for Treks of Danger and Fate6/25/2013 c35 
44xSakuraBlossom
This is quite honestly a very interesting story. One thing, you often misspell words or use similar sounding words in place of the proper word. Can't think of any specific examples right now, but I suggest looking over chapters another time before posting them, and possibly looking up idioms that you're not sure about.
The word usage mistakes honestly don't detract from the story, so don't worry about it too much :3
I don't think I've read a story with this kind of plot before, so good job with that. It's really a good read, though I wish it was finished. There's something a little off about the pacing though, in my opinion. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like the story drags a little in places. ...or maybe it's because I'm so tired my eyes refuse to stay open.
Part of the problem with pacing, I think, occurred around the time the Mirror was introduced. It's a little bit boring to see the same scenes again, even if you're getting another POV for it. Condensing flashbacks into a summary might help with that, unless a particularly important insight is needed.
I really like your OCs- well, most of them. There's at least a few that I hate, but the ones that I do are the ones you meant for us to hate. So yeah. It's interesting that Sasuke and Kabuto are on Konoha's side in this story. A little more focus on Sasuke near the end might not have gone awry- he seemed to completely fade out in the last few chapters. Pretty much after he returned after meeting up with Kabuto and receiving info about the Chakara bugs, he kind of fell off. Considering that he's been revealed as a spy in Oto, working for Konoha, I figured he'd be playing a slightly bigger role.
Sorry for all the negativity, I actually really enjoyed reading this story. I kind of wish it was continuing though. I know you've lost inspiration for the fandom, but this story is pretty AU compared to the anime/manga, so it can almost be considered it's own story by now...? It seems a shame to let the story end prematurely when so much still needs to be resolved.
I don't know why your story has so few reviews when I've seen much lower caliber stories with many more reviews. Probably because your story deals with darker themes and focuses much more on plot and character development than fluffy romance. In my opinion, this story deserves much more recognition.
Thanks for sharing at least this arc with us, even if future arcs never get posted. I wish you all the best in future projects!
Great job, keep writing
44xSakuraBlossomThis is quite honestly a very interesting story. One thing, you often misspell words or use similar sounding words in place of the proper word. Can't think of any specific examples right now, but I suggest looking over chapters another time before posting them, and possibly looking up idioms that you're not sure about.
The word usage mistakes honestly don't detract from the story, so don't worry about it too much :3
I don't think I've read a story with this kind of plot before, so good job with that. It's really a good read, though I wish it was finished. There's something a little off about the pacing though, in my opinion. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like the story drags a little in places. ...or maybe it's because I'm so tired my eyes refuse to stay open.
Part of the problem with pacing, I think, occurred around the time the Mirror was introduced. It's a little bit boring to see the same scenes again, even if you're getting another POV for it. Condensing flashbacks into a summary might help with that, unless a particularly important insight is needed.
I really like your OCs- well, most of them. There's at least a few that I hate, but the ones that I do are the ones you meant for us to hate. So yeah. It's interesting that Sasuke and Kabuto are on Konoha's side in this story. A little more focus on Sasuke near the end might not have gone awry- he seemed to completely fade out in the last few chapters. Pretty much after he returned after meeting up with Kabuto and receiving info about the Chakara bugs, he kind of fell off. Considering that he's been revealed as a spy in Oto, working for Konoha, I figured he'd be playing a slightly bigger role.
Sorry for all the negativity, I actually really enjoyed reading this story. I kind of wish it was continuing though. I know you've lost inspiration for the fandom, but this story is pretty AU compared to the anime/manga, so it can almost be considered it's own story by now...? It seems a shame to let the story end prematurely when so much still needs to be resolved.
I don't know why your story has so few reviews when I've seen much lower caliber stories with many more reviews. Probably because your story deals with darker themes and focuses much more on plot and character development than fluffy romance. In my opinion, this story deserves much more recognition.
Thanks for sharing at least this arc with us, even if future arcs never get posted. I wish you all the best in future projects!
