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for Chrono Trigger: The Sands of Time

3/26/2005 c18 Rage Colewell
Hey, Kit Thespian isn't your only regular reader! When are you going to update this great story?
3/7/2005 c7 Professional Freeloader
It probably would have been more entertaining if I had included crono as the boy with a speach deficit. But I'm glad I you found the review enjoyable.

P.S. I know it isn't needed to continue this, but I feel that I must. LET MAGUS LIVE!
3/5/2005 c18 9Kit Thespian
The tank? Far-fetched? Not really. It was different from the original story and I think that's cool. The only thing that I find slightly far-fetched about it would be how easily Lucca discovered what it was and how they would work it, and how Crono was able to drive it. Just a thought.

Can't wait till the next chappie!
3/5/2005 c18 15Gibson18
Tetsukon, yours is probably the funniest and most entertaining review I have read thusfar. Thanks! :)

Gibson
3/4/2005 c18 Professional Freeloader
Gibson, we're talking about a story where three teenagers go back in time, forward in time, and end up saving the world and it's furture with the help of a cave women with little dialect, a robot with a problem with stating the obvious, a knight cursed to be a frog for the rest of his days, and a molevolent wizard bent on revenge. And your asking us weather or not finding a tank on a highway is far-fetched?

Anyways, keep up the good work.

P.s. Let Magus live.
3/3/2005 c17 someone
i almost thought that you were going to abandon this story for once i'm glad i was wrong oh yeah and two more things update soon and LET MAGUS LIVE
2/28/2005 c17 A Reader
Magus must live, his character adds too much to the story line to have him killed off. Sides Glenn is far to honorable to kill for revenge.
2/27/2005 c17 9Kit Thespian
This was a good chapter, though shorter than yours usually are. I felt so sorry for the three, knowing that they were about to step into the dismal world of 2300 AD. Please put Belthasar into the story! I love the three gurus!

The alert system isn't as piffy as it usually is, because I had to look on my favorites list to see if you'd updated. Sheesh.

Oh, Magus, my Magus! He must live! He must! He must! He must! He must! You get that? Not should, MUST!

You know, the original title for "Up a Treehouse" was "Up a Treehouse Without a Ladder" But then I thought, too wordy. That's why it's called "Up a Treehouse."
2/27/2005 c17 Professional Freeloader
Great intro to the future. Great way to catch the attention of the readers. Keep it up!

Oh yeah, LET MAGUS LIVE!

That's all.
2/23/2005 c1 1Locuster
First and foremost, I bow to your prolificacy. I've been meaning to review another of your works for awhile, and returned to find a whopping 16 chapters completed in such a short amount of time. Unfortunately, one review won't do your story justice, so for now I'll simply start at the beginning - Chapter 1.

Your writing is far above amateur, with no major spelling or grammatical errors to speak of. It reads well, and incorporates an extensive vocabulary amidst vivid imagery. You are a good writer, though I do have some suggestions to help you improve.

The greatest asset to any writer is revision. (I'm still revising my old stuff, never satisfied) And the first step should be to remove clutter - all the words the really don't serve much purpose. The best advice comes from William Zinsser's "On Writing Well" which I'll quote:

"Is there any way to recognize clutter at a glance? Here's a device my students at Yale found helpful. I would put brackets around every component in a piece of writing that wasn't doing useful work. Often just one word got bracketed: the unnecessary preposition appended to a verb (order up), or the adverb that carries the same meaning as the verb (smile happily), or the adjective that states a known fact (tall skyscraper). Often my brackets surrounded the little qualifiers that weaken any sentence they inhabit (a bit, sort of), or phrases like 'in a sense' which don't mean anything. Sometimes my brackets surrounded an entire sentence - the ones that essentially repeats what the previous sentence said, or that says something readers don't need to know or can figure out for themselves. Most first drafts can be cut by 50 percent without losing any information or losing the author's voice."

So I applied the theory to your very first paragraph. The first listed is yours, and the second is the new one.

