for The Shadow Sands3/9/2011 c6 
13AnisoulJ93
Wait, did I miss something? What happened to He or father guy ghost shadow creature knight thing? But, awesome story. Though id try cutting the chapters down a little bit, spread em out a bit more.
13AnisoulJ93Wait, did I miss something? What happened to He or father guy ghost shadow creature knight thing? But, awesome story. Though id try cutting the chapters down a little bit, spread em out a bit more.
1/8/2010 c6 Evey
Well, I realize I'm getting to the party late, but I absolutely loved this fic and felt I needed to review... sort of a closure thing. You've done the unthinkable and made me care about OCs. I finished this late last night and my first thoughts in the morning were something along the lines of, "*sob* I guess they're really dead then..." I think I could've handled most of them dying, but not Thoth, even though there was plenty of evidence you were going to nock (her?) off. What with the book asking Bakura for the blood of someone he loves and everything. Speaking of that book, it always seemed to show up just as I was starting to forget about it. Nice job with that.
I keep trying to get all excited and write a really good review, but I just can't bring myself to type an exclamation point. Thoth is dead, there can be no more happiness.
Speaking of the little dude, you never really explain why there's a Nayami and a Thoth... it would've been nice to have some explanation there. It almost seemed like his actually being a girl was an afterthought, especially with that part where Thoth licks Bakura and Bakura immediately defends Rayeel's gayness. Though I guess it does explain why Thoth kept her face covered.
Anyway, this fic was really good. I was getting pretty sick of wading through all the crappy mary sue fics and the yaoi that Bakura usually stars in, so I was pretty psyched when I found an adventure/angst. It actually caused me to speed a couple times, 'cause I was in such a rush to get home from school and read more. But now I'm just mildly depressed. Sigh. Despite the character death, ch6 is probably my favorite. It was the best written, in my opinion, and anything that can make me feel the emotion the fic advertises itself as is pretty good in my book. *Angst angst angst*
Well, I'm off to bum around the house. The fic is over! Thoth is dead! Lament! Wail!
Well, I realize I'm getting to the party late, but I absolutely loved this fic and felt I needed to review... sort of a closure thing. You've done the unthinkable and made me care about OCs. I finished this late last night and my first thoughts in the morning were something along the lines of, "*sob* I guess they're really dead then..." I think I could've handled most of them dying, but not Thoth, even though there was plenty of evidence you were going to nock (her?) off. What with the book asking Bakura for the blood of someone he loves and everything. Speaking of that book, it always seemed to show up just as I was starting to forget about it. Nice job with that.
I keep trying to get all excited and write a really good review, but I just can't bring myself to type an exclamation point. Thoth is dead, there can be no more happiness.
Speaking of the little dude, you never really explain why there's a Nayami and a Thoth... it would've been nice to have some explanation there. It almost seemed like his actually being a girl was an afterthought, especially with that part where Thoth licks Bakura and Bakura immediately defends Rayeel's gayness. Though I guess it does explain why Thoth kept her face covered.
Anyway, this fic was really good. I was getting pretty sick of wading through all the crappy mary sue fics and the yaoi that Bakura usually stars in, so I was pretty psyched when I found an adventure/angst. It actually caused me to speed a couple times, 'cause I was in such a rush to get home from school and read more. But now I'm just mildly depressed. Sigh. Despite the character death, ch6 is probably my favorite. It was the best written, in my opinion, and anything that can make me feel the emotion the fic advertises itself as is pretty good in my book. *Angst angst angst*
Well, I'm off to bum around the house. The fic is over! Thoth is dead! Lament! Wail!
8/5/2006 c6 Amandana
Wow! Are some of the people from the bar still alive? Is Bakura going to see them? I never would of guessed Thoth was a girl? Some good twists going on! UPDATE SOON :D :D
Wow! Are some of the people from the bar still alive? Is Bakura going to see them? I never would of guessed Thoth was a girl? Some good twists going on! UPDATE SOON :D :D
12/13/2005 c2 Lover of Seth
I think you show the relationships between characters in a very interseting way, especially between Main characters and OC's like with Bakura and Thoth. The friendships in this fic are very kawaii ( once again, like with bakura and Thoth, but also with Mana, Atem and Mahado). I like the way you show Atem's personality, I love him and Bakura...and I love Fasen and Thoth ( cute ^^), but I'm in love with Sen and Ari and Haketp and Shefnu and Mahado...and of course SETH!