Great job, keep writing
7/20/2012 c14 darrian3394
you can tell this story was written almost seven years ago because names are a little wrong because they weren't really released at the time this was written and small details like that...other than that great story...Ino's father's name is Inoichi not Inoshi and Choji's (Chouji) dad's name is Choza (Chouza)...his last name is Akimichi...also Hinata's little sister is Hanabi...other than that great story so far...you could go back and edit their names every time they are mentioned but that would take way too long and in Shikamaru-kun's word it would be far too "troublesome"...peace out-darrian3394
you can tell this story was written almost seven years ago because names are a little wrong because they weren't really released at the time this was written and small details like that...other than that great story...Ino's father's name is Inoichi not Inoshi and Choji's (Chouji) dad's name is Choza (Chouza)...his last name is Akimichi...also Hinata's little sister is Hanabi...other than that great story so far...you could go back and edit their names every time they are mentioned but that would take way too long and in Shikamaru-kun's word it would be far too "troublesome"...peace out-darrian3394
4/12/2011 c35 am
it was a great story! even it was difficult to read it for me because i m a french reader! but i really enjoy it so write more fiction for our pleasure
it was a great story! even it was difficult to read it for me because i m a french reader! but i really enjoy it so write more fiction for our pleasure
11/11/2010 c2 2silver neko girl
Wow. This story is just... epic. In both the modern and literary meaning.
2silver neko girlWow. This story is just... epic. In both the modern and literary meaning.
2/5/2010 c14 E l o w
Very sweet :)
Very sweet :)
2/4/2010 c1 E l o w
Wow! Not bad at all, it's just amazing!
Interesting concept.
Some spelling mistakes, but it didn't bother me much. I really love the story so far, good work!
Wow! Not bad at all, it's just amazing!
Interesting concept.
Some spelling mistakes, but it didn't bother me much. I really love the story so far, good work!
6/8/2009 c35 Numbered.Tables
I really like the idea of this story; it is very refreshing and new.
Your spelling isn't great, at the start you would make mistakes in names like Hanabi and Jiraiya. You seemed to improve a lot but in the last two of chapters the mistake are very frequent. One thing that constantly annoyed me was the than/then mix up, you were using them both in the wrong situations.
I feel as though you made a Mary-Sue character. Meiyo; I can understand that you want her to be stronger than everyone, that makes sense but you went overboard. The having her Byakugan on permanently isn't really possible, it would drain her chakra too much. Then there is the whole pushing through Gaara's shield while playing, I don't think that makes sense, she just pushed straight into him; the sand automatically protects him and she can't have been moving that fast when she was just messing around. Hell, I wouldn't care about that, I understood it (ish) but then you made her have the same intelligence as Shikamaru (I am basing it on the last chapter when you said that they often played Go and made them seemingly evenly matched) which I just don't think should be right. You can't be the best at everything.
There are quite a few things that I just didn't understand; such as Gaara, Temari and Kankuro being the ones that were dealing with the weather change the worst; in a desert the nights are freezing, they would be more used to it than the Konoha shinobi who are used to mild weather.
Please don't take this too harshly, I like to be critical in my reviews and considering this is a very long story, and I just focused on the negative points, I am glad that I stuck with it. I very much like the relationship that you created between Temari and Shikamaru and the comedy that you have added in when it came to Ino and Naruto's tournament. Bravo.
I really like the idea of this story; it is very refreshing and new.
Your spelling isn't great, at the start you would make mistakes in names like Hanabi and Jiraiya. You seemed to improve a lot but in the last two of chapters the mistake are very frequent. One thing that constantly annoyed me was the than/then mix up, you were using them both in the wrong situations.
I feel as though you made a Mary-Sue character. Meiyo; I can understand that you want her to be stronger than everyone, that makes sense but you went overboard. The having her Byakugan on permanently isn't really possible, it would drain her chakra too much. Then there is the whole pushing through Gaara's shield while playing, I don't think that makes sense, she just pushed straight into him; the sand automatically protects him and she can't have been moving that fast when she was just messing around. Hell, I wouldn't care about that, I understood it (ish) but then you made her have the same intelligence as Shikamaru (I am basing it on the last chapter when you said that they often played Go and made them seemingly evenly matched) which I just don't think should be right. You can't be the best at everything.
