for I Should Have Known Better9/19/2005 c1 
8tocks
I was awaiting for a re-format before devoting time to read it. Now you seem to have quite the story! Your House sounds spot on :) -Goes onto next chapter-
8tocksI was awaiting for a re-format before devoting time to read it. Now you seem to have quite the story! Your House sounds spot on :) -Goes onto next chapter-
9/19/2005 c4 4extrabitter
Actually, I think you would have had a stronger ending without all that Stacy and Cameron mess. It didn't really fit into the context of your story. I guess I like my medical mysteries romance-free unless it really serves the story.
And with more mystery. You introduced the Avian Flu in chapter two, then set about proving it in a completely linear telling. Ultimately, this is a well written piece that didn't satisfy me. It feels truncated, like you were tired of working on it and decided to end it. I was really expecting this to be longer and have more detail. Drama is in the details.
One more thing, You said you were taking license in creating the Plague Centers, but it didn't make sense to me because there's the real CDC. Unless there were an epidemic of Avian Flu, there's no plague. Also, House would be annoyed with analogies to fiction, if he knew Foreman was making them. That's a good bit of conflict that you didn't write.
I look forward to reading your stories in the future. You got skills. Writing is hard work, but it can be very fulfilling to get a piece to a place where you wouldn't change a word. Self satisfaction breeds confidence, and you will find yourself growing as a writer.
Best of luck.
4extrabitterActually, I think you would have had a stronger ending without all that Stacy and Cameron mess. It didn't really fit into the context of your story. I guess I like my medical mysteries romance-free unless it really serves the story.
And with more mystery. You introduced the Avian Flu in chapter two, then set about proving it in a completely linear telling. Ultimately, this is a well written piece that didn't satisfy me. It feels truncated, like you were tired of working on it and decided to end it. I was really expecting this to be longer and have more detail. Drama is in the details.
One more thing, You said you were taking license in creating the Plague Centers, but it didn't make sense to me because there's the real CDC. Unless there were an epidemic of Avian Flu, there's no plague. Also, House would be annoyed with analogies to fiction, if he knew Foreman was making them. That's a good bit of conflict that you didn't write.
I look forward to reading your stories in the future. You got skills. Writing is hard work, but it can be very fulfilling to get a piece to a place where you wouldn't change a word. Self satisfaction breeds confidence, and you will find yourself growing as a writer.
Best of luck.
9/18/2005 c3 2Buzzkill Bunny
It's interesting enough and well written enough, but I can't help but feel that it would be stronger if you had done more research.
There are two ways to approach this kind of story. One is to use the disease as a background for the romance, or drama or whatever. When doing this you do some vague references and hope that your reader just wants you to quickly get to the part where they kiss.
The other way is to research your booty off. Two excellent sites for this are CDC and NIH (I hate when I give away trade secrets.)
I am really having an issue with what you call "plague center". I've never heard of it. Not that I've heard of everything, but I'm REALLY well-read medically and if I've never heard of it, it means it's a foreign reference or it's something you made up. Either way, completely distracting.
Secondly, I find it hard to buy into House, an infectious disease specialist, not following procedure about reporting of suspicious symptoms. If nothing else, he might want input from CDC.
I understand this started out life as a script format (now forbidden by the site, thank goodness!) I admire you for trying to write a straight-up, episode-type story. It's refreshing.
The show has doctors who advise them, and they STILL make issues with realism. Sometimes it's just not that important. I do think that it wouldn't be all that difficult to do a small bit of research and get this part right, however.
2Buzzkill BunnyIt's interesting enough and well written enough, but I can't help but feel that it would be stronger if you had done more research.
There are two ways to approach this kind of story. One is to use the disease as a background for the romance, or drama or whatever. When doing this you do some vague references and hope that your reader just wants you to quickly get to the part where they kiss.
The other way is to research your booty off. Two excellent sites for this are CDC and NIH (I hate when I give away trade secrets.)
I am really having an issue with what you call "plague center". I've never heard of it. Not that I've heard of everything, but I'm REALLY well-read medically and if I've never heard of it, it means it's a foreign reference or it's something you made up. Either way, completely distracting.
Secondly, I find it hard to buy into House, an infectious disease specialist, not following procedure about reporting of suspicious symptoms. If nothing else, he might want input from CDC.
I understand this started out life as a script format (now forbidden by the site, thank goodness!) I admire you for trying to write a straight-up, episode-type story. It's refreshing.
The show has doctors who advise them, and they STILL make issues with realism. Sometimes it's just not that important. I do think that it wouldn't be all that difficult to do a small bit of research and get this part right, however.
9/18/2005 c3 LonelyWord
Great chapter! This is progressing nicely, and you've got me quite intrigued by the medical mystery, which is pretty good going considering I know very little about any of it. So well done there, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this is all going.
Re: the two Allisons, glad to see that was intentional. It did occur to me that it might be, but the "Where had House heard that name before...?" threw me off somewhat. Just seemed a little odd that House's reaction would be like "Allison? I don't know any Allison," rather than "What, Allison Cameron? Oh, right, the girlfriend." Maybe you should consider revising or cutting that line? If you don't want to explicitly draw attention to the coincidence that early, then you could just have House frown or be puzzled for a moment rather than letting us in on what he's thinking.
Great chapter! This is progressing nicely, and you've got me quite intrigued by the medical mystery, which is pretty good going considering I know very little about any of it. So well done there, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this is all going.
Re: the two Allisons, glad to see that was intentional. It did occur to me that it might be, but the "Where had House heard that name before...?" threw me off somewhat. Just seemed a little odd that House's reaction would be like "Allison? I don't know any Allison," rather than "What, Allison Cameron? Oh, right, the girlfriend." Maybe you should consider revising or cutting that line? If you don't want to explicitly draw attention to the coincidence that early, then you could just have House frown or be puzzled for a moment rather than letting us in on what he's thinking.
