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for Broken

10/2/2008 c2 11sharnii
Good fic, nice idea. I liked how in chap 2 you show Mireille as torn over loving her family's killer.

The fic would be greatly improved by fixing up the several spelling/grammar errors (maybe get it beta read?).

Also in chap 1 you might want to mention the word "orgasm" less. It's kinda glaring (it's a powerful word...I think you use it 4 times in a row! O.O) Try and write the sex "less overtly". That will make it smoother.
5/18/2006 c2 46breaktherules
This is a great story. I agree it has a dreamy, poetic quality about it which I love! It also is pretty erotic and I am so glad I came across your story! Write more, please!
4/18/2006 c2 TakaTori
AWESOME! it's like poetry, but there's still a tangible story. i love it!
3/25/2006 c2 7spritznar
a bit confusing and difficult to read but deciphering it is half the fun. i thought this was a well written piece, wouldn't mind reading more.
4/24/2005 c2 157Northlight
This is gorgeous. I love your take on Mireille and Kirika's relationship-intense, powerful, complex, and not without shades of darkness.
3/2/2005 c2 12fignae
What an incredibly sensual (and romantic) piece. I enjoyed the way you brought together all the different sights and tastes and scents. There's nothing like making Noir real.

You're right in saying that it was disjointed - but this quality also makes it poetic. A rewrite with an actual linear plot is possible, but that would be a different fanfic entirely. :)

And... love Mireille's sadistic streak, LOL.
2/25/2005 c2 mcbruce
Wow! That was intense. A real blending of opposites, the pleasure and the pain that each of them feels with being together - just beautiful.

Hope you do something else like this.
2/12/2005 c2 11Smoky
I quite like this piece, it seems to deal with so much deep stuff, some rather nifty metaphors and such...wow...

Apologies if it wasn't meant to be funny, but I liked Mireille's "Oh God..." line ^_^

A couple of typos and those sorts of things, I think, but nothing major... Nice work!
1/27/2005 c2 incognito
I do not see a problem. I can still red the story and know what is going on. I would like to see a chapter 3. If you decide to continue.
1/26/2005 c2 16Teris24
Very intersting read. Love the portrayal of the relationship.
7/11/2004 c1 12ThebigW
Wonderful. Lyrically and metaphorically wonderful. Please post more.


7/10/2004 c1 48LeeT911
I can't believe I haven't read this until now. I usually check here once a week or so, but I don't remember seeing this.

I really liked, and it's not because I'm partial to Kirika/Mireille, it's actually very well written. A couple minor things, I think there were one or two places where your tenses lapsed, and maybe some sentences where there was a word extra or missing. Also: "because the orgasms shake them both lose", should be "loose" for the last word. Again, only a minor gripe.

For the most part, it was good. Length was fine. I don't mind short. As to the whole "not-belonging-on-the-site", I think it's fine, but maybe you should consider bumping up the rating.
7/5/2004 c1 7McKay
Loved this fic. Nice to see some well-written Noir yuri. No idea if it's "okay" for the site or not...I personally don't care *grin*
6/28/2004 c1 dothackers
wow O_o runs to eat grapes
6/27/2004 c1 Shigan

Whaddaya mean nosebleed! It aint no nosebleed I tell you, it is niagara! XD

Well written, but now, cold shower.

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