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for Dreams do come True

12/13/2014 c16 Haniab
Please finish soon.
7/14/2010 c16 angel313
It is good. Please update.
3/28/2006 c16 serenitynight
absolutely great job on this. i really enjoyed reading this story. you are a great author
1/12/2006 c16 SailorTardis498
lol its great... update asap
12/27/2005 c16 3Hoshiko Megami
Very cool story so far! I hope you find the time to be able to write more and to update! Hope you enjoyed your Christmas!
6/29/2005 c16 3IsisMoon
like it
6/8/2005 c16 2Water Angel1
Very nicely done. Love what your doing with the story. The writting flows nicely, though there is some mistakes. But not enough to hinder reading.

Water Angel1
6/3/2005 c16 1Neviegirl
you bogus little thing you must keep going with this.
6/3/2005 c16 2jumping-jo
hey cool story hope you finish it totally into reading it.
6/2/2005 c16 NoLongerInReality
Haha! Quatre in a Truck-Limo instead of a Limo! XD That's great.

But one thing! I *REALLY* hate to say this.. But that part after Trowa remembers his past life is Really Really Corny XD. No offense I just couldn't stop laughing after I read the line. It just looks so funny in your head if you think about it.

Also. I would like to point out that when some one remembers their past lives, they are usually confused about it for a bit, before coming to terms with all that has happened. They also don't usually remember every face to. Most of the time it takes them a few days, to months (years even) to remember everything, and actually take on the personality of their past lives.. Or at least take on traits of their past lives.

Anyways. I love how you have had the Quartet and the other three (also Catherine) incorperated into the story. It's very original, not many do that. They usually leave them out of stories, it's a nice change.

But I'd like to point another thing out, when Artemis is talking about finding out about Mars, Venus and Mamoru.. He shouldn't be so... forward about what he has said... _ If you get what I mean.

Anyways. I stress the fact again of detail (sorry! It's just this thing I always have to point out XD), and I also would like to stress the fact of emotions put into the characters (although they are pretty much in character for the most part).

Also, about a few chapters it's happened in, don't put small authors notes in the middle of the chapter, it kind of ruins the reading.

That's all. Do Update soon!
6/2/2005 c15 NoLongerInReality
It's a longer chapter! I see... So the Inners have been marked by Mamoru. I sort of feel sorry for them.. I believe I get their uhm, how to word this.. carreer he's chosen for them.

I think Ami/Makoto is a cute couple. But when writing the word "two" don't put "2" in its place. That doesn't look good.

Also, When Fish-Eye is talking (you do know Fish-Eye is actually a guy right? Odd fact, I thought Fish-Eye was a girl, but he was turned into a Girl over in America because they didn't want the children to see a guy character crushing on another guy character.) there's something wrong with her sentence:

“I believe that she, herself, is still sleeping. Though the others who were with her, the Outers, are awakened and still very protective other her..." This should be read like (or something like):

"I believe that she, herself, is still sleeping. Although, the others who were with her, the Outers I believe, are awakened, and are still very protective of her..."

When I say Fish-Eye should say "I believe" after saying she saw the Outer senshi with Usagi, I say that because the Outer senshi weren't around in the Nehelina (to my rememberance, they came after Nehelina and joined in at the Mistress Nine series, which was after Nehelina.) arc. So the Quartet and Fish-Eye, Tigers-Eye and Hawks-Eye don't exactly know them. That's all.

Also, when making interaction between the four inner scouts, be more expressive. Don't make them act the same way, and be more descriptive about what they look like. I know from personal expirience that it's hard to have them interact in a betrayl fic without either being totally with eachother or against eachother. But you get the hang of it after a few tries.

Again, I'm not trying to be mean. I don't meen to sound rude and mean, I'm just trying to help you out.
6/2/2005 c14 NoLongerInReality
Chibi-Chibi! Hehe, she's utter cuteness.

