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11/16/2004 c22 Tri
Ok...first of all I DON'TLIKE GAY COUPLES!Remus and Sirius are just my favourite characters. They don't have the same character, it's just that i have a mix of both their personality and attitude that can make me realte to the characters in a way. Sorry, it seems that i confused u a lot. :) by 'young' i meant not in the current HP series. Sorry. And by the way, i'm a GIRL. just so u don't get that mixed up. now, about Lily. I totally agree with u on that whole GIRL POWER thing, i really do! It's just that In this story I didn't like her attitude and decisions so far, so i didn't really want her winning. :( Please don't get mad at me... Oh and about Sirius and Remus having the same character, I really don't know what i meant.. I think I just made a mistake in writing or i just wasn't paying attention to what i was writing.

11/8/2004 c21 Tri
Hi! I just finished reading ur story and i can only say that it was great! I really like the way that i can almost completly relate with two characters. Remus and Sirius. They're also my two favourite characters from the HP Books. I find that in most fanfics they have the same character when they're 'young'. Please keep up the good work. o and one more thing. can u at least stop letting Lily get the upper hand of a battle between her and james. i really don't like her. Mabye u should take a vote. It's just my opinion but w/e. UPDATE SOON! ..poor Sirius...:(
11/7/2004 c21 19Romulan Empress
That was hilarious! I loved it, as usual! Sorry, I will write a longer review next chapter. My hand is in a cast until Wednesday and I cannot type.
11/6/2004 c21 Constructive Criticism
Hello again, in your words. Getting straight to my points...

I'd like to mention that Andromeda is most likely the oldest Black sister, probably born in around 1953-4. It's not written in the books of course, but with some working out, it's easily proven and confirmed in the HP Lexicon. Since Tonks was born in 1974 [HP Lexicon], she probably started Hogwarts in '84-5 & ended it around the time when Harry began. That would make her 7 or so years OLDER than Harry, and if Andromeda is younger than Sirius and Harry was born when Sirius was 20, Andromeda would have had to fall pregnant at oh 13 or so. See the problem?

Besides just because a reader is not 11, doesn't mean they wont like reading ABOUT 11 year olds. And just because someone IS 11 doesnt mean they'll automatically read 11 year old L/J and like it. So your reason for not making them act their age is... well, not too reliable. There is no need for toning down, but in the way they speak and act, its like they're 17. And who the hell minds the rating anyway? I know I'm not of the proper age, but I still read R material etc.

I have no problem with you thinking that Lily is not a Mary-Sue. Obviously we have different ideas on what a Mary-Sue is. A Mary-Sue, to me, is someone beautiful, smart, funny and popular, with no visible flaws as of yet. She also had a tragic upbrining and a amazing power etc. etc. AT the moment, that is what Lily seems to be. I have & probably will continue reading, in hope that one day you will show some flaws.

Besides, I'm reviewing your story continuously for a reason. I think you have a potentionally good story on your hands, I'm just offering some advice in ways that it could possibly be imporved. if I read a marvellous story, what is the point of me reviewing? They will already have many reviews saying 'very good', they don't need me to add.

Finally, please note that I'm not asking for very long replies to reviews. I am simply poiting things out and offering advice. Which maybe you, instead of being all indignant about, think about and maybe take under hand, even a little bit.

By the way, a note to Amelia Bilson or whatever her name is & ThelovelyladyLily, as well as any one who has a problem with me... no one asked for YOUR opinion! E.D.J you DID ask for my opinion by posting a story and encouraging reviews. I'm a firm believer that reviews like 'this is good' are useless and much prefer getting something like THIS for my stories, because then I can learn from mistakes and make things better. So why dont you people just shut the hell up and maybe think of a way of reviewing originally in ways that will HELP the author not just feed her ego. If you think saying 'oh her reviews are mean' is going to do ANYTHING to me, you are sincerely mistaken.

I'm not trying to bring you down or make you feel as thought your story is useless! If this is not constructive criticism, then very well. Consider it a reality check and a change from the very boring, pointless and ego-feeding YOUR STORY IS GOOD.

Did I in the above even ONCE insult you/your intelligence? I dont think so. I've simply pointed out flaws in your story and given you advice. That is all. I even agree on you in some aspects after reading your user page; I love sarcasm, chocolate chip cookie dough, Harry Potter etc.

- offering Constructive Criticism to authors all around the HP fandom
11/6/2004 c21 8Juliet Deveraux
Hello Elladora that chapter was most hilarious. Sirius is the coolest! Please post soon on all your stories!

