for CAGE LOVE6/14/2006 c1 
4Middernight
The story is good I think ^^
That with Shuichi's long hair freaked me out! O.o not bad though. One thing is it that was really confusing me, when they speak it was complicated to know who was talking.
Keep it up :D
4MiddernightThe story is good I think ^^
That with Shuichi's long hair freaked me out! O.o not bad though. One thing is it that was really confusing me, when they speak it was complicated to know who was talking.
Keep it up :D
6/5/2006 c1 Rhosyn Fox
Spell check. Spell check and more spell check. Or a dictionary.
I started to read your story because it had a decent summary, but I was very disappointed once I started reading. The writing is atrocious. There were so many spelling and grammatical errors I couldn't get past the first chapter.
Every author makes mistakes, whether it's spelling, grammar, or editorial errors, but this story reads like it was written by a first grader who has been held back two years in a row.
Is English your second language? I really hope so because I checked your profile and you say you're 32. If English is your first language and you're 32, then you need to take some English classes.
If you're really serious about improving your writing then get a beta you who can spell and understands the basics of grammar and spring for some night classes.
Spell check. Spell check and more spell check. Or a dictionary.
I started to read your story because it had a decent summary, but I was very disappointed once I started reading. The writing is atrocious. There were so many spelling and grammatical errors I couldn't get past the first chapter.
Every author makes mistakes, whether it's spelling, grammar, or editorial errors, but this story reads like it was written by a first grader who has been held back two years in a row.
Is English your second language? I really hope so because I checked your profile and you say you're 32. If English is your first language and you're 32, then you need to take some English classes.
If you're really serious about improving your writing then get a beta you who can spell and understands the basics of grammar and spring for some night classes.
5/30/2006 c1 2Lastaras
Oh wow! I read this before! Thought I reviewed... guess I didn't...
Anywho, it's good. It takes a different view and changes things a bit. I like it. I'll read the other two chapters tommorow, I've gotta finish typing mine...
Ja!
Lastaras
2LastarasOh wow! I read this before! Thought I reviewed... guess I didn't...
Anywho, it's good. It takes a different view and changes things a bit. I like it. I'll read the other two chapters tommorow, I've gotta finish typing mine...
Ja!
Lastaras
5/28/2006 c3 6Loveless19
Wow its been a while. I hope you update again soon...(you know in like the next week or so...not months ^_^)cause I would really like to know what happens to Shu.
6Loveless19Wow its been a while. I hope you update again soon...(you know in like the next week or so...not months ^_^)cause I would really like to know what happens to Shu.
10/5/2005 c1 10Ashcat
I appreciate that you put your work out here and submitted yourself for public praise or criticism. If English is your second language (yes I see that you are 32 and in USA doesn't mean you aren't still learning English though), it’s very brave of you to post your stories. However, please get someone to help you with your writing. Your spelling and grammatical errors make the story almost incomprehensible. Good luck!
10AshcatI appreciate that you put your work out here and submitted yourself for public praise or criticism. If English is your second language (yes I see that you are 32 and in USA doesn't mean you aren't still learning English though), it’s very brave of you to post your stories. However, please get someone to help you with your writing. Your spelling and grammatical errors make the story almost incomprehensible. Good luck!
10/5/2005 c2 JasLine
have to work hard on ur Spelling... think you have to read the story again n again.. but honestly.. did ur beta(s) help much?
have to work hard on ur Spelling... think you have to read the story again n again.. but honestly.. did ur beta(s) help much?
10/4/2005 c2 2Stuckiesama
very good story! i'm kinda dying to know who the two guys were at the end though. so save me from the agony n update soon, k? :)
2Stuckiesamavery good story! i'm kinda dying to know who the two guys were at the end though. so save me from the agony n update soon, k? :)
8/31/2005 c1 Leviathan06
I am going to be honest with you. I couldn't read your story completely.
It had so many grammatical errors [it looked like as if you were learning English because I know since for me English it's not my first language] I could barely understand your story.
Also the characters were way too OOC [out of character] if you don't know what it means. You also got some facts wrong if I'm not mistaken Yuki only has one earing on his left ear.
For me the story barely made sense and it was very confusing. You might want to re-write this story and get a beta. That way you won't get flamed which I saw one in your reviews page.
I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD, CRUSH YOUR HOPES OR MAKE IT SEEM LIKE I AM A BETTER AUTHOR WHICH I AM NOT!
I am just giving you some advice so you can improve your writing skills.
I even left my name so you wont think I'm a pansy and flaming you [which I am not] and then don't leave a sign in name. I am just giving you some constructive criticism.
You might want to go to this page [if you haven't already been] http:/adultfan.
This page has a lot of writing tips which has helped me write better, maybe it'll help you too.
I wish you good luck at improving you writing skills and I hope that this review does NOT make you stop writing, which isn't my intention.
I am going to be honest with you. I couldn't read your story completely.
It had so many grammatical errors [it looked like as if you were learning English because I know since for me English it's not my first language] I could barely understand your story.
Also the characters were way too OOC [out of character] if you don't know what it means. You also got some facts wrong if I'm not mistaken Yuki only has one earing on his left ear.
For me the story barely made sense and it was very confusing. You might want to re-write this story and get a beta. That way you won't get flamed which I saw one in your reviews page.
I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD, CRUSH YOUR HOPES OR MAKE IT SEEM LIKE I AM A BETTER AUTHOR WHICH I AM NOT!
I am just giving you some advice so you can improve your writing skills.
I even left my name so you wont think I'm a pansy and flaming you [which I am not] and then don't leave a sign in name. I am just giving you some constructive criticism.
You might want to go to this page [if you haven't already been] http:/adultfan.
This page has a lot of writing tips which has helped me write better, maybe it'll help you too.
I wish you good luck at improving you writing skills and I hope that this review does NOT make you stop writing, which isn't my intention.
5/4/2005 c1 sailortao
The storyz great, but spell check! I really love it!^_^
The storyz great, but spell check! I really love it!^_^
5/2/2005 c1 JasLine
That was fun! but i think you need to get a beta reader to edit/correct your story! Can i be your beta Reader if you do not have one! mail me! hehe... make the point that the book that shuichi's sister wants was being damaged!
That was fun! but i think you need to get a beta reader to edit/correct your story! Can i be your beta Reader if you do not have one! mail me! hehe... make the point that the book that shuichi's sister wants was being damaged!
5/1/2005 c1 go away
This is absolutely horrible.
You cannot write. You cannot spell. You do not know the difference between to, too and two. You have zero clue how to write present tense or past tense consistently.
Give it up, delete this pathetic pap and go back to kindergarden, where you will learn how to spell words and write correctly.
This is absolutely horrible.
You cannot write. You cannot spell. You do not know the difference between to, too and two. You have zero clue how to write present tense or past tense consistently.
Give it up, delete this pathetic pap and go back to kindergarden, where you will learn how to spell words and write correctly.
5/1/2005 c1 xxDream Theaterxx
I can try and help..instant message me if I go on the computer (you remember me right?) and I can try to talk about it wit ya and fix it ^^ okies? Alrighty-o. see ya laters! Its not bad so far...just work to improve ^^
I can try and help..instant message me if I go on the computer (you remember me right?) and I can try to talk about it wit ya and fix it ^^ okies? Alrighty-o. see ya laters! Its not bad so far...just work to improve ^^