for Born Ugly: Book One7/4/2005 c5 
1ahomelesspirate
It doesn't matter, legally, when Erik kisses Christine. The only time the law enters into it is if they are having sex. Then, she has to be 18. (Not that I ever pay attention to such things, as the Chrsitine in the originall was only 16 when the story takes place). I like that you have erik kill andrew. Well, actaully, I don't like it, but it it very much in charactter. Especially how he doesn't think anything is wrong with doing so. Good job. My only critique was that it was unneccsary for you to say that the closness between Daniel and Dorothy wasn't sexual. She was, like four, it goes without saying.
1ahomelesspirateIt doesn't matter, legally, when Erik kisses Christine. The only time the law enters into it is if they are having sex. Then, she has to be 18. (Not that I ever pay attention to such things, as the Chrsitine in the originall was only 16 when the story takes place). I like that you have erik kill andrew. Well, actaully, I don't like it, but it it very much in charactter. Especially how he doesn't think anything is wrong with doing so. Good job. My only critique was that it was unneccsary for you to say that the closness between Daniel and Dorothy wasn't sexual. She was, like four, it goes without saying.
7/4/2005 c5 3Collett-et-Noir
That was brilliant... you know if it didn't take the story of POTO you could have it published as a book. Can't wait for book numero 2!
3Collett-et-NoirThat was brilliant... you know if it didn't take the story of POTO you could have it published as a book. Can't wait for book numero 2!
7/2/2005 c1 Black Pearl
hey. I love The Phantom of the Opera. It`s my favorite movie, musical and music of all time. I liked your story and I am looking forward to read the next chapter.
But as much as I liked this story I must ask you not to forget my favorite story of yours; 'The Dragon of Hogwarts'
hey. I love The Phantom of the Opera. It`s my favorite movie, musical and music of all time. I liked your story and I am looking forward to read the next chapter.
But as much as I liked this story I must ask you not to forget my favorite story of yours; 'The Dragon of Hogwarts'
7/2/2005 c5 52AResidentGhost
ahh, can't wait for the second book! (i still say that you should keep it in Erik's pov)
52AResidentGhostahh, can't wait for the second book! (i still say that you should keep it in Erik's pov)
7/2/2005 c5 1Bellamyy
Oh oui, oui! I'm so glad I checked for updates after work today! ^-^~! This chapter was deffinately one that gave some hints as to what the future holds for Erik and little Dorothy! (Btw, I think the name 'Dorothy' is adorable!) I wasn't expecting Erik to help Andrew on his way to self-destruction - but it shows how much Erik is willing to protect the people he loves. Its such a difficult subject, but I think you explained his thoughts behind what he did amazingly well. Also, it leaves open a situation that may in the future come back to haunt him!
As for the age difference between Erik and Dorothy, I think you had it right in this chapter- Erik is not an ordinary teenager. His affection for Dorothy so far is innocent, with a hint of something else that only experience will turn into the burning passion that the Phantom conveys. You've set up his character in a way that shows how intelligent he is- but intelligence and maturity are very different things in my opinon. So from what I've read, Erik may know more than Dorothy, but I think he's just as innocent sexually. I think if you have them start to realize that the bond they have goes far deeper than sex, the reader will respond. And as for a kiss *sigh! so cute!* I think it would be so cute if *she* was the one who kisses *him* ! I love a flustered Erik. ^-^~!
I can just picture Dorothy innocently asking Erik for her first kiss, and Erik, who nearly combusts with surprise, longing, confusion (and perhaps a subtle underlying sexual awakening which is bound to happen at some point, its part of life!) gives her a chaste kiss on the cheek. Dorothy, who is so sweet and spunky would then completely unravel his collected exterior by explaining (with great importance!) to him that first kisses should always be given on the lips. And then, to display her point, she kisses him. ^-^~! Hee ! Just an idea! Remember what it was like when you were little and you had a crush. Just holding hands was a monumental (and sometimes scandelous) event! But have fun with it, instead of worrying about who will be offended by what. When you write, there will nearly always be *someone* who has a complaint!