I think you show the relationships between characters in a very interseting way, especially between Main characters and OC's like with Bakura and Thoth. The friendships in this fic are very kawaii ( once again, like with bakura and Thoth, but also with Mana, Atem and Mahado). I like the way you show Atem's personality, I love him and Bakura...and I love Fasen and Thoth ( cute ^^), but I'm in love with Sen and Ari and Haketp and Shefnu and Mahado...and of course SETH!
12/13/2005 c1 Lover of Seth
I think tthat this is a very well put together first chapter. Bakura's familiy is highly entertaining and everything that goes on with Atem is well written. Very good...and ignore that person who said that you should have done more with the characters and made chapters shorter. ~.^ ( I'm saything this because I go to school with Kura Rocks and Marik rolls and I read chap5 first). Very good!
I think tthat this is a very well put together first chapter. Bakura's familiy is highly entertaining and everything that goes on with Atem is well written. Very good...and ignore that person who said that you should have done more with the characters and made chapters shorter. ~.^ ( I'm saything this because I go to school with Kura Rocks and Marik rolls and I read chap5 first). Very good!
10/17/2005 c6 Marik Rolls
You should have just stabbed me you FIEND! * smacks with rubber chicken* T.T You took away my darling Haktep...YOU KILLED EVERYONE! The chapter was rather well put together, nice job especially on the ending. You made Asami lose her ARM! I KNOW THIS IS ANGST BUT HASN'T SHE HAD ENOUGH. SPEAKING OF ENOUGH...YOU KILLED THOTH! AND THOTH ISN'T...THOTH! THOTH IS A..A NAYAMI! YOU KILLED EVERYONE...haven't The 'Brothers' four suffered enough? ;.; I can't believe Thoth's blood wa sone of the keys...I can't believe that Thoth and Bakura said I love you...*sniff* Very Good Y.A.
Update soon *blows nose*
Marik Rolls~
Ps: No, I don't really hate you...It'll pass. AH HAKTEP!
You should have just stabbed me you FIEND! * smacks with rubber chicken* T.T You took away my darling Haktep...YOU KILLED EVERYONE! The chapter was rather well put together, nice job especially on the ending. You made Asami lose her ARM! I KNOW THIS IS ANGST BUT HASN'T SHE HAD ENOUGH. SPEAKING OF ENOUGH...YOU KILLED THOTH! AND THOTH ISN'T...THOTH! THOTH IS A..A NAYAMI! YOU KILLED EVERYONE...haven't The 'Brothers' four suffered enough? ;.; I can't believe Thoth's blood wa sone of the keys...I can't believe that Thoth and Bakura said I love you...*sniff* Very Good Y.A.
Update soon *blows nose*
Marik Rolls~
Ps: No, I don't really hate you...It'll pass. AH HAKTEP!
10/13/2005 c6 Kura Rocks
T.T this is how you repay for being a faithful reader? You snatch away the OC's that I had become attatched to...I don't know where I'll have to time to comment betwen by ramblings. You KILLED MY SHEFNU! YOU KILLED EVERYONE EXCEPT BAKURA (who has to live) and MAYBE SEN *falls on ground* WHY! AND I HATE THAT IT ALL MAKES SENSE! IF IT WERE CRAPPY THEN I'D BE ABLE TO HATE YOU ( I'm telling you the chap waz good). AND OMG, Marik Rolls WILL DIE WHEN SHE FINDS OUT ABOUT THOTH X.X. YOU KILLED THOTH!
Please Update soon...
