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8/31 c3 Frey's Servant
An interesting start. Cannot wait to see where this leads.
2/25/2020 c2 51MilevenShipper27
I am liking this so far :)
11/10/2019 c224 DavidJP
Hi,

Have just read this mammoth tale and thoroughly enjoyed it!

The characters come across with a range of very different personalities, but at the same time a great amount of affection for one another despite the personality clashes.

The writing is well done, and the descriptions and action sequences certainly don't lack in tension.

Looking forward to more.

Cheers,

David
9/28/2019 c224 Guest
Great chapter! A lot of suspense has been building up to this confrontation and we finally have some answers.

There's a real sense now of momentum building towards a final sequence (or at least a major act finale), and I'm very excited to see where it all goes!
7/29/2019 c223 n2oflyr
Unfortunate for Aslan. . . Is what I would say, if it were truly for the Baroness' benefit. It's interesting that Sir Silverton lays as a victim to this coup, and that this coup seems to be led by the ES. Who is the Baroness? Who is the Governess? I suppose we shall find out soon enough, but good for Caroline for standing up and making a charge, if you could call it that. I think Laertes deserves more credit. I feel bad for the guy, he's done his best. I can't wait to find out what happens to the group this time around. They tried to pants the ES, but they seemed to have been pantsed themselves. . .
7/29/2019 c222 n2oflyr
I was close to tears by the end of this one. I could feel Tojo's existential dread through every written word. The stress from the different debates and trying to talk around Tojo's feelings just made the whole situation pretty grim. I think the dialogue was very well written here. I could hear the determination and heartbreak through each character's lines. I'm a little worried about Thorin. Not sure what's got him jumping in and out of reality, but I am sure glad he came up with the solution. I thought for sure Tojo was in some real trouble. A great chapter, on to the next.
7/24/2019 c223 t-d
Hey there! Long time no see. I'm late to the party, I know, but I don't look at my ff messages much any more. I'm super glad I happened to this week!

As an aside note, I did not have time to reread from the beginning, so I'm now judging all the earlier chapters of this story on a new criteria: if I remember what was up with a character or a plotline, then it must have been one of the best bits. By this standard, it becomes immediately clear to me that your characters, their emotions and their relationships are the best part of this story. I can't for the life of me remember the details of what happened to Tad, but I still know it was horrible and it had a profound impact on the main cast; I don't remember why Talass had to leave in the end, but I know that it followed months of slowly building problems between her and Elrohir and yet it still broke Elrohir's heart when it happened; and apparently some tiny little part of my mind has now spent last ten years (jeez) storing up frustration with THAT STUPID PALADIN AND HIS UTTER BLINDNESS TO THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS.

Ahem. Anyway, more relevantly to these chapters, I couldn't have told you the details of Tojo's quest or of what happened during that time when Caroline was being psychically assaulted and ended up staying at the castle Chauv, but I do remember how painful and emotional that episode was for her, and that the plotline ended kind of inconclusively (did Argo get back from a trip and interrupt it?), while Tojo had finally received a clue to following up on his seemingly-hopeless quest. So I'm glad these chapters followed up with lots of good stuff on these two plot threads!

Let's take Tojo first. Lots of good stuff here. I like the dynamic with the Darkeye dwarves - you've always been good at remembering that in real life people can have goals that aren't aligned without being so far opposed that they're actively hostile, particularly with questions of politics and leadership at stake. It helps also that the heroes are - and know that they are - pursuing a personal objective which is deeply important to them but won't bring (much) benefit to those they encounter - it's not like they're saving the world, when authority figures who don't help them immediately come off as either stupid or evil. This makes the dynamic interesting, and their eventual banishment banishment from the city not only plausible but almost inevitable...

Dumovar is a great villain too; he has a solid backstory and humanising (and tragic) moments, but without straying so far over that line that we stop rooting for the heroes to win. It's interesting that no one seems to raise the possibility of this character returning - after all, while he is currently impossible for them to track, they now believe him to be magically compelled to commit extremely high profile crimes, so it seems not unreasonable to believe that if they kept an ear out they might yet hear of his exploits again and secure another chance at tracking him down? I could believe that Tojo's unwilling to consider this as a solution (since it doesn't address the question of whether the quest was always a lie, which is far more pressing emotionally at this point), but it's interesting that nobody even seems to come up with it.

