for Mystery11/11/2005 c3 
49Magnus The Wolf
i'm curious if this girl has a connection to lexa...are we supposed to get what she was doing at the end or not? i still think you should have paragraphs...
49Magnus The Wolfi'm curious if this girl has a connection to lexa...are we supposed to get what she was doing at the end or not? i still think you should have paragraphs...
11/11/2005 c2 Magnus The Wolf
i really dont get why you suddenly are writting in another different style in this chapter? why the "script" type of writing? and then suddenly we're in "first person" writing...i think you should pick one and stick to it unless the story REALLY calls for it, which it doesn't here...also, don't forget to puncuate it would make the story better. the reiteration in that last paragraph isnt really needed...also, its "psionics" and i still think you should put this in the proper format it would REALLY help the story...like a new paragraph when a new character speaks etc...also i meant to say more descriptions for the first chapter would be good cuz its kinda confusing the way it's written...
i really dont get why you suddenly are writting in another different style in this chapter? why the "script" type of writing? and then suddenly we're in "first person" writing...i think you should pick one and stick to it unless the story REALLY calls for it, which it doesn't here...also, don't forget to puncuate it would make the story better. the reiteration in that last paragraph isnt really needed...also, its "psionics" and i still think you should put this in the proper format it would REALLY help the story...like a new paragraph when a new character speaks etc...also i meant to say more descriptions for the first chapter would be good cuz its kinda confusing the way it's written...
11/11/2005 c1 Magnus The Wolf
whats the timeline on this? i think this would be better to read if written with proper paragraphs and all and proof reading especially because theres too many errors in here. but this is still an interesting story so far
whats the timeline on this? i think this would be better to read if written with proper paragraphs and all and proof reading especially because theres too many errors in here. but this is still an interesting story so far
10/5/2005 c1 MX Babe
good start. keep going . update soon plz
good start. keep going . update soon plz