for The Hollow Men8/27/2005 c13 
70Sheo Darren
Major league mecha action again! Mithril's finally taking the Pattons in for a dry run! Woot!
A great combination of action and humor, too. I love Mark's 'Afro power' cheer. Who, indeed, would think to look there?
Will be sending you an edited copy of this chapter. Corrected some minor spelling errors and italicized foreign words. Not much. Well done despite the rush.
As always, a wonderful fic. Thank you very much!
*currently an unabashed Kiriko fan and loving this Whispered girl*
70Sheo DarrenMajor league mecha action again! Mithril's finally taking the Pattons in for a dry run! Woot!
A great combination of action and humor, too. I love Mark's 'Afro power' cheer. Who, indeed, would think to look there?
Will be sending you an edited copy of this chapter. Corrected some minor spelling errors and italicized foreign words. Not much. Well done despite the rush.
As always, a wonderful fic. Thank you very much!
*currently an unabashed Kiriko fan and loving this Whispered girl*
7/18/2005 c12 Sheo Darren
Khaur’on. Khaur'on?
Oh, no. Please, no. Don't tell me that it's 'him'...
I am very frightened now of the Helmaj and Khaur-on- and very curious. Just how will things turn out for Kalinin now? And what's going to happen to Kenji and company?
*Hmm. I just noticed that everyone seems to always get captured at one point or another. ^_^*
Excellent chapter! Update desu!
Khaur’on. Khaur'on?
Oh, no. Please, no. Don't tell me that it's 'him'...
I am very frightened now of the Helmaj and Khaur-on- and very curious. Just how will things turn out for Kalinin now? And what's going to happen to Kenji and company?
*Hmm. I just noticed that everyone seems to always get captured at one point or another. ^_^*
Excellent chapter! Update desu!
7/16/2005 c12 8Lakewood
Awesome chapter. I'm glad to see you updated.
I think the poem at the beginning of the chapter adds a very nice flavor to the overall element of the story. Upon closer examination, it actually gives more of an insight into the story than it would appear at first.
It's good to learn a bit about the Halmaj since the anime didn't really go into much detail about them. I like how you explain Kalinin's role in the developing of the FMP storyline we all know. Seeing how everything is tying together is rather exciting to read.
You have a very good story, and the hard work you put into it really shows. But, as much is expected from a writer such as yourself.
I can't wait to read your next chapter and see how things come together. So, I hope the real world works out well for you and look forward to when you get the time to write more. So, until then...
Keep up the good work.
-Adam Lakewood
8LakewoodAwesome chapter. I'm glad to see you updated.
I think the poem at the beginning of the chapter adds a very nice flavor to the overall element of the story. Upon closer examination, it actually gives more of an insight into the story than it would appear at first.
It's good to learn a bit about the Halmaj since the anime didn't really go into much detail about them. I like how you explain Kalinin's role in the developing of the FMP storyline we all know. Seeing how everything is tying together is rather exciting to read.
You have a very good story, and the hard work you put into it really shows. But, as much is expected from a writer such as yourself.
I can't wait to read your next chapter and see how things come together. So, I hope the real world works out well for you and look forward to when you get the time to write more. So, until then...
Keep up the good work.
-Adam Lakewood
7/12/2005 c11 70Sheo Darren
Ah. Another primer. You really put a lot on keeping readers on the edge as they hanker for more.
The intensity behind thescenes continues to build up. An unknown attacker (it has to be one) brought down both satellites by still-unknown means. Also, the mysterious cargo can only be one thing. It looks like Mithril is about flex its muscles earlier than expected.
Moving on to the next installment...
70Sheo DarrenAh. Another primer. You really put a lot on keeping readers on the edge as they hanker for more.
The intensity behind thescenes continues to build up. An unknown attacker (it has to be one) brought down both satellites by still-unknown means. Also, the mysterious cargo can only be one thing. It looks like Mithril is about flex its muscles earlier than expected.
Moving on to the next installment...