I'll probably review again when I think of something sensible T.T *runs off to cry*
Kura Rocks!~ ::sniff*
T.T this is how you repay for being a faithful reader? You snatch away the OC's that I had become attatched to...I don't know where I'll have to time to comment betwen by ramblings. You KILLED MY SHEFNU! YOU KILLED EVERYONE EXCEPT BAKURA (who has to live) and MAYBE SEN *falls on ground* WHY! AND I HATE THAT IT ALL MAKES SENSE! IF IT WERE CRAPPY THEN I'D BE ABLE TO HATE YOU ( I'm telling you the chap waz good). AND OMG, Marik Rolls WILL DIE WHEN SHE FINDS OUT ABOUT THOTH X.X. YOU KILLED THOTH!
Please Update soon...
I'll probably review again when I think of something sensible T.T *runs off to cry*
Kura Rocks!~ ::sniff*
10/3/2005 c6 Hikari Hunter
Everything makes sense...the book, the voices...He finally got Diabound...Thoth's blood was one of the keys. I thought the writing for this chapter was very good...Why Did Thoth have to die *cries*...why Rhea and Renora...Why Shefnu...why did they all have to go. I guess it makes sense; it it is these deaths that drive Bakura to the darkness. I can't believe that 'plot-twist' with Thoth. PLease update soon.
Hikari Hunter~~
PS: *sobbing* I hate you right now Yami-AJ...you know what I mean
Everything makes sense...the book, the voices...He finally got Diabound...Thoth's blood was one of the keys. I thought the writing for this chapter was very good...Why Did Thoth have to die *cries*...why Rhea and Renora...Why Shefnu...why did they all have to go. I guess it makes sense; it it is these deaths that drive Bakura to the darkness. I can't believe that 'plot-twist' with Thoth. PLease update soon.
Hikari Hunter~~
PS: *sobbing* I hate you right now Yami-AJ...you know what I mean
9/23/2005 c5 Marik Rolls
Greetings Yami AJ,Kura Rocks is at my house and is mourning the loss of Oberon. We didn't forget you we were simply grounded (no internet, TV, pizz, food...) for failing an Algebra test * cough* Anyway, wonderful Job on this chapter. It doesn't bother me that it was so long because it had plenty of content. Thumbs up on the flashbacks. I finally saw piece of a memory saga episode and Bakura's eyes were some weird dark lavender/purple; very cool. Please Update soon, and don't kill my dear Shefnu or Sen and Fasen and Ari or Thoth...or Senna and Rhea and Shila and Kana or Rayeel...I think Renora should stay far from Bakura...
One complaint, Wingweavers ATK and DEF points were missing.
Update soon ^_;
Marik Rolls!
Greetings Yami AJ,Kura Rocks is at my house and is mourning the loss of Oberon. We didn't forget you we were simply grounded (no internet, TV, pizz, food...) for failing an Algebra test * cough* Anyway, wonderful Job on this chapter. It doesn't bother me that it was so long because it had plenty of content. Thumbs up on the flashbacks. I finally saw piece of a memory saga episode and Bakura's eyes were some weird dark lavender/purple; very cool. Please Update soon, and don't kill my dear Shefnu or Sen and Fasen and Ari or Thoth...or Senna and Rhea and Shila and Kana or Rayeel...I think Renora should stay far from Bakura...
One complaint, Wingweavers ATK and DEF points were missing.
Update soon ^_;
Marik Rolls!
9/23/2005 c5 Kura Rocks
Sorry about that. I can't believe you killed Oberon...O.O. I knew something bad was going to happen from the beginning of this chapter. I loved this chapter, the flashbacks were really good and parts were ULTRA kawaii. My dear Ari was still good as usual. He said one of my favourite lines ( Fasen: He's seventeen. ARi: You ruined my AIR OF MYSTERY!). Good job Yami AJ, meh likes your long chappies just fine. Marik Rolls is having a fit. YOU BETTER NOT KILL SUPER KAWAII THOTH! OR I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN! He and Bakura were meant to be together! I don't mind Yaio * nudge*.
Update soon. ;.;
That was sad, but super good...Kura Rocks!
Sorry about that. I can't believe you killed Oberon...O.O. I knew something bad was going to happen from the beginning of this chapter. I loved this chapter, the flashbacks were really good and parts were ULTRA kawaii. My dear Ari was still good as usual. He said one of my favourite lines ( Fasen: He's seventeen. ARi: You ruined my AIR OF MYSTERY!). Good job Yami AJ, meh likes your long chappies just fine. Marik Rolls is having a fit. YOU BETTER NOT KILL SUPER KAWAII THOTH! OR I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN! He and Bakura were meant to be together! I don't mind Yaio * nudge*.
