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7/11/2015 c1 Guest
RIP English
12/3/2006 c1 67WingsofSmoke
ACK! Curse my infatuation for kawaii fluff! Well, can I just praise on how much Yuki and Shuuichi fit? But poor Shuuichi... hitting his head like that and Yuki yelling at him. I love the little plot line, but is this going to update or will it stay as a oneshot. I noticed it doesn't say "Complete' yet, so I assume this is not a oneshot?

Also, I have noticed MANY errors, which make the story hard to read. Dialogue that is from the same person is on a seperate line and it looks like another person is speaking. If you want, I can help you with that.

And if I think right, is English not your given language or is your computer a sucky piece of crap like mine? Cause there have been a few grammar errors here and there as well, I'm afraid to say. I hope this isn't offending or anything, but I do give this sort of feedback in most of my reviews.

If you wish, I can beta (edit, read, and revise) your fanfiction before it goes on the internet.

~Saphira Nakare Ruakara

P.S. My Muse isn't included here because he's being a meanie to me and I shoved him in the broom closet ^^
6/20/2006 c1 Guest
i liked it its good love the ending /lol
6/9/2006 c1 5Shiori Tachibana
Okay, I liked this story, but there were a lot of errors which made it kinda hard to read. The story in general also seemed a bit rushed, but you had a good idea. If I were you, I would fix the mistakes, try fleshing out the story a bit more and then re-post it. However, I would like to read more! Good luck!

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