11/6/2004 c21 La Conquistadora
I heart this chapter despite its lack of length. And yes I'm afraid we have to put up with prats. Espically Garfunkl who can't speel and is Sincerely sorry about being a man-whore. Oh well hes odious. Back to the story you have to feel sorry for Sirius but you have to admit his solution is clever and shows his friendship with James. I can't wait for what Jameses parents say. Unless you skip their reaction. Don't do that I hate when the author skips the part I read. And don't forget I know where you sleep at night. Although you can not give me the CDs I want. Dang! Now to end it. the best review you ever had. FIN
10/27/2004 c20 3zumanity57
hey girl, just want to let you know what a fab job you are doing on all your stories! i bet i laughed at something in every single chapter. i dunno how big of a compliment that is, cuz i laugh at alot of random stuff, but yay just the same for being amusing! your characterization is really good too...are you sure you haven't met j.k rowling? nah, me neither. i would so love to tho, 'cept i wouldn't know what to say to her without sounding like a complete dolt, you know, like babbling "omg, i luv luv luv luv luv luv luv your books!" even tho it's more thing, you're american, right? cuz you do the british vocab thing super well!
10/26/2004 c20 La Conquistadora
I really liked it good end ofthe first year. And I feel sorry for Lily. She will never be rid of the prat
10/23/2004 c20 Amelia Blibson
I agree with ThelovelyladyLily. Constructive criticism's comments were unfair and not helpful because you quite obviously know your story and what happens is up to you and you alone.I think Constructive criticism is not offering constructive criticism, just flaming people for no reason. Lily is realistic and if you cannot see that you need to get your eyes checked. If others disagree fine I'm just saying. The self-insertion is obviously for humor purposes. Not because you are trying to be cool. Loved the chapter please write more soon. (Hopefully that'll teach'em)

Amelia Blibson
10/23/2004 c20 8Juliet Deveraux
I think your chapter was great and the person who reviewed (Was it constructive criticism?) was uncalled for as you obviously have a reason for everything and it all fits in with the book. If they dont enjoy your story thats their problem. I however thought the self-insertion was very funny and enjoy it thoroughly in your other fic. Dont let them keep you down!

10/22/2004 c20 anonymous
very cool. great story line. can't wait for the rest.
10/21/2004 c20 19Romulan Empress
I like the ending! I wish it could have been longer! The study scenes were funny, but the blackmail scenes even more so. What is wrong with giving companionship to a poor lonely book! LOL I cannot wait until second year or summer, whichever you plan to do first!
10/21/2004 c20 Constructive Criticism
Again, I offer you some criticism; it's up to you as to how you take it. If you think I'm flaming you, that's not my problem. I'm only offering advice.

You do realize that while this story is still set in 1st year, it's much easier to think of it as 7th? Why don't you start making 11 year olds act their age, and not 7 years older. Also I'd like to point out that we know james didnt have a thing for Lily until 5th year, NOT FIRST.

As to your overly large reply to my previous review...

The key words are AS THOUGH SHE WAS GOING TO SMILE: not definitely. Lily might have been ready to smile, or she might not have. One of the reasons Lily hated James was that he was immature, incluidng his pranks; yet you've made her a similar thing, hypocritically enough. Besides, it doesnt matter what Lily might have done, but she DID NOT laugh or smile, which meant she felt strongly enough about her dislike of pranks to keep self-control and not crack a smile. That should tell you something.

I quote, as you said: It does not clearly state "James Potter was the best student in Transfiguration and everyone else sucked at it and bowed down to him, begging them to teach them his wisdom. Except Lily Evans, who hated him and despite the fact that she was failing Transfiguration miserably, refused to ask him for help even though he was even more brilliant that the teacher, Professor McGonagall." That was completely unnecessary. I never said anything about mkaing Lily fail her classes miserably and making James better than McGonagall. That's just dumb; but think of this. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. At the moment, we're seeing none of Miss Lily 'My middle name is Mary-Sue' Evans's and a whole lot of James's.

As for Miss Anonymous hp... fine, I think she's right and you should FOCUS ON LILY LESS... which is really just a ncie way of saying what I said; make her mroe realistc.

Think about it, interpert it in any way you want.

- offering Constructive Criticism to authors all around the HP fandom
10/8/2004 c19 Romulan Empress
Funny! *is gasping with laughter and rolling onthe ground* The Marauder Christmas- I love it! Please update fast- this was too hilarious!
10/8/2004 c19 Constructive Criticism
But WHY is it that you wanted people to know Lily can enjoy a good prank? We know from canon that Lily is not a prankster at all and hates immaturity. While I like the story, I'd try to make Lily a bit less perfect in everything.

Transfiguration is meant to be James's subject to shine in, so why was Lily also able to get the work straight away? It could have worked if you made James just as good as Lily in Charms, but that didn't happen.

Why is it that people like you always favour Lily? That scene in the Hospital Wing where Pomfrey sent a spell at James for badmouthing his opposition, but did nothing to Lily was blatant favouritism.

I agree with Miss Anonymous hp... you make this story too good for Lily. How about letting HER be the loser once in a while?

Here's another very annoying thing you should consider; why is it that you enter yourself in the story? Just pop up some time and start talking to the characters as if you belong? We want to read a story about the HP characters, not some author that is trying to make herself cool by self-insertion.

This story has potential, as it's fun to read, but I do suggest working on the above.

- offering Constructive Criticism to authors all around the HP fandom
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