There are quite a few things that I just didn't understand; such as Gaara, Temari and Kankuro being the ones that were dealing with the weather change the worst; in a desert the nights are freezing, they would be more used to it than the Konoha shinobi who are used to mild weather.
Please don't take this too harshly, I like to be critical in my reviews and considering this is a very long story, and I just focused on the negative points, I am glad that I stuck with it. I very much like the relationship that you created between Temari and Shikamaru and the comedy that you have added in when it came to Ino and Naruto's tournament. Bravo.
2/17/2009 c1 2outdoorhiker
just wanted to say i love this story and would like to see how it ends or continues. any chance of seeing this interesting story end?
2outdoorhikerjust wanted to say i love this story and would like to see how it ends or continues. any chance of seeing this interesting story end?
12/30/2008 c35 Snowy
This story was well written and caught the imagination :)
While, admitidly, there where alot of typos and grammar mistakes eg. , and (there's no commas before ands... (I think)) and missed plot oportunities. But, most of the jokes got me giggling while some just flew over my head.
It was also repetetive at times and I had to force myself to read the first 3 or 4 chapters with the seika people as I found too many characters being introduced in too short a time.
So, just watch out for the afore mentioned problems and usual issues with oc's and it should get even better.
This story was well written and caught the imagination :)
While, admitidly, there where alot of typos and grammar mistakes eg. , and (there's no commas before ands... (I think)) and missed plot oportunities. But, most of the jokes got me giggling while some just flew over my head.
It was also repetetive at times and I had to force myself to read the first 3 or 4 chapters with the seika people as I found too many characters being introduced in too short a time.
So, just watch out for the afore mentioned problems and usual issues with oc's and it should get even better.
10/16/2008 c35 Roger Dering
Well this is the first time a fan fiction has ever compelled me to review it so you should pad yourself on the back just for that.
First of all, it was great the premise was something I have been looking for for a long time andyou write nicely. 9.5/10 in my book.
Now then, onto mistakes, it's easier to crtise a story then praise it so keep in mind that I really do think it was excellent while reading this.
First there certainly was a lot of trouble with the names in this fan fiction. Shikamaru's father's name is Shikaku, which you and a few of your reviwers got right, Ino's father is named Inoichi, which most of you got wrong but that's okay since you admitted that you choose it because you thought it looked better and most importantly, Chouji's father is named "Chouza Akimichi" and none of you got that right. But you wisely just refered to him as Akimichi and avoided any real annoyance.
Alright then about the characters, you certainly changed Naruto a lot. I can tell you like his character and felt you needed to make him a lot smarter after the timeskip so I'm okay with. As another reviewer pointed out, the adults certainly seemed a little to comfortable as prisoners and Kakshi didn't seem to do much at all. But that was for the sake of the story, I get that.
However, Neji is another story. I don't think you understand how strong Neji is suppose to be. Hiashi Hyuuga, Kakashi Hatake and Rock Lee all admitted of themselves that Neji is their superior and nobody else can say that of themselves. He should have been portraited a lot tougher. But he was retty much comic relief so that didn't really bother me. Sasuke is a similiar stoy, you made him change sides but after that he didn't contribute to the story at all. What's more, all the mentions of him point out how angsty he is. In my eyes the defection thing only served to point out that Naruto is a lot smarter then everyone else. Which brings me to another point. Not everybody is a genius, the fact that everybody is up to par with everybody really ticks me off in this fanfic.
