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for Harry Potter and the Twists of Fate

12/15/2016 c8 1TheWateringWizard
Ohhhh Rose is so cute !
7/8/2016 c39 Kaitlyn Michaels
So far so good. But there is one big flaw, in my mind. Harry and Ginny (And sometimes Ron or Hermione) always get all the credit for everything! Rose and Ti are just ignored. I got here searching for a story about Harry Potter's little sister, but this has nothing to do with her! You shouldn't put characters into a story if you are not going to use them, or if you are going to use them in a way annoying and infuriating to the reader. Sorry if I've been rude, just trying to get the point across.
2/24/2016 c23 AaronD1
Honestly, a bit too many new "siblings" and so far two new pregnancies. Still tame compared to another story I read where literally everyone in the side of light got married and had multiple children, there were probably 30 new names to remember by the end of it.
2/24/2016 c18 AaronD1
Overall, great story. Only real critique that I have to add now is the very obvious future pairing of Rose and Nevile. I also realized that I had a problem with him being Maurader, as I just don't think that he has anything to add to the group.

I usually like stories that have Harry reaching out to include Nevile earlier on, and it's not necessarily his character that I don't like.

Some of the issues that I have with the Rose/Nevile pairing (of course I could be wrong and making an ass out of myself right now) are:

I like the Luna/Nevile pairing.
I think that Rose is a fiery character, a lot like Ginny. I think that in a relationship that Rose would "dominate" over Nevile and in a way "bully" him. Not in a bad way... but Nevile isn't the sort of person to defend himself, and Rose is a very direct no-nonsense type of girl.

Luna is also direct, but in a much different way. Rose and Luna could be saying the exact same thing to Nevile, but the way that it's said would make all the difference. The only time that I remember Luna raising her voice to get her point across is during the Deathly Hallows, when Harry was trying to find the Diadem. She'll be direct, but in a "gentle" way that allows Nevile to get his own say in. Rose... well, Rose needs someone who can handle her fiery temper.
2/23/2016 c8 AaronD1
Expanding on the review I gave last chapter about Harry being punished:

This is even worse. Lily basically just said: "We know you did the right thing, but we're punishing you because we want you to "think about it some more" before you do something like that again. Way to go, with any normal kid you would have just instilled some very permanent resentment into the child.
2/23/2016 c7 AaronD1
So this is probably a good place to stop reading and review, first, I'll start off with the bad:

#1 The Barrier at King's Cross
Harry's father tells Harry to run at the wall when Muggles are not looking. Why is this wrong? The wall is protected from Muggles. There are all sorts of Muggle repelling charms in place, otherwise someone would have noticed people running through the wall much earlier.

#2 The muggle electronics at Potter Manor.
Muggle technology does not work around magic. Even if you purposefully ignored this fact, the mixing of Muggle and Magic lifestyles is just... No. The most annoying case of mixing muggle and magical lifestyles that I've seen in a story so far is another story where Harry's dad survives, and he buys multiple sportscars... and then the Weasleys buy sportscars. I cringed so hard at reading that.

#3 The Letters from Harry's parents.
The letters are written as though Harry's parents are there and having a conversation with him, with James and Lily cutting into the letter and arguing, as well as writing things that just shouldn't be in a letter like "ouch". Think about your reaction to receiving a letter written this way. It wouldn't be amusing, it would make you start looking into retirement homes for your parents.

#4 Potter Manor residing on 2 acres.
The manor is described to very large. 2 acres may be a "decent" size for most people, but it's way too damn small for a mansion. 40 acres would be believable, especially for a quidditch pitch.

#5 Harry getting grounded at the end of first year.
Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Neville did the right thing. They knew that a mass murderer was attempting to gain an object that would allow him to come back. They approached authority figures on multiple occasions and were ignored. They had no choice but to take matters into their own hands. Any parents who would punch is their children for doing the right thing, no matter how much danger they were in, really needs to re-think their parenting style.
2/3/2016 c60 natalieeannee
Thanks for writing!

I LOVE all the original characters! Ti Malfoy/Black especially! And Rose.

So interesting that Harry / Hermione have young siblings now!

Reading, I almost didn't think a "soul bond" was going to occur until it did. The first two years at Hogwarts seemed like Ginny/Harry might only start dating eventually.

I really enjoyed the original plots too! And I'm happy you made Harry the only Hogwarts Tri-Wizard champion... less anger from schoolmates...

Thanks again!
2/3/2016 c3 AaronD1
Sigh... What's the point of Harry having a sister, or of Harry's parents surviving to raise Harry if it doesn't actually change the story? Chapter 3 and this is just copying the original story-line.

If I was going to write a story like this, I'd start by actually writing out the changes I've made. For example, show what Harry's NEW childhood is like. Write about how it changes Harry and what chose changes mean for him going into his first year. If Harry grew up with parents who had fought Voldemort and knew of the prophecy made about Harry you can bet that they would start teaching him things other kids would not learn. Especially with his dad being the head of the aror department.

I've seen far too many stories that say "Wat if this huge change was made to Harry's childhood" and then they skip forward 10 years! Why? What's the point in making that change if the result isn't shown?!.

You could have shown Harry's childhood through Lily and Jame's POV. You could have shown how being raised in te wizarding world and surrounded by the media affected him. You could have shown him first learning how to fly. You could have shown what it was like for Harry to grow up with loving parents and in the potter manor. Skipping ahead 10 years like every other story tends to do is just missing a whole bunch of opportunities.

These changes made in Harry's childhood are what make the "What If" interesting. And setting aside the time-jump to Harry's first year, why has the first year gone the exact same effing way that it did in the original story?

Sorry for the rant - I usually try to leave constructive feedback and I know that this was anything but.
1/16/2016 c6 Guest
10/25/2015 c1 Guest
I just want to say, Ron shouldn't be a toddler, becaus Harry was one when the- incident happened and Ron was only a couple of months older.
7/18/2015 c32 Guest
The kids names should be Jade and Jordan.
7/17/2015 c18 lover-gryffindor
do harry and ginny have a soul bond in this. oh and you are an awesome and amazing writer. since i am a reading freak i very much admire you for your awesomeness and talent. one of the best writers of your age.
5/3/2015 c57 lover-Gryffindor
I hate you for this you know that right? How could you kill Moody so early. Who's gonna be the one with constant villegance and creepiness?
5/2/2015 c38 lover-Gryffindor
i can't wait till james tells lily! LOL
5/1/2015 c22 lover-Gryffindor
Gryffindors filthy? How dare Malfoy? He has no right to treat his own son like that! although I'm not surprised by a death eater!

i also hope Ti is alright. Ti needs a family that won't shun him and actually appreciate his beliefs(like the weasleys or the potters...)do you love the idea or not?

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