Anyways. Like I've started to say, more description and such. Also, just for the readers curiosity, you should describe what all the characters are waering. How their hair is done, etc.

It was a good chapter none the less though.
6/2/2005 c13 NoLongerInReality
“TRINITY! What are you doing up out of the wheel chair?” Asks Michiru as she runs up to the shorter girl. “How can you walk? Hotaru said you would have to remain in the wheelchair for at least another week. This is such good news. I must awaken Haruka and Setsuna.” Michiru runs off to fetch the other adults to see this miracle.

^- That short little paragraph (that had more before it) is a tad... Not to descriptive at all.. I'm *really* sorry if I come off as rude and mean, but I'm just trying to help! (I feel bad, 'cause it's so hard to show you're not trying to be mean when you're typing on a computer, so I'm sorry!)

For the paragraph you should add how Michiru looked, sounded and acted. Also, at the begining, how there's just the "Morning arives at the Ten'oh household, with a loud crash" you should add more.

I say you should add more, like description, because every time a person speaks a new paragraph is started (unless it's that person speaking again). To only have that little line, and then a new paragraph, seems very wrong. So I would add more to it. Also, when Michiru yells out Usagi's new name "Trinity" don't put it like "TRINITY!", that makes it seem.. Almost over done. Although that's just my opinion.

Also, on the next paragraph, don't have Usagi say Miracle in all capitals too.

(Third paragraph) "The sounds of running feet heard, as the Outer Scouts run down the stairs to see their princess." That sentence is very repetitive in the sense of the running scouts. The reader understands that they were running from how you said that there were sounds of running feet. The sentence should read something along the lines of- "The sound of running feet could be heard, as the outer scouts dashed down the stairs to see their princess." It sounds better that way.

(paragraph four)"In the Kitchen, Trinity is sitting at the table scarffing down the food on her plate. “Michiru, these are good eggs and pancakes. A good thing I stayed down and made sure they did not burn, while you ran upstairs to awaken the others.” Teases Trinity."

This paragraph is a bit odd to me. We find Usagi sitting at the table, but it doesn't mention that the outer scouts are there yet, so it seems as if Usagi is talking to air. Also, it's not "Teases Trinity." it's "teased Trinity." Another thing, at the end of talking inbetween ".." marks, there shouldn't be a period but rather a , mark then the last set of " marks. So it would actually read:

"...,while you ran upstairs to awaken the others," teased Trinity.

I'd write more about what I've seen in this chapter that could be greatly improved on, but that would be way to long of a post ^_^. I really don't meen to sound rude or anything, but this story has some really good potential and I want to see it be brough out to the fullest of its extent.

If you have any comments or questions, just e-mail me.
6/2/2005 c12 NoLongerInReality
Aye. A tad on the short side but it's ok. Also, any time a person it speaking a new paragraph is needed to be made.

You should add more details and emotions into the story to. This will make it more believable, and give the reader a real sense of what's happening, what people are feeling, and what everything looks like around them.

Scarce details are nice, for the reader can enjoy making up most of what everything looks like, but for this story it seems more fitting, in my opinion, that more details instead of scarce details should be there.

Also, I would like to point out that a few times you word sentences wrong. Not a big thing with a lot of readers, but the ones who really take the time out to read the stories, look for any and all things to critique to help the writer.

That's all. Bye now.
6/2/2005 c11 NoLongerInReality
Interesting.. Just one thing, when they do things like softly smile, don't write it into the speach part. It's confusing for a few moments untill it clicks, and It's like they're actually saying "softly smiles" and then going on with the sentecne.

If you're going to show that in speach, then stop the speach part and go- "Oh," Setsuna softly smiled,"that would be wonderful." Insted.

That's all. (By the way, you have a few grammer mistakes I've been noticing. Not to patternish, but sometimes you have the same kind of grammer mistake as the chapter before. I don't meen to be mean, but I thought you'd like to know that.)
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