for A New Beginning1/2/2005 c3 
20LienaSha
The idea isn't bad - there's another story like this that takes place a bit earlier in the series that I absolutely adore - but you've got quite a bad problem with grammer, word choice, and sentance structure, among other things.
Examples: "What her dreamed" should be "What he dreamt"
Studdered is not a word, although stuttered is.
"Hinata sayed" should be "Hinata said" - sayed does not exist.
If the chapter is in past tense, "Kakashi thinks to himself" should be "Kakashi thought to himself."
I'm afraid that that's only the beginning. Please get a beta reader to fix these for you if you honestly have no idea about this sort of thing.
Most importantly, keep writing. Only through practice can a person get better.
Sonoda Aki
20LienaShaThe idea isn't bad - there's another story like this that takes place a bit earlier in the series that I absolutely adore - but you've got quite a bad problem with grammer, word choice, and sentance structure, among other things.
Examples: "What her dreamed" should be "What he dreamt"
Studdered is not a word, although stuttered is.
"Hinata sayed" should be "Hinata said" - sayed does not exist.
If the chapter is in past tense, "Kakashi thinks to himself" should be "Kakashi thought to himself."
I'm afraid that that's only the beginning. Please get a beta reader to fix these for you if you honestly have no idea about this sort of thing.
Most importantly, keep writing. Only through practice can a person get better.
Sonoda Aki
1/1/2005 c3 Alulain P
i love narut/jun/kyuubi talk and this is getting more interesting i hope you go into more detail as it goes along and not do a time jump or if u do don,t do it right away anyways update soon
i love narut/jun/kyuubi talk and this is getting more interesting i hope you go into more detail as it goes along and not do a time jump or if u do don,t do it right away anyways update soon
12/25/2004 c2 TimeShifter
Cool. What memories did Naruto get? Did his father teach him any techniques? Wouldn't he recognize his mother from his father's memories? Can't wait to see where this goes!
Cool. What memories did Naruto get? Did his father teach him any techniques? Wouldn't he recognize his mother from his father's memories? Can't wait to see where this goes!
12/23/2004 c2 vedmid
huh... in interesting first two chapters... I have this odd feeling I'm going to enjoy reading this as it develops
huh... in interesting first two chapters... I have this odd feeling I'm going to enjoy reading this as it develops
12/23/2004 c2 1PanchoPistolas
I just realized that both my reviews will be one next to the other but hey what the hell! I'm starting to get hooked on your story but two cliffies in a row are making me go insane well looking forward for the next chapie have a happy and safe holyday with your loved ones.
1PanchoPistolasI just realized that both my reviews will be one next to the other but hey what the hell! I'm starting to get hooked on your story but two cliffies in a row are making me go insane well looking forward for the next chapie have a happy and safe holyday with your loved ones.
12/23/2004 c1 PanchoPistolas
Well a really good beginning (no pun Intended) it's good to see females write you guys have certain sensibility we lack no offense intended I'm a big fan of your husbands stories I hope you are a good or even better than him looking forward for the nex chapter.
Well a really good beginning (no pun Intended) it's good to see females write you guys have certain sensibility we lack no offense intended I'm a big fan of your husbands stories I hope you are a good or even better than him looking forward for the nex chapter.
12/23/2004 c2 9Dragon Man 180
I'm officially hooked on this fic! Hisoka316 asked his readers to check it out and I'm glad he did! I've read of the 4th sealing his soul inside Naruto with Kyuubi, but never all his memories. I'm guessing Hana is Naruto's mother, if I'm right I hope she admits it and helps make up for all the years she missed being with him. I loved seeing both Naruto and Jun yell at Kyuubi, especially when they yelled together at the same time. Did Hinata follow Naruto from the hospital or is she still in the waiting room?
9Dragon Man 180I'm officially hooked on this fic! Hisoka316 asked his readers to check it out and I'm glad he did! I've read of the 4th sealing his soul inside Naruto with Kyuubi, but never all his memories. I'm guessing Hana is Naruto's mother, if I'm right I hope she admits it and helps make up for all the years she missed being with him. I loved seeing both Naruto and Jun yell at Kyuubi, especially when they yelled together at the same time. Did Hinata follow Naruto from the hospital or is she still in the waiting room?