for Blue Camel Inn4/17/2006 c2 lazy zan
Nice dialogue... can't do'em to save my life!
"despite his charm, is starting to disturb her with that smile."
Yeah! That would indeed creep me out! Gotta love him though!
narrizan
Nice dialogue... can't do'em to save my life!
"despite his charm, is starting to disturb her with that smile."
Yeah! That would indeed creep me out! Gotta love him though!
narrizan
1/23/2005 c1 
6sRoze
lOl! this is seriously funny, something I can identify with the real series. lOl! it seems like any given day off the sanzo-ikkou's westward trip. the quarrels between monkey and half-breed, the oh-so-predictable "urusai! shi-ne!" from the not-so-conventional monk in front, and the disconcerting smile and a "ha.. it's so peaceful here" from the monocled guy behind the wheels.. Except that the four are in an extremely foul mood after going without proper rest for 42 days.. lol! hope you'll continue to update.. even if not, i think this two chapters can probably stand on their own.. i need a closure though.. lOl!
6sRozelOl! this is seriously funny, something I can identify with the real series. lOl! it seems like any given day off the sanzo-ikkou's westward trip. the quarrels between monkey and half-breed, the oh-so-predictable "urusai! shi-ne!" from the not-so-conventional monk in front, and the disconcerting smile and a "ha.. it's so peaceful here" from the monocled guy behind the wheels.. Except that the four are in an extremely foul mood after going without proper rest for 42 days.. lol! hope you'll continue to update.. even if not, i think this two chapters can probably stand on their own.. i need a closure though.. lOl!
10/19/2004 c1 161743
Ah, home sweet home. Or something like that. :)
The party of four must be a real sight.
This was very well written, and I'm impressed at your progresses in writing. The descriptions fit nicely and make the short scene very realistic. I liked how you kept the quirks and characteristics of each group member as seen through the eye of an outsider.
Good work!
161743Ah, home sweet home. Or something like that. :)
The party of four must be a real sight.
This was very well written, and I'm impressed at your progresses in writing. The descriptions fit nicely and make the short scene very realistic. I liked how you kept the quirks and characteristics of each group member as seen through the eye of an outsider.
Good work!
10/18/2004 c1 2Salmastryon
As I said before and I'll say again, I can really see the improvement in your description in this story.
The part you added where you describe Goku bounceing around Hakkai chanting food seemed especially visual to me.
I wouldn't worry about the lack of plot. The main point of the Challenges is to grow as a writer and this piece through all its difficulties has really improved your writing. I can't wait to see your chapters of Sings once you apply this new know how.
2SalmastryonAs I said before and I'll say again, I can really see the improvement in your description in this story.
The part you added where you describe Goku bounceing around Hakkai chanting food seemed especially visual to me.
I wouldn't worry about the lack of plot. The main point of the Challenges is to grow as a writer and this piece through all its difficulties has really improved your writing. I can't wait to see your chapters of Sings once you apply this new know how.