10/10/2024 c1 Guest
Some constructive criticism here, you need to vary your sentences more. So many of them begin with 'He (insert action here)...', when they could simply describe the action.

Doing this will make what you are writing feel more alive in a way, and will prevent it from feeling like a list of things that are occurring.

Beyond a few spelling, grammar and capitalization problems that I noticed, I do not have any real advice beyond that.