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for A New Beginning

7/2/2008 c4 4Kestre Wynde
This fic has the potential to be really good, but just a couple of things you might want to watch out for.

Firstly, spelling and grammar. Seriously, it's really not fun to try and slog through something that's poorly written. If you're having trouble with this on your own, you could try asking someone to beta-read it for you.

Secondly is Mary Sues. Just in case you don't know, Mary Sues are characters that (generally) are super-powerful, have the main characters falling for them and have a tragic past of some sort. Granted, Alex is X rebuilt, so that explains why she's so good at fighting, but lines like "she was used to the lustful glances; her creator had given her a body every human woman would die for" and "Dr Michael was a tactical genius, one who could match Thomas Light himself" are, for the most part, just going to annoy your readers because it kinda feels like you're trying to say Alex and Dr Michael are better than even the canon characters. I'm not saying scrap Alex altogether, just that maybe you need to work on her a little more, tone her down a bit.

Thirdly, scene breaks and stuff. You don't actually have to say "flash-back" - it's often a lot smoother and the reader can generally tell it's a flash-back anyway. You can use it if you want, but . . . Also, sometimes you miss putting in some sort of mark to indicate that we've moved somewhere else, which is a little confusing.

Please understand that none of this is meant as an insult, only as constructive criticism. I'm saying this in the hope that it helps.

See ya! Kestre
10/15/2005 c1 12MekkaBabble
::clears throat:: Got a couple of things to tell you.

First, all writers want reviews, but saying you won't continue a story unless you get them is a little absurd. Write your fanfic because it's something you want to do. If you don't enjoy your work, how can you expect other people to?

As far as your actual story, please run spell check on this (or get a proofreader). There's no excuse for not doing this. The format is a little choppy too. You'd be doing your readers a favor to put in something that would indicate a scene change.

Work on the plot a bit too. I scanned the second chapter and noticed that you killed off X and considering how your original (unnamed I'd like to add, at least in the first chapter) character is reacting to Zero, I think I see where this is going (please prove me wrong on this one).
10/10/2005 c3 2gmasterchief
other than a few miss speeled words this chapter is damn good i can't waite for chapter 4.
9/28/2005 c2 gmasterchief
hey this is getting very interesting. i feel i can see were this story is going thou but in a good way. i hope you up date it very soon. i cant waite for the next chapter. well keep'm comeing lol read on man read on!
9/28/2005 c1 gmasterchief
wow this is a damn good fic its hard to belive some people know that sigma was once a hunter. i think thats cool. but the Vidal person do you mean Vile? but other than that this fic is damn goo read on man read on!

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