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for The Mystery of the Holmes House

10/12/2005 c1 3Idril Silmaril
Okay, it was too speedy and not enough character depth. I would consider revising.
4/20/2005 c1 4AerynFire
Hey! Not a bad plot at all, and a nice look at the wider Holmes family, but it could really benefit from background/character development with regards to the plot, family and especially Abigail and Holmes, so we can really get our teeth into it! You might want to take a closer look at speech patterns for the time, which are a lot more formal and reserved, Holmes and the others often sound too modern to keep us in that Victorian mood. Similarly taking a look at Victorian manners and etiquette will also aid the mood of your story immensely. On a layout matter, consider adding a few line breaks between scene changeovers to aid the effect. This is a great place to learn as you go, I know we have as we've been writing, looking forward to more! ~ LFire (of Aerynfire)
4/20/2005 c1 5Hermione Holmes
Interesting take on the Holmes family, although I'll admit that I'm a bit perplexed. There was really no background to Abigail and Holmes- it was very rushed. Actually, the entire thing was rushed. Also, I believe that Lestrade was around Holmes's age in the canon, so it'd be a bit wierd if he was the father-in-law, unless this is your way of interpreting the canon, in which case you should give more information. Holmes was very out of character, retaining very little of his cynical, sarcastic self. I don't think this is a bad plot line at all, but more description, character development and interaction would probably help. Your style is smooth, but it doesn't go deep into the relationships of the characters. Some parts are also very simplistic- again, delving into the minds of the characters would probably help. All in all, nice job, but focusing more on character development would make this story even better. Hope to read more from you soon!

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