Just In
for Held Loosely

10/19/2005 c13 SsleepyPandaa
Aw... isn't that cute ^_^ great chapter, I can't wait to see what happens with their date!
10/19/2005 c9 Lurel
Update! Update soon! ^_^

10/19/2005 c9 1iluvboys
go on

luv y'all, lol
9/25/2005 c9 9Tylec Asroc
And the plot thickens!

If I could make a comment, Komori seems overly familiar with Ryou's visitors in addressing them by first names, when knowing next-to-nothing about them, history or personality-wise. From 'a woman with red hair', the stranger becomes 'Ichigo', grouped with the same familiarity as her new friend Takara.

Takara is an awkward bully-magnet who talks to keep a distance from others, and tries oh-so-hard to keep a rosy outlook on life, shoving her head in the ground like an ostrich when anything unpleasant comes up. I can’t think of much to describe Ichigo and Masaya besides “they’re married”. They don’t have any depth yet.

Although we the audience know everyone’s deep history, the story from Komori's point of view and limited to what she can figure out. But I don't think she learned enough about these people to think of them beyond 'the red-haired lady' or 'Ryou's old friends'.

This was a good opportunity to give throw-away facts about the Ayomas via polite smalltalk (ex. Masaya was a [job] working in [place]. or Masaya and Ichigo had recently settled in [suburb]).
9/18/2005 c9 SsleepyPandaa
Great job so far! but, you spelt Masaya's last name wrong. its Aoyama.that's all that really stuck out to me, keep up the good work!
9/18/2005 c9 1dreamboatdarryl
Although it's MasayaXIchigo ((twitch)) it's really good! UPDATE!
9/18/2005 c9 25Nyaa-Neko
Well, it's nice to see the tension picking up, as well as seeing Ichigo and Masaya again! Bonus points that they got married! Oh yes, but it's Aoyama. You wrote Ayama, or Ayoma or something.

I also liked how Komori's sleeping habits were messed up, and how she had a constant craving for fruit. How Ichigo-and-Berry-ish.

Aside from a few typos and one missed open-quotes, it was good.

I want to see what you do for aliens. I also want to see if any other old Mews come back, like Lettuce (for Ryou).

I like what I read!

9/18/2005 c9 27BlueMeteorGirl
OMG! This chapter was SO great! Please continue!
9/17/2005 c7 25Nyaa-Neko
Ooh, a bat Mew Mew! Just remember to make sure Komori has bat ears, and I'll be happy.

The part at school was just a tad clichéd (saving another girl from bullies, accidentally meeting a cute guy), but it was still nice. It's good to see her making friends with the RIGHT people this time.

I like how Komori went against all of her instincts to push the big red button. Yep, sounds very much like a New York girl, or any American girl who isn't afraid of everything. I also like this thing she thought: "Who puts a lab in a café, anyway!" Yeah, that was a good line.

Well, I eagerly await the next chapter, and when she realizes she's a genetic hybrid!

9/17/2005 c7 9Tylec Asroc
Uh oh, here comes trouble!

Really love your storytelling all the more for having the patience to hold off this major plot development until now. Komori is such a more well-rounded character thanks to the six chapters you spent developing her grumbling but good-hearted nature.

Once again, I loved Komori's sudden flashes or rationality: "Who puts a lab in a café, anyway!"

I didn't realize the story was 'seven years later' until you pointed it out. I was wondering where Keiichiro's cast of fruity waitresses had run off to.
9/17/2005 c3 spider fairy
This definanteley sounds like me but if they said that I had to wear that, I'd say WHAT THE FREAK IS WRONG WITH YOU TOO! well update soon
9/17/2005 c5 elmozakuro
hey watsup please update cause i luv ur story !nya
9/15/2005 c5 25Nyaa-Neko
Nyan! Nice job on the last two chapters! My god, you make Komori so realistic, I begin to wonder if there isn't some girl almost exactly like her in New York who got shipped somewhere else for the same reason. And I like all of her reactions. They really are very American, and I can kind of relate to it, since I went to Japan a year ago (and I'm American, though from the west coast, not the east).

The lyrics were pretty cool, even though I scrolled down through them and skimmed them. They were a little tedious to read, especially when they looked the exact same as the normal dialogue. Maybe italicizing them would make it easier.

And I like the purple/grey thing. It seemed very Ryou.

I look forward to reading more!

9/14/2005 c3 Nyaa-Neko
Ah, so this takes place seven years after the first Mew project? Or the second? Of course, it doesn't really matter, as it seems like less than a year (but at least six months) passed between the time the first five were injected compared to the time Berry was injected.

Anyways, this seems promising (especially for an OC fic). Komori seems like a pretty well-developed character, though I'm a little confused as to what she looks like. However, since its in her perspective, it is hard to fit in good descriptions to a person's thoughts, as people just don't think in description.

And the kanji is a really, really nice touch. You actually seem to know some Japanese, which is nice.

A good start.

9/14/2005 c3 9Tylec Asroc
"This wasn’t exactly the kind of look for a café you’d think two (straight) grown men would choose." What the frickin’ crap?

You had me laughing at this honest-to-god reaction at the cupcake palace! Also liked the visual on the cafe uniform.

Did you change chapter 2? I'm pretty sure Ryou said he moved in only four months ago.

"To Bear Down" is an acceptable phrase for pushing down weight. "Bore Down" might be a sutible past-tense, but I'm not sure you can "beared down".
152 « Prev Page 1 .. 7 8 9 10 11 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service