Update soon. ;.;
That was sad, but super good...Kura Rocks!
9/23/2005 c5 Kura Rocks
O.O *dies* * in zombie form* IT ROCKS!
O.O *dies* * in zombie form* IT ROCKS!
9/15/2005 c2 12Ethereal Light
0.o Okay then...that WAS long. *Sweatdrops*
Erm...well, on a positive note, reviewers never have to flame you for short chapters! *Laughs nervously*
Anyway, that chapter really scared me-I read it! *Gasps* Generally not a good idea for TOO long chapters-throws reviewers off you see, cos it's like the story just drones on and on like a boring maths class on a hot day (No offense intended).
Your OCs seem to be very jumbled although the chapter was slightly humourous. It would be better to focus on one OC at a time and maybe develop their personality and character a bit more...it does seem better.
Remember, it's not the quantity that counts but the quality. It sort of sounded like a rambling story in this chapter- a long novel-like fic without a real meaning-something for you to work on.
Overall, fair chapter and update soon!
Eternal Phoenix
12Ethereal Light0.o Okay then...that WAS long. *Sweatdrops*
Erm...well, on a positive note, reviewers never have to flame you for short chapters! *Laughs nervously*
Anyway, that chapter really scared me-I read it! *Gasps* Generally not a good idea for TOO long chapters-throws reviewers off you see, cos it's like the story just drones on and on like a boring maths class on a hot day (No offense intended).
Your OCs seem to be very jumbled although the chapter was slightly humourous. It would be better to focus on one OC at a time and maybe develop their personality and character a bit more...it does seem better.
Remember, it's not the quantity that counts but the quality. It sort of sounded like a rambling story in this chapter- a long novel-like fic without a real meaning-something for you to work on.
Overall, fair chapter and update soon!
Eternal Phoenix
9/15/2005 c1 Ethereal Light
Wow! That was long and pretty good for a first chapter! I liked the way you paid a lot of attention to the detail and the context of the chapter-very admirable.
Your characters sound nice but it was a bit confusing as you tried to fit in so many things into one chapter. Perhaps you could slow down and try to make things a little clearer.
I spent some time scrolling up and down trying to understand a particular concept. Your grammar and spelling is admirable as well-it's nice to find someone who can spell correctly and consistantly in a story.
Is this an AU fic? 'Cos in the real Egyptian Memory Arc and in Yugioh, Bakura's eyes are brown. Erm...the characters sounded a bit 'modern' for the era (I'm not sure whether 'crappy' was a word they used a lot) but overall, they're fine. A little bit more of character building won't hurt either.
I must say, the summary sounded a little bit self-centered. I hope you can live up to that phrase: The best OCs around!
All the same, don't keep putting yourself down. It's great to be modest and most people appreciate it but don't go to the extent of flaming yourself. ^.^
Good Luck!
Eternal Phoenix
Wow! That was long and pretty good for a first chapter! I liked the way you paid a lot of attention to the detail and the context of the chapter-very admirable.
Your characters sound nice but it was a bit confusing as you tried to fit in so many things into one chapter. Perhaps you could slow down and try to make things a little clearer.
I spent some time scrolling up and down trying to understand a particular concept. Your grammar and spelling is admirable as well-it's nice to find someone who can spell correctly and consistantly in a story.
Is this an AU fic? 'Cos in the real Egyptian Memory Arc and in Yugioh, Bakura's eyes are brown. Erm...the characters sounded a bit 'modern' for the era (I'm not sure whether 'crappy' was a word they used a lot) but overall, they're fine. A little bit more of character building won't hurt either.
I must say, the summary sounded a little bit self-centered. I hope you can live up to that phrase: The best OCs around!
All the same, don't keep putting yourself down. It's great to be modest and most people appreciate it but don't go to the extent of flaming yourself. ^.^
Good Luck!
Eternal Phoenix