I'm also not clear (maybe this relies on a detail I've forgotten from earlier) why exactly the fact of the necklace being cursed means that Tojo has been betrayed? What's to stop him from killing Dumovar, taking the necklace, not wearing it and therefore not succumbing to the curse that renders him unable to take it off, and handing it back over to his Daimyo as per the original plan? Yes, the temptation of its great power will make this difficult to do, but the test of willpower involved could be legitimately considered part of the quest, not as a trick that renders the whole quest invalid. It would be definitely clear if the instruction had been "return wearing the Pearls and give them to me" or similar - but of course this plotline otherwise relies on the original instruction having been very specifically worded and not that.

(a thought that has occurred to me: a different way to spin this situation - not particularly better, just different - would have been if Tojo DID get the Pearls but realises that returning such a powerfully cursed object to his clan would surely destroy them sooner or later - and then has to decide if he will return them anyway to reclaim his honour or if he will act to protect his clan although they will never know it and it would mean rejecting most of what gives his life meaning - this moral dilemma would be easy to kick down the road for now since he is currently physically unable to get back, but it would be there waiting for you when you needed it :-) although I guess you are kind of running this plotline with Aslan and his Paladin oaths, so maybe it's not needed for Tojo to face similar)

Moving on. In general I am suspicious of precocious children - Thorin is what, maybe 10 or 11 by this point (I have no idea anymore what the in-game timeline was)? The link with Tad does play beautifully and I liked it very much, but otherwise I'm not sure that Thorin was the right choice to use in this chapter. He's first got to come up with that logical argument that none of the highly intelligent adults around him have spotted (although if they are trying to ascertain the daimyo's motivations I would have thought that an in-depth examination of exactly what he said and the implications thereof would be an obvious thing to do? and I'm afraid it's not that hard to spot Thorin's solution). It's a bit weird, but I can kind of believe it, particularly since we know that the adults are trying super hard to upset Tojo so maybe none of them liked to ask - but Thorin THEN has to follow it up by linking Tad's quite subtle hint to a sophisticated appeal to Tojo's emotions. I don't quite buy that a child of his age ought to have the emotional intelligence to pull that off - particularly since what we've seen of Thorin so far (IIRC) mostly involves him failing to get through on an emotional level to his own father. I feel like it would have made more sense to perhaps de-link the logical argument and the emotional appeal and give them respectively to characters that are known to be strong in those arenas? (If it had to be NPCs because none of the players came up with it in session, then maybe something like Thorin - the child who is prepared to ask the direct questions that the adults are avoiding - to figure out what the actual instruction was, which everyone would immediately spot had been technically fulfilled, and Caroline to follow up with the emotional intelligence?)

(note: account for my biases when you read these comments. I really hate precocious children. It might not be as uncanny as I immediately assumed)

However, it is kind of neat that Tojo's personal plotline seems to be actually pretty resolved. This is a game that in general has so many long-running plot arcs that tend to be left kind of open-ended (because clues run out or more serious situations intervene) and therefore keep running on and causing more angst. It's nice sometimes for them to get a win, and know that it is a win, and that's it's not something that's gonna come back to haunt them again. I mean, Dumovar and the Pearls might come back, but while I'm sure Tojo will experience emotional difficulties it does seem like the threat of him committing suicide is broadly gone forever, which is the important thing here.

Onto the castle Chauv! This is the chapter I'm actually writing this review on so I'm able to look at it in a bit more detail than the earlier ones. And it's a really good one! The backstory is clearly explained, so that we can quickly collect all the detail we need to understand what everyone's up to without being bogged down with a ton of unnecessary and confusing items. The pacing is strong (the action-open was a good call) and everyone's behaviour runs true to what we know of them (okay, there is your players' ongoing truly appalling willingness to split the party at obviously bad times - the festival is the least likely time for anything to happen? REALLY? have they never met a GM in their lives? - but I'm gonna assume that this is caused by scheduling difficulties in your group, since there are so many of you). I'm looking forward to seeing how this situation develops.

As always, hope this helps! And really glad to have you back - I'm afraid I actually lost your email address years ago, but message me with it, or maybe with a link to your facebook or something?