7/12/2005 c10 Sheo Darren
Resuming my 'Hollow Men' marathon...
Slower than the previous. But Kenji and company are now on the field. Finally, they'll get some action of their won.
The introduction of a 'new' -not the single quotation marks- character, Kiriko, and her dialogue with Richard raises new questions. However, it helps to expand their characters and motives some more.
Good preparatory chapter. I'm expecting the action to start kicking up again in the next chapter.
Resuming my 'Hollow Men' marathon...
Slower than the previous. But Kenji and company are now on the field. Finally, they'll get some action of their won.
The introduction of a 'new' -not the single quotation marks- character, Kiriko, and her dialogue with Richard raises new questions. However, it helps to expand their characters and motives some more.
Good preparatory chapter. I'm expecting the action to start kicking up again in the next chapter.
7/11/2005 c9 Sheo Darren
Oh, boy. Kalinin and company sure are in trouble now. ^_^
I've noticed that you've adopted a certain style of pacing and arranging scenarios. Major plot developments and intelligence breaks are usually preceded or followed with high-speed action sequences. Just like a best-selling technothriller. Nothing wrong with that; in fact, it serves to heighten the experience and link together plot threads.
Ending my marathon for today. Hope to see you again tomorrow. This has been an exhilirating ride into the FMP world that you've taken me on. Thanks a lot!
Oh, boy. Kalinin and company sure are in trouble now. ^_^
I've noticed that you've adopted a certain style of pacing and arranging scenarios. Major plot developments and intelligence breaks are usually preceded or followed with high-speed action sequences. Just like a best-selling technothriller. Nothing wrong with that; in fact, it serves to heighten the experience and link together plot threads.
Ending my marathon for today. Hope to see you again tomorrow. This has been an exhilirating ride into the FMP world that you've taken me on. Thanks a lot!
7/11/2005 c8 Sheo Darren
I am confused. This account shows NAPA VALLEY as a heroic, humane being. Why do Kenji and company hate him? What made him change so much? And who is he?
I should have been paying more attention to the dates...
An exciting chapter. And the human moments, like Dr. Rachenkov's death, are beautiful. Reading this story is just like watching a movie- no, more than that. Readers don't just watch things; they are drawn into the story itself. That attests to your skill as a writer.
My time on the 'net is almost up, but I will try to finish one or two more chapters for today. As always, good work.
I am confused. This account shows NAPA VALLEY as a heroic, humane being. Why do Kenji and company hate him? What made him change so much? And who is he?
I should have been paying more attention to the dates...
An exciting chapter. And the human moments, like Dr. Rachenkov's death, are beautiful. Reading this story is just like watching a movie- no, more than that. Readers don't just watch things; they are drawn into the story itself. That attests to your skill as a writer.
My time on the 'net is almost up, but I will try to finish one or two more chapters for today. As always, good work.
7/11/2005 c7 Sheo Darren
I was half-expecting Kalinin to pull off a stunt as crazy as this. But just what is he up to?
Ooh, Hinds! The Pashtun call it 'the undertaker' because the Hind could create a big enough hole in the ground to bury the guy it shot at.
Very fast-paced. The dose of action kept me on my toes- and after it was over, I was hankering for more.
The best chapter yet in terms of action. More servings of this, please!
I was half-expecting Kalinin to pull off a stunt as crazy as this. But just what is he up to?
Ooh, Hinds! The Pashtun call it 'the undertaker' because the Hind could create a big enough hole in the ground to bury the guy it shot at.
Very fast-paced. The dose of action kept me on my toes- and after it was over, I was hankering for more.
The best chapter yet in terms of action. More servings of this, please!
7/11/2005 c6 Sheo Darren
Hmm. I have mixed opinions about this chapter. The first half proceeded slowly for my tastes, but introduces a new character and expands on previous protagonists like Mark and Kenji. A primer for the coming action, perhaps?
