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for A Thousand Paper Cranes

8/6/2009 c1 Forrhealdoe
I absolutely love it (: You made your OC very well in this story XD I like they way the story is written also very descriptive and always makes me want to read more (: Keep up ur awesomeness :D
8/2/2009 c11 avemaria
Wow...this was intense. I liked the part where ham and kenny were being ecited about making the team. "They were unaware of their slip of manliness as they started their own group hug complete with squealing and—yes—giggling." I just seems like something theyd do.
8/2/2009 c10 avemaria
Dun dun dun...and the mystery continues. Gosh...benny's so blind! He keeps thinking elaine doesn't like him when she obviously does!
7/29/2009 c9 avemaria
Think clean! Hot nurses! Haha! Ham's so funny. I also liked the bit about the jewelry drawing. It makes me feel benny and elaine's chemistry. Oh! that's a suggestion. Make more chemistry with them. Yeah. I also like that phillips is kinda nice. Not like in the movie. Him getting egg on him was funny too. Kk...update again!
7/29/2009 c8 avemaria
AWW benny buys her flowers! "I thought you liked lilies? And roses when you’re sick. And daisies when you’re sad." Anyway, sorry for not reviewing this chapter asap especially when you finally wrote about mr. mertle for me. Yay! Can't wait to see what really happtned!
7/27/2009 c7 avemaria
I like that benny is protective over elaine. Reading about him beating the crap out of someone is kinda hot. It makes the story with the varsity team more interesting. Message me again next time you update. See ya!
7/27/2009 c6 avemaria
Got your message. I thought it was random. Haha!

Kk...this chapter was short. The part about sleeping beauty where benny woke up elaine was cute. The stuff about varsity baseball was said it was the dull part of the plot. I cant give you advice there pal, cuz im more interested in mr. mertle's story than the baseball. HUrry up and write that chapter already. Haha.
7/27/2009 c7 Cali
Even more awesome than the first time around!
7/25/2009 c5 avemaria
"Because...he thinks it's better that I play baseball while thinking about church, instead of going to church thinking about baseball." "You’re coming back in the next life as a toilet brush, Benny. I swear it."

Hahahaha! Benny's convo with elaine was funny! AW! The ending was so cute! Um...i don't have suggestions yet. Just wondering when the thingie about mr. mertle's eye sight is coming in.
7/23/2009 c4 1daydreaming.cali
Ha! This is hilarious! I love it just as much the third time around. Look at for a PM from me soon with the new Sure Hit chapter :). You rock even harder as a writer than you do as a beta!
7/22/2009 c4 avemaria
Phew...last chapter. I thinks its cute how benny is good with the little kid. "Pasgetti," lol.

Oh! And i know what gyoza is! Yummy.

Update again soon...i can't wait! I promise to be more constructive next time, but its hard to do it without sounding like a meanie.
7/22/2009 c3 avemaria
Kk...favorite parts...

“They’re called pecs, Elaine.”

“They’re bigger than mine!”


“And then, Prince Charming swept Cinderella away…on his Tritone Cadillac Speedboat Five-Thousand. The end.”

That's something my grandpa would say. He likes fishing.

Anywayz...improvements...maybe you could explain more about what happened to philips and benny after this incident?
7/22/2009 c2 avemaria
I realized my last comment wasn't all that great, so i'm gonna try and say my favorite part and [maybe] something you can do better...cuz that's constructive.

K...favorite part. When the boys socked smalls. just seems like something they'd do to

This doesn't count as a favorite part, but i likes how you talked about the other people in the setting.
7/22/2009 c1 avemaria i finally found the time to read your story like i said i would. And i finally watched the movie. Benny's!

This chapter is good. Nice descriptions.
7/5/2009 c2 daydreaming.cali
Nice! But haven't you already finished this?
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