Take care :-)
7/6/2019 c221 n2oflyr
Oh, how I should have guessed that there was something up with the pearls. Nobody in their right mind, albeit Dumovar may not be, would keep the pearls as long as he has while feeling the way he does about them.
This chapter, just like many of the rest, is very well detailed and nearly movie-like in pacing. This makes it incredibly easy to read.
I'm really hoping that these friends will find Dumovar again, to retrieve the pearls, for Tojo-sama's sake. Tojo's world has just been split, and his resolve along with it. With any luck, accidents could happen.
7/5/2019 c220 n2oflyr
Ah, the long awaited 220th chapter. A short one, but full of emotion. I had to go back to read a couple chapters behind just to remember what it was that everyone at The Brass Dragon was so upset about, and Zantac's words to Caroline plunged into my chest and right through my heart. I await the next chapter, keep it up.
3/5/2018 c219 n2oflyr
Other notes, as myself and not a reviewer.
I clearly have too much to say about this book. I could not get enough of it. I thought of it when I wasn't reading it and I couldn't put it down while I was. The loss of stone-cold Talass and Argo Bigfellow's dynamic in the group was a sad one, but I understood why, seeing as this is written from the events of a game where players came and went. The drama between Tojo and his friends was a tough one for me to follow, I like Tojo as a character and to see him leave the story in such a way would have hurt me nearly as much as it would have hurt him. It's a little saddening that not great conclusions were made of the Steelsphere and the Rolexians. I was looking forward to a new story arc, but alas, not to be. What of the pearls? Do they find them? What about Cygnus and Zantac? I need to know and I'm hoping I find answers in the next book, which I will be reading immediately after posting this. Please keep up your wonderful work.
3/5/2018 c219 n2oflyr
It's (almost) over. I can't believe it. I began reading this tale in early December and it's now early March. People I've spoken to about reading this book have said similar things as, "It sounds like you're trudging through it just because you started it and not because you enjoy it." This was not the case. I was proudly marching through it every chapter because I enjoyed every step. Between the dialogue heavy, exposition-clad breaks and the action packed, dilemma filled adventures; there isn't a single one I skimmed for brevity. This is by far in a way not a professionally written book, but fits well with many that are. I professed early on that the book was hard to follow in some places, and while I still stand on that, it became much clearer to read near chapter 60 and on. The main characters at first seemed to have very little if no semblance of a well-meshed group and this was mentioned in the thoughts of the characters themselves in many instances. Nonetheless, they stayed together. Some not because they wanted to but because they needed to. This killed their likability immensely, but made them extremely relatable. If you didn't relate to one you very likely will relate with another, and who you relate to changes often throughout the story. That being said, with progression it becomes more and more clear as to who they are and how they fit together. It's more understood in the end that they do care for each other, but the retirement they sought in the beginning of the story is within sights and they all want it for different reasons and in different ways. All in all, the plot progressed with a beautiful flow, the characters were relatable, and the story was captivating. A couple emotional moments and many close call, fighting for life sequences make for an outstanding novel and a fantastic read. 9/10 Would recommend.
1/9/2018 c110 n2oflyr
The beginning of this chapter is, perhaps, the best literary architecture I've read. I love when authors use such a surreal "Point of View," if you will. The flow and wave of that calm and relaxing scenario written with such a chaotic undertone of destruction is amazing. Almost as though a smooth jazz number was rewritten and performed by a hip-hop artist. Beautiful chaos, my favorite portion of this book so far.
1/2/2018 c85 n2oflyr
I am growing ever less fond of Aslan every chapter. His "I do what's right, not what's best" attitude that he holds up in the highest most arrogant light is becoming obnoxious. I feel as though without Aslan there would be less conflict in the group. I understand that without Aslan they are also without another healer and it's not terribly intelligent to go off sieging without one, but he has everyone so down about their chances with his ridiculous analytics and attempted future telling that nobody is confident enough to do anything until some plot devise spears to save the day. Finally, with the party leader Elrohir incapacitated and Aslan at the temple, Argo the real egotist, comes up with a plan that is so far so good. Also "Things were getting out of hand," had me falling off my chair and rolling. It's the subtle understatements I find comical in ways nobody else does. Things are getting intense and I can't stop reading it, it's one of my favorite action tales. Rivaling quite well with Firefall Bangenthump's "Treasure Planet" fictions.
12/26/2017 c47 n2oflyr
Just a quick stop to say that I love the Harve/Argo combo, it adds a great touch of comedy to everything they do.
12/18/2017 c37 n2oflyr
I've now read to Chapter 37: The Mattock of the Titans and I have to say I'm really enjoying the story. It does, to me, seem a little hard to follow on the occasion because of a slight lack in location information. for a while I thought the Corn was growing somewhere in Willip near the Inn the main group stayed in for a bit. However, later I found that it was just outside The Brass Dragon Inn. Either The Brass Dragon Inn isn't as far out of Willip as I first thought, or I'm just having a hard time keeping track of which characters move to where and stay in which location. Knowing myself, it's probably the later. Great storytelling though, I do love the characters. All their flaws and in-fighting. It keeps them relatable, but having the abilities like Talent and a life of much adventure makes them far enough from us to dream without boredom. A great fantasy written by a great (presumably) Dungeon Master.
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