I myself prefer the second half. Kalinin's words and manner of speaking enraptured me. He really is one of those people who lead by example- and in his lead, other people will instantly follow. No wonder Sagara looks up to him. A most impressive man.
Overall, this chapter is equal to the others that preceded it. In my opinion, the latter half is better, but that does not mean that the first half is ugly. It was well-written and fleshed out a number of protagonists. I suppose all that really made it for the second half was Kalinin.
Anyways, biases or none, well done. Proceeding to the next chapter...
Hmm. I have mixed opinions about this chapter. The first half proceeded slowly for my tastes, but introduces a new character and expands on previous protagonists like Mark and Kenji. A primer for the coming action, perhaps?
I myself prefer the second half. Kalinin's words and manner of speaking enraptured me. He really is one of those people who lead by example- and in his lead, other people will instantly follow. No wonder Sagara looks up to him. A most impressive man.
Overall, this chapter is equal to the others that preceded it. In my opinion, the latter half is better, but that does not mean that the first half is ugly. It was well-written and fleshed out a number of protagonists. I suppose all that really made it for the second half was Kalinin.
Anyways, biases or none, well done. Proceeding to the next chapter...
7/11/2005 c5 Sheo Darren
Restarting my marathon of your fic...
Yeah! Kalinin as a young (definitely younger than in the series) buck! A familiar face to whom we can all gravitate to. You've depicted him marvelously, perfectly in character: practical, polite and intelligent.
And MITHCENT is probably the coolest of all the Mithril branches.
A little short on length, but Kalinin's cameo makes it more than worthwhile. Great job.
To chapter six...
Restarting my marathon of your fic...
Yeah! Kalinin as a young (definitely younger than in the series) buck! A familiar face to whom we can all gravitate to. You've depicted him marvelously, perfectly in character: practical, polite and intelligent.
And MITHCENT is probably the coolest of all the Mithril branches.
A little short on length, but Kalinin's cameo makes it more than worthwhile. Great job.
To chapter six...
7/11/2005 c4 Sheo Darren
You entertain without fail. Though I reluctantly end my marathon now, I know I will take it up again soon. This story is simply too addictive. Brilliant!
As a side note: the idea that MITHEUR HQ is beneath an Italian restaurant tickles me.
Until the next.
You entertain without fail. Though I reluctantly end my marathon now, I know I will take it up again soon. This story is simply too addictive. Brilliant!
As a side note: the idea that MITHEUR HQ is beneath an Italian restaurant tickles me.
Until the next.
7/11/2005 c3 Sheo Darren
Things are picking up now. Also, questions are being raised: who is NAPA VALLEY? Why does Kenji hate him/her so much? I have the bad feeling that I think my guess on who NAPA VALLEY is accurate...
An exciting read. Maybe you really should write techno-thrillers. An infusion of young blood would do the genre good.
Things are picking up now. Also, questions are being raised: who is NAPA VALLEY? Why does Kenji hate him/her so much? I have the bad feeling that I think my guess on who NAPA VALLEY is accurate...
An exciting read. Maybe you really should write techno-thrillers. An infusion of young blood would do the genre good.
7/11/2005 c2 Sheo Darren
My hopes are not disappointed in your story. It remains as gripping as ever. The additional urgency makes it an even more compulsive read. But the kicker was the line: "THERE SHOULD BE NO OTHER OPTION THAN PREVENTING THE RISE OF THE ‘ARM SLAVES’." And that line chilled me, even as I am in an air-conditioned room.
On the "Dosvidanya, rodina" quote: didn't the Russian national anthem have a line like that? But the joke is morbidly funny.
Kudos.
My hopes are not disappointed in your story. It remains as gripping as ever. The additional urgency makes it an even more compulsive read. But the kicker was the line: "THERE SHOULD BE NO OTHER OPTION THAN PREVENTING THE RISE OF THE ‘ARM SLAVES’." And that line chilled me, even as I am in an air-conditioned room.
