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1/17/2007 c6 6Zeng Xiao Long Sunstar Crystal
Please write more to this fic, it is really good and it would br a shame if you didn't finish it. will be waiting for the continuation of this one.
5/16/2006 c1 14IndeMaat
I think when I was fourteen I wanted to be just like Kay: smart, witty, brave, saving the lives of people and a little bit crazy. But now I'm older I've come to realise that Charlie's Angels type heroines don't always make for an interesting read (or an interesting movie, I found the movie quite boring. And Cameron Diaz and Lucy Lui quite incapable of delivering a tongue in cheek remark).

Just so you know: Kay could not have saved Face the way that she did because he's too heavy for her (a water bottle would have been too heavy). There is a small possibility of saving someone from free falling like that, but that would have lead to Face breaking his arms, and quite possibly both of them breaking their legs. Granted, that doesn't make for an interesting read either.

But the plot is the real puzzler: where in Nam does one find a diamond? Nam hasn't got diamond mines; those things don't grow on trees. Someone must have lost it. Why doesn't the proper owner come after Murdock and Jeff?
11/11/2003 c2 65Swallowbird
This story interesting but there are things to think about

Oaky in this part you have Kay give Murdock the Vulcan sign and leave the room. Then the next part she telling the readers what Murdock showing the team. Since you don't tell us that she came back into to the room How can she see what Murdock is showing them if she not in the room? You either got to bring her back into to the room or change POV . It's doesn't make sense.
11/10/2003 c1 tywingfieldtbs42
hi!

I'm a really big fan of A-team and i've just read this one fan fiction that you wrote

I thought it was awsome, you really got the character's personalities right!

It was awsome, but i have a few questions? What happens next? Does the story just end

when Murdock rescues kayla? Or is there going to be more? Is the badguy going to come back

and try to get revenge on the A-team?

i think it would be cool to have kayla and murdock leave the building they were in, and find that the badguy had escaped

and had captured the others or something. that's my suggestion. Whatever you do, I think the story is still great.

my favourite character is murdock. he's great! Face is also cool to. i also love how you made Kayla like a Charles angels, superhero type girl.

Like when she jumped out of the plane after Face.

She was awsome.

As I've mentioned I loved the story! Just it seemed unfinished to me.

Faceman
11/5/2003 c6 Caligurl
great chpater! can't wait to see happens next!
11/5/2003 c6 6NSW
this is great ^_^
10/26/2003 c5 Caligurl
like it! post more!
10/25/2003 c5 NSW
this is great!
10/23/2003 c3 Caligurl
this is good! can't wait for more!
10/20/2003 c3 K. H. T
I refuse to repeat myself three times in a row... this is great! ^_^ i need to lay off the caffine...
10/18/2003 c2 Caligurl
Pretty good! hope you continue!
10/17/2003 c2 13Reckless
This is a decent start, but there are some things you might consider.

Your shifting POV is awkward. Sometimes you're using 1st person for Kayla, but other times you use 3rd persnon for Murdock. And Kayla seems to know what Murdock is thinking. Either use 3rd person all the way through or stick to 1st person and limit Kayla's thoughts and the story to what she can actually know or observe (e.g., she wouldn't know what Murdock says to Face at the end of part 2).

Also, Face's behavior doesn't make much sense. Why would he be so sarcastic to her right away. I realize you're trying to make Murdock the hero/possible love interest (although the age difference make that difficult), but there's no need to make Face a jerk for that. A lot of Murdockian fics do that, but it undermines the team dynamic and only leaves readers scratching their heads about Face's behavior. Here, it really adds nothing. If you need Kayla to walk out, maybe have Face and the team debate her ability to pay, which was often a consideration on the show.
10/17/2003 c2 6NSW
^_^ awesome!
10/16/2003 c1 K. H. T
^_^ awesome!

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