To add to what I was saying about the morality of romance at their age, I also think Erik has a great sense of honor, and he thinks of Christine/Dorothy as a lady- his inner thoughts betray a deep physical passion, but outwardly I think he tries to control himself. When they get a bit older, you can always have that control snap every once and a while! Hee !
As always, I can't wait to read more!
Best Wishes,
Bellamyy
1BellamyyOh oui, oui! I'm so glad I checked for updates after work today! ^-^~! This chapter was deffinately one that gave some hints as to what the future holds for Erik and little Dorothy! (Btw, I think the name 'Dorothy' is adorable!) I wasn't expecting Erik to help Andrew on his way to self-destruction - but it shows how much Erik is willing to protect the people he loves. Its such a difficult subject, but I think you explained his thoughts behind what he did amazingly well. Also, it leaves open a situation that may in the future come back to haunt him!
As for the age difference between Erik and Dorothy, I think you had it right in this chapter- Erik is not an ordinary teenager. His affection for Dorothy so far is innocent, with a hint of something else that only experience will turn into the burning passion that the Phantom conveys. You've set up his character in a way that shows how intelligent he is- but intelligence and maturity are very different things in my opinon. So from what I've read, Erik may know more than Dorothy, but I think he's just as innocent sexually. I think if you have them start to realize that the bond they have goes far deeper than sex, the reader will respond. And as for a kiss *sigh! so cute!* I think it would be so cute if *she* was the one who kisses *him* ! I love a flustered Erik. ^-^~!
I can just picture Dorothy innocently asking Erik for her first kiss, and Erik, who nearly combusts with surprise, longing, confusion (and perhaps a subtle underlying sexual awakening which is bound to happen at some point, its part of life!) gives her a chaste kiss on the cheek. Dorothy, who is so sweet and spunky would then completely unravel his collected exterior by explaining (with great importance!) to him that first kisses should always be given on the lips. And then, to display her point, she kisses him. ^-^~! Hee ! Just an idea! Remember what it was like when you were little and you had a crush. Just holding hands was a monumental (and sometimes scandelous) event! But have fun with it, instead of worrying about who will be offended by what. When you write, there will nearly always be *someone* who has a complaint!
To add to what I was saying about the morality of romance at their age, I also think Erik has a great sense of honor, and he thinks of Christine/Dorothy as a lady- his inner thoughts betray a deep physical passion, but outwardly I think he tries to control himself. When they get a bit older, you can always have that control snap every once and a while! Hee !
As always, I can't wait to read more!
Best Wishes,
Bellamyy
7/2/2005 c5 3MooMoo-Sama
Ah, yes this chapter cleared up my confusion. I have to say I was laughing so hard when our dear Erik ( because now he's officially Erik! )cut his breaks. Andrew would have proved to be more trouble than he's worth, probably end up an abusive drunk father. A fitting end, and he's not all that guilty either.
I'm waiting with baited breath for book two. I enjoyed how Erik canme to be, but Christine needs a story too. Shall there be a Raoul?
MooMoo-Sama
3MooMoo-SamaAh, yes this chapter cleared up my confusion. I have to say I was laughing so hard when our dear Erik ( because now he's officially Erik! )cut his breaks. Andrew would have proved to be more trouble than he's worth, probably end up an abusive drunk father. A fitting end, and he's not all that guilty either.
I'm waiting with baited breath for book two. I enjoyed how Erik canme to be, but Christine needs a story too. Shall there be a Raoul?
MooMoo-Sama
7/1/2005 c4 flowersarefalling
AWESOME! Please, continue, I want to know what happens!
AWESOME! Please, continue, I want to know what happens!
