7/28/2004 c12 Dame Fortune
Alright, this is not a flame. Flames are just pointless drabble that people are dumb enough to write and waste time.

This is constructive criticism because obviously people like your story. You've gotten marvelous reviews, but not much that will help strengthen some of your writing weaknesses. We all have them. Feel free to check out my work to see for yourself.

First things first: you need a Beta reader. Either ask for someone who frequently reviews, or a friend or, hell, I'd even do it, but just get one.

1) Your title. "Amlsot InnocentAlmost isn't enough"

I know you can spell, you've done a pretty spiffy job thus far with the story, exlcuding the first few chapters where 'Hermione' is spelled wrong. By the way, in chapter 2, it's -W-E-A-S-L-E-Y.)

If you ran out of room in the title bar and decided to cut out the space to fit what you wanted, why not change it to "Almost Innocent Isn't Enough"? or something like that? It still gets your point across, doesn't it?

2) Your word usage. (Haha, it's kind of irnoic that I can't think of a better way to word what I'm trying to convey to you. . .)

I tried putting in examples, but there were so many that I wanted to explain I gave up. Take a look at chapter two. She does an awful lot of walking in the first paragraph. Then she 'hisses lightly'. Have you ever heard someone hiss something lightly? Is that even possible?

She kinda gets her ass handed to her though, doesn't she with Ginny and the tape recorder? Except, well, that doesn't seem at all like how you've portrayed Hermione's new character to act, does it? Isn't she supposed to be a cold, relentless b*tch? (i'm not sure what words we can say on reviews, lol.)

In chapter 5, all your information is very swiftly delivered. There's very little elaboration. We're just supposed to accept that she'd been switched back into Gryffindor because that's where Faye went and it suited your purpose for the moment? There was no other point!

Also, there was just suddenly a talent show? and when did Hermione become a prefect? I mean, in OotP, she is, but she was also never in Slytherin either...

When Faye sings her song, you repeatedly write "I sang. . . and then whatever she did, moving among the crowd." 4 times! 3 in a row! you're 15, your vernacular's got to be a little varied, spice it up!

3)Loop Holes.

How did Hermione know Harry's middle name? Assuming that she knew about his 'rents, that still doesn't explain that her first htought would be, "Hey! That's his middle name then!"

What the heck was the point of slamming her in Slytherin so she could be a 'bad girl' for one chapter then put her in Gryffindor so she could be with Harry, Ron and Faye? To me, it seems like you were just looking for a reason to make Hermione OOC, which is fine, it's your story..

3) Faye. Alright, so not a fan of OCs in HP, but when well written, they're highly entertaining. I can accept that she's a Seer.

And ok, I'm willing to accept that Dumbledore's her Grandfather. . .it's a small stretch. . . but I'll go with it. . . However, since Dumbldore's gotta be nearly 100(he was still fairly old 50 years ago when the CoS was opened, remember?), wouldn't he be Faye's great grand-daddy if she's supposed to be 16?

Best friends after a train ride? Highly unlikely, but it's been known to happen.

This is where the line begins to draw itself. She's a fantastic singer, too? I understand taht every individual person on this EArth has many, many things they're good at. there are also many things they're not good at. So why does Faye get to be good looking, granddaughter to the Headmaster, a good singer, a Seer, friends with Harry & Ron, Hermione's best friend and Draco's girl? By the way, why would she go back to Malfoy, even if she loved him, if she and Hermione were such great friends when she was looking for revenge against him? HEY NO! THAT'S GREAT! A FLAW IN HER CHARACTER! I'm impressed. Holy ever-lasting hell. Give her character some depth and not the platic two dimensional version.

4) Punctutaion. (It's mostly commas, but there are the odd times when it's other stuff.)

""Get the hell away from her, you Billy Idol wanna be!

7/20/2004 c1 Ryven
loved it!... fantastic story!... keep updating... dont give up! r u updating yet?... im waiting!... how bout now?... ok... sorry bout that..*sheepish smile* got a bit carried away.. anywayz... great chapter darling!

Ryven

7/19/2004 c12 PrincesaSarcastica
Wonderful, Wonderful *claps, grinning* Oh so loved the part where Angelus got his ass kicked...*smirks* ahem, anywho...can't wait til the next chappie comes out...I say she goes back to Sirius and he kind of gives her a hard time at doing so...hmm dunno, anyway...later, chica-Hosh

7/18/2004 c11 PrincesaSarcastica
Hey...so can't wait til the next chapter and when other things happen *grins*...later chica-Hosh

6/28/2004 c11 mantis macabre
Interesting

4/17/2004 c10 18slytherin-nette
Hey there girl! Just thought i'd finally review your wonderful story.. And just to say...I think you're really off to a wonderful start here! ^_~ Love Hermione's character in this one... *giggle* Hope you keep it up okay? Love the whole concept of this story! Only one comment though... You don't have to worry about it since it's AU anyway but Hermione is a muggleborn wizard isn't she? Pretty amazing she ended up in Slytherin.. O_o Other than that, really good! ^_^ Just try adding a little more details and the story would be much better than it already is.. ^_~ Well, you've certainly got me interested. Keep writing girl and UPDATE SOON! ^_~ luvyah! *mwah!* ~slythe~

4/13/2004 c4 Scott
I like your story, but honestly! Do you check your spelling? H-e-r-m-i-o-n-e! Come on now.