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for The princess at the Kaimya dojo!

8/26/2005 c2 Guest
The plot itself is good. But maybe the readers would like for you to break up some paragraphs and reread the chapters. Because some of it doesn't make sense at times. Its like from preventing a run on sentence your putting a period were it isn't necessary. The story itself moves a little bit to fast, try focusing on the vivid feel of thier surroundings. Um, lets see.. I see that you've put much effort in your story and I would like to praise you for that. Again, just try not going to fast or else the story will be like kind of chopped off.

This is my comment. To help improve your story, I'll be checking up on it so don't let the readers that are reading your story down.
8/23/2005 c1 5phoenixfiregal
little confusing but dont give up! its good!
8/23/2005 c1 mack
Your story was ... ok. But it was just too choppy. You need to use more words instead of, " Oh this," and "Oh that,". It was just really boring, use more spice.Please just take your time and do a good job. Please reconsider your story. Like I said take your time and do a good jod.

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