7/1/2005 c5 2Arwen1604
In the U.S. I think that consentual relations is sixteen...but anything lower is rape if caught. If Christine gives Erik permission to have a 'relationship' then he can't be charged with statutory rape; but only if she is sixteen or older; if she's younger even if she gives consent its still a crime. And being sent to jail would be bad and probably not be good for your story. LOL I vote for seventeen, though. A lot of things happen to a girl at seventeen: last year of high school, the looming fears of college and a life away from childhood friends...it seems that a relationship with Erik at that time in her life would add a little drama...Ok, now on with my review for the chapter: I am so glan that Erik got to move in with Mrs. Peterson. I was rooting for that...and Margo and Erik's relationship is an interesting twist. I can see a possible relationship between Mrs Peterson and Margo to Madam and Meg Giry (even the Margo is not Mrs. Peterson's daughter, I could be wrong and embarrassing myself right now)...I could be off, but I have the vibe...I do not blame Erik at all for cutting Andrew's brake lines-I really hated him (as I'm sure you meant for me to) It was interesting for Erik to finally discover his music...I would have liked a tiny bit more detail, as I feel that was an important part, but what you put was great. I can see where Mrs. Peterson might be a little concerned when Daniel legally changed his name...and I cannot wait for book two! I am sad to see Erik's point of view end...but I am overjoyed that his view will return in the final book. Thank you for the reviewer response...I really love this story, and I hope that you find my reviews helpful. I hope you get Book Two back from your Beta soon...I shall give her chocolate chip cookies if she hurries. YEA STORY!
-Arwen1604
2Arwen1604In the U.S. I think that consentual relations is sixteen...but anything lower is rape if caught. If Christine gives Erik permission to have a 'relationship' then he can't be charged with statutory rape; but only if she is sixteen or older; if she's younger even if she gives consent its still a crime. And being sent to jail would be bad and probably not be good for your story. LOL I vote for seventeen, though. A lot of things happen to a girl at seventeen: last year of high school, the looming fears of college and a life away from childhood friends...it seems that a relationship with Erik at that time in her life would add a little drama...Ok, now on with my review for the chapter: I am so glan that Erik got to move in with Mrs. Peterson. I was rooting for that...and Margo and Erik's relationship is an interesting twist. I can see a possible relationship between Mrs Peterson and Margo to Madam and Meg Giry (even the Margo is not Mrs. Peterson's daughter, I could be wrong and embarrassing myself right now)...I could be off, but I have the vibe...I do not blame Erik at all for cutting Andrew's brake lines-I really hated him (as I'm sure you meant for me to) It was interesting for Erik to finally discover his music...I would have liked a tiny bit more detail, as I feel that was an important part, but what you put was great. I can see where Mrs. Peterson might be a little concerned when Daniel legally changed his name...and I cannot wait for book two! I am sad to see Erik's point of view end...but I am overjoyed that his view will return in the final book. Thank you for the reviewer response...I really love this story, and I hope that you find my reviews helpful. I hope you get Book Two back from your Beta soon...I shall give her chocolate chip cookies if she hurries. YEA STORY!
-Arwen1604
6/30/2005 c4 1ahomelesspirate
is this a reincarnation story? I like it, although I can't say I care for the name of Dorothy. I like that Daniel is sad that his grandmother is dying, even though she was horrible. It shows how deeply we cling to the things familiar
1ahomelesspirateis this a reincarnation story? I like it, although I can't say I care for the name of Dorothy. I like that Daniel is sad that his grandmother is dying, even though she was horrible. It shows how deeply we cling to the things familiar
6/30/2005 c4 3MooMoo-Sama
Okay. I'm so entirely confused right now that it can't be legal. Eh, I'll just wait for the next update =3
MooMoo-Sama
3MooMoo-SamaOkay. I'm so entirely confused right now that it can't be legal. Eh, I'll just wait for the next update =3
MooMoo-Sama
6/30/2005 c4 1Bellamyy
I absolutely love this ! *Excited squeal!*
Your characters are so unique, and so interesting...I found that I was reading each line eagerly, because each line had something new to offer. Daniel is fascinating, and so endearing! You've created someone so tragic and yet so gifted, I can't help but wonder what incredible things he'll end up giving the world, and Dorothy! ^-^~ Dorothy's character was adorable, and I loved how you gave her an 'old soul'. The fact that she could see 'Annie' gave the reader a very deep look into her psyche and heart, but did it in a very subtle way. I thought the contrast of Dorothy's natural kindess and affection with Daniel's mistrust and isolation was heart breaking! I do hope you continue to enjoy writing this story and will keep posting updates! Its so romantic, and they are not even teenagers yet! ^-^~! I can hardly wait for more updates!
