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9/10/2008 c4 dietrix
Another, Another, Another please. I like it very much.
3/14/2006 c4 16Kaz McDonell Miller
I know this was written quite a while ago, but I couldn't resist reviewing it! This is absolutely gorgeous! I'm glad I'm one of those people who didn't have to wait (tee-hee!), so I was able to read straight through. This is brilliant, everyone's totally in character, and it was just so sweet... made me feel tingly, yes it did. ^_^
2/21/2006 c4 13The One True Koneko
I am Aya under a new name! I finally got an account on this site so I'm finally able to fave this story. You RULE!
12/15/2005 c4 Aya-Angel of Mars
Bravo! I don't think I could have done better if I tried. Megaolix, you really should write more! I will be checking out your fics. CIAO!
12/1/2005 c1 hurricane97
Hey,go outside the box and write a friggin Jake/Rachel LEMON BABY!
11/28/2005 c4 4ShadowHawkX3
Wow. I liked the end, when they were all lovey dovey

yup, great story!
10/5/2005 c3 Aya-Angel of Mars
Yay! Thanks for that. No one EVER does Lash/Colin. Not even fluff! I'll be writing one too and it WILL include that. It will also include other pairings of mine, such as Hawke and an OC. (now I just need to get an account...) Wait.(reads last part again) YOU'RE ONLY DOING ONE MORE CHAPTER? But it's so good!
10/4/2005 c2 Keeper of the Scarf
And um, I'm a bad person, because I confused you with Lu Vox. I'm tired. Please don't hate me. *goes off to flog self for penance*
10/4/2005 c3 2keeperofthescarf
Excellent work, Lu. I like how you blend the humor in with the fic to make it even more light-hearted. Keep up the good work, and keep us saying "Aw" at Jake and Rachel's romance ;)


9/29/2005 c3 3Naval Ace
Nice, nice, nice. Dividers in between the switiching of scenes is a ncie thing to have, it helps some viewers a lot. Great work!
9/29/2005 c2 WhiteNext
Well, Kots told me to check out the fic, so I mosied on down to it. All in all, very nice. I admit, as I know nothing on the DS plot, it's hard for me to evaluate characterisation, but, from what I've heard, Rachel and Jake seem pretty spot on. This any relationship of sorts hinted at in the canon?

Other than that, the speech seems naturalistic and flows well, though maybe a few more arration details would be nice, so we know exactly where they are, and what they're seeing, just for depth. Other than that, rather impressive, and I'll be checking back for updates
9/25/2005 c2 2keeperofthescarf
Another good (though short) chapter. :)

As a tip, you might want to add a little more description of how the characters say things to add depth to the conversations... here's an example.


“Jake you don’t realize how much work you got to do.”

“Don’t worry about it and have fun. I promise I’ll take care of everything here. You’ll see. Now go and have fun.”

“Tee hee, I’ll make sure of that, Jake.”


“Jake you don’t realize how much work you got to do,” Rachel said, obviously exasperated.

“Don’t worry about it and have fun. I promise I’ll take care of everything here. You’ll see. Now go and have fun.” Jake smiled and waved goodbye.

“Tee hee, I’ll make sure of that, Jake," Lash giggled.

I know that with English not your primary language, writing can be hard, and I'd just like to say my suggestions are only that, suggestions. I think this fic is superb work for it being your second (or third) language. Keep up the work!

@Bill of the Past: Foulds may not be perfect, but he writes damned better than you ever have or will, so until you've published a critically acclaimed work, please don't denigrate the work of others.
9/25/2005 c1 Aya-Angel of Mars
Hmm... not too shabby, but your grammer needs a little pollishing. I'm glad Baron told me about this fic. KEEP WRITING!
9/23/2005 c2 Aya-Angel of Mars
Great so far! (story wise) If I may ask, could you PLEASE add to your pairings Colin and Lash? I saw them in the second game I instantly thought "Oh, they'd be a cute couple." but no one whose stories I've read thinks that. If you don't it's okay. I will read on!
9/15/2005 c2 Bill of the Past
Foulds is overrated.
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