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2/20/2010 c2 4SuperiorShortness
Wish this continued...
2/18/2010 c1 32FlameOfIllumination
Why did you write this story? seems like you just want to show off how amazingly smart you are, and what a racist you are too. Well done.

"I love military history, especially when it's a primary source"

That sentence has never been said by ANYONE, EVER, let alone a twelve year old girl. I'm not knocking having an interest in it, I just don't think I've ever met a twelve year old who's quite so pretentious. No wonder this chick apparently has no friends. ffnet is not somewhere for you to show off how obscure your interests are and how awesome you are for liking them.
11/29/2009 c2 flyei
Interesting start although I have to agree with FlameOfIllumination. It's not wrong for a character to have prejudices but it shouldn't be the purpose of the story to portray them. Unless that's what the author had planned of course. Not that I think it stood out badly, it's maybe something that could become problematic in future chapters.

I really liked the details you had put in your story. It was definitely different from what one usually see in fanfics. You know, when Ali and Alice were in that bookshop I wondered if Alice perhaps could surprise the Yeerk as a human being, through literature. I certainly think you could pull it off, given you seem to have read so much.

Hopefully you'll update! ..kind of got the feeling the plot was starting to build :)
8/14/2009 c1 182Ayla Pascal
Given that this is quite an old story, I'll assume you know about the grammatical and punctuation errors. I had to grin at the first paragraph. You're from Canberra, aren't you? XD It would be totally awesome if you were.
7/1/2009 c1 2Aquamarinelightnight
WONDERFULLY ominous begginnin
10/12/2008 c2 32FlameOfIllumination
okay.points for setting this somewhere other than america.

Huge minuses for putting your personal prejudices into a story.

i.e the saracastic depiction of australian history.

More minuses for the strange way youe characters talk to each other. Like 13 year olds, but also like bitter 30 year old women.

This is suprisingly undramatic considering it's aobut a young girl losing her freedom. It comes across as though your heroine doesn't really care one way or the other.
12/18/2006 c2 clairesie
wow! very powerfully written, and a lot of attention to detail. very impressive - i like, even though i've never read animorphs! :)
12/10/2006 c2 12Terenia
I really like this fic. There are a few grammatical and spelling errors, but they aren't bad enough to detract attention from the story. The only real complaint I have is that pre-infestation your 13-year old Alice acts very much like a 13-year-old girl, but when she talks she often sounds a lot older than that.

I love the idea of a story about someone who has been infested. It's one of my favorite areas to pursue. And the reader still doesn't know exactly where the plot is headed, which keeps me interested in knowing what happens next. I also like that it takes place in Australia. There's far too many American fics - the Yeerk threat was world-wide!

Good work, I look forward to the next installment!
11/4/2006 c1 66WikketKrikket
Hmm... Interesting. I don't have time to read chapter two right now, but I will ASAP; because this fic has started so very well I'm sure it can only get better! ^_~ Good work!
10/6/2006 c2 Sarah The Paranoid Android
I've read it, and I like it. :) write some more. ok?
9/30/2006 c1 3ayanetta
omg i love it
9/28/2006 c1 12MsTria
This seems interesting. Keep this on, I'd like to see where this is going to lead. I hope it won't be just "normal" life as a Controller, but action please!

It's good that you write Controller stories set somewhere else than America.

I occasionally felt sorry for her. :( And that means you can write well.

(Okay, this isn't essential, but I have to mention this since it made me smile like a lunatic): "To the most venerable and courageous Visser Three..." Sweet! :)
9/24/2006 c2 13Dorus the Walrus
This is really interesting so far, I especially loved the first chapter. I loved the way you wrote Alice being lured into the Sharing.
9/19/2006 c2 392Ember Nickel
Really great, nicely long. I loved the political correctness jokes-although we don't agree politically on everything, those were right on.

Would you still like music to go with this? I can try and come up with something if you tell me what you're looking for.
6/28/2006 c1 Rain 4431
Interesting, and well written so far. I hope you continue this...
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