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for Catching A NekoJin In The Act

8/31/2007 c1 4Witch Girl Pilar

That's SO cute.

1/16/2007 c1 11Psychoswordlady

Shiraz was a bit out of character here, but I'm so starved for MSL slash I don't care. This goes on my favorites.

umm... Possibly some ShirazRothschild from you someday? Just a thought. (wink)
3/24/2006 c1 3PendulumsKiss
Wow. you're a natural! ^_^ It's been so hard to find fan art for the game. I think theres like ONE pic of Shiraz T_T

So I wasnt really expecting to find a fan fic. Its adorable. I loved Glogg and Shiraz in the game. Shiraz always seemed to be making smart remarks and wisecracks at Glogg. I read that it was a GloggxShiraz fic and I was thinking oh no... but you made it work so well. I could beleive that that would actualy happen since it fits in with the games story ^_^

lol i like how you said he was dreaming about surfing.

This sounds like a daydream that i would have in the middle of math class... heh heh.

It seems like it would fit better on the screen, or like as a real event y'know? You added a lot of detail, its picturefully real. next time you write and/revise a fic like this, I'll tell you what my teachers have learned me-

yuo don't need to give xtra words at the end of each sentence. The "red round ball" doesn't always have to "land in the waving yellow autumn leaves of the tall towering oak... on the left side of the river... all the way to that which borders... just south of th.."

-You know what im talking about! Try to avoid sounding like that. You did a good job with that but like, towards the end, (im not criticizing you I love this fic I told all my friends who played the game were stupid-obsessed fangirls... you know how that goes ^_^)

Towards the end what "irked" me a little was not the fact that you had the details, its the quantity... my teachers are always nagging me about the same thing. I always rephrase my stories like a million times, sometimes i even end up changin the entire plot.

This is what i mean (after spoken lines)

Shiraz said softly

Shiraz Offered

Glogg Smiled

/Asked still blushing.

He purred suggestively

Glogg Smiled.

you had that after every time someone spoke. It can get repetitive... its very noticable and "Distracts the readers attention from what is going on" (or so she rambled)

it's always strengnthening to throw in these little tibits once and a while after people speak. Its a natural way to add to the flow of the story, it enhances it poetically, beutifully, it makes clearer the emotion to the reader, as there are no pictures-which no good story really requires anyway! (Your fic was very easy to picture!

It was really strategic even though its comic, I couldn't imagine glogg and shiraz but you made it work like giving a metalhead boyfriend a $500 gift card to hottopic for his birthday ^_^

You have a real talent! I can't wait to see what you write next :
4/10/2005 c1 Spiritual Winds
Aha~! That was the most adorable story I've read in a while! Its very creative, too! You're an awesome writer.

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