Best Wishes,
Bellamyy
1BellamyyI absolutely love this ! *Excited squeal!*
Your characters are so unique, and so interesting...I found that I was reading each line eagerly, because each line had something new to offer. Daniel is fascinating, and so endearing! You've created someone so tragic and yet so gifted, I can't help but wonder what incredible things he'll end up giving the world, and Dorothy! ^-^~ Dorothy's character was adorable, and I loved how you gave her an 'old soul'. The fact that she could see 'Annie' gave the reader a very deep look into her psyche and heart, but did it in a very subtle way. I thought the contrast of Dorothy's natural kindess and affection with Daniel's mistrust and isolation was heart breaking! I do hope you continue to enjoy writing this story and will keep posting updates! Its so romantic, and they are not even teenagers yet! ^-^~! I can hardly wait for more updates!
Best Wishes,
Bellamyy
6/30/2005 c4 2Arwen1604
WOW! What an incredibly sad and beautiful chapter...I was really touched; and that doesnt happen to me alot. I'm sorry that Erik's gamma had to die...but he got to meet Christine! And she is so cute! This is my favorite chapter so far...I am a little disappointed to hear that Erik's chapter is coming to a close; I love your interpretation of Erik...but I am sure I will like Christine's just as will. Will the final book be in third person? If not, and you stick with first person point of view, I vote for Erik...do I get a vote? Lol. Thanks again for the quick update...and now you have to update soon! Lol. Thank You!
-Arwen1604
2Arwen1604WOW! What an incredibly sad and beautiful chapter...I was really touched; and that doesnt happen to me alot. I'm sorry that Erik's gamma had to die...but he got to meet Christine! And she is so cute! This is my favorite chapter so far...I am a little disappointed to hear that Erik's chapter is coming to a close; I love your interpretation of Erik...but I am sure I will like Christine's just as will. Will the final book be in third person? If not, and you stick with first person point of view, I vote for Erik...do I get a vote? Lol. Thanks again for the quick update...and now you have to update soon! Lol. Thank You!
-Arwen1604
6/30/2005 c4 52AResidentGhost
no, no, keep Daniel/Erik's point of view, i think i find it much more interesting...
"love is eternal, as is my music..."
52AResidentGhostno, no, keep Daniel/Erik's point of view, i think i find it much more interesting...
"love is eternal, as is my music..."
6/30/2005 c3 AResidentGhost
rejected once again...it is His soul (Erik's) which lives inside him, is it not? but why must they be subjected to all this torture once again?
rejected once again...it is His soul (Erik's) which lives inside him, is it not? but why must they be subjected to all this torture once again?
6/30/2005 c3 3MooMoo-Sama
This story is so fantastic that I couldn't help but review. I love the way that everything is starting and the aversion to music seems to make it all the more intresting. I can't wait for your next update and you can bet I'll be here for the rest of the story.
MooMoo-Sama
3MooMoo-SamaThis story is so fantastic that I couldn't help but review. I love the way that everything is starting and the aversion to music seems to make it all the more intresting. I can't wait for your next update and you can bet I'll be here for the rest of the story.
MooMoo-Sama