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for A Poring's Tale

8/19/2011 c1 gio
1/27/2006 c1 1miyuki Shizaka034
aw... You make me pity the porings I kill... Anyways I don't really hang out there anymore..

Great story!
10/22/2004 c1 thedaidoujicat
aw... that was adorable... so... sweet ;-;
8/10/2004 c1 CrazyXinZ
sweet n cute..^^ /no1 i don't feel like killin any porings i come across now.. /sob
7/23/2004 c1 Ouiouf
cute. very cute. XD and very moving, for a short work. the simplicity of it boggles the mind. /no1 /no1
7/17/2004 c1 Hati

Arethusa-sama! Can't wait to see more of your fics.
6/19/2004 c1 poring lover
5/28/2004 c1 8Arethusa Fellini
Thank You Master Yasu!

*Sends out lots of flying e-kisses*

Tenses. Tenses. Tenses. XD

I'll edit this when I have time! /kis
5/26/2004 c1 Yasutsuna
May 26, 2004
To Arethusa Fellini
Comprehensive Review of A Poring's Tale
by L.D. Ramirez
A. Comments
1. Title - Couldn't get any more direct than that. (^-^) Simple, short, and efficient.
2. Story - Some people will think that this is just a story about a cute little Poring who died and went to Valhalla. But some will think of this as a story about feeling small, insignificant, and helpless (just like a Poring); about trying to make a difference (becoming someone's 'pet' or subordinate to contribute to a 'greater cause' of sorts); succeeding for a time; getting discarded when there's no more use for you (according to your 'superiors', anyway); then finding your real purpose in life (looking for your Haven - everyone has a Haven in their life, methinks); then finding someone to share that purpose with (our own Angelrings - wai! *huggles them desperately*); then getting that someone torn away from you (damn, that's just gotta hurt like hell); and then after a few more tries at the life game, finally finding rest in the sweet stillness of death. Crud. What a godawful fate. (X_X) And the final reminder - about how some people will have a slight inkling of what you're going through - and how they aren't even willing to give a damn. Phooey.
Anyway, great story. It burdens the conscience of those who live their lives only for themselves and choose to ignore the lives of other people, if only for convenience's sake. *two thumbs up* Naishu! XD
a. Introduction - Very simple, yet very effective. It grabs your attention right from the start - pretty much because the 'voice' of the poring is pretty authoritative, calling the reader 'silly man' every now and then.
b. Manuscript - There are a few errors in spelling, grammar, word choices and punctuation, but the text formatting and spacing are great. (^-^) You need to work a bit on your verb tenses, though.
c. Plot - Writing this story in first-person was a great choice. Definitely, the reader wouldn't have felt so much for the main character if the story had been written in third-person or any other perspective. I also like your use of the repetition effect to create emphasis - it's a technique familiar to all who write in first-person stream-of-consciousness style, it seems. (^-^)
I also like how the Poring is telling the tale of his life right at the moment of his own death - or sometime right after the moment of his death. This justifies the 'self-righteous' tone he takes while talking to the reader.
3. Characters
a. Main Protagonist:
He's a cute, helpless little guy. An underdog (underjelly? XD) anyone will want to root for.
b. Main Antagonist:
Man, I think. Or callous man. Two times the Poring met Man and twice he was disappointed, taken for granted. Heh - kinda reminds me of how all the animals on this Earth feel about man in general. Stoopid mindless industrialists! *bonks them all on the head* XD
c. Secondary Protagonist:
Angelring! Hmm - if I were a Poring, I'd think she was the hottest thing, probably. I mean, come on. Smooth, pinkish skin, mysterious obsidian eyes, angel wings, and that couriously coy smile? And she's so confident too! “Protect me, Little One, and I shall protect you. Come with us. Let us be together so we may be stronger.
5/13/2004 c1 6Shanice Miharu
5/11/2004 c1 1Apolaki
Aw, cute. and thanks for the review! I needed it! I await your nest stories eagerly!
4/30/2004 c1 2Thingy The Blob
For your review:
Excellent story, that priest wasn't a priest! I shall hunt down every angelring killing priest from now on! I K3L! That merchant was also stupid, Poringsall. The Pink Blobwhatever other names. Too bad the poor poring couldnt come back as a ghostering for revenge. Did i say excellent story yet? Im too lazy/busy
Also, you wrote to me:
Okay... the stories are good, no, they're great!
Lay-out: The paragraphs are telling me: Don't read it! Don't read it! /sry
Suggestion: Chop it up so it wouldn't be an eyesore. /no1
YOU DONT CORRECT THE BLOB(cant put it in a story since im busy). Anyways, your correction will be taken into consideration.
4/23/2004 c1 22zhakeena
Aw... that was a cute story! The poor, underappreciated porings... ^^
4/21/2004 c1 1ririca
Cute... ^^
4/20/2004 c1 1Black Valley
I'll never kill a poring again! /sob But, then again... Angel Wing... *has a moral dilemma* Aw, crap.
And oh, Poring Heaven/Sanctuary/Island is 2 maps south, 1 map east of Prontera [Pay_fild04]. ^^
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