On the "Dosvidanya, rodina" quote: didn't the Russian national anthem have a line like that? But the joke is morbidly funny.
Kudos.
7/11/2005 c1 Sheo Darren
This is probably the most well-written, extensively researched and gripping fan fiction I have ever had the honor of reading and reviewing. I can see you poured a lot of time and effort into this; in fact, your efforts probably surpass Tom Clancy's. The names, the languages, the back history and accurated details all make this story a delight to read. So, my congratulations go to you for a job not just well-done, but excellently done.
And, yes, the Shagohod side-mention actually made me chuckle. The Soviets could never do things right...
This is probably the most well-written, extensively researched and gripping fan fiction I have ever had the honor of reading and reviewing. I can see you poured a lot of time and effort into this; in fact, your efforts probably surpass Tom Clancy's. The names, the languages, the back history and accurated details all make this story a delight to read. So, my congratulations go to you for a job not just well-done, but excellently done.
And, yes, the Shagohod side-mention actually made me chuckle. The Soviets could never do things right...
6/6/2005 c12 James Axelrad
i didn't think to ask, but when is tessa going to show up?
i ask because you are getting with in 10-15 years of when she should be showing up. which brings up an issue
i don't know how much you know about ship building, but a vessel as large and complex as the tuatha de danaan would take everal years in a full shipyard like teh general dynamics electric boat yard. even longer since a lot of her is new technology, which would require new manufacturing, which would add more time.
also, to make her in secret would require even more time. this would require that she be constructed a lot slower than normal, which would make it easier to hide her existance.
a lot of this can be shaved since tessa would do all of the theory and design of the new systems, making it a matter of fabrication, transport, and assemply of the componants.
and, most importantly, judging by what i saw in the anime with the danaan in its dry dock undergoing maintenance, the more i want to say that she was proabably built there. that seemed to be a very specialized setup, one made especially for her. and, with a covered drydock, easy to conseal the process.
i think that the large number of cargo planes and small freighters are probably left over from that process. they are great for other things, but they had a VERY large number of cargo planes in that hanger on teh island.
also, since you have them with access to c5's, the beggining stages could see teh use of these aircraft to bring in the larger structural members, hull plating, and parts, as well as reacter componants. most of the stuff used in her construction would need to be fabricated all over in small pieces for assembly later, or fabricated on site so as to avoid detection. this is especially true for teh outer hull, and for the reactors. if started early enough, the turbines are simple, but he screws are not.
while variable pitch screws can be assembles on site, only warships use them, and screws are specialty parts.
i didn't think to ask, but when is tessa going to show up?
i ask because you are getting with in 10-15 years of when she should be showing up. which brings up an issue
i don't know how much you know about ship building, but a vessel as large and complex as the tuatha de danaan would take everal years in a full shipyard like teh general dynamics electric boat yard. even longer since a lot of her is new technology, which would require new manufacturing, which would add more time.
also, to make her in secret would require even more time. this would require that she be constructed a lot slower than normal, which would make it easier to hide her existance.
a lot of this can be shaved since tessa would do all of the theory and design of the new systems, making it a matter of fabrication, transport, and assemply of the componants.
and, most importantly, judging by what i saw in the anime with the danaan in its dry dock undergoing maintenance, the more i want to say that she was proabably built there. that seemed to be a very specialized setup, one made especially for her. and, with a covered drydock, easy to conseal the process.
i think that the large number of cargo planes and small freighters are probably left over from that process. they are great for other things, but they had a VERY large number of cargo planes in that hanger on teh island.
also, since you have them with access to c5's, the beggining stages could see teh use of these aircraft to bring in the larger structural members, hull plating, and parts, as well as reacter componants. most of the stuff used in her construction would need to be fabricated all over in small pieces for assembly later, or fabricated on site so as to avoid detection. this is especially true for teh outer hull, and for the reactors. if started early enough, the turbines are simple, but he screws are not.
while variable pitch screws can be assembles on site, only warships use them, and screws are specialty parts.