Tha brings us to the greatest problem I have with this fanfiction, Shikamaru. Now I'm the biggest Shika fan on the planet so bear with my fanboy rant here. I know that you like to abuse Shikamaru and the fluff with him and Temaari is enjoyable but the fact is, there really isnt much else to his character in this fanfic. He stopped doing anything serious chapter 10. He was basically a love interest. While Kurenai was consistently the main character of every Konoha chapter every chapter about Shika's group either -didn't mention him, -was Shikatema fluff or building up to it, -was a battle (in which Shikamaru never does anything, or a conversation in which people at best talk to Shikamaru with Naruto and Temari giving all the answers. Whenever Shikamaru does try to lead he overrulled by Naruto or Temari and he merely says that it's troblesome. AND THAT IS NOT LIKE SHIKAMARU. Watch the beginning of the Sasuke Retrieval again, specifically one quote "I know I usually seem as a pretty lazy guy, but not today. Because now, I'm responsible for your lives as well." That's the Shikamaru I've wanted to see in his fanfic, instead you only showed his lazy side.
Thanks for reading my review, don't it to personally but keep my critism in mind. Thanks for a fan fiction that I both enjoyed but troled me endlessly.
Well this is the first time a fan fiction has ever compelled me to review it so you should pad yourself on the back just for that.
First of all, it was great the premise was something I have been looking for for a long time andyou write nicely. 9.5/10 in my book.
Now then, onto mistakes, it's easier to crtise a story then praise it so keep in mind that I really do think it was excellent while reading this.
First there certainly was a lot of trouble with the names in this fan fiction. Shikamaru's father's name is Shikaku, which you and a few of your reviwers got right, Ino's father is named Inoichi, which most of you got wrong but that's okay since you admitted that you choose it because you thought it looked better and most importantly, Chouji's father is named "Chouza Akimichi" and none of you got that right. But you wisely just refered to him as Akimichi and avoided any real annoyance.
Alright then about the characters, you certainly changed Naruto a lot. I can tell you like his character and felt you needed to make him a lot smarter after the timeskip so I'm okay with. As another reviewer pointed out, the adults certainly seemed a little to comfortable as prisoners and Kakshi didn't seem to do much at all. But that was for the sake of the story, I get that.
However, Neji is another story. I don't think you understand how strong Neji is suppose to be. Hiashi Hyuuga, Kakashi Hatake and Rock Lee all admitted of themselves that Neji is their superior and nobody else can say that of themselves. He should have been portraited a lot tougher. But he was retty much comic relief so that didn't really bother me. Sasuke is a similiar stoy, you made him change sides but after that he didn't contribute to the story at all. What's more, all the mentions of him point out how angsty he is. In my eyes the defection thing only served to point out that Naruto is a lot smarter then everyone else. Which brings me to another point. Not everybody is a genius, the fact that everybody is up to par with everybody really ticks me off in this fanfic.
Tha brings us to the greatest problem I have with this fanfiction, Shikamaru. Now I'm the biggest Shika fan on the planet so bear with my fanboy rant here. I know that you like to abuse Shikamaru and the fluff with him and Temaari is enjoyable but the fact is, there really isnt much else to his character in this fanfic. He stopped doing anything serious chapter 10. He was basically a love interest. While Kurenai was consistently the main character of every Konoha chapter every chapter about Shika's group either -didn't mention him, -was Shikatema fluff or building up to it, -was a battle (in which Shikamaru never does anything, or a conversation in which people at best talk to Shikamaru with Naruto and Temari giving all the answers. Whenever Shikamaru does try to lead he overrulled by Naruto or Temari and he merely says that it's troblesome. AND THAT IS NOT LIKE SHIKAMARU. Watch the beginning of the Sasuke Retrieval again, specifically one quote "I know I usually seem as a pretty lazy guy, but not today. Because now, I'm responsible for your lives as well." That's the Shikamaru I've wanted to see in his fanfic, instead you only showed his lazy side.
Thanks for reading my review, don't it to personally but keep my critism in mind. Thanks for a fan fiction that I both enjoyed but troled me endlessly.
