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for Passion's Bitter End

10/8/2004 c6 5Mekiah Evaehell
i finnaly get to review, yipee. Just like you said, dean, just like you said

Messege from the writer: I wont be updating since this month i have a lot of exams
10/6/2004 c1 24Sakata no Ginshiro
umm... that would reminds me of FFT's Beowulf and Reis


Ranulf is Beowulf...

so as Katie is Reis
10/5/2004 c6 Sakata no Ginshiro
Now that's more tragic per se. Continue
9/25/2004 c6 3the ultima3
You rock!
9/22/2004 c6 4Bboyz
WOW...at last, an update, YIPPEE! Anywayz, this is like the best update yet (I say that all the time... need something new to say)

Well... I can't wait untiul Ranulf like starts making havoc and stuff and what will he be if he isn't a priest anymore?
9/18/2004 c6 6Tom Valor
Uminom ng San Miguel Beer yung guard...Wapak!

Anyway the sound effects are a bit unnecessary and this chapter is really just one scene. It was a short scene even. And remember you're rated R. Forget the "private parts" bit. Just say that Ranulf smashed the stunner into the guard's groin, or balls, and smiled as he heard a dull crack of something breaking. Keep writing!
9/9/2004 c5 3the ultima3
nice story

is Sigmund gonna die?

hope it is gruesome
9/4/2004 c5 4Bboyz
luv the story, update soon!
9/1/2004 c5 6Tom Valor
Ok serious time...

While the plot is still interesting, I'd like to point out a few things that sort of..."detract" from your fic. First is having to censor the language. You've already rated it "R" so I think you can write it down directly. Avoid writing author's notes in the middle of the narattion. It's...distracting. Another thing, some of your punctuations are off. There are periods missing and you forgot to place some commas when addressing a person. For example "What do you care wench?" should be "What do you care, wench?"

Notice the comma? Sometimes it's good to remove the "he said" parts. Take the last sentence for example. Instead of "Sigmund licked her face 'You taste good, pretty lady' he said" pergaps it would be better if you wrote it like this...

Sigmund licked her face...

"You taste good, pretty lady..."

A bit more cliffhangerish don't you think? Ok this is getting long...keep writing!
8/10/2004 c4 Tom Valor
Heh...caught already? This Ranulf isn't very good with secret affairs. The story's getting more intriguing. Update soon!
7/28/2004 c2 Tom Valor
Er...it's going too fast really. I mean they just meet in chapter one and they're already in ove in chapter 2. Try to add more descriptions in your fight scenes instead of just saying he killed 20 munaks. The summary's a real eye catcher though. Keep writing!
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