for Shinigami6/17/2016 c1 tacaloking
while this isn't great i feel its not half bad it was good enough to give me a interest in reading it maybe you could of wrote the other characters reactions to akanes going insane that might of helped make the story more interesting
while this isn't great i feel its not half bad it was good enough to give me a interest in reading it maybe you could of wrote the other characters reactions to akanes going insane that might of helped make the story more interesting
7/8/2012 c1 
2GeorgeTobor
I'm not happy you had Akane kill Ranma but I'm not surprised either.
The way he lets that girl hit him is insane.
I despise canon Akane.
There are a few good Ranma/Akane fics, but they make Akane very OOC.
2GeorgeToborI'm not happy you had Akane kill Ranma but I'm not surprised either.
The way he lets that girl hit him is insane.
I despise canon Akane.
There are a few good Ranma/Akane fics, but they make Akane very OOC.
9/25/2006 c1 13Ky Hakubi
Well. That was...twisted. Maybe I was paying more attention to the story than the grammer, but it didn't seem bad. Personally I think you should have drawn out the confrontation between Akane and the Shinigami. Rubbed in her emotional devstation before a painful ending to her pitiful existance.
13Ky HakubiWell. That was...twisted. Maybe I was paying more attention to the story than the grammer, but it didn't seem bad. Personally I think you should have drawn out the confrontation between Akane and the Shinigami. Rubbed in her emotional devstation before a painful ending to her pitiful existance.
4/24/2005 c1 1Glaciersmash
It appears only one other person has given a review that appears to have thought involved.
Seriously though, it was mildy entertaining, had good enough spelling and grammer to not throw me away at the first paragraph like some 'authors' here and it had a simple plot. Like the last reviewer said, you could have lengthened some bits and delved into some of the personality of the characters involved.
You have basic writing skills, which is more than many people here have, and this story could be rewriten to involve a lot more depth and character building. You only have the main plot here.
is like panning for gold. You have to search hours through rocks and dirt until you find the gold that you have been waiting for. Unfortunately, this isn't the gold, but more like a lemonade or refreshment in the middle of finding that gold.
1GlaciersmashIt appears only one other person has given a review that appears to have thought involved.
Seriously though, it was mildy entertaining, had good enough spelling and grammer to not throw me away at the first paragraph like some 'authors' here and it had a simple plot. Like the last reviewer said, you could have lengthened some bits and delved into some of the personality of the characters involved.
You have basic writing skills, which is more than many people here have, and this story could be rewriten to involve a lot more depth and character building. You only have the main plot here.
is like panning for gold. You have to search hours through rocks and dirt until you find the gold that you have been waiting for. Unfortunately, this isn't the gold, but more like a lemonade or refreshment in the middle of finding that gold.
10/5/2004 c1 2obsidian-fox
Actually, your grammar is better than you claim it to be. Read a bit on , and you'll find plenty of grammar that "sux."
I don't feel that this story attained whatever it was reaching for. To improve it, and grow as an author, read on.
In order to make a death meaningful to the readers, the readers must be emotionally attached to the characters. Otherwise the death is just vaguely amusing. (There is much evidence for this. This is why high body-count movies can be fun.)
In order for readers to become attached to characters, they must have some emotional investment in or around the character... sympathy, love, anger, jealousy, whatever. Any emotion will do, although different emotions will affect the meaning of the death. However, the reader must have spent some time feeling that emotion for the given character.
Your story was written in such a way that the reader's had no emotional investment in Ranma before his death, and almost no investment in Akane before her death. Depending on how you want us to feel, you would need to correct this by, well, adding an emotional context to the story.
There would be many approaches to this. You could delve into Akane's broken psyche. You could follow Ranma. You could lengthen conversations between Ukyou and Akane, or show the scene where she gets taken to the mental institute. Even use of the security guard's view would work.
Anyhow, you're grammar is good enough for you to write a technically good piece. Start working on your storytelling skills, and you'll be able to make something very good.
2obsidian-foxActually, your grammar is better than you claim it to be. Read a bit on , and you'll find plenty of grammar that "sux."
I don't feel that this story attained whatever it was reaching for. To improve it, and grow as an author, read on.
In order to make a death meaningful to the readers, the readers must be emotionally attached to the characters. Otherwise the death is just vaguely amusing. (There is much evidence for this. This is why high body-count movies can be fun.)
In order for readers to become attached to characters, they must have some emotional investment in or around the character... sympathy, love, anger, jealousy, whatever. Any emotion will do, although different emotions will affect the meaning of the death. However, the reader must have spent some time feeling that emotion for the given character.
Your story was written in such a way that the reader's had no emotional investment in Ranma before his death, and almost no investment in Akane before her death. Depending on how you want us to feel, you would need to correct this by, well, adding an emotional context to the story.
There would be many approaches to this. You could delve into Akane's broken psyche. You could follow Ranma. You could lengthen conversations between Ukyou and Akane, or show the scene where she gets taken to the mental institute. Even use of the security guard's view would work.
Anyhow, you're grammar is good enough for you to write a technically good piece. Start working on your storytelling skills, and you'll be able to make something very good.
2/13/2004 c1 chessjed
ok not bad.I like Akane but I like Ranma too.
are you going to have Ranma haunt Akane and the other girls for what a bitches they are?
ok not bad.I like Akane but I like Ranma too.
are you going to have Ranma haunt Akane and the other girls for what a bitches they are?
2/6/2004 c1 LordShinji
you know, it's pretty good. i Really like it that akane get hurst, WHAHAHAHAHA and i really the fact that Ranma is the God of death.Cool. you should write more for your fan or for me
you know, it's pretty good. i Really like it that akane get hurst, WHAHAHAHAHA and i really the fact that Ranma is the God of death.Cool. you should write more for your fan or for me