came from Motoyasu needing Naofumi to just remember Astaroth as the real bad guy, so that their hesitations and doubts are casted away. Really showing how Motoyasu's simplicity is what makes him the most logical person who never overcomplicates social talkings and rules. Whilst Malty could clearly see the comparison that perfectly highlights Naofumi as the more benevolent person over Astaroth.

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So for what I have to say about chapter 47, I rate this a 5.5/10. This chapter had really great character interaction and support from the opposing antagonist. But my main problems with this chapter came from the padding of random characters appearing, and Astaroth being yet another strawman character that's no different from other strawman stereotypes before him.

Hopefully, the next chapter would be have more great characterizations, like the ones that were present in chapter 47.