"It all began on the start of January when the cool winds beat upon the shores of a beach that bordered Guardia Kingdom from the ocean that stretched for hundreds of miles. It was a warm year, and a flock of seagulls that flew in a group were grateful as they circled over the cerulean seas in search of sustenance. Life was plentiful and abundant in these seas and it was usually peaceful. However, there was something different in the air that morning, driving the seagulls further away from the town than they usually were."

"The cool January winds beat upon the shores that bordered Guardia Kingdom. It was a warm year, and a flock of seagulls were grateful as they circled over the cerulean seas in search of sustenance. Life was plentiful and abundant. But something was different in the air that morning, driving the seagulls further from town than usual."

It's still not perfect, but I think the premise stays true. In all, you could probably cut the 76k+ words down by a third, which would make it seem a less daunting task for new viewers to pick up and read. I applied it to the next few paragraphs as well, and can send them via e-mail if you would like me to.

The lead in is great, especially revealing the fair from a seagull's POV. Since the seagull has no idea what's going on, neither does the reader, and it adds an air of mystery that pulls the reader into the story (even though most have likely played CT before). I have a clear picture of YOUR Guardia, Truce, and fair, and not just the game's.

Crono was introduced well, his descriptions interspersed with action. And the classic opening scene between him and his mom was touching and sweet. Nicely done.

I'm not too keen on his date with Claire. It's cute, campy, and a fresh diversion from the original story, but I tend to be a purist when it comes to plot - that everything included should support either plot, characterization, or mood. I learn that girls find Crono attractive, though I can infer that from one sentence: "A group of giggling girls eyed him over as they approached him." I also learn that Fritz is missing, a detail vital for a later chapter. Other than that, I'd prefer Crono to spend time showing Marle around the fair instead, since her character is more important and I can visualize why Crono will eventually go to extreme lengths to rescue her.

I hope I didn't overstep my bounds in my review, I still think your novelization outclasses all the others I've read, including the unofficial project that's out there. I can only hope you'll continue to provide an entertaining insight into the story I love. Keep up the good work.
2/23/2005 c16 Professional Freeloader
Wow! This novelization is ausome! You've put a lot of depth into it. Definitly on of my favourite CT fanfics.

Keep it up and update soon.

P.S. LET THE MAGUS LIVE! YOU THINK THAT OTHER REVIEWER WAS A MAGUS FAN? WELL WHEN I REALIZED THAT I COULD HAVE HAD MAGUS ON MY TEAM, I RESTARTED THE GAME! I have no life, I know.
2/20/2005 c12 MogGuy
A new twist on a great game. Keep it up!
2/20/2005 c16 9Kit Thespian
My favorite parts were actually the moment when Marle confronts her father, "Have you no soul?" Whew, gave me chill-bumps. Thought it was lousy of those guards to eat the pastries. But Crono's a toughie; I like him more with each passing chapter! Whe!

I hope her father feels like a jerk after the way that he's been behaving! That's just stupid, the things that he did!

So, the next chapter will obviously be set in the future. How about that Belthasar? Or that Robo?

One more thing...LET MAGUS LIVE!
2/16/2005 c3 Kit Thespian
Since it's up to us...YOU HAD SO BETTER LET MAGUS LIVE! I'm serious. When I played the game last, I saved it right before going to the North Cape. I killed Magus, and then I turned off my game system and restarted it, crying, "I'm sorry, Magus! I'm so sorry! I won't do it again; I promise!"

Needless to say, I would greatly prefer it if he lives.
2/15/2005 c15 Lucius Greiner
I'm loving this story and checking every day for updates. I have to say, I'm glad I never started a Chrono Trigger novelization because this is superior to anything I could write in every way. Well, except for a few spelling errors. Yakra, for example, isn't spelled Yarka. But really, it's mostly small little errors...

- Dedidicated Reader #2, I just don't review that much. :p

PS: Magus must LIVE! ^_^
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