9/15/2008 c3 15Ikaru Sentinal
Yeah. I likw Kurenai too. She is cool. But my favorites are Shizune, Anko, Tayuya, Temari, Dedaira, Sasori, Kakashi, and Haku. Also...um...Naruto is a Genin. I mean, sure, he COULD be strong enough to rank as a Jounin...but in the three years he was with Jiriya he never took any tests, so he never got the rank of Chunin or Jounin...and at this period of time...it think the only rookie nine that got to Jounin was Shikamaru...and Neji might have too, I can't remember...Maybe Lee too. But Kiba and Shino were still Chuunin... but then again this attack never took place ever in the storyline, so you can take artistic liscense I guess...XD Besides, it does make more sense this way I suppose...and you aren't making anyone TOO weak or too strong...*shrugs* Oh well. And also I forgot to mention in my last review...when Kurenai was muttering threats beneath her breath...XD That was totally my favorite part of the chapter. I love her. She would have made Ibiki so proud.
15Ikaru SentinalYeah. I likw Kurenai too. She is cool. But my favorites are Shizune, Anko, Tayuya, Temari, Dedaira, Sasori, Kakashi, and Haku. Also...um...Naruto is a Genin. I mean, sure, he COULD be strong enough to rank as a Jounin...but in the three years he was with Jiriya he never took any tests, so he never got the rank of Chunin or Jounin...and at this period of time...it think the only rookie nine that got to Jounin was Shikamaru...and Neji might have too, I can't remember...Maybe Lee too. But Kiba and Shino were still Chuunin... but then again this attack never took place ever in the storyline, so you can take artistic liscense I guess...XD Besides, it does make more sense this way I suppose...and you aren't making anyone TOO weak or too strong...*shrugs* Oh well. And also I forgot to mention in my last review...when Kurenai was muttering threats beneath her breath...XD That was totally my favorite part of the chapter. I love her. She would have made Ibiki so proud.
9/15/2008 c2 Ikaru Sentinal
I think this was a very good chapter actually. You don't need to have a lot of action to make a good chapter. And again, it's Hanabi, not Henabi. But then since this story is already completed, it's too late to complain...(And it's Jiriya) And also it's 'tear', not 'tare'...
I think this was a very good chapter actually. You don't need to have a lot of action to make a good chapter. And again, it's Hanabi, not Henabi. But then since this story is already completed, it's too late to complain...(And it's Jiriya) And also it's 'tear', not 'tare'...
9/15/2008 c1 Ikaru Sentinal
Well, I really do love this story so far. It is very interesting. You spelt some people's names wrong tough...Hinata's sister is 'Hanabi', not 'Henabi'. And it is Maito Gai, not 'Meito'. Your grammar is a little off as well, but it does not really bother me too much. The main thing bugging me, is where is Shizune at this time? She should have been with Tsunade...and a little stupid posion should not have brought Tsunade down so easily. She is the best medical ninja in the world currently. Even if the posion was something Kabuto made himself, she should have been able to reverse or at least slow the posion easily and kept fighting. Making her fall so easily was such a let down. But I do still like this story and will keep reading. I just hope it stays this interesting. (Oh, and I love Orochimaru's line...'different fish in the same barrel'...XD NICE...)
Well, I really do love this story so far. It is very interesting. You spelt some people's names wrong tough...Hinata's sister is 'Hanabi', not 'Henabi'. And it is Maito Gai, not 'Meito'. Your grammar is a little off as well, but it does not really bother me too much. The main thing bugging me, is where is Shizune at this time? She should have been with Tsunade...and a little stupid posion should not have brought Tsunade down so easily. She is the best medical ninja in the world currently. Even if the posion was something Kabuto made himself, she should have been able to reverse or at least slow the posion easily and kept fighting. Making her fall so easily was such a let down. But I do still like this story and will keep reading. I just hope it stays this interesting. (Oh, and I love Orochimaru's line...'different fish in the same barrel'...XD NICE...)
8/27/2008 c35 shadowstorm13
amazing this is probably one of my all time favorite story ever writen it's amazing i love this thank you so much for writing i'm sorry for not writing more but i really want to read the sequel!
i hope katsu, yashero, alara, and several others burn in hell plz don't denigh us that
ja ne
-shadow
amazing this is probably one of my all time favorite story ever writen it's amazing i love this thank you so much for writing i'm sorry for not writing more but i really want to read the sequel!
i hope katsu, yashero, alara, and several others burn in hell plz don't denigh us that
ja ne
-shadow