9/17/2005 c3 58A Wandering Minstrel
I like your characterizations very much. House is spot on. Speaking as the daughter of a nurse who worked through the SARS scare in Canada, I do have to say that if there's even a possibility of SARS, it would be an extreme emergency. But, I don't care that much, since it's just a story. And right now it's not SARS. Apparently. :-)
58A Wandering MinstrelI like your characterizations very much. House is spot on. Speaking as the daughter of a nurse who worked through the SARS scare in Canada, I do have to say that if there's even a possibility of SARS, it would be an extreme emergency. But, I don't care that much, since it's just a story. And right now it's not SARS. Apparently. :-)
9/15/2005 c2 Chouse
Meh, legal schmegal and take literary license all you want, it read like you knew what you were talking about!
Well done, still going strong well into the 2nd chapter... and you've got the House character spot on, I can easily see him spouting off those comments in the show itself!
Meh, legal schmegal and take literary license all you want, it read like you knew what you were talking about!
Well done, still going strong well into the 2nd chapter... and you've got the House character spot on, I can easily see him spouting off those comments in the show itself!
9/14/2005 c2 26BookwormKiwi
Wow, that works so much better. And I'd say that you're either very experienced, or just a natural at writing; you've got an excellent vocabulary.
26BookwormKiwiWow, that works so much better. And I'd say that you're either very experienced, or just a natural at writing; you've got an excellent vocabulary.
9/14/2005 c2 LonelyWord
This is greatly improved by the switch to straight prose, well done. I was put off by the lack of detail in the bare-bones script format before, but now it's much better. I particularly like your dialogue, especially in the conversation between House and Stacy. Nice job with the rewrite!
PS: You are aware that Cameron's first name is also Allison? Not that it's all that confusing after the first reference, and certainly it would be a common enough coincidence in real life, but I just wondered if you'd realised that you'd named the girlfriend the same thing.
This is greatly improved by the switch to straight prose, well done. I was put off by the lack of detail in the bare-bones script format before, but now it's much better. I particularly like your dialogue, especially in the conversation between House and Stacy. Nice job with the rewrite!
PS: You are aware that Cameron's first name is also Allison? Not that it's all that confusing after the first reference, and certainly it would be a common enough coincidence in real life, but I just wondered if you'd realised that you'd named the girlfriend the same thing.
9/14/2005 c2 74Alipeeps
Much much better! Works a lot better in prose format, the story is easier to follow and you're able to include more detail and more characterisation. You've taken more time to describe environment and character and that makes the story easier to read and much more engaging. Characterisation is pretty good, my only suggestion would be to maybe get someone to beta for you? There are a few little grammar mistakes here and there..
Interested to see where you take this story. :)
74AlipeepsMuch much better! Works a lot better in prose format, the story is easier to follow and you're able to include more detail and more characterisation. You've taken more time to describe environment and character and that makes the story easier to read and much more engaging. Characterisation is pretty good, my only suggestion would be to maybe get someone to beta for you? There are a few little grammar mistakes here and there..
Interested to see where you take this story. :)
9/13/2005 c1 Chouse
Oh so far I like. Rather than focusing on a particular character (which can get boring especially if the character isnt particularly a fave) but the whole team, House AND Ducklings - good stuff! As for the Sars storyline, loads of potential there and ooh so many possibilties with it being contagious and what not, will one of our team be struck down?
Though having said I appreciate the fact that the fic hasnt singled out and zoomed in on one particular character, may I suggest plenty of Chase..? And of course I know you wont let us down with lots of House-ishness!
Oh so far I like. Rather than focusing on a particular character (which can get boring especially if the character isnt particularly a fave) but the whole team, House AND Ducklings - good stuff! As for the Sars storyline, loads of potential there and ooh so many possibilties with it being contagious and what not, will one of our team be struck down?
Though having said I appreciate the fact that the fic hasnt singled out and zoomed in on one particular character, may I suggest plenty of Chase..? And of course I know you wont let us down with lots of House-ishness!
9/13/2005 c1 203BubblyShell22
Good story so far. It's a lot like the show. Update soon. You are a good writer. And don't miss the premiere of House tonight at eight o'clock, seven central. I'm definitely gonna watch it.
The Bubbly One,
Shell
203BubblyShell22Good story so far. It's a lot like the show. Update soon. You are a good writer. And don't miss the premiere of House tonight at eight o'clock, seven central. I'm definitely gonna watch it.
The Bubbly One,
Shell
9/13/2005 c1 26BookwormKiwi
Everyone so far seems very negative...I quite like it.
I do agree, however, with...those other reviewers, it's easier to understand when you write it as a prose...but did you know, prose also means 'matter of fact' and 'commonplace'?
Hey, some people like dialogue, some don't. And some write better as dialogue. I find it a lot easier to write just what they say. However, it gets kinda confusing when they say something in response to an action. And you don't always want a character to say yes, rather than nod.
It's good so far, keep it up. You seem to know a bit, at least, about SARS...I'm sure I'll like it :)
26BookwormKiwiEveryone so far seems very negative...I quite like it.
I do agree, however, with...those other reviewers, it's easier to understand when you write it as a prose...but did you know, prose also means 'matter of fact' and 'commonplace'?
Hey, some people like dialogue, some don't. And some write better as dialogue. I find it a lot easier to write just what they say. However, it gets kinda confusing when they say something in response to an action. And you don't always want a character to say yes, rather than nod.
It's good so far, keep it up. You seem to know a bit, at least, about SARS...I'm sure I'll like it :)