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1/3/2004 c1 1Madame Strawberry
Poor Zero-chans! *sniff( I do love HxZ pairing, and that sounds alot like Hiead and Zero... O.O write more? maybe in Hiead's POV?
12/20/2003 c1 15Lalita
*scratches head* Well, I don't think I'd call it a poem. You could call it one of those new, modern poems but I don't buy into that crap. I think you'd be better off putting the lines together into a few well-developed paragraphs. The grammer was incorrect in most places. I can understand once in awhile, but simple mistakes like "i'm" and "body's" when it should be "bodies" are repeated so many times it's ridiculous. I'm not a big fan of yaoi and stuff, so maybe my response is a bit less enthusiastic than it could be. I just think you should take more time to edit this before you post it. Since it doesn't seem like a poem, I think you could turn it into a one-shot or something with a little more background and detail. G'day.
~Lalita
12/17/2003 c1 Seeker
Its interesting, its not bad, it sounds like Hiead and Zero, like what their relationship might be like. Its actually quite good, and its simple, just the facts, and that makes it more effective. But thats what poems are suppossed to do get across an emotion in few words, doing that gives it more depth and insight at what your trying to make the reader relate to. I like it, good job.
Was this a one shot or do you think that you might turn this into something, maybe a string of poems that relate to this?
~Seeker
12/16/2003 c1 43silvermyth
Not bad. I wouldn't exactly call this a poem, but then, I don't call my own poems poems. I call them "randomly thrown together sentence fragments" which, really, when you think about it, is what they are. Forgive me for going off on a tangent ^^; Anyways, it isn't bad at all, but there are a LOT of spelling/grammar problems. Not many that a computer would pick up-you know, using "your" instead of "you're" or "to" instead of "too," although I did see whisper spelled wisper. You also forgot to capitalize one of your I's. Eh, I'm just a bit too nit-picky(I do this to my friends, too), but you should edit this a little more, or get a beta reader. *shrug* Whatever suits you.
12/12/2003 c1 angeldeath
very good! please right more! pretty pretty please?

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